Mistakes introverts make
Mistakes Introverts Make … Anissa note: sure wish I knew this earlier in life!! Better late than never!!
By: Sophia Dembling
(http://blog.sophiadembling.com/)
Isolating: Sure, some people need more social interaction than others, but we all need some. Too much isolation is not healthy. I know it’s time to leave the house when I start feeling gloomy in my solitude, or like I’m getting weird. Weird is subjective, but when going to the supermarket feels like a major excursion, when I start worrying that I may have lost the ability to converse, when I get furious at near-strangers in my online social networks, I know it’s time to for face time. I call a friend, do lunch, attend a party…anything to get my social gears cranking again. It needn’t be anything deep and meaningful. Just a little something to reconnect me.
Not returning phone calls: Yes, we hate the phone, and it’s OK to ask that people respect and honor this. But that doesn’t give us carte blanche to ignore phone calls. When someone you care about calls–even if you let it go to voicemail to deal with later–you really should respond at some point. If necessary, drop an e-mail and schedule the call. Otherwise, pick up the phone and dial. You can do it.
OK, if someone obstinately refuses any other form of communication and insists on frequent time-sucking phone calls, then you get some leeway to make your point. Otherwise, be nice. (I learned this lesson after hurting the feelings of a very dear friend.)
Plunging into the deep end: As much as we prefer deep conversation, plunging straight into your worldview over the onion dip at a party can be off-putting to others. Start shallow and ease into the deep if the conversation continues. If you’re looking for friends, remember that insta-friendships are rare, and rushing the conversation isn’t a shortcut. Friendships build incrementally, and they start with small talk.
Letting your mouth run away with you: Ah, the dreaded babble. It happens. Lots of us chatter when we’re nervous. Shy introverts might be prone to this. It’s like running down a hill; once you get started, it’s hard to slow down. But it also might happen when the subject is something you are particularly passionate about. Either you get caught up in your own enthusiasm, or you burrow deep into your own knowledge and forget to check audience reaction.
If you suddenly realize you’ve careened into a long monologue, take a breath and look around. Do people appear rapt? Then continue. Do they look slightly pained? My favorite line at that point is, “But don’t get me started….” Cue laughter, everything’s fine.
Confusing introversion and fear: We all must do things we don’t like. That’s life. But if you find that you can’t bring yourself to do certain things-return a phone call, attend a gathering, join a conversation-then what you’re feeling may be fear, not introversion. Fear is a useful emotion, of course, with deep evolutionary roots. But if it interferes with your life and you find yourself regretting things not done, maybe it’s time to rummage around in your psyche (one of our favorite activities!) to figure out what you’re scared of and how to change that.
Judging: Some introverts insist that parties are pointless, chit-chat is a waste of time, and extroverts are shallow. I neither share nor endorse those opinions. Parties can be joyous, and community ritual has been important throughout history. Chit-chat connects us and greases the gears of society. And while I’m sure some extroverts are shallow, as I’m sure some introverts are (thinking deeply about yourself only does not make you a deep person), a blanket dismissal of extroverts is bigoted and, well, shallow.
10 myths about introverts
Taken from: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts by Carl King.
This really helped me a lot .. Hi, my name is Anissa and I’m an introvert.
So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <– I made that up. I’m a screenwriter.
It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become “normal.” Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect ourselves.
Let me know your thoughts.
-Carl.
A glass of milk
my dad shared this with me. Enjoy!
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! . She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?”
You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.”
He said … “Then I thank you from my heart.”
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words …
“Paid in full with one glass of milk” (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands.”
There’s a saying which goes something like this:
Bread cast on the water comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place – And, after all, isn’t that what life is all about?
50 Quotes Americans Should Remember
The below was posted by Addicting Info and his a direct reproduction of their information listed here. None of the below was written by nor compiled by me. I found this link through a Google+ discussion and wanted to share.
1.) “If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.”
~John F. Kennedy
2.) “We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we cannot have both.” ~Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis
3.) “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”
~John F. Kennedy
4.) “The school is the last expenditure upon which America should be willing to economize.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
5.) “I believe that, as long as there is plenty, poverty is evil.”
~Robert Kennedy
6.) “A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
7.) “Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.”
~Dwight D. Eisenhower
8.) “A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.”
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
9.) “Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.”
~Abraham Lincoln
10.) “Ultimately, America’s answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired.”
~Robert Kennedy
11.) “It was once said that the moral test of Government is how that Government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped.”
~Hubert H. Humphrey
12.) “I believe that there should be a very much heavier progressive tax on very large incomes, a tax which should increase in a very marked fashion for the gigantic incomes.”
~Theodore Roosevelt
13.) “To impose taxes when the public exigencies require them is an obligation of the most sacred character, especially with a free people.”
~James Monroe
14.) “The supreme duty of the Nation is the conservation of human resources through an enlightened measure of social and industrial justice. We pledge ourselves to work unceasingly in State and Nation for … the protection of home life against the hazards of sickness, irregular employment and old age through the adoption of a system of social insurance adapted to American use.”
~Theodore Roosevelt
15.) “The laboring classes constitute the main part of our population. They should be protected in their efforts peaceably to assert their rights when endangered by aggregated capital, and all statutes on this subject should recognize the care of the State for honest toil, and be framed with a view of improving the condition of the workingman.”
~Grover Cleveland
16.) “It is essential that there should be organization of labor. This is an era of organization. Capital organizes and therefore labor must organize.”
~Theodore Roosevelt
17.) “Today’s so-called ‘conservatives’ don’t even know what the word means. They think I’ve turned liberal because I believe a woman has a right to an abortion. That’s a decision that’s up to the pregnant woman, not up to the pope or some do-gooders or the Religious Right. It’s not a conservative issue at all.”
~Barry Goldwater
18.) “The tax which will be paid for the purpose of education is not more than the thousandth part of what will be paid to kings, priests and nobles who will rise up among us if we leave the people in ignorance.”
~Thomas Jefferson
19.) “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
20.) “Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one’s own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others.”
~John F. Kennedy
21.) “America was established not to create wealth but to realize a vision, to realize an ideal – to discover and maintain liberty among men.”
~Woodrow Wilson
22.) “If capitalism is fair then unionism must be. If men have a right to capitalize their ideas and the resources of their country, then that implies the right of men to capitalize their labor.”
~ Frank Lloyd Wright
23.) “I know of no safe repository of the ultimate power of society but people. And if we think them not enlightened enough, the remedy is not to take the power from them, but to inform them by education.”
~Thomas Jefferson
24.) “While I am a great believer in the free enterprise system and all that it entails, I am an even stronger believer in the right of our people to live in a clean and pollution-free environment.”
~Barry Goldwater
25.) “Compassion is not weakness, and concern for the unfortunate is not socialism.”
~Hubert Humphrey
//
26.) “In our personal ambitions we are individualists. But in our seeking for economic and political progress as a nation, we all go up or else all go down as one people.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
27.) “As Mankind becomes more liberal, they will be more apt to allow that all those who conduct themselves as worthy members of the community are equally entitled to the protections of civil government. I hope ever to see America among the foremost nations of justice and liberality.”
~George Washington
28.) “The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is fascism – ownership of government by an individual, by a group.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
29.) “Where free unions and collective bargaining are forbidden, freedom is lost.”
~Ronald Reagan
30.) “Only a fool would try to deprive working men and working women of their right to join the union of their choice.”
~Dwight D. Eisenhower
31.) “We establish no religion in this country. We command no worship. We mandate no belief, nor will we ever. Church and state are and must remain separate.”
~Ronald Reagan
32.) “Taxes, after all, are dues that we pay for the privileges of membership in an organized society.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
33.) “Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid.”
~Dwight Eisenhower
34.) “The Social Security Act offers to all our citizens a workable and working method of meeting urgent present needs and of forestalling future need. It utilizes the familiar machinery of our Federal-State government to promote the common welfare and the economic stability of the Nation.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
35.) “Few nations do more than the United States to assist their least fortunate citizens–to make certain that no child, no elderly or handicapped citizen, no family in any circumstances in any State, is left without the essential needs for a decent and healthy existence. In too few nations, I might add, are the people aware of the progressive strides this country has taken in demonstrating the humanitarian side of freedom. Our record is a proud one–and it sharply refutes those who accuse us of thinking only in the materialistic terms of cash registers and calculating machines.”
~John F. Kennedy
36.) “But let us begin. Now the trumpet summons us again – not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need – not as a call to battle, though embattled we are – but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation”- a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself.”
~John F. Kennedy
37.) “We all agree that neither the Government nor political parties ought to interfere with religious sects. It is equally true that religious sects ought not to interfere with the Government or with political parties. We believe that the cause of good government and the cause of religion suffer by all such interference.”
~Rutherford B. Hayes
38.) “The divorce between Church and State ought to be absolute. It ought to be so absolute that no Church property anywhere, in any state or in the nation, should be exempt from equal taxation; for if you exempt the property of any church organization, to that extent you impose a tax upon the whole community.”
~James A. Garfield
39.) “You know that being an American is more than a matter of where your parents came from. It is a belief that all men are created free and equal and that everyone deserves an even break.”
~Harry S. Truman
40.) “I think that being liberal, in the true sense, is being nondoctrinaire, nondogmatic, noncomitted to a cause but examining each case on its merits. Being left of center is another thing; it’s a political position. I think most newspapermen by definition have to be liberal; if they’re not liberal, by my definition of it, then they can hardly be good newspapermen.”
~Walter Cronkite
41.) “No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country. By living wages I mean more than a bare subsistence level – I mean the wages of decent living.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
42.) “Let us think of education as the means of developing our greatest abilities, because in each of us there is a private hope and dream which, fulfilled, can be translated into benefit for everyone and greater strength for our nation.”
~John F. Kennedy
43.) “For all my years in public life, I have believed that America must sail toward the shores of liberty and justice for all. There is no end to that journey, only the next great voyage. We know the future will outlast all of us, but I believe that all of us will live on in the future we make.”
~Edward Kennedy
44.) “We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security.”
~Dwight D. Eisenhower
45.) “Not only our future economic soundness but the very soundness of our democratic institutions depends on the determination of our government to give employment to idle men.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
46.) “The most effective way to restrict democracy is to transfer decision-making from the public arena to unaccountable institutions: kings and princes, priestly castes, military juntas, party dictatorships, or modern corporations.”
~Noam Chomsky
47.) “The country is governed for the richest, for the corporations, the bankers, the land speculators, and for the exploiters of labor. The majority of mankind are working people. So long as their fair demands – the ownership and control of their livelihoods – are set at naught, we can have neither men’s rights nor women’s rights. The majority of mankind is ground down by industrial oppression in order that the small remnant may live in ease.”
~Helen Keller
48.) “I like to pay taxes. With them, I buy civilization.”
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
49.) “Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the [Republican] party, and they’re sure trying to do so, it’s going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me. Politics and governing demand compromise. But these Christians believe they are acting in the name of God, so they can’t and won’t compromise. I know, I’ve tried to deal with them.”
~Barry Goldwater
50.) “The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.”
~Franklin D. Roosevelt
The Green Thing
Received an email from both my mom and dad on this .. must mean I should share!
In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring our own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.
The woman apologized to him and explained, “We didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”
The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment.”
He was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But he was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that clerk was right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.
In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But he’s right; we didn’t have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn’t have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?
Too Busy for a Friend?
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. ‘Really?’ she heard whispered. ‘I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!’ and, ‘I didn’t know others liked me so much,’ were most of the comments. No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
She nodded: ‘yes.’ Then he said: ‘Mark talked about you a lot.’
‘I have mine too,’ Marilyn said. ‘It’s in my diary’
If you’re ‘too busy’ to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn’t do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?
The real world
A share from my mom that I like enough to share …
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair – get used to it!
Rule 2 : The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem.
The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.
You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them!!!!!
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now.They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. *This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.
You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. *Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.
Chances are you’ll end up working for one.
The sneeze worth sharing
They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium.
With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.
This class would NOT pray during the commencements, not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.
The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.
The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech received a standing ovation.
A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.
All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED !!!!
The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said,
‘GOD BLESS YOU’
And he walked off the stage…
The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.
This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland.
Going bald for a cause
This is a direct reprint from the site, Omaha.com. I was very happy and proud to have lent my head to this event!!
Published Friday July 8, 2011
Going bald for a cause
livewellnebraska.com
* * * * *
Click here to view a video of the event. It’s only about 90 seconds long. If you go about 50 seconds in, you will see the girl, Morgan, they discuss below. AWESOME!!
* * * * *
Jenise Bryan was cutting someone else’s hair when she decided to let someone else shave hers.
Two weeks later, she and 13 others were bald as cue balls.
“Why not?” she said. “It’s just hair. It grows back.”
Those haircuts in 2010 benefited the St. Baldrick’s Foundation, a worldwide, volunteer-driven charity dedicated to pediatric cancer research.
This year, eight-year-old Morgan Bryan sat in a raised chair beside her mom at the Nebraska Medical Center as two hair dressers clicked on their razors. Bryan went first. See, it’s easy, she told Morgan. Seconds later, Morgan’s golden locks fell to the ground, too.
Like mother, like daughter.
A crowd of more than 50 cheered as the duo stood, now bald and beaming.
The haircut showed off Morgan’s yellow peace-sign earrings, a fitting compliment to her bright smile. Her mom’s new do revealed a purple cancer ribbon, tattooed behind her ear and usually hidden beneath a layer of hair.
Bryan’s aunt died of cancer when she was a child, and her mom, diagnosed in December, beat breast cancer just two months ago.
“If we can help get it stopped when they’re young, maybe we don’t have to lose people,” she said. “Even when they get older.”
Dr. Bruce Gordon, a pediatric oncologist at the hospital, kicked off the event as the fund-raiser’s first “shavee.”
“There’s not a lot of hair to lose,” he laughed.
A patient towing an IV pole buzzed part of Gordon’s head. Then a younger boy, bald himself and sporting a Spongebob hat, took his turn. They let Gordon keep his beard.
One after another, 21 more volunteers took the stage. On went the smock, off went the hair.
This year’s fund-raiser was the fifth of its kind held at the Nebraska Medical Center. Friday’s event raised more than $5,000 by the time the first razor shuddered to life. Organizer Mandy Arens expects the final tally to reach $10,000. The money will go to Saint Baldrick’s Foundation. The foundation funds more pediatric cancer research grants than any organization except the government.
The shaving, a show of solidarity, supplements the donations, Arens said.
“It’s such a powerful statement,” she said.
So powerful, 10 more people joined the 12 who pre-registered.
Morgan, one of five kids to participate, inspired Jami Prouty of Crescent, Iowa to volunteer, too.
“If she can do it, there’s no reason I can’t do it,” she said.
Prouty, out of nerves, asked Morgan to hold her hand. But when she sat down, Morgan didn’t hold her hand. She shaved Prouty’s head.
Contact the writer: 402-444-1071; katy.healey@owh.com
St. Baldrick’s Shavee
Yes, that will be me come July 8th. As you many of you know, I had my own significant battle last year with Lymphoma. Although nothing like it was then, I am still fighting. I long to hear those words “in remission” and I want to hear them said confidently by my oncologist.
So while that rages on, I want to support others as I was supported. I am choosing to be a shavee at the St. Baldrick’s event on July 8th at 1pm at University of Nebraska’s Medical Center in the Durham Outpatient Center Atrium in Omaha, NE.
Why? Because I wish cancer did not have to be a reality for kids. I wish it wasn’t a reality at all! I remember spending summers riding my bike, swimming, playing softball, and just goofing about. But if you are a kid who is getting chemo, you have a hard time doing any of that due to chemo treatments and the side effects, doctor’s appointments, and/or radiation.
I was never bothered by losing my hair. I found it fascinating to see how it fell out (and yes, it does come out in clumps) and how much hair I really had after it clogged the drain on a daily basis. But what did bother me was the stares. For the first month or so, the stares were hard for me to manage. I dreaded being out and remember going to get groceries at really odd times to avoid large crowds. The first few times I had to go to large meetings at work were bothersome. But as time passes, you forget that you ever had hair, or what you looked like “before”, and I would even forget to put on my hat when I would leave my house to go somewhere. There were many moments of “oh crap, I forgot my hat” and would have to run back to get it. Although I had learned to ignore the stares, I still didn’t welcome them. What I noticed most of all was that kids get the most stares. I wonder if it because we all find it impossible that anyone that young should have to confront such serious things. Or maybe that is just me. I think kids should know of playing, biking, swimming, movies, the ice cream truck, camping outside, and a 1000 other fun things that have nothing at all to do with a doctor or a doctor’s office.
Because I believe this so strongly, I am going to shave my head in support of all the kids who are in their own cancer fight and raise money for cancer research in kids. If you would like to come see on July 8th, I would love it! Or if you prefer to put a bounty on my head and donate, you can give directly online at http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/anissagoyalstein or by phone (888-899-BALD).
You can count on this donation being used responsibly. The St. Baldrick’s Foundation is a volunteer-driven charity committed to funding the most promising research to find cures for childhood cancers and give survivors long and healthy lives. In 2010 alone, they gave over $14 million – that’s more in grants for childhood cancer research than any other organization except theU.S.government. And all because nearly 38,000 people shaved their heads!
On behalf of some really awesome kids, thank you for your support! Anissa
Omaha, the new Silicon Valley
Actually, Omaha is the new Silicon Prairie, or haven’t you heard? Not only is PayPal here, but also People Search Media, Google, Yahoo, Contemporary Analysis, and LinkedIn.com. And that’s just the really BIG names. Heck there is even a website. For those that don’t know about Omaha, Nebraska, well then, let me educate you just a bit.
Omaha is home of 5 Fortune 500 Headquarters.
The Reuben sandwich was invented in Omaha.
Omaha’s Henry Doorly Zoo has the world’s largest geodesic dome and indoor rainforest. The Lied Jungle located in Omaha is the world’s largest indoor rain forest.
Borsheims in Omaha is the largest jewelry store in the nation.
Nebraska Furniture Mart in Omaha is the largest furniture store in the nation.
The Mutual of Omaha Corporate headquarters has 7 underground floors.
Father Edward Flanagan founded Boys Town in Omaha in 1917.
In 1950, Omaha became the home of the College World Series.
Hometown to Fred Astaire, Marlon Brando, and Nick Nolte.
There are many more fantastic facts about Omaha, but I wouldn’t want to be seen as bragging Regardless, when people ask ‘why Omaha, Anissa’ more and more , my answer is ‘why not?’
Do you tweet?
I fully admit that I learn about a lot of technology, very early on. But, you could not say I was an early adopter. I learned about LinkedIn.com in 2004 when it was a year old but didn’t join until the following year. See, not an early adopter, though much earlier than most. Same kind of thing with Facebook. And now, Twitter. I have known about Twitter for about two years now. I actually created an account last spring and then never used it. Not once. Then I started using it in January. See, not an early adopter, but an early learner.
Shoot, when you read a ton of different magazines, read about 50 blogs while you eat your breakfast, you are bound to find little tidbits of info to follow-up on later. And the crazy thing is, I do. I go off on odd internet tangents all the time. I have learned immensely this way and forever will be grateful for Google and its infinite wisdom to know where I want to head. Google hasn’t made us dumber (still dislike that magazine cover on the topic).
If you tweet too, come follow me @positivitycoach (http://www.twitter.com/positivitycoach)
The compensation question
I don’t know about you, but it bothers me that President Obama makes $300,000/year (or thereabouts) but most CEO’s make millions and millions. Does this discrepancy make sense? I am not advocating we raise the President’s salary. Actually, I think we should do the opposite and reduce CEO/COO/CIO pay; and NOT just for those organizations getting government aid per Business Week.
I absolutely believe that c-suite folks deserve to be paid according to the value they bring their companies, but realistically, how much value are they really bringing? The CEO to employee pay ratio has been escalating out of control for quite some time now. Is it really necessary for a CEO to make 600X the amount of the average employee? Costco’s CEO Sinegal believes “If the CEO of a company is paid 10 to 12 times the highest hourly rate, that is probably pretty fair.” Great concept! GE’s CEO Immelt has waived his bonus for 2008, worth over 11 million, because of the economy and for the health of his company. Hmm, any other CEO’s listening out there?
Apparently our own government needs to learn a lesson as the Postmaster General received a $70,000 raise last year and earned himself a $135,000 bonus. Wait, isn’t this the same person who told us recently that they may cut mail delivery to weekdays only to save money while also raising stamp prices again? That doesn’t sound like a flourishing business to me but we can thank Congress for his lavish salary as they approved it.
Interesting, the average employee is hearing that their bonuses are being frozen as are their wages. The pay inequity rages on. However, change is on the horizon. As more hear about these issues, the more we can all speak up and create the change that is needed. I hope you use your greatest asset, YOU, to bring about the kind of changes that are needed for all of us to live successfully!
The Reader Review
I have no idea what my expectations would be for this movie. I knew that Kate Winslet was getting major kudos for her role and winning lots of awards and is seemingly a lock for the Oscar tomorrow night. Other than that, I wasn’t clear how the love story and the holocaust came together. But I am a Kate Winslet fan and wanted to see it before the Oscars.
It was an incredible story, quiet and powerful. I am still trying to figure out why Michael turned around and left the prison. And I can’t believe Hanna was too ashamed to admit her illiteracy as opposed to be seeing as a murderer. In terms of what we choose and why, I will forever by astounded. Sometimes, the choices we make are unbelievable, unreal, and against everything someone else would do. It is what continues to amaze me about people and continues my search for answers.
Slumdog Slamdunk
So, I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire after having wanted to see it before it was even out. Yes, being half-Indian makes me slightly biased, but so be it. It was a fantastic movie and worth every bit of the hype. I think the story was captivating in how it weaved past and present. I was transfixed. You will be too, if you haven’t seen it. All of the characters were great – young, old, male, female (most especially the young). Some of what the main characters witnessed as kids was enough to make me want to turn my head, but I also know that the slums of Mumbai truly exist and that life was well represented on screen. I hope this movie wins for best movie, director, screenplay and score. It would be well deserved.
Oscar Picks
I am joining the fray and throwing my Oscar picks out there before the envelopes are opened. I would say other than March Madness and the Super Bowl, this is the only other event I get involved with pools and betting. I have done pretty well in past Oscar years, picking fairly well. Let’s see how I do this year.
Best Picture – Slumdog Millionaire
Best Director – Danny Boyle
Best Actor – Sean Penn (missed seeing Milk but from the few clips I have seen and all the reviews I have read, I am going with him, plus I think he’s great)
Best Actress – Kate Winslet
Actress in a Supporting Role – Viola Davis (this will be the only Oscar the movie Doubt gets)
Actor in a Supporting Role – the kid who played Michael in The Reader. Oh wait, he wasn’t nominated. Ok, this is my one total guess. I don’t think Heath Ledger would’ve been nominated had he been alive and I am not one for sentimental winners (sorry, as sensitive as everyone knows I am, this probably shocks you) but he will most likely win. So, I am going with Josh Brolin even though Michael Shannon should win, but people will believe his nomination was his “win”.
Documentary Feature – Man on Wire (loved it)
Foreign Language Film – The Class (saw the preview for this before the movie Happy Go Lucky and knew I had to see it. Puts Dangerous Minds and those other “school” movies to shame)
Writing, Adapted – Slumdog Millionaire
Writing, Original – Milk, though Happy Go Lucky is my other thought
The producers are promising a different, more lively, Oscars show. We shall see…
The Talent Buzz blog post contest
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I am participating in the Talent Buzz blog post contest. Winner receives $1000. Please click on this link because every unique click counts in this contest.
Friends, Romans, Countrymen, please, lend me your eyes!
Google Footprint
Ever since Al Gore and his Inconvenient Truth, there has been a steady increase in talk about one’s carbon footprint. It’s something to think about. But the other footprint that I think is as important is your Google footprint.
What does a Google search say about you? Yes, yes, we all secretly have googled ourselves to see what comes up. No denying it anymore! But have you done it lately? With more and more information being digitized, there is more and more information that is winding up in the public domain for your boss, prospective boss (are you looking for a job?), your parents, your significant other, etc.
If you are someone who is consciously crafting your personal brand, Google yourself on a periodic basis and see what shows up. If you are looking for a job right now and you were the hiring manager, how would you react to what you found out? It would be fantastic if things like your LinkedIn, Ecademy, or Plaxo profiles were high on the list. But what something else showed up that you really wish no one knew about? I am sure Michael Phelps wishes there hadn’t been a camera around that day he wais taking a bong hit as it cost him at least one endorsement and a 3 month competitive swimming ban.
When you are considering your personal brand, give yourself a Google and see what turns up. If you don’t believe me, read some of the stories that Seth has heard.
Strengths is the Word
The topic of strengths is everywhere these days. Business, home, schools. I love to learn all I can about how the mind works, how our personality fits into things, why we make the decisions we do. I am not a researcher in the true sense of the word, but I do love to learn as much as I can, if only for my own personal insights into me.
If you haven’t gone to the VIA Character Strengths site within the Authentic Happiness site at UPenn, I encourage you to do so. It’s a free strengths assessment measuring 24 characters within individuals
VIA strengths – measures 24 character strengths in individuals. Free, very interesting. Here’s the top five for me, from when I took it two years ago. Do you agree?
Your top five, especially those marked as Signature Strengths, are the ones to pay attention to and find ways to use more often.
Your Top Strength: Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.
Your Second Strength: Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you “get it out the door” in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.
Your Third Strength: Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.
Your Fourth Strength: Kindness and generosity
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.
Your Fifth Strength: Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a “real” person.
Do you ever …
wish there was more time?
wonder why cruelty exists?
think about what life will look like in the year 2050?
wonder if enough will be enough?
wish that we could all just get along?
hope for more but take less?
hope for an extra hour of daylight just so you can dream?
just sit and be?
think about how great your life is?
want for more?
wonder why?
practice random acts of kindness?
go out of your way for someone else?
long for your childhood?
find yourself saying “in the good ole days?”
think about all the possibilities there are?
Peepster
It’s a Peep time of year .. allow me to sing (in the tune of beans, beans, the more .. )
Peeps, Peeps, fun to say,
glad they are not gray,
because they certainly make my day!
Peeps, Peeps, fun to play
Yellow is like eating the sun’s rays
try to make them last til May!
And so begins the Madness
It is that time of year again. Time for fantastic weekends filled with college basketball. Yes, I have my faves, but during March Madness, every game is a show. They are all great; they almost always have you sitting on the edge of your seat. I don’t doubt this year will be any different. Are you in a pool? Do you have your picks yet? What are you waiting for?
I do miss being in ACC country. It was a great atmosphere for college basketball. People take off work the Friday of the ACC tournament and have parties. It’s the way it should be. As a Big Ten girl, our tournament is a bit newer and does not quite have that cult status. Yet. As for being in Omaha, well, there is Creighton but they didn’t make it this year and are NIT-bound. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the NIT. There has been many a year the Hoosiers were in the NIT and I was still a devotee. But there is nothing like NCAA’s tournament. Ahh, Thursday will not get here fast enough!!
To Kindle or Not to Kindle?
I am in a quandry. I am huge reader and love to be reading. I am usually reading a few books at once, mainly because I am reading some for school, and some for pure curiosity or enjoyment (or both). I am one of those people who gets interested in random things and then follows the path down the rabbit hole for a while. I also can get addicted to authors and will read everything they have ever written. Now, don’t mistake my incredible love for reading with being a shut-in, just like I shouldn’t mistake your shaved head or face piercings for anything more than self expression.
As an avid reader, I am starting to consider Amazon.com’s Kindle 2.0. It has a lot of new features that held me back from purchasing the first one, but now, the issue I have left is: what about having the actual book. Right now, I have three bookcases that probably house about 400 or so books. I have never counted and honestly, have no desire to. I have about 20 books in my cart at Amazon.com at any one time and at least another 40+ on my wish list. If you do a little math, to get the Kindle with most of the books being $10 or less, I will only be ‘out’ about $150 or thereabouts. Of course, as time passes, the benefit of having purchased the Kindle will continue to rise and the financial side will tip to my favor.
So, if one can get past the initial shock of the price and decide that going electronic is the way to go, my last hesitation is with upgrades. Amazon is on version 2.0. What happens when version 3, or 5 comes out? Do we get upgrade options? Has anyone who has the first generation Kindle found any challenges now that the second generation is out? I know, crazy random thoughts. But not completely unfounded when you consider the iPod and that most of us are on our 2nd or 3rd one. My first had a battery challenge and when I found out the cost of replacing the battery, I decided to buy a new one from, yes, Amazon. You can get just about anything from Amazon!
Anyone want to share their thoughts, suggestions, Kindle experiences?
Hmph ..
I was going to just do it and get the Kindle. Use a little tax refund money and splurge. It seemed like a good idea considering I usually pay the $79 for Amazon Prime, so was thinking this would help me to realize financial benefits sooner. WRONG! The 3 books I would like to get right now? Not offered on Kindle. Hmph. I would say that maybe my purchase of Kindle is officially and indefinitely on hold now. Give me some bound pulp any day I say.
Are you like the Runaway Bride?
I found myself watching the last half of Julia Robert’s Runaway Bride the other night. I wasn’t in the mood to read, study, clean or even watch tv actually, but I needed to unwind and it was too late to do anything else. I never really like this movie when I first saw it however after seeing it again, I find it very interesting.
Julia Roberts portrays Maggie, a woman who has been engaged three times but has never said I do. As Ike the Reporter uncovers more about her, we learn that she becomes a bit of a relationship chameleon with whomever she is with at the time. Originally, I thought this premise wasn’t realistic and that the reporter (Richard Gere) falling in love with her was just as suspect. That part not withstanding (he’s Richard Gere for God’s sake), I do think women are more amoebic when it comes to relationships.
We tend to try something we have absolutely no interest in whatsoever if our significant other loves it. We know that most of the fun is just being with him, especially when he’s happy doing his thing (whatever the heck that may be). It doesn’t mean that we need to lose our own identity and interests in the process, but that can happen. Why? Because it is not as often that our significant others will try something we like for no other reason than because they want to spend time with us.
Aww c’mon you say, that’s just stereotyping. Really? If you are a male reading this, does your girlfriend/spouse have to beg you to go to the theater, a musical, a “girlie” movie, etc.? Do you put up a fight and finally give in by making some deal “I’ll go if you do this for me (whatever that may be for the two of you)? “ If you are female reading this, how often have you gone to a nascar race, football game (+ TAILGATE), fishing, hunting, a boat show, etc. even though it was the last thing you wanted to do? I know, in both cases, there are some on both sides that like the particular examples I have given. Is there something else though that you wish your significant other would never, ever ask you to do with him or her again? Exactly.
As we learn, Maggie has lost her sense of self. She ends up liking whatever eggs the guy she is dating likes. Each of her engagement rings reflects the taste of her fiance, not her. Even the show (or what others would call the ceremony) is more about the taste of the fiance not a reflection of her, or them. Maggie deeply realizes this, which is why she hasn’t been able to marry the three previous boyfriends. She runs again, for the fourth time on Ike, only to seek him out later and ask him to marry her after she examines who she is (and isn’t) and her life as the town joke.
What are you like in a relationship? Do you have the space to do things on your own? Do you do things together, sometimes not necessarily what the other would want? Do you make time to do the things you both love to do? My belief is that the healthier the relationship, the more you weave these moments into your lives. But what do I know??
Single-minded
Much talk has been made (mainly by Republicans) about President Obama making an appearance on the Tonight Show or filling out his bracket for the NCAA tournament. I don’t believe anything was said when he attended a high school english class to talk to the students who expressed their fears due to the economy. Apparently the beef is that President Obama has taken his eye off the ball and is not focusing enough, or 100%, of his attention on the economy. A singular mindset is what is needed? Really? I don’t think so. I think a singular mindset is the last thing we need.
I think Leonardo da Vinci said it best:
Every now and then go away,
have a little relaxation,
for when you come back to your work
your judgment will be surer;
since to remain constantly at work
will cause you to lose power of judgment …
Go some distance away
because the work appears smaller,
and more of it
can be taken in at a glance,
and lack of harmony
or proportion is more readily seen.
The Science of Numerology
I find all things like this (numerology, astrology) fascinating. I do not plan and live my life by this information, but as with anything, is another tool for me to use if I choose. My Uncle N has tremendous knowledge about numerology, meditation, stress management and other topics I enjoy learning about so I asked him to share information about me, which he shared with me during my trip to India. This led to me asking information about other members in the family, no less interesting!
I stumbled upon this page today and found it an interesting snapshot of numerology. From this I learned that I … will find fulfillment through teaching others. By pursuing an ongoing quest for knowledge and then sharing your findings with your fellow man … be it through teaching, writing or some other means … you will bring joy into your own life. By following your destiny, your life should be an interesting life, one full of the exploration of science, mysteries, the occult, or other fascinating fields. Hmmm, I am a coach, trainer, and adjunct professor. I think I am pretty much living up to my vibrational number! How did you fare?
India
I must gush. I just got back from a two-week trip to India with my dad to see family and be a bit of tourist. I had not been since I was a little kid; crazy huh? I was to have gone during Christmas break my freshman year of college but ended up having foot surgery instead. Believe me, it was not a good trade.
I have not done any travel outside of the US as an adult and it has been long overdue. I have forever said I wanted to go here or there, but have I? Not til now. I can safely say that I have been bitten by the travel bug. India was awesome. I had an absolutely fantastic two weeks and want to go back as soon as I can. At one point, my Uncle made a joke about my moving to Chandigarh. Hmm, might have to give that one some more thought.
Why did I love it so much? It’s not an easy answer in some ways. But the simplest and most descriptive way I can describe my time there was that I felt very at home there. Of course, my being half-Indian may have something to do with it, as I truly felt like I was in food heaven every single day. Other than one dinner in which I had some chicken, I ate vegetarian throughout and loved every minute of it. I would prefer to eat that way now – if only I could cook that well or had the desire to cook at all.
Or maybe it was being with my dad and uncle for the entire trip while also staying with various family members. It’s a multi-generational world there and it’s great! You never feel alone but you can be alone if you want. My dad thinks blood is thicker than water and although I still disagree with this, I can now more fully see his perspective.
Or maybe it was seeing the country in all its glory. It is a beautiful country and found myself loving just about everywhere we went and we went to quite a few places.
to be continued …
Omaha Health and Wellness Expo – this weekend 4/25-26/09
The 2nd Annual – Omaha Health, Wellness, & Fitness Expo – The Mind, Body, & Spirit Fair is coming back to Omaha, Nebraska on April 25-26, 2009 at the Omaha Civic Auditorium. Yours truly has a booth (#730) and is just 1 of 50 speakers over the two-day weekend. Come visit my booth or come to my session on Saturday, April 25th from 3:00-3:45p in Seminar Room #3 – the Power of Positivity: Based on Groundbreaking Happiness, Resilience and Well-Being Research.
The inaugural 2008 Omaha Health Expo was the largest health fair pertaining to wellness, fitness, the mind, body, and spirit in the Midwest and one of the largest in the nation with over 10,000 attendees! This year there are over 275 exhibitors and over 50 seminars. This year looks to be even bigger and continue to grow! Check out the website for more information!
Find out new ways to attain soundness of mind and body, learn how to live longer, better, and happier, check out new ideas to improve your lifestyle and sense of well being. Learn the benefits of being healthy, being pain free or reducing your pain levels. Find out what’s new in alternative medicine, nutrition, organic foods, being GREEN and so much more!
Bob Mancuso, Jr., Director of the Omaha Health Expo, said, “The Omaha Health Expo is a unique community event that represents a multi-dimensional, complimentary view of health and wellness. The expo will have seminars on various topics both days. As an interactive event, each attendee will have the opportunity to speak with vendors – experts in their fields at the Omaha Civic Auditorium Mancuso Convention Center and Exhibition Hall – Free both days!” **** Free to attend with a complimentary admission ticket – please let me know if you need one and I would be happy to share. I have many to give away. ****
The Expo will also feature the Omaha Health Expo Walk and Bike Ride events in the mornings on April 25-26, as the kick off events for the springtime running, walking, and biking season. The walk event is on the Saturday, April 25 and proceeds go to the American Lung Association. Contact the American Lung Association for more details! The Omaha Health Expo Bike Ride is on Sunday, April 26. Bike riders can still sign up at the event Sunday morning at 9:00 for late registration. Proceeds from the bike ride will go to Eastern Nebraska Trails Network (ENTN) and go toward trail development in eastern Nebraska and greater Omaha.
Mancuso said the Omaha Health Expo is about education. There have been many studies that relate physical fitness, positive attitude, and overall health to a positive impact on the bottom line. Associates can have lower levels of stress and improve their well-being and self-esteem. For the company, that can equate to enhanced productivity and lower health care costs.
Thank you to Bob Mancuso for the above Press Release information!
Just what we need .. laughter
World Laughter Day is coming up on May 3rd. As the toll of the economy and unemployment continue to mount, this will be a welcome distraction and hopefully the beginning of a new habit. I have learned more and more about laughter yoga lately and am the facilitator for the Happiness Club here in Omaha. I absolutely believe that surrounding yourself with support and supportive family and friends is essential to all of our well-being and overall health.
Please reach out and share your needs. None of us are in this alone and truly believe that together, we really can live the life we want. Hope to hearing you laughing!
Visit me at the Health Expo this weekend!
The 2nd Annual – Omaha Health, Wellness, & Fitness Expo – The Mind, Body, & Spirit Fair is coming back to Omaha, Nebraska this weekend at the Omaha Civic Auditorium. Yours truly has a booth (#730) and is just 1 of 50 speakers over the two-day weekend. Come visit my booth or come to my session on Saturday, April 25th from 3:00-3:45p in Seminar Room #3 – the Power of Positivity: Based on Groundbreaking Happiness, Resilience and Well-Being Research.
The inaugural 2008 Omaha Health Expo was the largest health fair pertaining to wellness, fitness, the mind, body, and spirit in the Midwest and one of the largest in the nation with over 10,000 attendees! This year there are over 275 exhibitors and over 50 seminars. This year looks to be even bigger and continue to grow! Check out the website for more information!
Hope to see you there today between 11-7 or tomorrow between 11-5!
Anissa
Too much fun …
I had so much fun at last week’s Health and Wellness Fair, I forgot to blog this week! I had a booth in which I was lucky enough to be positioned next to an awesome power-duo, Amy and Kristie, selling MonaVie and other power-packed aisle-mated that I enjoyed meeting, talking to and getting to know the entire weekend. The women at Wrist-a-Trac were fun, energetic and informative. It is a great tool- check it out if you haven’t already! Pam of Spa Star had some wonderful beauty and skin products -many on my wish list!! Mae’s superberries had a power smoothie to die for – it was a very popular destination from what I could tell (confession: I enjoyed and was delighted I did). I was also able to meet Marty, from The Biggest Loser’s 3rd season. What a cool guy! He has a challenge for Omaha – check him out!
When I was able, I made sure to poke around all the other vendors and had a great time meeting even more fantastic people from all over Omaha and beyond. As a volunteer for a booth last year, I was not able to get around as I had liked and still had cards of folks I was going to look up but never did. Not this time. I met Sandy Herzog (still had her card from last year) and learned a bit more about biofeedback. It was amazingly accurate and incredibly telling. Email (sandiherzog@hotmail.com) her if you are interested! I was also able to learn a bit more about my astrological sign, Scorpio with Aries rising, which I find never boring and always worth any time I spend! If you want to check out more, Ann does readings but also has classes. And lastly, I had my tarot cards read. I have forever wanted to have this done and was finally able to. Sophia made things very comfortable and loved getting the feedback – all of it true and very telling! Call (402-390-6012) if you want one for yourself (I would highly recommend it if you have ever considered it). I wanted to go to the seminar on auras but manning my own booth took precedence – darn it!
As you can clearly tell, the new age side of spirituality interests me greatly. I find it fascinating, unpredictable and fun. I don’t live my life by it, but I feel it is another tool for me to use as I need. As with anything, I think having varying interests and curiosities is the spice of life and for me, this is an area that continually shows me perspectives worth taking a second look.
Ahh, the simple life ..
I miss being in India. I miss the simplicity of it all. This is not to be construed as a negative or of harsh criticism to either the US or India. I am someone who believes and lives within simplicity. I like it this way and find that as things become more complicated, I become more stressed out and overwhelmed. I will try to create order out of any kind of chaos with as much swiftness and efficiency as I can. I dislike complicated greatly, though I do like challenges, so don’t mistake my simplicity for silliness, frivolity, or even being dumb. I am none of those things (at least not the majority of the time!).
I have been back for about three weeks now and I am noticing some things that I find irksome. Why are there so many ads and commercials about ways to make ourselves better? There are a million products to help our digestive track, sleep aids abound, regenerative creams for every part of the anatomy, cosmetic enhancements for anything you want, etc. What strikes me is we have all these artificial means to restore our bodies, inside and out, when all we need to do is live a healthy life.
I noticed that my entire family in India looks amazing – very young for their age, no matter what the age. My grandmother does not look like someone in her 90′s, nor does my dad look like someone a few years shy of 70. I noticed that the genes on that side of my family are very good, almost non-aging. I have no idea why this is. Is it because they drink a lot of tea (which I love)? Or is it because they are primarily vegetarians? Is it because they only eat wheat-based bread products? I truly have no idea. I know that it was how I ate for 2 weeks and was thrilled to no end. Food heaven for sure! I was always well satisfied and rarely “starving”, which I seem to always be back home because I eat, well, a bunch of processed crap.
I know that as I continue to get older, the one comment I get most often is that my skin is amazing and that I look at least 5 or 10 years younger than my real age (depends on who is doing the guessing). When I was in my mid-30′s, I loved playing the “guess how old Anissa is” game because no one would ever guess over 30. I always won that bet, always. I am very grateful for the role genes are playing with my skin and appearance because I can say, with absolute sincerity, it has nothing to do with what I do. I don’t wash my face before going to bed or have a skin “regimen”. I wash my face in the shower in the morning and use moisturizer. That’s it – regimen over. I have rarely used any kind of foundation, so maybe that has helped; I have no idea. What I do know is that I wish I had someone to cook for me like my aunts did in India because it was fantastic and felt so amazingly ‘light’ while there. Or maybe it’s time I learn how to really cook for myself!! I guess if I am going to live a healthy life, this is one way for me to start on my path.
Can you feel that?
I rarely health-related issues, but this is one that warrants sharing. For many years, I had a marble-sized lump in the middle of my back, right on my spine. It never hurt, it never changed, it never grew. I would be aware of it and wonder when I first noticed it, but overall, it was nothing. Or so doctor’s repeatedly told me.
Then out of the blue, about a week and a half ago, the lump started hurting. Nothing too horrible, but noticeable nonetheless. A few days later, I noticed that the pain was becoming more constant with each day and it seemed to be getting bigger. Of course, one tends to believe these things but then you wonder if you are just deceiving yourself; like when residents read about diseases and believe they have all of them. It did not help that I had the same kind of lump and pain on the right side of my neck – well below my lymph nodes. Well, 3 days of this was enough, so I called my primary care doctor.
He did not see the two issues as being related (still trying to figure out how I feel about that). Then he says that he believes that the lump on my back is a lipoma, which are the most common non-cancerous tumors there are. Yippee! But because it is growing, is painful and located in a spot that he is not comfortable with (close to spine), he wants me to go see a surgeon for a second opinion/consultation.
In the two days between these two appointments, I have investigated all of my symptoms (ya gotta love the internet) and believe there to be a few possibilities, but like the lipoma one the best. Two days later, I go to see the surgeon and in that time, the lump has more than doubled in size and has become a constant source of pain and discomfort. No more sleeping on my back, leaning back in chairs, or wearing a bra (though I do and hate it -except this past weekend). He looks at it, pokes and prods it in order to declare that he “believes” it is a benign tumor but he will do pathology on it to make sure. He has not declared my disease or named my specific lump, nor do I care to ask. In the meantime, he thinks that it was wise that my primary doc sent me to him because of its placement and growth. Then proceeds to ask how soon we can schedule the surgery while subsequently sharing details of the surgery, the very long incision, the many stitches and how I will have to come back to have them taken out. Ye gads – sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
In the three days since that appointment, the lump is now quadruple the size it was originally and the pain is almost intolerable at times. I cannot reach my arms, stretch my back in any way, graze the lump in any way or I will cry out in pain. It is now beyond just being a painful lump but something that seems to be stretching out into other nerves. Arrgghh. Any chair I sit, I must sit on the edge for fear of leaning back. The darn thing is so big now, that if I hunch over, say at a desk, you can actually see the lump through a shirt. I look like a dork driving because I am not sitting back against the seatback.
But alas, surgery has come and gone. I can only hope that recovery brings less pain and never one of these things again. Oh wait, that thing in my neck .. can you feel that?
So many ideas, so little time
I have noticed, for the past few years, that I have a ton of new ideas all the time. I can’t keep up with them at all either. If I were to try to implement them all, I would never sleep, let alone get anything done! Some of these ideas are mundane, for things around the house. Some are related to my dissertation topic and other research-related things for my doctorate. Sometimes, it is for new products, services, and other things I would like to see in the world today that don’t seem to exist. I also have a ton of ideas relative to speaking gigs (been working with a speaker’s bureau for about a year now). And lastly, I have a ton of ideas for books. I write quite a bit and I think the only thing left to do now is either shop around for a publisher or publish myself (there are many self-publishing outlets today, it is amazing).
Sometimes, I wonder if I am like the character in Phenomenon and I have some sort of brain tumor that is activating my brain. But I truly know that I have always been one for a lot of ideas but either didn’t feel the confidence to take action or didn’t know what to do with them. Do does this kind of thing happen to you? What are you doing with your ideas? Well me, I have been taking them on the road, writing about them, or incorporating them into research. More to come!
Getting rid of the sludge in life
I think there comes a point in every person’s life when you realize you are carrying around dead weight. It may be in the form of material things, or a job, or even activities. But sometimes, it can be a person. When you start avoiding that thing or that person, it’s time to ask yourself why, listen, and then act by removing the noose.
I really didn’t want to do something yesterday but I did it anyway. I probably shouldn’t have because deep down I was dreading it, which puts me in a weird mood. Then when I got there, it was the same crap, different day. Arrgghhh. I said things I was thinking and feeling but still, should not have said out loud. I tend to do this in the presence of negative and depressing people who bring me down and all I want to do is flee when my attempts at shaking them out of their foul mood goes repeatedly astray. This is why I avoid such people. Ahh, why I don’t listen to myself! Arrghhh.
Lesson 1 – avoid depressing, negative people who are always negative and depressing, day in and day out.
Lesson 2 – listen to inner voice when it tells you to just say no!!
Pity party
Over the weekend, someone I know said I was throwing myself a pity party. The fact that she was completely drunk, slurring her words, and could barely maintain a still position on her couch, I found this accusation rather interesting.
In the past couple of years, I have felt a considerable shift in my perspective to contentedness, positivity, and joy in my life. Sure, I have had my down moments and challenges but have felt that they have tested me and given me the opportunity to show I am made of more substance and courage than I would have thought ten years ago. Plus, life is not going to be a bed of roses all the time. I am not a total Pollyanna! I guess because I shared that I recently had surgery on my back and it’s still not possible to sit back or sleep on my back qualifies as a pity party?? Or that I am working, in essence, four jobs (they are all inter-related) and each has been fantastic in terms of meeting people, business building, and opportunity qualifies as a pity party?? Hmm, I think I don’t know what this phrase means.
Then I wondered, what exactly does it mean to have a pity party? So, I did what most of us do these days, I Googled it and found that the urban dictionary (love that this exists) indicates a pity party is:
1) A way of experiencing grief, in which you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is
2) A party you throw yourself after something bad has happened to you
Wow! That is not how I view myself at all. I don’t think my life is crappy at all; I am rather happy with how my life is going. There is very little I would change and things that I want to change I am actively working on. If anything, I have never been more happy with the direction and path my life has been taking in the past four years and since I have been the architect of the journey, it is all the more satisfying.
What I really think is this person has a bit of transference going on in which she is the one who is actually miserable, unhappy with herself, her bum of a husband (her words, not mind), and is still telling her “I was fired” sob story six months later. Maybe being in her company put me in a pity party mood (per definition #2) having to sit there listening to her same ole, same ole story, as if the track on the CD was on indefinite repeat. Hmm, guess will have to be careful who and how I spend my time in the future to avoid that kind of party.
How do you find love?
I know, I know, you don’t find love, it finds you. Blah blah blah. I am sure there are about ten more cliches like that you could throw at me but let’s not and say we did.
Back to my original question. How do you find love? It seems pretty easy when you are younger (ok, easier). Either you meet the “one” in college, through friends, or friends of friends (either high school or college), through sibling’s friends, or maybe through work friends.
Then the late 30′s hit (or for some of you out there, the40′s, or 50′s, etc.). You are still single, or single again. What do you do? It seems like everyone I know (or everyone I notice) is married. Or gay, and in a relationship. In both instances, lucky for you. But back to me for a minute
So, really, how do you find love? The online thing is ridiculous. Blind dates and fix-ups seem to work less and less the older we get. And the bar scene – well, I am not interested in 50+ divorced guys, which seem to be the only single guys out there. So, all right, not everyone is married, but everyone in my age range seems to be!!
And for those that read yesterday’s post, this isn’t a pity party but a true question! Does the grocery thing work? How about the laundromat (not really interested in this option – didn’t care for it in college either)? Bookstores? Starbucks? Business trips – you know, soul mate is your seat mate? Sorry, these are all the suggestions I have been told to try or be open to.
So far, no luck for me. However, the ever hopeful person I am just thinks it hasn’t been the right time yet. Regardless, I still believe that my guy is out there right now wondering where I am. Of course if you believe the psychic from last month, I will be married by the end of the year with two kids, a boy and a girl.
But back to my question. How did you find love? Tell me the story of your love connection. Give me some more rays of sunshine
Choices, choices
This is going to be a long one and a might get a tad ranty at times. Just preparing you.
I am a little frustrated with the amount of choices that exist out there. Sometimes, I truly believe it is a good thing, especially when it comes to vegetables as I really like some and really dislike others. But mostly, I think there are way too many choices in the world today. When it comes to fresh foods or place to live, choice is great. But when it comes to things like mascara (I find this absolutely friggin ridiculous and no, I don’t wear any but it’s still the dumbest invention that keeps getting reinvented in what seems like every ten minutes for fuller, plumper, thicker, longer lashes. Who cares!!!) or other inane crap like that, I just don’t get it. I really don’t.
My frustration isn’t about inane stuff like makeup (less is more people – or none is even better) or anything else material like that. It is actually about education. I know, crazy huh. I think education, or more accurately, learning is a fantastic thing. There are many ways to pursue this – the school of life, working, school, traveling. Whatever your path, awesome. My path, recently, has been school and I am enjoying it immensely. I know, you are thinking, well then what’s the beef?
Well Clara Peller (I just crack myself up), the issue is about doctoral programs. When I was finishing my MBA in 2005 and going through the hell that was writing a 100+ page thesis within 10 weeks, I learned that it wasn’t as daunting and scary as I thought, which meant that the dream of going farther was now a possibility. I researched about thirty different doctoral programs – both traditional and online, near and far. It was interesting to really do this because I did not do this when I picked IU for undergrad. After we moved from Greenwood to South Bend right before 6th grade and then to Harrisonburg, Virginia the following year, I knew I would end up at IU. I never visited campus, just applied, and assumed I would get in. Whew.
I narrowed down the schools and applied to a few doctoral programs that I thought would be the best for me. In January of 2006, I started my PhD program and even later that spring, attended a week-long colloquia. I had made a poor choice and by the fall of that year, knew it and took a leave of absence to figure out where I went wrong. As it turned out, it wasn’t me. The school wasn’t challenging or rigorous enough for me and the instructors were lazy and uninvolved. I know, I am a total dork; who complains about that stuff?!
During this time, I had become infatuated with positive psychology, reading and learning quite a bit. By the end of 2006, I was completely immersed in learning about engagement, strengths, positivity, appreciation, and feedback; just couldn’t read enough books, research, or articles. I decided to find a doctoral program that would help push me toward this more for research and professional application (more so than my MBA program, which I tried to make more applicable especially with my thesis). In the meantime, I found another master’s program on leadership that I really knew I would enjoy, applied, and started. Halfway through this program, I learned of MAPP, or Master of Applied Positive Psychology. I really wanted to get into that program too and be a part of their second cohort but I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted a third masters degree and the cost was more than I was comfortable with (mainly due to travel). Interesting side note: Tom Rath and Yakiv Smirnoff are graduates, as well as two fellow coaching colleagues I think are amazing, Kathryn Britton and Senia Maymin.
I began exploring alternative doctoral programs again, as I firmly decided that I wasn’t going to go for a third masters no matter how much I wanted to learn about the topic academically. I found a PhD program at Claremont University in California that was just starting a positive psychology program in the summer of 2007 but sadly, not a lot of desire to move to California, program was not quite exactly a fit nor did I want be a full-time doctoral student. I could not find a hybrid program that would allow an adult learner to remain working but still be devoted academically. So I found the next best program I could find that would allow me the freedom to pursue the research topics I wanted while still being in a concentration that would be applicable long-term.
Again, you ask what’s the beef then? I started one PhD program and took five courses that despite my efforts and good grades were not allowable to the 2nd program. Doctoral programs don’t accept work from other doctoral programs it seems. I started an EdD program this past fall and am three courses into it and have attended a residency already. The program is going well enough, no major complaints about the instructors, program, or rigor.
But Bellevue University, a school that is practically in my backyard and one that I recently joined as an instructor, has a PhD program that would be perfect for my long-term research and professional pursuits. The press release about the program was in mid-July and I believe has five doctoral students in it so far, so it’s a fairly young program and not one I was aware of during my last program search. Do I start over – again? Won’t there be continual educational evolution? Will another ‘perfect’ choice show up a few years from now? Why is that some of the leaders in the industry seem to have found their research calling despite having started in one program a decade or two ago? I know I am not a researcher in the sense that they are, but organizations will be my laboratory so there is some equivalence. Does the program matter in the long run? Is it more about the issues you are studying and less about the coursework? Any thoughts or impressions from a neutral perspective??
Your global compass
I saw an interesting billboard on the way home from work today. It said “his global compass is equality” — Desmond Tutu.
What is your global compass? If someone asked you, would you be able to answer immediately or would you need to think about it? Would you be able to describe it one word or would it be a phrase or a full conversation? Would you feel the need to qualify it? Would it apply to all of your life, or just parts of it (i.e. personal vs. professional)?
My global compass is positivity. It is the one word that describes my global compass perfectly and has done so for many years now. I can only say I wish I had learned it sooner but since I am the architect of my life, it came along when it was time.
What is your global compass?
Love and the workplace
Do you love your job? Do you like the people you work with? Do you try to leave your personal life at the door when you walk into the work? Do you truly care about your teammates or your team?
When you read these questions, did you think I was insane? I am asking about feelings and work. If you read many leadership books and talk to many bosses, there is NO room for any emotion when it comes to business and the workplace.
I completely and adamantly disagree. How do you compartmentalize your life like that? Is it working? Do you feel guilty that you missed your kid’s picnic or field trip, or spelling bee (or whatever)? Do you feel guilty when you’re on vacation or leave just a bit early for a parent-teacher conference or a basketball game? Is this really the way to live?
Kouzes and Posner wrote a fantastic leadership book called The Leadership Challenge, which was followed up by Encourage the Heart (one among many fantastic book follow-ups). Both are awesome and should be organizational bibles if you ask me. In essence, caring about your coworkers should not be taboo.
I know for me, it is the model I have followed since college and I refuse to stop. I have been mocked for this by upper management, told I was less responsible than my peers because my teams had fun while at work, and constantly told to stop being friendly with my team. I might have lost out on opportunities for myself, but I was never in it for me anyway.
What kind of leader are you? What stand do you take professionally? Don’t change who you are because others disagree, make fun, or are threatened. Just stay the course!
Ten years and going strong ..
I spent Memorial Day weekend in San Diego with family. As someone who had not been, it’s a beautiful city. I felt like I was in vacationland but I think Maine would be upset that I stole their state motto. One day at lunch, we got on the subject of Lasik. I didn’t even realize that this month was my ten-year anniversary of having gone under the knife
As someone who started wearing glasses in kindergarten, hard contacts in 8th grade, and who lobbied hard for PRK (whew, thankfully I didn’t win that battle), I will forever be happy with the expense. Lasik wasn’t covered by insurance back then but that was no deterrent. All the possible side effects that MAY occur, nope, not a deterrent either. Are you on the fence? Why? Have you had Lasik? What’s been your experience? Me? I have been 20/25 without a single challenge along the way. Which reminds me, time to get my eyes checked!
You can do anything. Yes, YOU!
I have heard many comments lately that make me wonder. Some of the comments have been something like this:
- I can’t leave my job right now. The economy is horrible.
- I am stuck working for an incompetent boss.
- My company’s benefits and perks are too good to leave but I am bored out of my mind.
- I can’t stand my life.
- I wish I were thinner/more fit/healthier.
- etc etc etc
All I hear is can’t and won’t in those statements and when I ask for more detail about what choices they do have, the same response comes back “I don’t have a choice, I am stuck”. Really? No choice at all? Interesting.
What I really think is you are making excuses. You are choosing the path of least resistance. You are copping out due to your insecurities, your ambivalence and the fear of the unknown. All ridiculous reasons to just stay put. How’s that? I am too harsh? I don’t think so at all. Nothing in this world ever came from maintaining the status quo. Are you choosing happiness or are you choosing safety? Without curiosity and a little bit of anxiety, how would you even know you were alive?
I think you can do anything you want to. But YOU have to want to. Quick whining and moaning, bitching and complaining. We don’t mind hearing it the first time or two, but after you do nothing and keep on the same mindless track, we find the refrain intolerable. Don’t mistake this for indifference or a lack of caring. I care a great deal, even for people I barely know or have just met, say in an airport for example. But if you aren’t going to help yourself, why should I remain invested in your plight?
The World of One
I am putting this out there in the ether so that everyone knows I said it and I can’t back down later. When, not if, I write my first book, The World Of One will be the title. Not a single title close to this on Amazon.com – wahoo!!! Anyway, I have a great idea, an outline, and some rough notes, all mostly in my head. Have I actually written the book? Well, no. It’s on my short list of things to do this summer. The idea has been percolating for a while now and it’s time. I finally feel ready. What took so long? Who knows. When the writer is ready, the words will come??
I figure the only way to ensure that I will continue on the path toward this goal of mine is to share it with the world (or the small piece I inhabit). I am also considering sharing excerpts. If you are interested in reading pieces of the book along the way, let me know. I will take any and all feedback I can get. As a writer, I tend to have varying opinions about my work. At times, I am very pleased. Other times, I find myself to be disjointed, lacking sense or logic. Regardless, I have come to truly appreciate when others share their constructive comments, tell me I completely lost them in the middle of that paragraph, or that I “spoke” to them. I need that outside, objective perspective.
The World of One. More to come ……
Do you ever wonder why …
- life can’t be easier?
- people don’t smile more than they do?
- opening a door for another isn’t very common anymore?
- men feel the need to NOT walk through a door that a woman has opened for them?
- people can’t just say thank you when you compliment them?
- love is battlefield?
- all’s fair in love and war?
- time goes by so fast when you don’t want it to but is slow as molasses when you do?
- forgiving is so hard but it’s so beneficial?
- we forget the happy things but more easily remember the negative?
- there are debates over man’s best friend?
- people just can’t get along?
- someone uses information against you when they claim to be your friend?
- others don’t take responsibility for their actions?
- people gossip?
- we become our parents even though we swear we won’t?
- people hurt animals? or children?
- there are so many choices for everything?
- more people don’t live a life they want?
- some people are so argumentative?
- reading isn’t more popular?
- we talk about the weather so much?
- we all can’t just love and appreciate each other EXACTLY as we are?
- we ask why so darn much?
It’s a 2X2 world
This post has been bouncing around in my head for some time now and think it’s more appropriate than ever.
We live in a 2×2 world. It seems like everything is set up for couples (and by extension, families). Shoot, what’s the point of a booth if not to look longingly at your significant other across the table? I actually don’t believe this, but it was said to me very recently. Friday and Saturday nights are still called date nights, not that one can’t have a date with oneself. But let’s get real, when you see someone siting in a restaurant or movie alone, don’t you wonder why they are alone and where their significant other is? Are they on their way? Did they have a fight? Why couldn’t that person have chosen to go out alone?
Have you ever tried to go to a concert alone? A movie? a 5-star restaurant? A vacation? A play or musical? Just to name a few. How did it go? Were you thinking the whole time about having someone next to you? Did you bring a book with you? Did you call someone so that you wouldn’t seem so alone? Were you texting the whole time?
There is a movement called Quirkyalone. Have you heard of it? I learned of this site many years ago after stumbling upon the book. It’s to celebrate the choice to be single but what I have noticed is that there are many ways for those quirkyalone folks to get together. Is this a way to celebrate or just another way to bridge that gap to “not” being alone? Shoot, they have even started their own holiday!
Do not misunderstand – I am not knocking quirkyalone. I love the concept actually and think we should celebrate singlehood more. Just as I think we should celebrate those persons who CHOOSE not to have kids, instead of bashing them, making them feel like they aren’t a contributing member of society or a leper. The point is really this – why do need to celebrate these differences from what is expected, or more specifically, what is believed to be the norm?
The norm seems to be this 2×2 world, with 2.2 kids, a white picket fence and all other trappings. If you are different than this, then you are different. But why? Do we need to label like this? Do we need to really follow social convention anymore? Hasn’t the past taught us anything? There is no ONE answer for the world, for people, for coupling. Or for being single. Does it matter that you have been divorced twice? Or that you have never been married at 35? or even 45? And for those that are married, why the convincing that it’s the best? Can’t we all agree that the grass is always greener so living happily in one’s own world instead of comparing is really the way to go?
Just a few thoughts I have been mulling lately with no real answers yet …
What makes up attraction?
This is a question I ask myself frequently. I would love to say that it’s a recent question, but in one form or another, I have been asking myself this since at least high school.
Why are we attracted to people? Why is someone attracted to Vince Vaughn versus Tom Cruise versus Brad Pitt versus Will Ferrell? And for the record, if I had to be trapped on an island, I would pick Vince. Tom and Brad wouldn’t even make into my top 100, which is precisely my point! I have never been attracted to Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. Shoot, when they were both in that Vampire movie, I am sure there were girls who fainted twice just thinking about it. Me, I thought they both ruined the movie. Popularity does not necessarily equate to talent, at least not in my opinion.
So, back to the topic. Why do these two guys leave me looking in the other direction, while other girls wouldn’t agree with my choice of Vince Vaughn? The same I wonder about in reverse. Why do guys find some girls more attractive over another? And more importantly than all of this, how do you maintain that attraction between two people? I am sure that is really the heart of my whole quandary to begin with.
I was recently watching The Opposite of Sex with Christina Ricci. It’s a great movie that I first saw in Maine at the Railroad Cinema. If you can get past some of the non-pc stuff and just enjoy it for it is, it’s a funny movie (gotta really listen – the jabs come fast and furious sometimes). But there is one exchange that has continually stuck in the back of my head since seeing it about ten years ago. Lyle Lovett’s character, Carl, is talking to Lucia (played by fantastically Lisa Kudrow) about sex. He says that maybe the point of sex isn’t recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it’s concentration. Say it’s supposed to focus your attention on the person you’re sleeping with, like biological highlighter.
For almost ten years, that has been in the back of my head rattling around. It’s a pretty powerful little concept. And if you really think about it, this makes tremendous sense. If you have ever had that wall come up between you and another, where the little intimacies of holding hands, kissing, cuddling, jokes only you two share stop, and the sex becomes less and less frequent, then you know that it isn’t just the act of sex that builds and develops your attraction, but all the other components. Without that attention to him or her, or that specific concentration on the two of you, then why are you even with that person?
Biological highlighter. It’s a pretty intriguing concept.
Naturally you ..
I came across some old files the other day from undergrad days. I read some of the essays I had written for both the graduate program and assistantships I was in the midst of applying to at the time.
What struck me was my emphasis, even at 22, on positivity, feedback, coaching, and serving others when it came to my style of leadership. I actually used the words positivity and building positive organizations. It doesn’t happen too often that I shock myself, but I was pretty astounded to find evidence that I have long since thought this way as a leader and my examples in the essays reflected it.
As I have learned more about the various styles of leadership that exist and learned more from leaders I have come into contact, I am grateful for this insight into my natural belief of what makes a great leader and how I fit into it. I still haven’t learned how or when I became this type of leader or if it is just a natural extension of my personality. Regardless, my validation of myself as a leader of merit, despite my giving nature in the workplace, has become cemented.
As a person and leader, I think it important to share your appreciation of others’ work, give feedback whenever you can, coach others to greater heights, be fun, and create a positive environment. In essence, if you aren’t successful, than I cannot be. Now, knowing that this is something I have practiced and believed for the better part of twenty years, I don’t feel like I am just jumping on the positivity or positive psychology bandwagon of late. I am just being my natural me.
Who or what is your natural you? Are you still living it?
Do you want a flat stomach?
Well, that picture appears to have the answer (courtesy of my fave dose of daily laughter)! All you need to do is position yourself so that you smush your stomach and all is taken care of. Ta da!
Am I the only one who thinks that all of these ads on Google, Facebook, spam emails, etc. to flatten your stomach are ridiculous? Hasn’t the world pretty much refuted the success of diets, quick-loss schemes, and other fads? We are a nation that is fatter than ever. This stuff isn’t working folks! So apparently, buying into the hype is just that – buying! Save your money and love yourself just the way you are.
Laugh more. Live more. Enjoy more. That is what life is about, not about the quest for the flattest stomach.
Homeopathy, naturally
How many of you have heard of homeopathic medicine? Do you hit Whole Foods and check out the natural oils and medicines section? Ever considered biofeedback, meditation, hypnosis, yoga or other means to tap into your inner abilities? Do you believe in any of it? All of it?
By way of background, it might help to know that when I was growing up, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I can remember this pretty far back, like 5th grade. The only catch was the medical school component. I wasn’t scared of medical school, I just am not a big believer in prescribing medicine. Not then, not now. If you opened my medicine cabinet right now, you would only find the remaining medicine from my back surgery. Yes, I do know that there are some very necessary medicinal needs (insulin, etc.) but for the most part, even at 17, I have thought we are an overly medicated and overly dependent society.
After 2 years, a few misdiagnoses, and one unnecessary surgery, I learned that I had psoriatic arthritis in 2006. It was nice to understand why my knee, hip, and shoulder would sort of lock up and swell, or my toes would go numb. It was nice to finally understand why we had to drain my knee once a month due to the excessive swelling. I was first put on methotrexate and was told I would be on this the rest of my life. I really hated this. Then when it wasn’t working well enough after about a year, they added twice-a-week injections of Enbrel. What a lovely combo of drugs – I won’t disparage them because they were very helpful. I could roll over in bed again, walk without my knee blowing up and grasp a pencil again. I am thankful that they gave me my life back. But they severely compromise your immune system in order to suppress the overactivity. But remember, I dislike taking drugs, especially ones that I would have to administer for the rest of my life (and let me tell you, those Enbrel injections are no picnic and I am someone who did the daily fertility shots for at least a month in order to donate my eggs to couples wanting children).
So, after almost three years of this, my desire to find an alternative was escalating. My uncles and dad took me to see a homeopathic doctor in India in April. He had been successful with other members of my family with allergies and other issues, so I was very nervous but excited to see him. He spent about 3 hours with me, trying to understand how my body is affected by psoriatic arthritis and how the current drugs alleviated the pain. He sent me away with some natural pills (for lack of a better word) and told me to call him in a few weeks to tell me how things were going. His belief was that we would try it out and adjust as needed, but all in all, in a few months, no more psoriatic arthritis.
So, here it is, the third month. I stopped taking the Enbrel injections at the end of March (my suggestion) and had stopped taking the methotrexate earlier in the year (doctor’s suggestion). After taking the medicines the doctor in India prescribed, I have had considerable success. My knee hasn’t swelled once, which is a huge win if you ask me. The toe numbness, hip/shoulder pain, and other issues have steadily become less and less of an issue. There are always alternatives, always choices. It’s up to you to decide. I am glad I did, with my family’s help. Now, I hope you will excuse me while I snoopy dance as a way of expressing my complete happiness with how well things are going!!
Another rant?
I used to love listening to Dennis Miller’s rants. I even have two of his rant-related books. They make me laugh at their honesty but also their absurdity.
At times, Seth Godin does this too. Right now, he and I are in a parallel situation. I have been selecting textbooks for a 9-course program I am creating and am finding the textbooks to be anything but what I want or need. But instead of me ranting, check out his post. I had one of those ‘heck ya, you said it’ kind of moments after I read it.
It seems that the more I review textbooks, the more I am shocked by the prices –a paperback, 9th Edition leadership book is $150. WHY?? And am equally shocked by the repetitive text. Doesn’t anyone have anything new to say based on projects that have occurred in the past 3 years? Why are we still dissecting projects from twenty years ago? No mistaking their value, but there have been some recent projects that would be more interesting to dissect if you ask me. Apparently they didn’t.
As a professor, but also a student, I can agree with some of Seth’s final statements, “This industry deserves to die. It has extracted too much time and too much money and wasted too much potential. We can do better. A lot better”. He’s right. We really could do a lot better.
You Matter
- When you love the work you do and the people you do it with, you matter.
- When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter.
- When you leave the world a better place than you found it, you matter.
- When you continue to raise the bar on what you do and how you do it, you matter.
- When you teach and forgive and teach more before you rush to judge and demean, you matter.
- When you touch the people in your life through your actions (and your words), you matter.
- When kids grow up wanting to be you, you matter.
- When you see the world as it is, but insist on making it more like it could be, you matter.
- When you inspire a Nobel prize winner or a slum dweller, you matter.
- When the room brightens when you walk in, you matter.
- And when the legacy you leave behind lasts for hours, days or a lifetime, you matter
To all the fathers out there
Have a fantastic day! Hope you get to spend some time with your family and kids, as well as a little time doing whatever it is that makes your soul sing. I know for my dad, he’s probably going to hit the links with my mom and sister. Sounds like a nice way to spend a Sunday. Hope yours is just as happy!
In praise of the internet
I am sure all of us could share how the internet has positively affected our lives. It could be through expansion of your company online and therefore abroad, starting a blog that became a book, or helping you do research for your job or school. For me, the internet has helped to make this really big world seem a lot smaller.
Growing up, my family moved around so much, continuity of friendships was extremely tough. Oh sure, I would write letters (when’s the last time you wrote a letter??) long after I moved, but when we moved almost every single year, how is a 5th or 6th expected to keep that level of communication up?
Moving around was my dad’s thing as he continued to climb the professional ladder and we did it constantly. Good for him in what he was trying to accomplish, but not so good if you are a kid trying to get to varsity on the volleyball team, or run cross country, or become editor of the school newspaper. Tough to do all that when you are moving around, trying to meet new people, and establish yourself once again in a new school.
In spite of all that, life goes on and the friends you made along the way stick with you. Maybe not in the sense that you still have contact, 13 moves later. But they stick with you in the sense that you haven’t forgotten about them, you wonder where they are, how life has treated them, etc. So, whenever the chance allows, you Google them, or try to find them on Classmates, or Linkedin, or Facebook.
In my case, I started reconnecting with some old high school friends via Classmates in 2005. Then in 2007, Linkedin helped bridge the gap with some old college friends. And in the past 2 years, Facebook has been an awesome tool to help me re-establish friendships. More significantly, my having a website has sent family and friends my way that I would have never thought possible. All of this due to the internet. Sure, there is talk that all this time spent emailing, IMing, etc. is breaking down our ability to communicate face to face, making many of us more isolated than ever, and reducing the quality of relationships.
But for me, all that talk is unfounded. I have made many friends through online classes that I have been both a student and instructor; friendships that I can count on 4 years later having either never met that person face to face, or only having met them once. I have talked to friends from 20 years ago, and most recently, a neighbor I hadn’t talked to since I was 12. For me, the power of the internet has helped to take a very migratory upbringing and make it seem less so. How has the internet helped you?
Guidelines for Being Human from Rob Bishop
Interestingly, this was part of a reading assignment in one of my books on Leadership by Richard Daft. I liked the message enough that I wanted to share. Hope you enjoy it.
1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works.”
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. “There” is no better than “here.”
Where your “there” has become “here” you will simply obtain another “there” that will, again, look better than “here.”
7. Others are mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. Whether you think you can or can’t, in either case you’ll be right. Think about it.
11. You will forget all this or you will choose to remember.
12. Should you choose to remember, you will know that with forgiveness, love and trust you will embrace all that is yours. Take your place as a guide and undertake to live your life in absolute abundance, love and adventure.
International Happiness Day
WHEN: JULY 10th 2009
WHO:
A day where everyone around the world participate in making the world a happier place! Founded by Liberto Pereda of Portugal, Ambassadors from each country are spearheading initiatives to encourage people to participate in this memorable day. The US Ambassadors are Dr. Aymee Coget, CEO of The American Happiness Association, Eva Gregory & Jeannie Gabilinni, Law of Attraction Experts. A list of worldwide Ambassadors are located at the Facebook group.
WHAT:
Choose to spread happiness on July 10th, 2009
WHERE:
Events will be held all over the world.
HOW:
Participate in International Happiness Day a variety of ways!
* Become a member of the American Happiness Association to be abreast of the latest developments or sign up for the newsletter (free)
* Join the Facebook Group for International Happiness Day
* Sign the UN Petition for support of International Happiness Day
* Join or Start a happiness club!
* Contact your country’s Ambassador to volunteer to help!
* Attend or host an event for your community on July 10th, 2009
* Tell your local media about this day
Practice Happiness Science on this day through:
> Gratitude practice
> 5 acts of kindness
> Smile at strangers
> Appreciate, Admire and give affection to others
The Anxiety Prayer
God grant me the strength to be really anxious
about that which I need to change;
The patience to be even more anxious
about that which I cannot change;
And, above all, the wisdom to know
there’s no difference.
Amen.
Thanks to Robert Holden for this from his book, Success Intelligence. Anxiety is a cry for help and the answer is more faith. Faith in what we want to accomplish and our vision of our future. Faith in ourselves. Faith in others. Faith in God and in all things that give you real strength to move forward.
Omaha Love
Thanks to Silicon Prairie News for this share, as it always helps my argument when I am asked “Why Omaha, Anissa”?
The Greater Omaha Chamber of Commerce shares some new facts and figures on the great city and state many of us call home…
It’s been a busy quarter for national attention in Omaha and Nebraska with eight new or updated rankings for the city and 11 for the state. These additional 19 rankings coupled with 10 for the first quarter bring the total rankings for 2009 up to 29.
2Q 2009 Rankings and Recognitions
- Omaha received the #10 ranking for “America’s Most Recession-Resistant Cities” (Brookings Institution – June 2009)
- Omaha was rated sixth on the list of “Best Mid-sized Cities for Next Gen Workers” (Next Generation Consulting – June 2009)
- Omaha was ranked fifth among the “Best Places to Start Over” (Business Week – June 2009)
- The Greater Omaha MSA is 11th on the “2009 Best Large Cities for Job Growth” (NewGeography.com – June 2009)
- Omaha ranked 35th out of 200 top metros for “Best Places for Business and Careers” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
- Omaha ranked 33rd out of 200 top metros for “Cost of Living” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
- Omaha ranked 35th out of 200 top metros for “Projected Job Growth” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
- Omaha is sixth on the list of “Most Favorable Cities for a Plant that Turns an Ethanol Byproduct into Health Food.” (The Boyd Company – April 2009)
- Nebraska was one of only nine states to receive a “Green” rating for the “Best Places to Avoid a Recession” (JobBait.com – June 2009)
- Nebraska ranked 10th on the Forbes.com list of “Best States for Business” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
- Nebraska was identified as being more than 90 percent recession proof from 1991 through 2009 (JobBait.com – June 2009)
- Nebraska was listed among only 10 states whose economies are outperforming the U.S. economy as a whole (Nelson A. Rockefeller Institute of Government – April 2009)
- Nebraska ranked 16th on a list of “America’s Best States to Live” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
- Nebraska ranked #1 as the “Financially Happiest State in the Union” (MainStreet.com Happiness Index – April 2009)
- Nebraska is listed as a “Top 10 Pro-Business State for 2009” (Pollina Corporate Real Estate – June 2009)
- In the overall ranking for “Best States for Business”, Nebraska is fifth (Directorship Boardroom Intelligence – June 2009)
- On the “National Physical Health Ranking”, Nebraska is sixth (Forbes.com – June 2009)
- Nebraska ranked seventh for “Lowest Cost of Living in 2008″ (CNBC.com – June 2009)
- Nebraska ranked 12th for “Quality of Life in 2008” (CNBC.com – June 2009)
Updated…
- As of May 2009, Nebraska’s seasonally adjusted unemployment rate was less than half the national average (4.4 vs. 9.4) and was tied with North Dakota for the lowest unemployment rate in the nation (Bureau of Labor Statistics – 2009)
To life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness
Happy Independence Day everyone! Hope you are having a Happy 4th with family and friends, celebrating our ability to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I just love that happiness is something our forefathers considered important enough to mention. I hope you are always living forward in your own life, being present, and enjoying the now. Don’t forget, International Happiness Day is next Friday!
From a favorite site, a cupcake for all of you, courtesy of them!!
Holding out for a hero
Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream
of what I need
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder end rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there’s someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind end the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood
Guess people didn’t realize the above are song lyrics, from Bonnie Tyler’s Holding out for a Hero, from the movie Footloose. Sometimes, there are no hidden meanings. Things just are what they are.
Everlasting Love
He wasn’t looking for a pretty face
She wasn’t searching for the latest style
He didn’t want someone who walked straight off the tv
She needed someone with an interior smile
She wasn’t looking for a cuddle in the back seat
He wasn’t looking for a five minute thrill
She wasn’t thinking of tomorrow or of next week
This vacancy he meant to permanently fill
I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time
Back in the world of disposable emotion
In the climate of temporary dreams
He wasn’t looking for a notch on his bedpost
A love to push, pull, and burst at the seams
I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time
Is this love worth waiting for?
Something special, something pure
Is this love worth waiting for?
Bitterness will die for sure
Something precious, something pure
Is this love worth waiting for?
Can’t go wrong with some Howard Jones! Again, there are no hidden meanings. Things just are what they are.
Here’s what I think … for now
I originally posted this on July 6th, 2009 but as I was thinking today, it sprung to mind and I am reposting it. It still speaks to me.
Life is too short to think about tomorrow, or later. Do it now. We all think we are going to live until we die of old age. There are no guarantees that this will happen, so live. NOW.
A crisis in faith means you need to have more faith. Not less.
Sometimes, music lyrics tell a story. It might even be yours. Sometimes, they are just great words set to great music.
Don’t always look for the underlying meaning. Just enjoy things for what they are.
Don’t wait to tell people you love them. Do it now and do it often.
There is no delete or backspace button in life.
The answers to life’s questions do not exist in books, tv, or movies. They exist only in you.
Take a risk when it comes to relationships. Love is not easy. That is no reason to hold back even if it breaks your heart.
If you put your well-being behind everyone else, you are always last. Put yourself first so that you have the energy, desire and happiness to be there for everyone else.
Choosing security over happiness never works.
Choosing money over happiness never works.
We are not here to work. We are here to live. So quit living to work. Just live.
Who you choose to have in your life is a choice. If someone is giving you angst, share that and work toward harmony. If it doesn’t happen, choose another path.
Listen to your gut. It talks but you need to listen.
There are always other paths in life. How many have you tried?
Beauty is everywhere. Open your eyes.
Looking outward means you are not looking inward. Spend some time with yourself.
Sometimes, you just have to let go.
Why does it matter what others have that you don’t? Will those things make you happier, more content, and more secure?
Enjoy today. Enjoy everyday.
Just be. Stop doing. All the doing and busyness in life takes away from the being.
Love hurts. Hearts break. Tears fall. Then try again.
Friends are a great thing. Cherish them.
You can’t make choices for other people. So stop trying.
Belief in yourself is extremely important. So is appreciating yourself for who you are.
Love yourself.
This last one was said by someone else, but fits nicely: you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. Is yours on?
If today was your last day …
I was on a conference call yesterday and this was the hold music that was playing. I don’t think I had ever really, I mean really, listened to the words but once I did, I really liked what they said. Especially in light of my “here’s what I think” post from yesterday. Enjoy and thanks to Nickelback!
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’re never living twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you’re dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you’d finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
‘Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you’re dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you’d finally fall in love if today was your last day?
International Happiness Day
WHEN: Today, Friday, July 10th, 2009
WHO:
A day where everyone around the world participate in making the world a happier place! Founded by Liberto Pereda of Portugal, Ambassadors from each country are spearheading initiatives to encourage people to participate in this memorable day. The US Ambassadors are Dr. Aymee Coget, CEO of The American Happiness Association, Eva Gregory & Jeannie Gabilinni, Law of Attraction Experts. A list of worldwide Ambassadors are located at the Facebook group.
WHAT:
Choose to spread happiness on TODAY
WHERE:
Events will be held all over the world.
HOW:
Participate in International Happiness Day a variety of ways!
* Become a member of the American Happiness Association to be abreast of the latest developments or sign up for the newsletter (free)
* Join the Facebook Group for International Happiness Day
* Sign the UN Petition for support of International Happiness Day
* Join or Start a happiness club!
* Contact your country’s Ambassador to volunteer to help!
* Attend or host an event for your community on July 10th, 2009
* Tell your local media about this day
Practice Happiness Science on this day through:
> Gratitude practice
> 5 acts of kindness
> Smile at strangers
> Appreciate, Admire and give affection to others
Blogs of the world
I am a big fan of Google Reader via my iGoogle page. Once I log in, I settle in with my bowl of cereal each morning and check out new postings of the various blogs I love to read. I have a huge variety and enjoy this solitude in the morning to start my day in a positive, energizing, and thoughtful way. I found it interesting at a recent Happiness Club meeting, that many of the Happyologists and myself started sharing the various blogs that mean something to each of us and how they impact our lives. So, I thought, why not open the conversation a bit more? I am going to share one or two with you and hope that you will share some of your favorites with me. I am very interested in learning about the blogs that mean something to you. Here’s my first share from Phil Gerbyshak – the below is completely and fully written by him, including the picture tag. He’s got an infectious way about him as a writer, which I enjoy! Hope you do too.
10 Commandments of Social Media
by Phil Gerbyshak, the Make It Great Guy!
Social media is meant to be just that…social – media. So I’ve come up with what I think is a great list of commandments to follow if you’re new OR experienced in social media.
1 – Thou shalt add value first, and sell LAST – If you have zero people in your network, and 3 articles on your blog, telling me about a joint venture opportunity I can REALLY benefit from is not going to work. Instead, leave a nice comment that adds value to one of my articles, or better, write an article on your own site that references my article, and then send me an e-mail letting me know about it.
2 – Thou shalt listen twice as much as you talk – You have two ears, and one mouth. Please use them in that proportion! Pay attention and pick your spots to contribute. You are NOT an expert in everything, no matter what you might think.
3 – Thou shalt not spam all your contacts – Just because we are connected, doesn’t mean I’ve given you permission to spam me with every time you come up with a new idea. Ask me…and I may give you permission.
4 – Thou shalt not act like a stuck up jerk, no matter how many folks are following you on any/every platform. In fact, I would say ESPECIALLY if you have a million folks who follow you. Seth Godin is a very friendly guy who responds to email, blog posts, and other things directed at him. If Seth Godin can make time to reply to email, so can you!
5 – Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s contacts – After I meet folks in person, I often invite them to connect with me on the various social media networks I’m part of, and I am always happy to introduce you to someone who can help you, or who you can help. I always USED TO say: “If there is anyone in my network you’d like to meet, let me know and I’ll be happy to make the introduction.” I say USED TO because I had someone who went through my network and cherry picked more than 50 people to make a connection to because he thought they could all “benefit from his services.” Guess how many I introduced him to? HINT: It rhymed with hero! Instead, I now say “Let me know of 1 or 2 people in my network you’d like to meet, and what value you can add to their life, and I’ll be happy to introduce you.” That simple twists helps me weed out the spammers!
6 – Thou shall personalize every invitation I make to join any network – automated messages are for robots! Remind me how you know me and why, and it’ll help me remember why I should let you in. Especially annoying: Automated DM after following on Twitter.
7 – Thou shalt remember that 10 can be more powerful than 10000 – If someone has 10 readers to their blog, they might have a little more time to review your book or talk to you than someone who has 10000 readers and is constantly promoting the latest this or that. Therefore 10 can be WAY more powerful than 10000.
8 – Thou shalt not beg (for anything) – Don’t beg me to be your friend, to give you a link, or to connect me to so and so. Just ask nicely, tell me what value you’ll bring to the equation, and I’ll be happy to assist if I can.
9 – Thou shalt be authentic and transparent in all you do – Don’t hide anything from your readers. There’s no shame in promoting people you like, but say you like them. Also, there’s no shame in promoting stuff you believe in for a few dollars in an affiliate program, but don’t be shy about it and hide the URL in something on your domain that forwards to an affiliate link (unless you disclose it). I typically will shorten the URL if I’m doing an affiliate program, or you’ll if it’s short enough, you’ll see it.
10 – Thou shalt take the blog off the blog – Blogging and twittering is GREAT but now and then, go to a conference or two. Enjoy a cup of coffee or brew with someone local to you. Pick up the phone and call someone. Handwrite a thank you note. Take the blog off the blog.
Am I crazy?
Is this too much to ask of folks? Or are these 10 commandments of social media all you need?
Blogs of the World II
I am a fan of two sites with a similar themes and wish in fact that what they were striving for were the status quo instead of the few. But I notice that the concepts are coming into favor more and more.
The first blog is from Cali and Jody, who wrote a book called Work Sucks and How to Fix It that discusses their concept of ROWE, or the Results Only Work Environment. It’s a fantastic read and is where I learned of their term sludge, which I have used in past posts. The first company to implement a ROWE was Best Buy and was subsequently profiled in BusinessWeek. Essentially, people work when they need to, not when they have to or because they need to put in their 8 hours, which leads to unproductive websurfing and other time wasters to “put in the time”, otherwise known as presenteeism. Reminds me of George Costanza and his look-busy-philosophy to appease his bosses.
Right now, the post that has been resonating with me is about summer hours. I have many different jobs but within one, they have instituted summer hours for the month of June and July. For these two months, all that is required is that I am available virtually (email or phone) for five hours a week. I do not need to be in the office at any time for these two months. However, I still go to my office on occasion as I have meetings and other resource needs, and sometimes because I would rather work there than at home. I have noticed that I am almost drowning in sludge by the time I leave by many of the same coworkers who benefit from these summer hours. WHY? I wonder this every time and then decidedly stay away even more to avoid the crush of sludge. Why is this necessary? If everyone is doing their respective jobs, the needs of our customers are being met, and objectives are adhered to, why why why? It just boggles my mind.
The other blog is from Ashley Acker, PhD, who is also a ROWE proponent. One of her recent posts about onboarding in a virtual world captured my attention as this is a subset of my dissertation topic. Her goal is to help organizations restyle their culture to be more ROWE-oriented and is grounded in extensive research.
Each of these blogs really speak to me, as I have long been an outspoken proponent of working to your own preferences. I think punching a clock can be absurb as well as having people work certain hours because that’s when you deem they should work. Why not let people work when it is best for them? This may not work in every occupation, but for those that do, why the limitations and the restrictions? I wonder how much control plays a factor into this. Regardless, asking people to work 8-5 every day, even if they prefer working 6-3 or 10-7, or having them do ‘busy work’ to fill an 8-hour day seems oddly ineffective and fiscally wasteful. We have all worked our share of long days, at home in the evenings after a full day at the office, over the weekend, etc. So don’t you think you will get the time back if, say, a person left at 4 instead of 5 one day? Just a thought.
The cavalry is coming
When you hear this phrase, what immediately came to mind? Are you wrestling with an issue and felt some relief that help was coming? Do we all still feel a need to be rescued sometimes?
I believe help comes in many forms. The trick is you need to be aware and ready for the help. It doesn’t help if you are turned in a different direction or your eyes are closed.
Lately, I have been having some challenges with anxiety. By nature, I am a planner, an organizer, a linear thinker. I am also creative, spontaneous, with boundless energy. These two sides can come into conflict which causes anxious moments. Right now, I have many been struggling with my doctoral program while finishing up my coaching practicums toward PCC certification, adjuncting at one college while working full-time at another. That’s just the big stuff
But what do you do when the anxiety hits?
Luckily, I am good at recognizing when I am anxious and keyed up. I have not always been successful about how to mitigate those feelings though! But thankfully, I have taken some steps lately and by doing so, the phrase ‘the cavalry is coming’ always springs to mind and I immediately feel relieved. As a coach, some of the same steps that I use to assist my clients are ones that I utilize myself. And luckily, they are wonderfully effective. I’m curious. What do you do to help yourself and practice a little self-care?
Wild About Omaha
The weekend is coming! Come out this weekend, July 24th and 25th!
Don’t Miss Mutual of Omaha’s Wild About Omaha Weekend!
Join Mutual of Omaha in celebrating 100 years! Wild about Omaha Weekend will be two days of fun-filled events at several Omaha arts & entertainment venues. Whether you’re young, old, somewhere in between, single or want to bring the family – there’s something for everyone. And – it’s FREE!
Thanks to SPN for the great picture!!
Blogs of the World III – zen habits
I don’t know how many of you out there are zen habits readers, but it’s an awesome blog. The author, Leo Babauta, is a bloggerX2 and a now a novelistx2. His blog, the aforementioned zen habits, is hugely popular and sprung forth a book, The Power of Less. He had also previously written an ebook, Zen To Done: The Ultimate Simple Productivity System, that was touted as the most successful productivity ebook sold in history. I have no idea if that is true or not, but that was said at the time!
He has written another book co-authored with Eric Hamm called The Essential Motivation Handbook. He calls it a companion to his Zen to Done ebook. If it is anything like it or the Power of Less book, this one will be a winner as well. I am devouring it now so stay tuned!! If you are interested in purchasing, check it out: Click here to view more details
And for those of you who wondered, hey she said he was a bloggerx2, don’t forget to check out write to done. He shares some awesome writing tips, not just for bloggers, but for all writers. Check it out!
Crystal balls and Magic 8-balls
I have a magic 8-ball on one of my bookshelves. From time to time, I pick it up and ask it a few questions. I truly wish and hope that the answer is what I am hoping for. Of course, if you are like me, if you don’t like the response, you will play the best out of 3 game (or best out of 5). How’s that for science!! Reminds me of picking leaves from a flower – ‘ he loves me, he loves me not’ and so forth when again, it’s a fruitless exercise.
Despite my playing around with this toy, I don’t actually believe whatever the answer is, even if I get the one I want first time asked. But I have often wondered if the answer became the truth and as time passed, it became less a toy and more a crystal ball. But my question is – if you could see into the future, would it change how you live today? Think about that for a second.
If you knew that your something tragic was going to happen to a member of your family (not hoping for this for anyone), would it impact how you treat them now? Or if there’s been a rift between you and a previously really close friend, would knowing that person was struck with a terminal disease cause you to forgive and forget?
What if you knew that instead of it being a family member or your friend, it was your life that was going to end sooner than you expected? Because let’s be real, we all think we are going to die of old age, with a smile on our face, in our sleep. Would you live your life differently now? There are some people who have been given this ‘gift’ of a second chance and as a result, have made completely different choices because medically, they were given the opportunity to live beyond the two-months or whatever bit of life sentence given to them by doctors. Some have said that getting the disease and then being cured was the best thing that happened to them as it caused them to quit blindly walking through life.
Why do we need these types of wake up calls? Why would a glimpse into your future via a crystal ball change what you decide to do now? Is this all based in our fear of change? Or our need for security? Or our desire to take the path so easily chosen?
I read a brilliant quote in a book for school the other day that stated “if you are afraid of conflict, you are afraid to grow”. The authors were referring to teams and leaders, but I think it applies to everyone. However, I will take that a step further and say that if you are afraid to take a chance on yourself, on your happiness, on your life — then you are afraid to live.
Are you living? Or are you just going through the motions, getting by and hoping for the best? Remember, you are the captain of your destiny. Start navigating!
What I don’t get…
This is in response to a post I wrote last month, except now my head is going in a new direction.
What I don’t get is why:
- some parents talk about how much they need a break from their kids and then ten seconds after they get a break, they whine about how much they miss their kids? Why not just embrace the ‘you’ time and appreciate the precious moment presented to you?
- some employees whine about their jobs incessantly but do nothing to change their environment or their circumstances? Why not give something a try and see if things get better and if that doesn’t work, try something else? What do you have to lose?
- negative nellies just don’t keep their mouths shut? Didn’t Captain Kangaroo teach you anything? or Robert Fulghum?
- some people believe security and comfort are more important than personal well-being, i.e. your happiness?
- some people always take the same worn out path, looking forlorn toward other paths, never to be taken? Why not either embrace where you are or go for it?
I read somewhere that when you notice things about others that you don’t like or annoy you, it is really that you are noticing something that exists within you.
This really gave me pause and decided to see if this really applied to me. I don’t have kids, so the first bullet doesn’t apply to me. I like my jobs (all 4 of them). There are aspects that I don’t like, but some I cannot change so the bothersome quality is no longer bothersome to me. The other aspects, I do work on to make better. I am trying. I am not a negative nelly and actually do my best to spread happiness and cheer through inane jokes, my laughter and other hilarity. I am a picker-upper not a bring’em-downer.
As for security and comfort, nope, not true. Anymore. Ask me that question ten years ago and yes, that was me. Now, nope. I have done too much out of my comfort zone lately to agree with that. Could do I more though? Yes, absolutely. This is one area I very much need to continue focusing on. This kind of relates to the last bullet about not taking chances. I have taken my share over the past ten years, but again, this is still an area I need to focus on. For the last two bullets, there are still some things I would like to do that I haven’t. The desire is there but not the action. So, hmm, maybe there is a little something to that saying after all!
Are you a giver or a taker?
When you consider who you are as a person, do you see yourself as a giver or a taker? Now take another moment and think about what your friends and family would say. Do you think they believe you to be a giver or a taker?
At times, I think we all have to be more of one than the other based on circumstances and situations. But all in all, I don’t think it’s a good thing to be predominantly one or the other.
Givers by nature also tend to be people pleasers. They are often doing things for others, giving away too much of themselves (at the expense of themselves I might add), and in general, saying yes. A lot. They ask very little in return and when they do, it may not often be reciprocated. Givers can be seen as doormats.
Takers by nature can be seen as more manipulative. They are often trying to get more from others, have others take care of things for them, and in general, looking for the ‘get’ out of the situation. Or, the other kind of takers I know are always talking about themselves, the focus must always be on them and the minute it strays, they change the subject back to them or leave all together.
The above are generalizations and not a character attack on either type. I believe at any time, the balance between the two sides is more what we all strive for. But does that work? Do you tend to one type of the other? When you do, do you notice? It’s something I continue to search for answers about.
In the past, I was an incredible people pleaser. I would do anything for anyone at anytime. I was always giving. I never considered myself in the equation and put myself last, if I thought of myself at all. This was not a good thing. I often felt depleted, used, taken for granted, and generally, less of a person. I used to think it was everyone else’s fault but it wasn’t. It was my fault for being nice to an extreme. Once I realized it was up to me to change how things worked in relationships, I did so. The answer was not in others, but within. This is hard to realize sometimes. Even harder to change.
I am still someone who leans more toward giving and people pleasing more than being a taker. I am still striving for balance within!
Interesting note: just read this morning that Ashton Kutcher is in a new movie called Spread, in which he plays a guy who scams women into supporting him. He described it as a “tale of what happens when you’re just a taker.”
Are you a life-enricher?
I was in the bookstore the other evening, doing something I haven’t done in a while. I let my curiosity run amok and looked at a ton of different books among the stacks. I don’t do this very often because if there is one material weakness I have, it is books. Oh sure, you already know about my love for office supplies, but honestly, I do without very easily. I don’t know why, but checking out the stacks at the local library isn’t as fun as it used to be. Plus with budget cutbacks, their hours are more limited than ever (which I think is a shame). Doesn’t anyone remember the RIF (reading is fundamental) campaign??
I pulled a few books to look at more and settled into a chair. One book in particular caught my attention and one of the lines halfway in caught my attention. Simply, it asked, are you a life-enricher?
It stopped me short. I would love to think I am, but am I? Do I question myself based on my daily perception or overall, throughout my life? Then I started wondering if I surround myself with life-enrichers. I am sure the other people in the bookstore wondered what I was doing because I was no longer reading the book but just sort of staring off into space at this point.
Here’s what I think. I don’t think you can really start examining this within yourself until at least college, but definitely after that point. It helps to look at yourself in big chunks of time, like the first half of the year, the prior year, etc. Right now, I can say that for the past few weeks, I have been an inconsistent life enricher for both myself and others. Sometimes, I just don’t have the positivity for my life, which in turn doesn’t allow me the positivity outward to others. However, if I look at myself for the first half of this year, I have been.
But I also think when it comes to others, I have been lucky that most of the persons I have surrounded myself with are life-enrichers. They are loving, kind, fun, funny, challenging, intellectually motivating, creative, and inspiring. Hmm, you think, she said most. Well, not everyone in my life is enriching, but I think that there are some persons in your life that are there no matter what (at work, etc.) and maybe the lesson we can learn from those types is to appreciate the life-enrichment in ourselves and others. I know that’s what I have been doing!
Do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?
I wanted to share this story that I received from my friend Angela. It made me smile and reminds me of one of my recent tweets: The image of perfection doesn’t exist so accept yourself as you are
Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said: THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern:
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don’t have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who’s skin is all scaly and smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me… I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a latte with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am!”
Relationship Rules
I recently went to see The Ugly Truth with friends and afterward, found myself wondering about relationship rules. Why do girls feel the need to adjust who they truly are, what they wear, what they like to do – all in the name of appealing to or “getting” the guy? I am not suggesting that both sexes should stop trying new things with each other even if you don’t want to. I have found that being in the right company changes the dynamics of things so much that I like things I never used to. This is a good thing. I didn’t change my entire being though!
I really hated that book that came out with the formal rules girls were supposed to follow in order to get the guy. Then one of the writers from Sex and the City writes that book that is turned into a movie, He’s Just Not That Into You. Notice, both books are for women to get us to wake up to the ‘facts’ (more like gobbledygook if you ask me) about how to gain a guy, not repel him.
Funny, in The Ugly Truth, Heigl’s character is her true self and Gerard Butler’s character ends up falling for her, just as she is. She breaks up with the guy she thought she was into after she reveals she has been playing a version of herself that isn’t even her. Did she do this because she finally missed herself? Because she was tired of the charade? Or because she and Gerard Butler’s character finally realized their feelings for each other and she could be herself again?
For those Grey’s Anatomy fans out there, who doesn’t remember the “pick me, choose me, love me” scene in which Meredith tries to appeal to Derek when he is trying to decide to divorce Addison or not; this after Addison had an affair with his best friend. Honestly, even typing those words, I can feel her anguish and her desire to have her fairy tale ending. Yes, yes, we all know where things are now! Do women identify with that scene in particular because we have had those moments ourselves?
I know, I know, just another movie version of a fairy tale. Many movies are just one version of a fairy tale or another, with everything being all neatly tied up in the end with a bow. Life is not like a fairy tale. We all deeply know this, but my question is, do we really? Or, do we secretly hope for the fairy tales in our own lives to come true?
For the record, I am a hopeless romantic and yes, I do hope the guy I have feelings for picks me, chooses me, loves me. Just as I am. This is still my hope and one day, I know it will come true.
Three Effective Ways to Enhance Your Willpower
I am a Zen Habits fan. The blog is full of wonderful ideas, but mostly I love how real it is. Who and what we learn about Leo is who he is. I think this is the way it should be when you write. The greatest compliment I have ever received came when someone told me they could hear me talking as they read some of my work. That I could speak to them via my writing was a priceless gift for me. And that gift is many years old and it’s still awesome!
In the spirit of being real, the post below was written by Ian Newby-Clark of My Bad Habits and was shared on the Zen Habits blog. I wanted to share it again here as I think it is a great read. I love the inclusion of research studies (always a fascinating part of any article, book, or post), as I am a research geek. Enjoy!!
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Control yourself! We all say it, mostly to ourselves. We say it when we ‘indulge’ in behaviors that cause short-term gain for long-term pain. And guilt. I cite many of the usual suspects: eating the wrong things, being lazy, staying up too late, drinking too much. There are others, of course. Why do we do such things? After all, aren’t we entirely in control of ourselves all of the time?
Nope.
Research tells us that willpower is a limited resource. Each of us only has so much of it. The studies demonstrating this are rather ingenious. I will share one of my favorites with you, though there are many more.
You are a student at a mid-Western university and you are in a psychology experiment apparently concerned with taste-testing. The experimenter seats you at a table. In front of you is a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. There is also a plate of radishes. Your stomach is growling because, as instructed, you didn’t eat anything last night.
The experimenter asks you to taste-test the radishes. You are not to taste the cookies. In fact, don’t even touch them! No cookies for you! Next, the experimenter asks you to help out another experimenter with a puzzle experiment. You start working on the puzzle. It’s rather hard …
Times passes …
You are having trouble solving the puzzle. Undeterred, you press on.
More time passes …
You still can’t solve the puzzle! You sometimes get close, but then you make a mistake and start over. Eventually, you give up. When the experiment is over, you learn a couple of interesting facts. First, the two experiments, taste-testing and puzzle-solving, were related. Those sneaky psychologists! Second, some people taste-tested the cookies. Lucky ducks!
Persisting at the frustratingly difficult puzzle takes willpower. But will the radish-eaters and cookie-eaters have the same amount of willpower? The experimenters think that the radish-eaters have less will-power than the cookie-eaters because the radish-eaters had to resist grabbing a cookie. So, the radish-eaters should give up on the puzzle sooner than the cookie-eaters. That’s what happened.
That study, and dozens of others like it, show that people only have so much willpower. When you have to control yourself, there is less willpower available to you for other parts of your life. This fact is a good one to know because people who lose their will-power often do things that they would rather not. They become aggressive, sexually impulsive, and give up too early on puzzles.
This has nothing to do with being physically tired. Your self-control is at low ebb when you are mentally exhausted. So, what lessons can we learn from what the science is telling us? How can we be in more and better control of ourselves more often? I have three tips:
1. Anticipate and plan for your times of low self-control. Now that you know that self-control is a limited resource and that depleting it means less for later, you can do some anticipating and planning. For example, make sure that you’re not in the chips and cookies aisle of the grocery store after a long day at work. Don’t start on your tax return after a frustrating commute.
2. Exercise your willpower muscle to get more of it. Roy Baumeister, one of the leading researchers in this field, thinks that willpower is like a muscle. Exercising a muscle in the short-term leads to its exhaustion. In the long-term, though, exercising a muscle causes it to grow. In fact, there is some good evidence that exercising your willpower, though temporarily depleting, means that it will be stronger in the long run. So, push yourself. Things to do that will deplete your willpower:
- Work on a tough to solve puzzle;
- Watch a funny movie but resist the urge to laugh;
- Watch a sad movie but resist the urge to cry.
3. Drink some orange juice. It turns out that glucose is one of the key ingredients that your brain needs for effective self-control. Willpower. It’s not just for breakfast anymore!
I hope that you find my message enlightening and helpful. Some of you, I am sure, will be disappointed to learn that your capacity for self-control is less than infinite. You do have willpower, just not as much as you might like. But now you know how to get more!
Read more from Ian Newby-Clark at his blog, My Bad Habits.
How do you spend your day?
I have noticed quite a few bloggers talking about this lately, including Stephen King in his Entertainment Weekly column and a mention in the New York Times regarding the topic. So, how do you spend your day? It used to be that talk was solely about time spent watching tv and that our average in the US was about 5 hours a day. When you consider that you work at least 10 hours (commute time, lunch or errands and the actual work day) and we sleep for about seven, five hours of our day devoted to tv sure seems like a lot.
Some of my friends say that they aren’t actually watching tv, but it is on, like background music. Interestingly, now the question has become how much time are we spending in front of a screen, be it tv, computer, iPhone, blackberry, etc. There are many articles talking about how much time Gen X and even Boomers are spending online, with Facebook especially!
Some bloggers are now putting the kibosh on some of their online activities because their personal inventory led them to the conclusion that 4 hours of emailing a day is not the best use of their time. Or spending 3 hours a day on Facebook, Twitter, and other sites when they would rather be with their kids, friends, or pursuing their personal dreams. Others are indicating they have recently sold their tv’s and gotten rid of cable in favor of utilizing other avenues when a true viewing need arises.
What I love about the New York Times graphic is not only the entries of what we do, but when we do these activities with the most frequency. I enjoyed playing with the different buttons to see how things differed by age, degree, etc. What kind of insights does it give you?
Lives of quiet desperation
I watched the movie Revolutionary Road with a friend of mine who is married but lately having some challenges. There are many issues on both sides and she realizes that the issues are not all hers, nor his. They will surely be fine as they have weathered much together and despite it all, have never seen two people more committed to each other, even after twenty years of marriage.
This movie packs a wallop when it comes to relationships, marriage, the American Dream, kids, and work. Yes, it is set in the 50′s, but some of the discussions between April and Frank, the supposed ‘special’ couple everyone refers to, are no less relevant today. Some of their debates (or fights) were impactful for me in terms of the language used and what they represented to me . For example:
Everything’s going out of focus …
Why do we have to live this delusion – resign from life – have kids …
Why aren’t we living life as if it matters?
It takes a backbone to lead the life you want, Frank
April to Frank: Who made these rules?
Hopeless emptiness of it all …
These are just the phrases that I remember off the top of my head! I think they resonate with me because they are ones I hear from married friends at one time or another. I know I thought them plenty when I was married. I never wanted kids and made that clear on my first date with the person who eventually became my husband. But the world, and eventually he as well, decided that convention (having kids) was what we should be doing. I never agreed. I too thought “who made these rules” and why must we all subscribe to them? Eventually this became a sore point for me in many ways and I began to sleepwalk through life a bit and definitely stopped living life like it mattered because in some ways, I didn’t think it did anymore. I don’t blame him for this; I had equal responsibility for this issue.
For me, I felt confined in my marriage. I believe he did too. I don’t think either of us was in the wrong, nor the right. I know I wanted to do more, but didn’t. It was never his fault. It was mine for allowing myself to be swayed or for choosing comfort out of fear. You can blame others all you want, but ultimately, the choice is always YOURS. What you end up doing, or not doing, it all comes down to you.
Eventually, I decided that I needed to lead the life I wanted. It takes courage to say that. Even more to do it. I made some tough choices and I know others didn’t always agree or see them the way I did. But I eventually stopped listening to others in that way and found my own path. I would never have started my own company, gotten my masters degree, moved back to the Midwest, or done a hundred other little things had I not had the courage to start listening and acting upon my choices. To have a happy heart, which is what I have now, makes all the difference in the world to me in how I live and view the world.
I think it is in all of us to do this, even if we are married. It doesn’t take leaving someone to do this. I think it’s important that you find your path and live it. Now and always. Don’t lead a life of quiet desperation as Thoreau talks about. Lead a life of joy, love, peace and harmony. Yes, that means you will have disagreements and challenges along the way, but in the end, when you look back, it will be with a happy heart. That to me makes all the difference in life.
Do you have a voice?
I know, you are thinking, of course I have a voice. Duh, Anissa. I don’t mean your physical voice that you use to speak with every day. I am referring to the voice in your head. Do you have one? Is it positive? Negative? Reassuring? Nagging? Doubtful?
Do you know your voice well? Do you listen to it? What does it tell you? Do you agree or disagree, or do you resign yourself to listening?
I used to have the most pessimistic, negative voice in my head. It was always telling me how worthless, inconsequential, and useless I was. My voice was not at all reassuring or positive or encouraging of me at all. There was not an ounce of support from my voice, ever. Interestingly, I could be extremely positive, encouraging, supportive and reassuring for others. Shoot, I could do that a 1000x over for someone else. Sometimes for people I barely knew! But for myself, nope, negative all the way.
This was the voice I lived with growing up and into early adulthood. Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there. Around the time I turned 30, I started to realize that the problem was not external factors like family, or work, or friends, but within me. I was an adult now. I was married with a mortgage. The choices I made were mine now and could not be blamed externally anymore. That ole victim mentality needed to go and so did that negative voice that told me I was a worthless human who didn’t deserve to be on this planet; neither was a helpful way to go about living.
Taking on these two issues is pretty big but I can tell you that after almost nine years, I no longer blame others for anything or everything that goes wrong in my world. I must admit, not much goes wrong anymore, but when it does, I look at myself and start wondering where I went wrong so I don’t repeat the mistake. If need be, I apologize if what I did affected someone else. That alone was something I never did growing up, ever. I would be defensive and avoid ever saying I was sorry. I also never told people that I cared about them or loved them. Now, if I feel it, I say it. Everyone should know that they are loved and appreciated.
As for the voice in my head, it’s no longer harsh with me. On rare occasions, Negative Nelly will come out and try to play, but it never lasts long. The voice in my head is very close to what I believe in my heart. I am someone who deserves to be here. I do have a life worth living. I am someone who matters in this world. I may not always know my purpose, but I have enjoyed the exploration! The voice in my head has been a great guide for me over the past few years and because of it, I listen more and more. I don’t know about you, but my inner voice is more aligned with me than ever before and believe it has helped me to become a more contented person.
So, do you have a voice? What does it tell you?
Are you uncommon?
We all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies. This is what makes each of us who we are. It is also what can drive each of us batty, but that’s another discussion!
Over the past ten years, I have noticed one thing about myself that others think is really uncommon and they find me quite odd for it. I do not like being given grades. I know, many people would love to get an A by doing little work, or doing the minimum. Not me. I noticed this most profoundly in my MBA program. One professor in particular didn’t give feedback on papers, just your grade and a small comment, like good job (B) or great job (A). It got to the point in which we all realized that she had made her mind about each of us early on based on our participation, our personality, and our first paper submission. After that, you were branded. If you happened to be branded as an A student, this was how things would go for you in every class you took with her.
This really bothered me. I know I am a big geek because I actually want to learn, but I also want real feedback. I want my professor to be genuine in their feedback about how I could have done better or could have enhanced my point better, etc. if that was the case. I find it hard to believe that there wasn’t something to comment on when in other classes, I was getting comments on my papers about these very things. To be honest, once you get to grad school, grades really do become less important and it is more about the learning and the application. The application to your current job or for many, to a future job is paramount; not that getting all A’s isn’t a nice thing too!
But it gets worse in doctoral programs, or at least in some. I have seen more professors give grades than who give comments and are invested in challenging the student to go further and think deeper. In the recent past, I submitted a paper in which I highlighted a date so that not only could I verify that I entered it correctly, but to make sure the source was updated if needed on the reference page. This was not noticed or caught, nor graded down for not only not checking but not updating my source on the reference page. Based on the grading rubric, I should have lost points for this. I did not. My paper received all of the possible points that it could. I should be elated right? Instead, I wonder if the professor even read my paper. Had he read any of them? I was getting 100′s on every paper I submitted. This seems impossible to me. Although I have been given compliments on my academic writing ability, this seems too good to be true.
What I am left with is doubt about my papers. Are they hitting the mark? Am I applying the principles and theories with relevant support? But more than this, even more than being given a grade, I am disappointed in the professor. I have lost respect in him. I no longer see him as an educator. And as an educator myself, this is a big blow.
Some of my friends know, based on a prior rant, that I have been questioning my doctoral program. The goal in achieving this was to push myself to learn more, to research different paths based on some of my organizational questions, and to ensure my ability to teach at the university level (not just as I am now, but through retirement). These goals have not changed, but my motivation to achieve them in the current setting sure has. I wish I could be less uncommon and just push myself intrinsically to meet these goals and let the other stuff go. Or maybe I need to become even more uncommon and ignore the grades aspect (extrinsic motivation) and focus on my own goals. Ahh, but that is just not me.
It was a very good year …
1969. It was a VERY good year. Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. Huge. Out of this world huge. The space program was supported by the country and it was a time of great pride. Then there was Woodstock. How could you not think of Woodstock, especially with the new movie coming out. By the way, the book it was based on was a good read. Another big event – I was born. See, told you, it was a very good year! Here are some really cool facts about 1969 that you know, with a few thrown in you might not know:
- The first men on Moon, Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin, Apollo 11
- Woodstock Festival held in NY August 15 to August 18th
- Supreme Court rules that the 1st Amendment applies to public schools. Pop quiz – what’s the 1st Amendment?
- 1st temporary artificial heart
- The first test flight of the supersonic Concorde
- 1st flight of the Boeing 747
- 1st Wendy’s opens
- Last public performance of the Beatles, Paul marries Linda, John marries Yoko
- Last issue of Saturday Evening Post – no more Normal Rockwell covers
- Phil Esposito becomes first NHL Player to score 100 points in a season
- Golda Meir becomes Israel’s 4th Prime Minister
- New York Yankees’ Mickey Mantle announces his retirement from baseball
- Hurricane Camille strikes U.S. Gulf Coast kills 255
- Charles Manson commits Tate-LaBianca murders
- Mary Jo Kopechne dies at 28, in Ted Kennedy’s car
- “Sesame Street” premieres on PBS
- First ATM
- Wal-Mart incorporates
- GAP is founded
That’s right, 1969 was a very good year indeed and these are just some of the big highlights. There are many, many more. Looking back at history can be an educative experience and not everyone likes those. But it can also be incredibly fun and enlightening too. Hope you enjoyed the trip down memory lane with me!
The Art of Nonconformity and Twitter
I seem to hear two things about Twitter lately. First, those that say they have no idea what it is or what is the point. And ultimately think it’s a waste of time. The others love it and are either just getting used to it or are die-hard converts.
I am in the second camp. I have been using it since I don’t know even know when. I have met some great people through the site that I have subsequently met in person. I have also been able to talk with some researchers in the field of positive psychology that previously the closest I had gotten to them was by reading their research or their books. To me, Twitter is an awesome tool to connect, socialize, share, network, or brand build. Or all of the above. I use it mostly for connecting and sharing, especially when it comes to all things Omaha.
I was a fly on the wall of the SXSW conference, through all of the connections I have that were there for the conference earlier this year. Now, I get to see some of these same persons vying for a spot at next year’s SXSW as panelists. By the way, please vote for Silicon Prairie to be one of those panelists!
Recently, I have become attached to @chrisguillebeau and his blog, The Art of NonConformity. He shares his tips for traveling, as well as great bargains he uncovers. He shares other awesome tips, such as how to use the social web to your advantage. He is a very unique voice and I have enjoyed reading his stuff. I would never have learned of him if it weren’t for twitter. For those of you interested in his latest offering about getting your message out to the world, click here. Check out his latest post on authenticity. It’s a heckuva lot better than a post I wrote on the same topic a few years ago.
So for you who don’t understand it, think it useless or a time waster, that’s fine. But me, I have been able to talk to and meet some amazing people, which has greatly enhanced my world.
What do you think?
You may think that an odd question, but how often do you ask yourself that question and then really think about the answer? Here are some questions that seem to be floating around ‘out there’ in the deep recesses of my brain …
- Do you ever wonder what carbon footprint you are leaving behind?
- What kind of leader are you?
- What will be your legacy?
- What do you want to be remembered for most?
- If you have regrets, why don’t you either put them behind you or make them right?
- How much should you give to charity?
- Is it really better to give than receive?
- Do nice guys or gals really finish last?
These are just a few of the many questions I think about (believe me, I have a ton more floating around in my head) from time to time. But what I like most is giving myself the time to just ponder what I think about the question related to me. Invariably, I start thinking about the world and others in it. Next thing you know, there is a call to action for me.
What inspires you to act? I would love to know! Anissa
Life is Amazing
Doesn’t it amaze you that …
- rainbows exist?
- we can create human life?
- we can fly?
- we can travel across the world anytime we want?
- there are pyramids?
- we can go spelunking?
- animals can learn and communicate?
- the sun can shine while it snows?
- we can do anything we want to?
A to-do list tattoo
Many of you know my fondness for to-do lists via a post I wrote. If not, check out the post. As the addiction seemed to get more out of control and seemingly adding less value to my life, I have been foregoing them more and more. I now utilize them for immediate tasks that need accomplishing within the next half day or by the end of the day. And no, I no longer have a list for work, school, home, weekend, and all the other delineations one could have.
As a fan of Unclutterer, admittedly more so for the workspace of the week post on Fridays than anything else, a recent post on the to-do-list tattoo caught my eye. Upon seeing it, I was immediately transported back to North Allegheny high school in Wexford, Pennsylvania. I used this method constantly! At the end of a class, I would write whatever was due the next day on my hand. Or at least the subject so that I knew homework needed to be done that night. It would have been helpful to have that handy ink-safe pen! The only challenge posed to this method was swimming class, otherwise, I was often set.
Of course, comments by others think it ridiculous, frivolous waste of money, or offer alternatives. The one that struck me as another interesting concept for my high school days would be the Wrist Reminder. The Pittsburgh Post Gazette shares this one and again, I am struck by the creativity of it. Sorry folks, but in high school, once that bell rang, I lost a lot of what was said as I raced to the next class. I was often left wondering at the end of the day what I was supposed to do that night to turn in the following day. As a consequence, I was often doing homework in the previous class for the one upcoming. That is no recipe for learning!
Of course, now, with cell phones, you could draft a text or email each day of the assignments. Or use the task list. Or the notes list. Or use the “old-fashioned” pen and paper method of a day planner. Me, the palm and ink method got me by just fine!
Lost in space
I have not written any new posts in a while. This is a bit odd for me, at least in the recent past. Too many competing priorities you ask? Maybe. Lack of desire? Not really (hmm, that sounds more like a yes). Nothing to say? Doubtful, have many topics floating around in my mind. Poor time-management skills? Does procrastination count?! I am not really sure why I haven’t posted in a while. I really do have many thoughts I have wanted to share, but have felt like I needed to do other things first and so this seemed to continually get pushed down the list.
For those of you who remember, I talked about my quest for understanding what I wanted in my doctoral program. Trying to understand why I was having challenges in terms of my lack of motivation. I have come to some conclusions about this and am planning forward based on this. Has this taken away from posting (and Facebooking and Twittering)? In some ways, yes. My exploration has taken me to other universities to explore different programs, their methods, their objectives. It has taken me to my mentor for many conversations to explore more within.
The other thing some of you may remember was my assertion of writing a book at the beginning of the summer for a completion by summer’s end. Well, at least a draft! To some, Labor Day is the official beginning of fall and end of summer, so have been going with that. Me personally, the weather in Omaha for the past week or two has made it feel like October (for which I am very delighted about). Regardless, this has taken me away a bit. I don’t feel bad about that, as Daniel Pink is taking a blog break while he finishes his book (very eagerly anticipated by me as his first was awesome. Have you read it yet?). Of course his will be on the Business Week best seller list whereas mine will not, but still, I feel ok about my reduced output.
I would say my biggest challenge despite what I have shared is a weird kind of energy shift that I am wrestling with. I am usually fairly energetic and in fact, others wonder where I get my boundless energy. But lately, have had some challenges with getting myself going in the mornings, staying on task, reduced focus and concentration, and a general lack of interest. This isn’t 100%, every day, all day, but it has been a recurring issue as of late and one that I am trying to understand as well as manage. And more so, get to myself again. Have any of you ever experienced this? Any suggestions?
Books, books, books
As many of you know, I am avid reader of books. I read a variety of genres, from mystery to non-fiction to fiction to history to plays, not to mention a plethora of topics within those genres. I am huge fan of Tom Stoppard and wrote an undergrad thesis for graduation on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. I was able to see one of Horton Foote’s plays in production in Chapel Hill and meet him after. Good stuff. To say I read a lot is really an understatement. But to see a recent blog post by Seth Godin and how much he reads, well, he puts me to shame. I feel no competition and it will not spur me on to read more than the average 3-5 books/week I usually read.
In fact, for the past month or so, I haven’t been reading very much at all. The call of nature has been too strong and I have been outside enjoying the fall-like weather intermixed with some nice summer days. The allure of such beauty has been hard to ignore or stay away from and therefore, harder for me to think about reading, even on my deck.
As I looked over Seth’s one-page review of books, of which one I had read review about a week or so again for The No Impact Man that is high on my list to read, I was caught by the realization that I hadn’t been reading as much. Then I realized that my blogging has become sporadic and not as consistent as usual. It made me wonder about the ebb and flow of life. Is this a product of trying to enjoy the last bit of summer? I am not heading back to school, so I don’t necessarily need to squeeze out the last bit of freedom before the hum drum life of school starts. I am always in school (or so it seems).
Is this a reflection of where my mind is now? Are my thoughts not as defined not as they usually are and my mind is taking a bit of a vacation? Maybe. I can’t say I haven’t need a mental break. Ultimately, I chalk it up to the ebb and flow of life. We all go through it at different times. We are on the hamster wheel then we take a step off for a while. Sometimes we are very engaged; other times not. I don’t think my taking a little time to change normal routines is a bad thing actually. Change of perspective can be a very beneficial thing. I have had many ideas percolating and maybe they are not ready to gestate yet. I don’t know what is the reason; but I know this, it’s another fantastic day out there and despite the work that will be done today, my lunch will be spent outside as will my evening. Hope you can do the same.
Remembering 9/11
Today is the anniversary of the horrific and tragic events that occurred eight years. Can you believe it has been that long? To others, it may feel like it was yesterday. I can still remember where I was when I heard the news and how it unfolded that day. I don’t think I moved from my seat at work the entire day. They brought a tv over to the area in which I sat and soon, we were surrounded by folks watching the events and learning as the world learned what happened.
I am still shocked that such a situation could have even occurred and the many lives this tragedy affected. My love and prayers go to every single person that was personally touched by this, but also to the entire country that watched and lived this as well. We came together as a country and united as one. I hope we can regain that feeling once again, but not based on circumstances like that.
Today, I say a special prayer in honor of 9/11. A day we should not remember just annually, but always.
The state of affairs in customer service
As someone who believes she has worked in customer service her whole life, it disappoints me when folks get it wrong. This is the easiest thing someone can do and the cheapest. Yes, sometimes my title was customer service, sometimes not. But my belief is, if you have customers, internal or external, then you should be customer service focused.
I said should be. The sad fact is, many people are not. I have been having a variety of experiences lately and for the most part, I have just been an observer of them. I have been patient and forgiving, but sometimes that just doesn’t work. My TomTom gps thingie does not work. It hasn’t now for a few months. It was a gift from my dad and despite my very frequent desire to throw it out the window, I know that would not be nice to him. Plus, whenever he would come to visit, he would ask where it was when we were driving around in my car. I hate that thing, really. And the fact that it can’t ever retrieve the GPS signal renders it useless, only makes me hate it more. My gosh, I don’t mind checking Google maps when I need to go someplace new. And in fact, I am back to this all over again. I digress.
I tried to contact Office Depot, where my dad purchased it and an extended warranty. They told me that the warranty doesn’t kick in until the manufacturer’s warranty ends. They sounded like they didn’t care and I could here her flipping pages as she read a script (ack, that just irks me – personalize and engage). Then she transferred me to TomTom, didn’t stay on the line and dumped me off. I guess it was the wrong place because after holding for 5 minutes, i was disconnected. I tried their IT chat online and was told I had to pay $9 for the service. Really? My dad already paid $249 for a paperweight and if I want troubleshooting support, I have to pay more? Nope. I found the number to call online. I was on hold for another 10 minutes then told that all the lines were busy and promptly disconnected. Really? This is how they do business? They sure make it hard to do business with them or give you a reason to share anything nice about their product. Oh that’s right, I’m not. My dad is equally frustrated with all of us this as I share the latest and wants me to send the thing back to him so he can get his money back. I will try that but am skeptical Office Depot will do this for a paperweight he bought in February. Yes, that is it’s only function lately.
This is just one example in a string I could share. I won’t even get started on the lack of service and actually the harassment I have been feeling at the hands of school. I actually feel hassled and harassed by them lately instead of feeling like a valued member of the student community. I won’t tell you how much I spend per credit hour but I guess they do not value me as student or customer. It may be another factor in why I am taking a leave of absence from the program for the remainder of this year.
My dad and I visited Olive Garden recently, lunch before his flight home to San Diego. We ate in the bar area and truly had a fantastic waiter. He was always there at the right time, anticipated needs, and brought good cheer to the interactions. It was a wonderful thing. Even though we only ordered soup and salad, he made it seem like we were the only one’s in the restaurant. It was a great experience.
Customer service, or service of any kind, is just so easy. So inexpensive. And provides such a bounty of riches in terms of customer loyalty, customer testimonials, and subsequently, profit. I just don’t get it. Why don’t companies do a better job of this? Why don’t they realize that this could be the missing ingredient to their success and the reason for their decline in revenues? If you lose your most diehard customers, don’t have repeat business of any kind, and have little new business, how do you expect to stay in business? Word of mouth is a real killer to the bottom line. Southwest gets it, why don’t the other airlines? SAS gets it, why don’t other companies?
The email quandary
I have read many bloggers talking about email lately. Zen Habits discussed the elimination of email all together and has since reduced his email usage quite significantly, but not all together. Productivity 501 shares best practices for email usage. Today, I received an email (!!) from the Thin Pink Line discussing this very same addiction, as they referred to it.
There are some tried and true email rules that are frequently shared in some of these blogger’s posts. Or in articles or magazines. Some of them are: don’t check email when you first get up or get into the office. Only check email once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Turn off the new email chime as well as the little envelope that appears in your lower right status bar so that you are not a slave to new mail arriving.
It is interesting that you notice those things that you are actually wondering about within yourself. I noticed one day in the recent past that I was basically in my work email all day long. I was constantly refreshing and just basically being less than productive because I was allowing myself to become a slave to the emails that I thought might come in, or actually did. I noticed I did this for most of the day up through dinner. As I was sitting and having dinner, I thought about what I needed to do the next day and realized that I had wasted the day being less than productive on other work I wanted to accomplish. All because I either checked my email constantly or worked from my email all day long.
This is highly inefficient and definitely not the best use of my time. The following weekend, I promptly turned off my computer and turned off my cell phone. I enjoyed a weekend filled with time, meeting up with friends and luxuriously enjoying their company, and being outside without a care in the world. I felt like I was on vacation. My brain didn’t feel taxed and I didn’t feel twitchy because my email was dinging away at me. It was by far the least technically attached I have been in a while. I highly recommend it. Maybe you don’t turn off your cell like I did if that is your only telephonic source, but instead you turn off the beeps or vibrations of your email and text. All I can say is, it was a relief to not be so connected. Have you changed your email habits lately?
What is your theme?
I have received a few emails lately from readers asking in different ways what my specific blog theme is and where I get my ideas for topics. I thought they were both interesting questions and got me thinking.
What is my specific blog theme? Do I have one? I read quite a few blogs and am an active subscriber to at least 30 or more. I love to read their posts via Google Reader over breakfast. Some I get via email. Some folks have very specific themes, like productivity, marketing, saving money, home organization, workplace issues, leadership, etc. All of their posts are specific and refer back to their main blog theme in a very consistent way. It is in large part while I subscribe; I like hearing their perspectives on certain themes or issues.
It’s interesting, I do have a blog for my company that is specific to leadership coaching and related topics. So, I understand the questions I received.
But my personal blog is more about life in general. I tend to write about things that have happened to me or things I have observed. From my perspective, I just want to have the opportunity to share my dorky view of the world based on my own experiences or just things about myself in general. This really comes in any form and is not predetermined by a specific topic or issue that every post revolves. What do you think – is that distracting to you as a reader that my posts can range from talking about the greatness of the holidays, or books, or movies, or school supplies, or life and whatnot? Feel free to share your comments or email me!
NOTE 9/19/09:
Read a post via email today from Write to Done talking about blog theme’s in which his lead into his post stated “Blogging and writing shouldn’t be just about talking about what you did today, or rambling about things in general — at least, not in my mind, not if it’s done well”. I found this interesting but it is a sentiment I don’t agree. I think the point of blogging is based on the writer. If you are like Leo Babauta, his desire with his blog is enlighten but what seems even more prevalent to me over the past few months, is his overwhelming desire to sell things especially his books and ebooks. That is his prerogative and I don’t dislike him for it. It has however changed my personal desire to read his blog and have done so with much less frequency due to this feeling like I am being sold to.
What you choose to do with your blog and its content are entirely up to you. Do what you want and be happy with what you do.
Food Inc. – a review
I saw the movie Food Inc. at least a month ago. It was a great movie at the same time it as disturbing to see. It reminded me of the time I learned of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle in college. I couldn’t finish reading it. My boyfriend did and he gave me an overview of it. I didn’t have to read it for a class, so this approach worked well enough for me. I know, cowardly. In both instances, both have stayed with me. A month later, the movie still resonates. I can’t drive by a farm and not smile when I see cows eating grass. It’s a great sight to see.
I admit, when it comes to animals, any animal, I have a really hard time with cruelty. If I learn of any animal experiencing pain, neglect, or abuse, I cannot handle it and personally feel it.
In Food Inc., the movie talks about factory farming and how things have changed due to big business and consumer demand. Chickens have been bred to be much larger than their legs can handle. Chicken farmers show footage how chickens can only take a step or two and then they plop down because their legs cannot handle their weight. It was sad to see. Many die under their own weight and their inability to get to the food to stay alive. They showed one farmer constantly going through to clear out the dead chickens. So very sad. What was also amazing was the pressure by big business on the farmers, demanding changes in their chicken houses. The latest is that the houses must be completely dark – no light coming in at all. One farmer refused to change her chicken house and because of it, her contract was terminated as was her source of income. Other farmers wouldn’t let cameras into their chicken houses to see what it was like for chickens to never see the light of day. They were warned not to; I guess their contracts were in jeopardy as well.
They showed the footage of the downed cows from California. I still hate seeing that. Doesn’t the risk of mad cow disease enter their minds? They also talk about cows being fed corn now instead of allowing them to graze in pastures, to save space and to breed more cows. Cows are meant to eat grass not corn. So farmers have to manipulate their stomachs to reduce E.coli in their stomachs. They actually showed a farmer with his arm up to his elbow in the cows stomach. Really, this is what we have to do to raise cattle? I was impressed when they interviewed one farmer, Joel Salatin, who still has all of his animals doing what animals are supposed to. His cows graze in the pastures and explains how that is how it is meant to be and yes, then slaughtered for the world’s tables. They showed him killing chickens and I had to turn away despite how humane he was being and how much more clean his process is compared to factory processing of chickens.
There were related topics in the movie, such as poor worker conditions and treatment, genetic engineering of seeds and how Monsanto has dominated this area of farming, and foodborne illnesses.
All in all, despite its many disturbing aspects, it is still very worthy of seeing. They premise that you will never look at food the same way again is very true. I rarely eat meat and haven’t in many years. But now I notice so much more about the food I eat and what I choose to buy. I have explored other means instead of Saturday morning farmers markets. I have researched what foods are actually in season so I don’t buy ones that have been genetically produced so we have them year round. This is how much this movie affected the way I see food.
The movie will touch you differently as it did with my friends that I saw the movie with based on our discussions afterword. That I think is the greatest benefit of all – that each of us looks at our relationship to food and determines what changes we want (or don’t) want to make. I hope you will see it, if you have the opportunity.
ADDENDUM – a note from HSUS today 09/17/09:
Denny’s does it. Burger King does, too. Wendy’s got on board earlier this year. All these major restaurant chains buy some (my note: wish it were ALL and not some) of their eggs from cage-free farms that don’t cruelly confine hens in barren battery cages.
But the restaurant chain most known for its breakfasts refuses to take this modest step. When IHOP serves its pancakes and eggs, you can be sure the eggs come from hens crammed into wire cages so small the animals can barely move for their entire lives.
IHOP’s refusal took on new urgency this week with the release of this undercover video that reveals shocking abuses at IHOP’s primary egg supplier. As you can see, the footage reveals filthy conditions, sick and injured hens, and birds forced to live in cages with the decomposing corpses of dead birds.
You can help to move IHOP away from this cruelty. Please urge IHOP to follow its competitors’ lead and start switching away from battery cage eggs. Here’s how:
TAKE ACTION
Please make a brief, polite phone call to Argonne, a company that owns hundreds of IHOP restaurants, at 404-364-2984 (if voicemail picks up, press ’1′ for Argonne President Michael Klump). You can say something like this:
“Hello, my name is [your name] and I am calling to ask IHOP to start using eggs that don’t come from hens crammed into cages. I just watched the undercover video of your egg supplier, and the images of animal cruelty are appalling. Please start switching to cage-free eggs. Thank you.”
I called. Will you?
Have we lost our manners?
I have noticed lately that our humanity is a bit lacking lately. Specifically, I mean manners and courtesy. Here are some of the things that have happened in the recent past:
- taking a call from your cell phone while in the movie theater watching a movie. When patrons asked the guy to take his call outside, he actually snapped back at them to mind their own business.
- people don’t seem to let other cars merge into traffic much anymore. It seems that they are in their own world or chatting away on their cell phones to notice that they might consider moving over one lane so cars could merge in.
- when there are traffic backups, I don’t see the hand wave when someone lets another car in. It seems like this bit of courtesy is sorely lacking. I did my own personal experiment and of the 20 times I did this in traffic jams, only once did I get the hand wave.
- I completely understand the use of cell phones and at times, believe they have really helped people in many ways. There are also times I curse them. The aforementioned movie example is one thing (and we could all hear that he was being asked to bring home milk on his way home) but I have also noticed people talk about banal things while they are shopping. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need to know about someone’s life while I grocery shop. And it seems that they talk quite loudly and care little that you now know about their toenail infection, or affairs, or work challenges, or all similar topics. If this was an emergency, it would seem understandable, but just chatting for chatting’s sake?
- opening doors for one another seems to be making a resurgence. I had noticed some time ago that is wasn’t as prevalent as it used to be, but not anymore. I see more women, including myself, open or hold doors open for others.
- when did it become a priority for those getting on the elevator to move in first instead of letting those who need to get out, go first? It seems that whenever I have to ride an elevator and am getting off at my floor, I get pushed out of the way by those getting in. Wouldn’t make sense to let me out so there’s more room for those getting in?
- there seems to be a growing consistency with folks not moving in aisles. You are walking down the aisle of a store, for example, the person or persons see that you coming toward them but they do not move over to let you pass. In the event they have children, it’s a 50/50 chance that they pull their children aside for you to pass. Even after saying excuse me, many times they still don’t move. It’s very odd to me.
- the last bit of curiosity I have is about guarantees. What is the point of a guarantee if the company makes it so hard for one to utilize it or receive what they are due? I have recently had the experience in which I attended a workshop but it did not meet their own guidelines regarding subsequent usage. I called to let them know and then inquired about the guarantee for greater assistance. I was told that yes, they would further assist as stated. Then they proceeded to send me a 5-page questionnaire asking why their product didn’t work for me and how I might have not implemented it properly. Fine, I understand their perspective and complied. Then after that document, I received another one asking for even more detail about what I might have done wrong, how I could have executed things better, etc. So far, that one has taken about 3 hours to complete. When I shared it with them, I was told it was incomplete and didn’t provide enough information. All I am asking for is for the company to live up to their guarantee and further assist me with their product. I have fully regretted its purchase now and will not be any means recommend it to a single person. I will furthermore, if asked, tell people of my experience. In this post however, I will denigrate the company itself.
I still believe in the heart and soul of people. I have witnessed great humanity, caring and selfless behavior as well. But I ask myself when I see things that are otherwise, why it has to be that way? Have we become so isolated and insular to our own worlds that we cannot see beyond that? It’s just a curious observation and by no means believe that what I have said above is an indictment on all of society or all of its people. However, I would like to know why we can’t all get along better than we do sometimes. And lest you believe it’s just my perception, the messages I have gotten on Twitter, emails from a prior post, and the status messages I have seen on Facebook and other sites, tells me that this is something everyone has experienced a bit as well. What has your experience been?
State of Disarray
This is how I felt Thursday. It’s not quite to like my thoughts of hurtling through space I had once talked about, but it felt akin to that.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I feel like I am doing a lot and I want to do even more. I know, that sounds crazy. But I have so many ideas, so many things I want do and try. I worked from home Thursday and had many traditional work things to do, which was not the problem. It was that the more I did, the more calls I got, the more emails I received, the more research I did, the more ideas that came charging at me. I don’t consider this bad at all, at least not for me. In the past 5 years or so, I have no idea why, but ideas seem to keep coming and coming to me. I feel like John Travolta’s character in Phenomenon (a fave movie of mine), though hopefully without the tumor. My questions to myself are more like is this happening because I am more aware? Am I more curious than ever despite always being a curious person? Or is that I now have more ability than ever to implement some of my ideas? Something for me to ponder.
My challenge has been how do I decide what to do next. Or how to organize the ideas so that I can do a few instead of all of them. That is probably the actual heart of my issue – I want to start moving forward on all of my ideas. I don’t often think of what makes sense to start based on what is currently going on my life or when ideas would be better served by waiting, etc. Do you ever do this – just charge forth without thinking only later to think to yourself, I probably should have waited a few months to do this?
My other challenge is having that feeling like it’s all too much. Work responsibilities, school responsiblities, and generally enjoying my life with friends and family and then all these ideas on top of it. I want to do it all and in thinking this, I often feel scattered across too many areas, and as I thought on Thursday, feeling like I was in a state of disarray. I am not fond of this feeling. I tend to clean when this happens as a way to think. I am not sure the role of cleaning has in my ruminating, but it works for me. I would presume that by cleaning, I am helping to clean up my thoughts too. Maybe that is it because after I am done and my place is spotless, or as in Thursday’s case it was my desk and office, I feel able to tackle just about anything. I am curious. Do you ever get into state of disarray and what do you do to get out of it?
what makes a great gift?
I know this sounds like an odd question, but with birthday, weddings, and the holidays coming up, this question struck me. Or maybe it was the holiday decorations up in a few places that prompted this thought.
I haven’t been big on gifts for about the last ten years or so. I think this started when I was married. I would really think about the person, their hobbies, etc., then find something they would like. I was often told I was a great gift giver. I can’t answer if that is true or not, but I sure tried. On the other hand, I would get things that seemed completely incongruent with who I am and wonder, why doesn’t my family know me enough to realize that I wouldn’t like a putter? I haven’t golfed since college with any regularity nor much desire. (By the way, this specific scenario never happened, but is reminiscent of a similar gift giving situation). This isn’t about being grateful or ungrateful – we all appreciate the gifts we receive.
To me the question is more about time and love. Instead of gifts, why not share your time doing things you love to do together? Why not take a trip. Or see a play. Or go to a museum. Or host a party. Or go to a wine tasting. Or go to a concert. Or go to Jazz on the Green. There a ton of things you can do to show that you care and instead of giving a trinket that will be forgotten, share some time and maybe an event together. The ultimate gift: make it a celebration and create a memory. There will still be times that a gift is more appropriate but in those times it isn’t, why not try it another way and see what happens?
Who I wish I was
Do you ever wonder about who you are and how you got here? I think about this sometimes. I think about growing up and the places we lived. As a family, we moved around quite a bit, as many of you who read this know. Sometimes, I can sit and wonder about the way things could have been if we hadn’t moved that one time, or that other time. Recently, I was talking to a great high school friend. We haven’t seen each other since we were sophomores in high school as I moved to another state after that. We were talking about school dances for a minute and then I sighed and said I wished I hadn’t moved away for the final two years of high school.
What does this “what if” game get me? Not much actually is probably most people’s first thought. Or a bunch of wasted time might be another thought. Sometimes, it really makes me wish for more from the past, which we know I will not get. I can’t change what happened back then. So then, why do I do it? For me the answer is simple, sometimes, when I think about what I did back then (or didn’t do), it helps me now. I take what I have learned or felt from that long ago experience and apply it to current events. In this case, would I move away from Omaha?
I am not unhappy in Omaha. Do not misunderstand this at all. I have built a great life here, love the climate, and have met some fantastic people. But the lack of proximity to some of my oldest and closest friends does make me think about moving back to the east coast at times. But then I think about the past and all the moves I endured as a kid. There were 2 that were quite dramatic, and tragic in a young girl’s eyes, that took much time for me to recover. When I chose to move to Omaha, I did it with full desire to do so. I did not feel I was running away from anything but instead running toward something. I was looking forward to the adventure of moving my company, enjoying the Midwest again, being closer to some of the sports teams I love, and being closer to the heart of who I am. If I were to leave Omaha right now, it would not be with a happy heart as it is not a fully realized goal. I have not thought about my job, my company, and other things I would be leaving behind.
And for this, I am grateful for my “what if-ing” because it allows me to see that when we moved around growing up, I was choice-less in the decision. I felt snatched from my home, my closest friends and for a shy person, from a place I felt accepted and a part of things. To realize these things is to help me make decisions now. I do have a choice and I have the ability to determine when a move is good for me and when it might not be.
What happens when you play the what-if game?
The Omaha Blog Co.
If you are a blogger in the Omaha area, consider joining the Omaha Blog Co. meetup. This newly formed meetup is being organized by Danny Schreiber, the Managing Editor of Silicon Prairie News, a truly fantastic organization in the Omaha area.
See you there!
Anissa
Customer Service Week
It’s Customer Service Week. Have you thanked your customer’s yet? They could be internal, external, near or far. We all have customers. Let them know that you appreciate them. Because deep down, don’t we all want to feel appreciated and valued?
The enormity of your job
Do you ever think about the impact you have in your organization? Usually you hear about employee’s not feeling appreciated or valued by their boss or their organization as a whole. But on the other hand, do you take the time to reflect on the impact you have on others?
Lately, I have been thinking about this a lot. The enormity of my job has really got me thinking lately. I have thought of this in my beginning days as a business coach but ultimately, I came to realize I was the catalyst and the answers or resolutions came from the person and not from me. I still feel responsible but don’t feel the weight on my shoulders quite as much as I used to.
However, as a professor, I think about this more and more. I have been developing a degree program and recently, classes started. With 34 students, I feel a great responsibility to each of them to ensure they are learning, applying principles, and gaining the tools needed to be even more successive after the program ends. It’s an incredible pressure that I have on myself and feel the enormity of my impact to the students as an instructor. But also, in the near future, with the adjunct instructors that will also begin teaching in the program.
However, I am not unique just because I am an instructor. Many persons in the workplace manage others and the impact of their management skills, coaching ability and feedback on their staff are just as important and just as impactful as anything I do. As a manager, do you feel the enormity of your job and how you impact each person on your team?
To Kindle or Not to Kindle – Follow-up
I first became aware of Amazon’s Kindle in April of 2008. I explored it and thought it was interesting. I considered it but thought it was too early to make a buy and held off. I reconsidered again in March of 2009 (both times blogging about it). I went back and forth based on feedback from those that did have it and even looked at some of the upcoming purchases I wanted to make to see if it was offered on the Kindle. I again held off.
Well, Amazon has had a few new iterations since then and the price has come down considerably. I have looked up numerous books I would like to read, old and new. There are classics that are free to download – how cool – and many books on my wish list now on Kindle. Despite already making plans to mark my 40th in a very unique and substantial way, I decided to purchase this as a combo birthday present (another one!) and Christmas gift.
Do you have one? Are you happy with your purchase? Mine is charging as we speak. I have downloaded a number of literature classics I haven’t read in a long time as well as one on the bestseller list. I noticed that some of my textbooks could also be downloaded at a ridiculous savings over the hardback. What a way to spend a snowy afternoon in Omaha!
“Out”ing of another kind
I was passively listening to Good Morning America last week while I was getting ready for work and heard Glenn Close talk about her sister’s mental illness. The interviewer, I have no idea who it was, asked Glenn how she felt about being “outed” for her sister’s mental illness. Are you kidding me? This is a horrible way to perpetuate the idea that having a mental illness of any kind is something to be ashamed of, hidden, and never discussed. Tom Cruise started this firestorm when he attacked Matt Lauer about postpartum depression indicating it as a non-entity (many new moms loudly disagreed and thank you for doing so). And now we have someone on Good Morning America indicating its shameful to share if you have depression, anxiety, or anything similar and if you do, you shouldn’t have.
Why all the labels and their negative connotations? I have talked about labeling before, though more from a personality assessment perspective, but this really bothers me. Why is it bad that someone has anxiety or depression? There are many types of depression (and anxiety too) by the way but most think of clinical depression. That is one, but there is also situational depression. When I think about situational depression, I think about the book Eat, Pray, Love. The main character ends up going on a yearlong adventure to escape, cleanse, and become whole again after a particularly ugly divorce. This is not a bad thing. Something and someone she believed in died, in a sense, and she is sad and mourning that loss.
I have had my own bouts with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behavior. I am not, nor will I ever be, ashamed or embarrassed that I have been through these states and sought help from them. In fact the times when I felt shy about it when I have shared this and gotten the pity look, like I was now irrevocably broken. I was not as open to getting the helps I needed. But as you get older, you want resolutions, you want help, you want answers. I was insightful enough about myself to realize things weren’t working quite like I wanted and even sometimes even saw what I was doing that I wished I was not. But I could never quite make the changes needed or make them stick for longer than a second or two. I needed help to change my mindset and my behaviors and I thank the wonderful people who have helped me on my journey back to me. I have often shared how seeking help gave me the ability to take what I knew about myself and dig deeper within to move forward. And this from someone who rarely asks for help!!
Don’t always listen to those in the media or “out there” in the world. Sometimes, they aren’t right. Sometimes they are. You have a right to make up your own mind to agree or disagree. Alcoholism, cancer, anorexia, mental illness, and more. None need be a dirty word.
The No Impact Man
Have you heard of this book? This blog? This guy? Well, now you have! Check it out.
The book was a great read but more than that, I really appreciated Colin’s honesty about this project. It definitely makes you look within and see how you are living your own life. I was impressed in so many ways and shocked too. I dog-eared a ton of pages and it had a profound impact on me. I hope you will read the book or check out the blog. Or even go see the documentary from their yearlong journey.
His wife and child also participated and to read his wife’s perspective on this via a column in Business Week (reposted on his blog) was also brutally honest about her life and the changes this yearlong experiment had on her as well.
I am sure some of you wonder about my latest movies and books. Between Food Inc., Better Off, and now The No Impact Man, you would consider me a very organic, vegetarian, of the earth kind of person. Well, I am trying to be. I don’t often eat meat and never cook it. I do wish to be more reliant on farmers markets and other similar farm options year over year. I think it takes each of us to make adjustments and just keep making them.
One can never say enough about Appreciation
Mother Teresa once said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”
I think this is such a powerful statement because appreciation and gratitude is such a powerful tool, and when people are appreciated, it brings about a huge sense of accomplishment, value, power, and happiness to their life.
The great part about appreciating others is that it’s so easy!
So, who have you appreciated today?
I’d like to encourage you to think about who you have (or haven’t) appreciated lately. Take just a minute or two to write people’s names down…and the next time you see them, make a point to appreciate them for the blessings they bring to your life.
I know I make this point frequently and Jack Canfield probably reaches more than I ever will in my lifetime, but that doesn’t make the message that less important for today and tomorrow!
So, who have you appreciated today?
Happiness
There has been a lot of talk about happiness lately. One night on World News Tonight with Charles Gibson, he shared a study that indicated that as women age they get unhappier, while the reverse is true for men. It was stated that women concentrate on career and having a family and once that is essentially behind them, they become unhappier as life goes by. I have heard of studies that indicate men are happier being married, while the reverse is true for women. Researchers have been looking at country happiness and the US was not the happiest of them all. I state this not to agree or disagree (though I disagree that I am getting unhappier as I get older – it’s been quite the opposite).
For more than three years now, I have really been soaking up research, articles, books, blogs, interviews about positive psychology, happiness, courage, and resiliency. It’s been a fascinating journey for me. As someone who has been to therapists for various reasons (after college, after my divorce, etc.), I have spent plenty of time looking back. I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking back to understand your present, but eventually you need to start looking forward. Positive psychology has been that catalyst that has assisted me in looking forward and is what took me into coaching. It is my calling and I never would have found it without changing my perspective.
I hope you are on a quest toward something – it’s one of the healthiest and happiest ways you can be. To be a searcher, a learner, a discoverer of your own life is a real motivator. If you are interested in learning more about Happiness Clubs in your area, click here. If you are in the Omaha, Nebraska area, join me.
Heartfelt
I just read this amazing quote that I wanted to share. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” Helen Keller. I have had a few profound experiences like this lately in which I was not able to put into words how I felt. Sure this can be true when talking about love, but that wasn’t my topic the other day.
I felt like Jodie Foster’s character in the movie Contact in which she is in the cosmos seeing the beauty of it all and she remarks that they should have sent a poet because she didn’t know how to describe how amazing everything looked to her. Well, that happened to me recently in which I was touched by a friend’s heart with regard to an issue I was chatting about with her. Right now, my gratitude overfloweth. Do you ever have those moments?
Tis the season …
This can be such a lovely time of year. It can also be a tough one. It is very hard for me to hear stories that show the sadness of what the economy has done. I was horrified to hear about the person who posted on Craigslist and when the persons came to pick up what they had purchased, they decided to rob the seller instead. I understand we are all having a hard time. I know I have been and using every penny I find in the car or couch is not an understatement. But I find hurting others like this, who are no better off than you, is hard for me to stomach.
But I have seen other acts of kindness that make my heart warm again. A colleague at work collects toys and clothes for Project Homeless Connect here in Omaha. He will have a big togetherness for all in the Civic Auditorium and bring much happiness and joy to so many. This is an incredibly selfless act and makes me truly appreciate the human spirit. We have done much in my workplace for the food bank when so many more this year are hurting and just want to have a meal.
I think there many of us doing all we can. The only challenge is that many of us are hurting in our own ways too. I see so many people trying to sell personal items to make some extra money to buy food, pay bills, let alone get a little something for their kids. I know that I have personally feel like I am coasting on fumes until the first business day of the New Year, or payday. Once a month paydays are very tough for me after all the bills are paid in the first week, especially when I want to give money to all the pet charities, the bell ringers, the Food Bank, the shelters, and. Well I could go on. I have a stack of mail from needy charities and I want to give to every single one. I hope the new year brings many things to all. But more than anything, I hope it brings peace of mind and heart to each and every one of us.
Why I like this time of year…
Despite the hectic and frenzied race to the mall by some or the type budgets of others (or all from my perspective), I truly like this time of year for a few reasons. Some are more meaningful than others, but when I take them all together, my heart sings with happiness.
- Community – there is just so much togetherness in the community. So many opportunities to share, spend time with our families and friends, and be loving. This is not an isolated feeling that only comes around at this time. But I do feel it more amplified than I would normally feel all year long. It is a time when most of us can just stop on a day of our choosing. It may be Christmas or it may be another day for those that work on that day (nurses, police officers, firefighters, etc.). The day selected is not important, but the honoring of the day is. I feel the warmth of caring from so many as everyone takes that extra moment to share their hearts.
- Gratitude – this is probably relative to community. However, the gratitude and appreciation that comes from giving to a charity, a friend, or a family member is such a lovely feeling. We all feel so grateful what life has brought us, no matter the circumstances we currently find ourselves, and want to share this with those that have helped us make our life work. We do this throughout the year; this I believe. But I also believe that this extra moment of togetherness really lets this feeling shine through.
- Cartoons – ok, this one probably make you take a second look. Or even wonder if I was serious. But I am. There are so many holiday cartoons that express the meaning of Christmas, the meaning of giving to others. I cannot be thankful every time I see them. It is my annual tradition and could not imagine a holiday without Charlie Brown, Frosty, Rudolph, and many others. I am sure kids today find them dated and old-fashioned, but they bring me smiles. And I can’t go without Miracle on 34th Street (the original, black and white version). All of these have the ability to make me cry (Frosty especially), even after all these years!
- Snow – as you can tell from the cartoons, I am still a little kid at heart. I still wish for a white Christmas. And every time the weather person calls for snow, I am giddy with excitement. Just plain giddy. I never get tired of it. I never wish for the spring. I want the snow each every time it’s predicted. I love the white noise, the sledding, and most of all, seeing snowmen in the front yards of my neighbor’s yards. I believe there is magic in snow (there’s that Frosty theme again) and can watch it fall for hours, as if it were movie that lasted for hours. It captivates me.
But more than anything all, I like this time of year because of the love and caring of the world. There is so much to be thankful for and so much to appreciate. And after giving thanks at Thanksgiving, Christmas carries this message even further. There have been times that I have just smiled to myself and said “I’m happy”. I hope you can say the same!
Security, terrorism and fear
I truly appreciate the security precautions that exist, especially with regards to terrorism. That word alone was not in my vocabulary growing up and it can be hard to fathom this is the world we live in now. However, knowing that there are many in the world who work to protect our freedom and our security is a welcome relief to the fear.
The one issue that I have had in recent years is the reactive nature we have. Every time a terrorist does something on an airplane, TSA mandates rules and regulations to combat the very thing that almost happened. Reactive. So far, I have not seen that the terrorists repeat themselves very often, at least from what we hear. Each time an attack has been thwarted, it has been a novel way. I don’t applaud this. I am in fact terrified each time something happens and it is something not tried before. Again, that I am aware of. And again, TSA reacts today indicating that on international flights, no one get up for anything the last hour. If a plane has to circle due to heavy traffic or other reasons, how would this be regulated?
I realize that much happens that is not talked about. That many planned attacks are stopped before they come to fruition. I am truly thankful for the talents of others who do this and am not criticizing this. What I ask is how we can be more proactive? How can we look at ways to prevent terrorists? In this recent instance, the underwear bomber’s father called the US Embassy in Yemen and warned them about his son. This information was ignored despite his son having a US Visa. Despite his purchase of a $3000 plane ticket in cash. Despite his boarding a plane without checking any luggage. Instead he was put on a list and not the no-fly list either. This was preventable.
Viral Vomit
I am sure you thought, well what the heck is she sharing her flu with us. TMI.
Actually, I am not sick physically, but am sick. I am sick of the viral vomit that pervades our media. Is it really necessary for us to know the every move and minutiae of a celebrity life? Must we know they just went to Starbucks or hit the gym? Or that they hit a tree leaving their house in the wee hours of the night? Why is the personal life of someone else anyone’s business? Oh you say, they are a public figure. Correct, they are. And for whatever has brought them to the spotlight, be it tennis, golf, soccer, basketball, etc., that is where our focus should lie. Their every move within their profession certainly makes sense to me, as that is what they are known for. But does that include all aspects of their lives? Should we know that got drunk and got a ticket? Or anything else that has NO relation to their specific profession?
This verbal vomit that is exuded by every media outlet, even CNN, MSNBC, astounds me. I am sure that if you faltered in your personal life and had to declare bankruptcy, got drunk and hit a parked car, had a fight with your spouse, or were in the midst of a divorce you would want some privacy. You would not want every possible media outlet to share every detail of your own personal pain. To be tweeted about? Voted if your behavior was right or wrong? Or would you? I find the way these intimate details go viral in a matter of seconds to be horrid and all the discussion to be vomit.
As someone who went through a divorce almost a decade ago, I can tell you, being the center of attention is nothing short of having your toenails ripped out (and that has happened once too). My ex-husband and I worked together at the time and knew just about everyone we worked with as we all “grew up” together as our company grew to 4x its size. No one could believe that we would divorce, but we did. And everyone talked about us and watched us. And every move was shared; who went where, with whom, etc. It was a horrifying and painful existence. I drank, a lot, that year to numb myself. I do not like to be the center of attention, ever. Friends became enemies as they claimed to have my back while they spread gossip everywhere. Some pumped my friends for information (thankfully a few not only didn’t but they told me). Friends who had previously gotten divorced and shared their secret betrayed each of us by not keeping ours. I remember a lot despite being drunk for an entire year.
I didn’t care for that and don’t believe others should have to face that kind of scrutiny either. I know people who have affairs and say things such as, I hope no one ever finds out, especially my kids, parents, spouse. And when their spouse does and their world crumbles, and they try to shield their kids from pain, I wonder how they would feel if everyone in America was talking about them? Judging them? Scrutinizing them?
When do we devote so much time with sharing this vomit virally? Why isn’t more attention paid to the wars? Why aren’t we investing our time and attention to important things like the earth? water consumption? poverty? obesity in children? depletion of natural resources? our soldiers? our own challenges?Focusing on these issues isn’t easy, but there is so much we can do that is positive and does not have to be all scary, such as time with our kids and families, enjoying time together with friends, spending time outdoors at national parks, going to the movies, roller skating, making a snowman. Do we challenges the world because we know the world needs to change, we dislike change and we don’t like to focus on areas where we can all help? Is listening to the viral vomit an escape? Is that really who you are? Is that who we all are? I’m not sure either but I sure wish the viral vomit would go away.
My world just quaked
Do you have those moments where you just know, in that second, that everything has changed? Forever, irrevocably changed? The kind where you are sitting in a little room waiting for the person wearing the white lab coat to come in and give you a label. A label you will have forever.
You hear the white lab coat talking to you, but nothing really registers. The blood has rushed to your ears and it makes it so hard to hear anything but white noise. You hear but you aren’t listening. That will come later when you have to tell someone else and it will all become so real once you utter the words. But right now, the white lab coat is still talking and you just keep nodding. You think that you even smile occasionally. God knows why. The white lab coat asks you if you have questions. And all you can think is “questions? questions about what.” But instead, you say, nope, none.
You leave the office and get in your car. The realization is hitting you and then there is a crack in your world and you feel it quake. And you think, well I can manage this and will just do all I can as each day unfolds. Then a split second later you think, but this isn’t something that runs in our family so how did this happen to me?
Your world is still quaking. The aftershocks just keep coming.
Telling your family makes it real and you hear yourself saying the words the white lab coat used. Questions come at you from all directions it seems, but you have no answers. You aren’t sure if this is a dream or reality. But you know it is real, you know what your life is going to become very soon and as you hang up the phone, you wonder when your world will stop quaking.
When it stops, I will let you know.
Resolute in 2010, a new direction
It is a little after the fact but I think we should talk more about being resolute in the new year about things we are going to continue to do instead of what we are no longer going to do.
It may seem backward but I actually believe this is the way we should be thinking so we are focusing on the positive of our lives instead of the things we need or want to give up. It seems like a negative bias to think like that and when there is a lack it is where our focus goes. So let’s focus on the abundance.
So, here is how I will be resolute in 2010:
- I will continue to be reflective about where I have been and where I want to go. This aspect of the past few years has helped me greatly to shape my life in a way that makes me more aware of the present.
- My pursuit of learning, in all the many ways I enjoy doing this, will continue with gusto. I have learned so much from friends, family, colleagues, school, work, Twitter, journal articles, animals, music, and so many others. I am a lifelong learner and this will continue in full force.
- I will make my recent medical challenge as something less than a death sentence. What happens will happen and I all that I can do is work to move forward every day. And as an add-on, I will ask for help, support and love when I need it.
- I will continue to enjoy my wonderful professional life and all its joys and benefits.
- I will continue focusing on returning phone calls in a more timely manner!
- I will continue to tell others that I love and care about them. Later may never come. Do it now will be my motto!
- The gift of the seasons is a treasure that I will not stop appreciating.
- My saying thanks and expressing appreciation will only continue to flow. This I will never change!
I can think of many more and that is the point. I can think of so many things I would like to do more or continue doing. That is where I believe focus should be. If you are a smoker and want to stop, maybe yours might be make health a priority. If you want to lose weight, maybe yours might be to continue to cut soft drink intake or the like).
Join me, will you?!
The Measure of Your Life
How often do you look at and take a measure of your life? Do you think about or reflect on what has happened, but more importantly, where you would like to be? Do you think about the steps you need to take now to get where you want to be? How often have you said to yourself “there is so much I want to do but so little time to do it?”
I understand all of this because it has been how I reflect and move forward. It has been so for many years now. I don’t look at all that negative stuff I have done (or more likely have not) and wallow in it; so much so that I become inactive. I just keep trying to see what I can do now .. little by little.
I hope this kind of thinking, my own innate energy, and all my learning about myself will help me in my battle with Tcell Lymphoma. I was diagnosed in early December and will start chemotherapy this coming Tuesday. Radiation will follow.
How do you measure you life?
I hope you do this as a continual process in your life and not just when an event redefines things for you.
The Scarlet C
I said to myself that I would not let my blog get too focused on cancer, but I have a feeling this is just going to be a natural evolution of me for a while. I have never had a singular focus for my blog, despite every big name blogger telling me that is the key to exposure (like I care). I write about what I want, when I want, about what I want. It speaks to me. Sometimes, it speaks to you based on the emails I get. Once you do the averages, I bet there is at least one blog out there for every 3 people.
So, on occasion, I think you may read about my journey through cancer. I am not sure how not to talk about it, despite my trying for about the first month or two of knowing. I am not handling it well. Yup, in a nutshell, that is it. I know that the biggest part of this is me. I don’t know how to let go and say either a) this is good enough or b) no. This has long been an issue. Has someone above finally had enough of me not learning this lesson? I don’t know but I am learning it now mightily!
I need to let go of some things. This I know. But I don’t want to. I want to believe that I will be that rare person that can fly through chemo without it making a dent in my life; that my hair won’t fall out. Oh how I already know this is not the case. I am learning a whole new language – about cancer, but also about my body. I know that the Power Port that was implanted will be my saving grace eventually, but right now, it hurts like the dickens and we are going on a week now. I cannot sleep with it, the incisions hurt and it is still tender to the touch. Yes, all to be expected, but I think my body and I have had enough surgery in the past 6 or 7 months and we are tired of it!
I am also apparently a wimp when it comes to nausea, fatigue, constipation, fevers, throat issues, and other assorted side effects. It is amazing how much chemo can really knock you down. When I get a fever by about one degree, I am pretty much done, of course this is usually compounded with not being able to swallow and a sour belly. It’s a plethora of fun and I am learning so much about how my body talks to me. I definitely was not a good listener before at all! I hear so many stories of folks who worked throughout the chemo and radiation (not even going to think about that part yet) and I think, wow, that is amazing. But sadly, that is not fully me. Yes, I am still working full-time and still going to school full-time. But I notice that I segment things a bit better than I have in the past and trying to find more balance. I am always learning aren’t I? For those that are able to manage things without a hitch, I really admire that in you. But as a delivering mom may need an epidural and another may not, we all must take our own path. Especially when each chemo path seems to be so individual.
I have also learned that I am not the best at asking for help, or more importantly, accepting it. It is very hard for me but have been really blessed with some wonderful people who have let me know that I am special and worth the extra effort I have asked of them in their own busy lives. I know I would do it for them so when will I learn that others would do it too?? My dad, sadly, has taken the brunt of my emotions though. He has been there every step of the way, thick and thin, and I hate that we hurt the ones we love. I know that he cares tremendously and my gosh, I know I will never be able to repay him try as I could. But to let my emotions run amok sometimes really bums me out because he certainly deserves more for all that he is doing to help me through this. Dad, I truly love you and thank you for every single thing you have done. Even sew the hole in my coat
I want to handle things better, but I will keep trying. It is definitely a transition and look forward to moving through this bumpy road to find smoother trails ahead. Hope you will join me.
The surreal life
I am sitting here at my desk, doing work and I am struck by the thought that this really isn’t happening. How in the heck am I going through chemotherapy? Just over three months ago, this was not even a thought in my mind. Does that ever happen to you? All of the sudden you think, no way this can be happening? It’s just a dream. Didn’t that happen to Bob Newhart at the end of Newhart and with Bobby on Dallas? Oh yes, I am a child of the 80′s! Oh well, back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Hot-blooded
“Well, I’m hot blooded, check it and see
I got a fever of a hundred and three”
Thankfully my fever is not a 103, but it’s up there. Channeling a little Foreigner right now as I wish for my fever to break!!
Second fever in as many days I think. I am not even sure anymore as it’s starting to run together a bit. I had to get a Neupogen shot today to help boost my white blood cells while I also take an antibiotic. You should see my medication list! So, I can feel my bones again (this is same shot I received last week, the day after chemo) and wonderfully, it also amps up the nausea more for me. Darn the luck!
I think the important lesson here is that I feel pretty good in the mornings and very early afternoon. So good, I forget myself a bit and then I overdo it. Hence the fevers and low white blood cell count is my guess. Hmmm, must restructure day. Let me get on that…..
Normal enough
I have some wonderful friends who say the greatest things. Laura B. told me about “finding my new normal” -this was something she heard from others in my shoes. I like that. And it’s true!
Today, my friend Laura D. related a story to me about a friend with a similar situation and in a reply to another, she told the person “we are all terminal”. This too is so true. Yes, cancer has that stigma of death sometimes, but it just doesn’t have to mean that anymore.
So today’s normal for me made the sun shine, even though it is a bit overcast and we have had snow flurries much of the day (which I love by the way):
- having lunch with Laura D and her daughter. Well it was breakfast for me, but who can pass up a good omelette! It was just so nice to get out, laugh, and feel great. Yes, the nausea will come later but who cares!!
- having the construction guy who is working on our busted water main whistle at me. I know this normally would be considered crude, but it just seemed so darn normal and I smiled.
- having a supportive, caring, and sweet guy in my life. Who sends me cards – which I love – today’s being tremendously awesome.
- Going shopping for something other than ginger ale, cream of wheat, Club crackers, cereal, peanut butter, or bread while I pick up prescriptions. And yes, those are the highlights of my diet lately. That and apples.
- Talking to Nancy on the phone, like two old girlfriends, without a care in the world
- Menley and Mew fighting again. I don’t usually like it when they fight beyond the play fighting, but they haven’t done it in a while so it was a welcome relief that they too are back in old spirits. Ask me how I feel about this tomorrow!
It all sounds so boring, I know, and that was what I like about some of things that have happened. The new normal, not like the old normal.
And away we go
As nice as my day was yesterday, and boy was it ever, my night was not. I think another on this journey said it best “you feel crappy because it means the chemotherapy is working, killing off bad cells” and that is how I try to remember the good of all this, even though it doesn’t feel so good. Oh well … By the way, thanks Diane for letting me share in your journey!
Meanwhile, I started a vote on Facebook earlier in the week about my hair. It has thinned considerably but mostly it’s just starting to fall out. I always wanted thin, straight hair and for right now, I am having an inkling of the ‘other side’. I considered that it might be time to have some fun and take advantage of the opportunity. So, like the Barbie doll’s hair who I cut off when I was in 1st grade, I want to cut my own hair. Hey, what harm can it actually do It would seem that my friends agree and want to have a transformation party to celebrate the shedding of my mop top! I think it a great idea and such a way to enjoy this moment. Any other opinions out there?
Two traveling angels
This was shared with me via email by Michelle and it certainly spoke to me. I tried to find an author but it appears to be unknown. I hope you enjoy as much as I did.
Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family..
The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement…
As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.
When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, ‘Things aren’t always what they seem.’
The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.
Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.
The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.
‘Things aren’t always what they seem,’ the older angel replied..
‘When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the
wall so he wouldn’t find it.’ ‘Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.
Things aren’t always what they seem…’
Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should.. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until sometime later….
Ahh so naive
So, I have done it again. I heard what I was told but just didn’t quite get it. I mean really get it. I had talked to friends about shopping for wigs and scarves, but still hadn’t done so. And yes, my hair had been thinning and falling out, but nothing like the way it is now. It was actually unnerving today to see the sheer amount falling out. I know, my oncologist told me to prepare because this was going to happen. Ahh, how naive to believe it wouldn’t … so shopping I shall go!
A happy life indeed
I was talking to someone a several days ago and was asked “how are you holding up”?
Now, first, I don’t like that question. Please don’t anyone ask that kind of question of me in those words. It is leading and assumes I am not doing well and I am not ‘holding up’.
So, I answered honestly, “I am doing well actually. There are good moments and tough ones. Just like anyone else. I am lucky that I am in a place now where I really am happy with my life and that helps me”.
The response I received, “How can you say you are happy with your life? What is happy about it? You have cancer”.
I was shocked speechless by this response. Yes, I have cancer. I don’t know the outcome but as far as I am concerned, it is not a death sentence. The word scares everyone but we know of so many examples in our own worlds and in the public of persons who have faced far worse diagnoses than myself and are living quite wonderfully full lives. That too will be me. I didn’t appreciate my life being twiddled down to one word, as if this the whole of who I am. I have described this before as a journey, a different one that I may have picked for myself, but one I must travel nonetheless. Last night, I was having dinner with Cathy and I described it a bypass. I can’t go on the interstate of life the easy way, I need to take the bypass but I will be right back on that main highway soon enough.
People who know me in Omaha know the me I have worked hard on rebuilding. The person I see in the mirror who I like and believe in. They do not know the defensive, negative, hot-tempered person I once was. I am sure we can all look back at our youth and now see how immature we were. And I know some of this is the case, but I also know that I was someone I didn’t like even as I was getting close to my 30′s, or as I call them, the adult years. Maybe we all look at who we are as we move through life and at certain points, take stock and decide our next path. Maybe we continue as we have been, maybe we take a different fork in the road. I know that in my early 30′s, I no longer wanted to hate myself and sought therapy to help me change my behaviors. My soul was thirsty and restless and it was my time. And through much learning about myself (though my therapist always said I knew all the things about myself that I didn’t like and was already incredibly reflective), I finally learned better strategies of coping and being through her help. And for anyone who thinks therapy is easy, it isn’t. And for anyone embarrassed for me because I was in therapy, don’t be. It was a huge act of courage and belief in myself to say that despite my knowledge of who I was, I needed help in making a change.
I’m still not quite there and will always be a work in progress, but I hope you see before you a person who is grounded, happy in life, and someone who doesn’t suck the energy out of the room when I walk in. And to that person I had that conversation with, I am not defined by any one thing, not even cancer. If you want to give me a label, I would prefer Learner. Bibliophile. Animal lover. Positivist. Student of life. Graduate student. Professor. Coach. Mentor. Teacher. Mom (yes, to 2 cats). A loud laugher. A dork. A movie fan. A lover of snow. An 80′s music fan. These are labels I embrace!
Round 2 – ding!
So the easy part is done – the actual injection of all the chemo. I know, it’s hard to believe, but that is true. Now it’s just handling the after effects! I spent the weekend getting caught up on just about everything so that I could get off that hamster wheel. Then, when the naps in the mid-afternoon kick in again, I am prepared. It’s still weird to see myself in a hat and definitely without one! And odd as this sounds, it is still surreal to see T-cell Lymphoma on my chart and follow-up paperwork.
I’ve had amazing friends and family cheering me on, making me laugh, getting me out and about, and overall, giving me incredible strength. I can’t say it enough … thank you, thank you, thank you
I don’t know if you can say this, but hope you can. I have the best jobs in the world. I am a professor and student. I would say coach, but right now, I have been preparing for my second level certification, so haven’t been coaching outside of practicums. So, in essence, still a student. As a professor, I have met some great students that really challenge me and have enjoyed getting to know. But I also love developing curriculum and well, reading textbooks. I know, such a dork. I have the best group of colleagues to work with and I tell you, if you can laugh, have fun and enjoy going to work, well then you have hit the jackpot.
As for being student, you already know that I am dork and love to read textbooks, so this wasn’t a stretch. I do love learning about new things and after many doctoral fits and starts, finally found my educational home. Many of you know about my prior doctoral attempts of starting, take a break, then restarting. I really did think I was just done with school. After reading every book (so it seemed) on leadership in my leisure time then getting a graduate degree in it, I finally realized why I felt so unchallenged before. It was all the same stuff, again, except at a PhD level. I was tired of rehashing the same theories. I thought I was unmotivated. I thought I was just bored. Well, some of that was true, but for the wrong reasons I realize now. I really thought I didn’t want a PhD. But I do. I want to be challenged in new ways and broaden my mind more than I can do on my own. This really isn’t about letters. Heck, I never use any of them. It’s about those ways of stretching yourself. Love of learning is my number one VIA Strength and it is me to the core. UNL, the program, the classes and my advisor have been great in terms of challenge, support, and restoring that learning love within. Plus, I get still get to say Go Big Red!
Yup, life is good. And as the website says — do what you like, like what you do. I hope you do too!
Published!
So, I took a first step toward a dream recently. I have long since harbored the desire to write. It started in 3rd grade. Whenever we finished our work early, we could visit one of the four corners of the room for extra things to do to stay busy. I always went to the creative writing corner. First, the story starters were always the same so for some odd reason, I would write a relatively similar story each time. I was told to be more creative. Hey, you be more creative and throw out some different story starters I thought. Or even better, can I just start on my own, fresh with no story starter. When you are in 3rd grade, questions like these aren’t always met well since you have finished your work early and the teacher really wants to concentrate on those that are still working. I have always finished my work early but that shouldn’t be my problem
Academic writing in APA English during junior and senior years in high school put me off for a bit and I started to think that maybe it was all just a silly thought once upon a time. However, I notice that I think of stories all the time, especially when I am in that state between being in bed and falling asleep. This is also when I think about things I need to do, but that is for another time!
I started a blog in 2006 and just didn’t know what to do. I had lost my voice. I started again in 2007 through my company’s site and then it took off from there. I realized that I had things to say about coaching and organizations, but I had a ton to say about life and whatnot. So this one came along in 2007 too.
As a way to test out my courage and see how I would feel being pseudo-published, I compiled all of my blog posts for this site from the start til the first one January of this year. I added some stuff, got an ISBN number and published via Lulu.com. I got my finished product today and I must say, the immense feeling of accomplishment of doing something like this is pretty good. I feel a little like a short story writer as I know that these posts are ones I wrote, that had meaning to me when written and now, and that this is a product of me. It’s pretty cool! I made some mistakes and learned some lessons, but it is cool to hold this hardback with the layout I selected. I have other ideas of things I want to do but mainly now I want to pull out all those stories and ideas and see where they can take me. Shoot, sitting for chemo is about a 4 hour process, there’s some time right there
What dreams do you have that are on the shelf that you can dust off?
You know you are tired when …
- snow is in the forecast and you forget to look to see if we got any (did we?)
- you don’t even check your email
- you don’t even bother to eat
- you have a voice mail but never heard the phone ring and it’s right there next to you on the nightstand
- doing homework seems like something that could wait for tomorrow (oh wait, that is every day!)
- and the big one, you get up at 4:15pm yesterday and within 15 minutes you are back to sleep. You get up a bit later at 7 to talk to your dad for a few minutes and then go back to bed only to sleep until 10:30am this morning.
Love in the world
We all get melancholy sometimes. However, there are those that just never seem happy. They are almost hateful of the world and everyone in it. I sometimes refer to these people as black-hearted because they cannot see the love in the world.
To me, love is the answer for just about every question. It took me a long time to realize this but now that I do, I feel that this has helped me see others with better eyes. I still don’t always know the questions, but I still think love is the answer.
No, I am not always happy. Yes, I get melancholy sometimes. Yes, this journey has been emotional for me and sometimes harder for me to manage my reactions as a result. But I also know that this is all normal. I don’t think anyone can be happy all the time. Nor can the journey always be easy. There comes an appreciation for something if you have to work for it. I know that obtaining my MBA was an accomplishment I never once believed I could do but once done, was an intensely proud moment for me. I have amazing nurses and doctors who tell me that my chemo brain (a bit spacey or absentminded) is normal and so is my emotional roller coaster. It doesn’t always make it easier.
What does make it easier is love. Tonight, I went to dinner with Pamela and Valdene. We have such a great time together and tonight was no different. When Pamela and I first walked into Taste, a wonderful man was at the bar who started asking me how I was doing. He was open, nice, energetic, and gave us both a big hug. Later, Doc, who had not met us before, shared that he had paid for our dinner, wished us a great night and me a healthy journey back onto I-80. You see, I have shared this before, but right now folks are on 80 and I am on 680. I will meet you round the other side of the highway soon. He laughed when I told him that. You see, there is love in the world and it can be found anywhere. There is more than enough to share. More than enough to give. And more than enough to receive. To Doc, Valdene and Pamela, thank you! Love, Anissa
AMC Best Picture Showcase
Those with AMC Theaters where you live, this may be familiar to you. Here in Omaha, AMC Oakview did this last year where the 5 Oscar nominated movies were shown in one day. This year they are doing it over 2 Saturdays, shown below. I thought it a great idea and really enjoyed it last year. I don’t believe I could both Saturdays but wanted to share nonetheless for the movie lovers out there!
Some interesting tidbits: they start you off with free popcorn, so that is nice. You receive a lanyard so you are recognized and can come and go freely. Which could be nice if you happened to see one of the movies and want to get out for a bite, a nap, some shopping.
Oak View 24 http://www.movietickets.com/house_detail.asp?house_id=4892
Saturday 2/27
10:30AM: AVATAR (3D)*
1:45PM: Up**
3:45PM: A Serious Man
6:30PM: Precious
8:45PM: District 9
Saturday 3/6
10:30AM: An Education
12:45PM: The Hurt Locker
3:15PM: Up in the Air
6:00PM: The Blind Side
8:30PM: Inglourious Basterds
Program Information
Double the films also means more ways to enjoy the showcase!
Standard Ticketing Options:
- Two-Day Pass – Online: $60
- Two-Day Pass – Box Office: $50
- One-Day Pass (February 27 or March 6) – Online and Box Office: $30
MovieWatcher Ticketing Options:
- Two-Day Pass – Box Office: $40
- One-Day Pass (February 27 or March 6) – Box Office: $25
Outside food and beverage will not be allowed for all events. But, we’ll take care of you with a Free Large Popcorn and unlimited refills.
Technology
I don’t know about you, but sometimes technology just amazes me. Of course, when it doesn’t work, I want to pull out all my hair. Oh wait, there’s none left
I submitted my taxes electronically last Saturday. I have a goal each year to do this around Valentine’s day. I have no idea why other than one year I did it by then and every year since, this has been my goal. Get it done and get it over with. I have been fairly consistent that it is usually the week after. I love that I just logon to Turbotax and they have all my information from prior years. I also love the e-file process. What amazes me is that I received my state refund already. Today. A week later. I don’t even understand how that can work so fast.
So I start thinking. Why can’t the Census do something similar? Sometimes, I wonder why we try so hard? Do you know it is built into the Census budget to “remind” a household up to 8 (or maybe it is 6) times to complete it? Does this border on badgering? I know the more I get hounded about things, the less I do them. Or if I do give in, it is half-hearted at best. Is this the way we want people to fill out this survey? I wonder how technology could really be better for this event?
I love that technology (along with some uber-creative minds) brought us Facebook and Twitter. Facebook really does keep connections alive and active. For some people, I feel more connected than ever due to our interactions. When I am lax, as I have been lately, I almost feel like I don’t know what is happening with my friends. Yes, we still text, or email, or even talk on those rare occasions when I use that thing called the phone. But nothing like real-time conversations daily. I love Twitter because I have conversations with people from all over the world. And don’t let anyone tell you can’t have one, because you can. I also get to talk to people I never would have, like my favorite authors and researchers. I love having a conversation with the world and believe me, I do. Italy to India to Canada to down the street.
I wish there was some technological innovation that could inject me with more energy right now! I missed a girlie day with Nancy yesterday due to fatigue. It’s hard to manage work and school and then find time for my friends without really wearing myself out. Maybe I should try biofeedback. Hmm….
Decadence
I have not been in the best of spirits lately. I am trying but there is just this little part of me that wishes this was all over. I am sure we all feel that way about life at one point or another when dealing with an issue, especially if it is one that is not short-term. I am not sure why, but think the melancholy fairy paid a visit and haven’t quite shaken her yet. So I tried something yesterday afternoon to try to lift my spirits and forget about cancer for a bit.
A friend of mine a gave me a gift certificate for a massage and I decided to use it yesterday. I have not had a massage since I moved to Omaha. And it was just wonderful. I drifted off during it (which is always nice) and maybe lasted an hour after I got home before I fell asleep for the night. For those of you getting less than 6 hours of sleep while I get 13 (well more if you count some of my naps), remember how important sleep is to your health. I know I do
This bit of decadence has helped me to regain my focus a bit and remember to see that life is made of small moments of joy, love, and laughter. I just forgot to let them in these past few days. Thanks Martha for giving me this gift!
Learning about Henrietta Lacks
I have a lot of time on my hands in doctor’s offices lately. Believe me, I am not complaining one bit but just noticed on occasion that I need to wait for my blood work to come back before I can talk to the oncologist. This can take about 3o minutes at times. So, instead of reading for school which I need to do, I read for pleasure. The latest book I finished is called The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot.
I highly recommend this book. Although it is non-fiction, it reads more like fiction. In style, it reminds me of the books And the Band Played On by Randy Shilts or A Civil Action by Jonathan Harr. What is amazing, first off, is that this is Skloot’s first novel. She spent 10 years writing and researching it and every bit of her talent and knowledge shows.
But what is even more impressive is the story. Skloot shows considerable respect and consideration for Henrietta Lacks family but also shares a picture of the medical community that is a bit shocking at times, amazing at others. There are many topics that are contained in this book – medicine, ethics, family, race, science, and most of all, love. I finished this book in days and found it gripping through and through.
Henrietta Lack’s cancer and the subsequent cells, referred to as HeLa cells in the medical community, have helped develop many cures (polio for one), medicines and other scientific discoveries through extensive research. But this came at a price. No one asked Henrietta’s husband if they could take swabs of her cells. However, the kinds of laws about patient consent, research on cells, and cell culturation did not exist the way it does now. The medical community took blood from the family, never explaining why. Henrietta’s daughter Deborah thought it was to test her for the same cancer that her mother had, in essence to see if she had it. There was much left out of the explanations to the family, if there was any at all. They shared the medical history of Henrietta, again not something that would happen today. Most remarkable of all, there are organizations that sell HeLa cells for upwards of $200+ per vial. And the Lacks family? They do not have consistent medical insurance, if any at all, and have never received any type of royalty or other compensation for all that HeLa cells have done for the medical community. And for the world. But this is not what they seek. They, more than anything, wanted to learn about their mother. What happened to her, what her cells have done in the name of research, and overall, to understand. Skloot gave all of this to them and more.
I highly recommend this book and greatly appreciate Entertainment Weekly for profiling it. It is simply the most amazing book I have read in a long time.
Oscar’s day
There are signs for all of us that mark the changing of the seasons. You know it’s back to school time when you can smell the pencils in the air and people start talking about the last long weekend of the summer (Labor Day). Pre-season NFL does the same for me. Or the sign of winter’s end coming near, The Super Bowl. The sign spring is just around the corner, The Oscars. Another sign of spring, March Madness baby! There are more but you get the picture.
Tonight is Oscar Night and I think it will be less than spectacular in the “who wins” department for some categories, but incredibly nail-biting in others. For example, Best Director, Best Movie, and Best Actress aren’t a lock. The prior award shows have flip-flopped between The Hurt Locker and Avator for Best Movie, same for Best Director. Of course my vote goes to Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker. My gosh, a woman director winning? It’s about darn time. And would be well earned. As for Best Actress, it seems to be between Sandra Bullock and Meryl Streep. Who at one award show, tied and then there was that kiss between them. Hilarious. If you don’t know about it, google it.
The guy from Inglourious Basterds will win Supporting Actor, Monique will win Best Supporting Actress and Jeff Bridges from Crazy Heart will win Best Actor. Best Adapted and Original Screenplay will be Up in the Air and Inglourious Basterds. Avatar will win all those technical awards. The Cove will win for Documentary Feature though I wish it would be Food, Inc.
There you have it, my pics. I am always wrong in a few categories as the ones voting can shock you. Those are great moments. So, are the host. Or hosts. Let me know which categories you agree, or more importantly, disagree with me. Always fun!
Another round
As another round of chemo comes along this Tuesday, I will not be sad when these side-effects go away:
- Numb fingertips. This started after my first treatment and has never gone away. I make more typing mistakes than ever. I sometimes have trouble with buttons.
- Runny nose. This has been constant. Thankfully there are Puffs or I would cut my nose off!
- Very dry sort of itchy eyes that I rub constantly.
- Nausea which is not strong every day but surely won’t miss the ebb and flow of that sour belly feeling that makes me just want to hide under the covers. Which leads me to …
- The fatigue, which seems ever present and compounds daily, like interest. I was warned! I have found some ways around this, or maybe I am just managing things more wisely. But imagine losing anywhere from 9-13 hours of your day!
Thankfully, all of these are finite, including the loss of my hair. Which brings me to the one thing I have been completely grateful for – not having to shave my legs! Oh wait, there’s more. I don’t have to spend time doing my hair in the morning. Or buy shampoo or any other hair products. Or buy shave gel. See, there’s always a bright side to everything
Tips for an Exceptional, Super, Powerful Life!
This was shared with me from my friend Don. I had not seen or read it before but seems to echo thoughts I’ve had in the past. As well as thoughts I have now. For some, I need to take the lesson to heart more than I have but we are all a work in progress, so I will just keep moving forward.
Hope you enjoy this as much as I did!
Anissa
Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a Tivo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, “My purpose is to ___________ today.”
5. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did last year.
7. Always pray and make time to exercise, practice meditation.
8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and fewer foods that are manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class . . . but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. You know who you are – Go on and burn those “special” scented candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good china and wear your fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Everyday is special.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.
32. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
34. The best is yet to come.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. Do the right thing!
37. Call your family often.
38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: “I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.”
39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” –Michael Landon
For others out there like me
This was shared with me and I thought it very unfair of me not to share with others. For me, sometimes the littlest things can bring me down. I think we all think that there are just too many things to do and you seem to wear out a path in your carpet as you put away shoes, do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, clean the catbox, oh and put the clothes in the dryer, open the bills, oops, trash needs to go out. The endless little things like this can drive anyone out of the house for the day, even if it is gray and dreary out. But to have this shared with me, well it was an idea that sounded darn good and believe anyone that is faced with a similar journey might like this extra pair of hands too. I hope you pass it on. Thanks, Anissa
If you know of any woman currently undergoing chemo, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning – 1 time per month for 4 months while she is in treatment. All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. ‘Cleaning for a Reason’ will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service.
Please pass this information on to people who know of any women going through any type of cancer treatment. This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help out.. So pass the word and let them know that there are people out there who care.
http://www.cleaningforareason.org
Have a nice day
I am always honest about what I am thinking or feeling in the moment that I write. Unless it is starkly personal and something that I don’t want to share with the world, I will write about it. So here goes.
I would love to have a nice day. Since last Tuesday’s chemo, I have not had one. I have had nice moments, a few hours, but not a whole day. I guess though, many of us could say what I just did on any given day. So in that regard, I am not asking for pity, nor am I complaining or whining. It is just the way it has been. I don’t often share too much that is going on, or at least I would guess it is more glossed over information. Others tend to tell me I look great and other than the hair loss, it wouldn’t be entirely obvious what I was going through. I think that fits because I really don’t think I am unique because of this at all. I think we all have some challenges that we are facing; they are just different for each person. So in that respect, what I am going through does not make me any more unique than anyone else, just different. But then again, didn’t we already know I was a bit of a wackadoodle?! haha
The sleep has been horrendous and by that mean, I mean almost non-existent. Even with Lunesta, the 100 mg of prednisone is kicking my butt. I am often a touch jittery in my hands which is a fun combination with my numb fingertips! But at night, I cannot get into a deep sleep at all. Most nights, I either stare at the ceiling, read, or work on the computer. I saw the clocks change for daylight savings time. It was weird to see a whole hour vanish in one little of the digital minute flip over. Thankfully, the rest will start to come back this week. Whew!
Not sure why, but the nausea the past week was also much worse. It just made me want to crawl up and hide from the world. The worse has to have been yesterday. After many days of just wanting some sleep and only getting about 4 hours each night, I finally got some nice rest. Then shortly after dinner, boom, my world seemed to cave in and the pain was immense until well after midnight. It’s a little unnerving to be so hot that sweat just seems to pour out of you and it’s not because you just came from a run or something. Imagine that cold sweat you get right before you vomit, well I wish I had had that only for a moment. It later swung to intense chills in which flannel pj’s, flannel sheets, a blanket and 2 quilts could not alter. But both of these feelings were still better than the pain. And during it all, all I thought was how much I miss my once simple and boring life.
My head knows that this is just my life, temporarily. That this is just where I am and through it all, I will be fine. As they say, “this too shall pass”. I know this, but in those moments, it is hard to really internalize that. You just want to be normal, or whatever your definition of normal is, and just fade into the world like anyone else. It’s naive. It’s childish. It’s selfish. But last night, it was the mental distraction I needed to remember simpler and less scary moments. And since it has been said that “life is made up of moments”, I am truly happy that last night’s are over.
Quirkology and chemobrain
I finished another book recently called Quirkology by Richard Wiseman. What I liked about this book was that it examined really odd little things about people and the world. Some of these experiments are twists on old ones, some are incredibly fresh. I love to read stuff like this – it’s the secret psychologist in me. His team re-enacted an older experiment to determine the six degrees of separation phenomena. Many years ago, this letter experiment yielded that we are all within six people of each other (Kevin Bacon not included). Having re-enacted the same experiment again, it seems that the world has actually shrunk, and we are within four people of each other. There is so much talk that technology separates us and can be isolating, but this shows that technology (among other things) has helped to increase our connections.
When I thought of this experiment that I am barely doing any justice to explaining, it reminded me of cancer. There are many commercials, pamphlets, public service announcements, etc. that always allude to everyone being touched by cancer. That we always know someone who has had it. Well, now I really hear the message. I think is similar to the economic conditions. I hear the news tell me that all of us have been affected by the high unemployment and layoffs and that is true too.
Why do I share all of this, heck if I know. Maybe to illustrate that sometimes, my mind is such a jumble. It takes a lot of focus and concentration to make sure I am excelling at work and in school with no degradation, so that by the time I am with friends or at home, I am exhausted from trying not to be so ‘cancer-affected’. Because let me tell you, chemobrain is a real thing and has been researched as affecting those who are undergoing chemo. Thankfully, it’s a temporary side-effect! Here are just a few examples of what patients call chemo brain, or sometimes call brain fog:
- forgetting things that they usually have no trouble recalling—memory lapses (I keep wanting to put the jelly in the pantry with the peanut butter)
- trouble concentrating—they can’t focus on what they’re doing (I need more quiet when I do certain things so that I can concentrate better. I sit near a wonderful guy at work but he sometimes interrupts to talk about random things and this can be devastating to things like reading/grading papers or building my classes in Blackboard as it takes me off task and is difficult to regain my focus of what I was doing prior. This was never a big problem for me before)
- trouble remembering details like names, dates, and sometimes larger events
- trouble multi-tasking, like answering the phone while cooking, without losing track of one of them—less ability to do more than one thing at a time (this is true right now – I don’t multi-task nearly as much as I used to do and actually find this better for me. I finish more things now with this more singular focus)
- taking longer to finish things—slower thinking and processing (for me, it is the processing, it’s not as clear. I notice this most when I am thinking, like now as I write, and then must translate this to the page. Sometimes what I think comes out typed all wrong. I was thinking nearly ‘as much’ but typed in ‘enough’ in the bold green part of the previous bullet. This, compounded the multitasking issue, is another reason why I don’t do it as much)
- trouble remembering common words—can’t finish a sentence because you can’t find the right words
Isn’t the brain fun? Well I think so. I enjoy reading books about the brain and the way it functions. Daniel Pink’s A Whole New Mind is another excellent book about things like this and I highly recommend that one if you haven’t read it. If you want to take a few simple tests about yourself (they take seconds), check out the Quirkology self-tests.
Hamster wheel
I don’t mean to get all cranky, but I am just plain tired. I feel like a hamster on a wheel. This past 2 1/2 weeks have been horrible. I have done my best to hide it, but I am cranky, frustrated, and tired.
I am so darn tired of having a runny nose. I have had it for 2 straight months now. I want to cut my nose off! It’s tender as heck. I have no idea why, but this time, sleeping has been a huge challenge. The doctor has tried two different prescriptions and neither has worked. As we all know, I have long considered sleep (naps really) a hobby but lately, no hobby going on. I can’t fall asleep easily and can’t stay asleep.
But more than anything, I just want more certainty and this is the true part of the hamster wheel that I want off of. My oncologist referred me the other oncologist he had been consulting with. First, I am so tired of doctor appointments. I am averaging about 3 a week. The new oncologist doesn’t think I need any more chemo. Ok, not a bad thing to hear! She recommends starting radiation, every day for a month or thereabouts. Ok, I knew that was coming. But here is the thing, neither doctor seems confident in how they will know it’s really gone nor when it returns other than if I notice another lump like I did last time. They say I would continue with checkups, but what would be the point necessarily? And neither knows what the patch on my hip is nor have provided any guidance on next steps for that. Off to my primary care I guess. Oh yippee, another doctor appointment.
I know that I could have it so much worse. I do know this and I really appreciate where I am in life. I am just so tired of it all. I am sure I just need to recharge the inner part of me that gives me energy, positivity, and the ability to keep moving forward. Maybe my doctor appointment at 3pm tomorrow will help. Or maybe I need a good cry. Or maybe, I just need a hug.
Roots
Since my divorce, I have not lived in a house in almost 10 years. Apartment living definitely has its perks, but it also really doesn’t. I got the itch last year to move. But I panicked and never even got to the looking at houses part. The $8000 tax credit did not incent me in any way to change my mind.
I think that the difference this year is that not only has 9 years in apartments more than enough, I want some solid roots. I am tired of that feeling of impermanence. I want to know that where I live, I could live as long as I want. I won’t have to hear the people in the next unit over cough, tap his toothbrush on his sink, dogs, parties on balconies (right under my bedroom window). I would also like to quit hauling groceries up 3 floors. It’s a real pain and makes this dreaded chore even more horrible. I have never been able to decorate outside for any holiday (especially Halloween).
More than these really minor things though, I want to think about my future. I know I have one and I want to live it. It’s been a daunting, scary, anxiety-filled four months. I don’t want to start a fourth year in an apartment. I want to start anew in a house that I make my home. One I can make memories that will last a lifetime. One where I can have people over because I have the space and we can have a BBQ. I would like to people who visit me not have to share my office and sleep on the couch. I know it’s the American dream to own a house. I can’t say that this has been my huge dream. Nor was having that big wedding. Those were never my dreams. However, as I lie awake at nights, all I can think about is beginning a new life in a home that is mine, with space (instead of a kitchen table one step away from my couch). More than anything, it’s time to really find that place that I call all mine, where I walk in, and I feel as if I have stepped into an oasis of calm, enjoyment and comfort. Almost as if the world falls away just a bit. Ahhh
The Golden Rule
In the Gospel of Matthew he says, “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets”
The Gospel of St. Luke has “Do to others as you would have them do to you”
Buddhists say “hurt not others with that with pains yourself”
Jewish Talmud says “what is hurtful to yourself, do not to your fellow man” (or woman, child, animal, etc.)
Hindu Mahabharata says “do naught to others which if done to thee would cause thee pain”
Why do I bring up these versions of The Golden Rule? Because it is a worthy way to live.
When I consider those that I have met managing their life with cancer, I have offered ill-fitting suggestions that started off with “you should try this…” or “have you tried…” I had never experienced cancer to that point directly; only what had been shared by others or read or heard about. I now realize how wrong I was. It would have been so much better to just listen and be there for the other person.
Every single person who has cancer has a very unique path. There is no ONE single protocol, no one way of getting chemotherapy. Nothing is the same for any one person. This is a myth that needs to be dispelled. What your mom, aunt, father, brother, coworker, neighbor or anyone else you have ever met has gone through, has been different. I have yet to meet one person with cancer during my chemo treatments who have anything similar to one another. One of my drugs is red and looks like koolaid. Not one single person in the 20 or so I share my day has koolaid in their treatments. And side-effects, I have learned every one has very different experiences.
I share this because I have not been the kind of friend others needed as my own experiences have shown me being on the opposite end now. I was talking with my friend Miriam a while back. Her mom is recovering from breast cancer. She recommended a book to me that she thought would help me to see that how I feel is how others with cancer have felt. That my guilt for cancelling plans, or having no desire to talk on the phone or to anyone for that matter, or being frustrated, or angry, or sad is all normal. My therapist tells me similar things but somehow, I just didn’t believe it. The guilt I have for not being more social with people and not accepting every invitation has been incredibly hard for me. Cancelling even more so.
The book by Lori Hope, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know, is based on the author’s work with those with cancer,those who have survived cancer, and those therapists who have helped those with cancer. I wanted to share the 20 things because I think it helps everyone — friend, caregiver, cancer patient, family member — to more readily understand this oddly traumatic, scary, and surreal experience. Please do not believe that any one of the below is directed at you, the reader, because nothing could be further from the truth.
- It’s okay to say or do the wrong thing
- I need to know you’re here for me (and if you aren’t, why not)
- I like to hear success stories, not the horror stories
- I am terrified (Anissa note: this is an understatement)
- I need you to listen to me and let me cry
- Asking my permission can spare my pain
- I need to forget – to laugh
- I need to feel hope
- Telling me to think positively can make me feel worse
- I want you to trust my judgement and my treatment decisions
- I want compassion, not pity; comfort, not advice
- I am more than cancer; treat me kindly, not differently
- I want you to help without my asking you to (Anissa note: this is true in some cases, but for the most part, I would prefer to ask for help. I know, how do you know the difference? I don’t know)
- I like to be held in your thoughts or prayers
- My mood changes day-to-day; please forgive me if I snap at you (Anissa note: mine seem to change quite a bit more frequently than that, like hourly!! And I am sorry if I am not always my usual self)
- Hearing platitudes or what’s good about cancer can trivialize my feelings
- I don’t know why I got cancer and I don’t want to hear your theory
- I need you to understand if I don’t return you call or want to see you (Anissa note: it is truly NOT personal)
- I want my caregiver to take good care of herself or himself
- I don’t know if I’m cured, and bringing up my health can bring me down (Anissa note: sometimes it’s nice to be asked; other times, I wish it weren’t brought up. The hard part – how would you know which? I don’t know)
There was a postcard on Postsecret on Sunday that I truly related to. No, I do not have a terminal cancer, but cancer is cancer. The hell that I have gone through has been just that. I am ever grateful that I will most likely not be getting chemotherapy for ten years like some wonderful people I have met. I truly have no idea how they do it. Will it ever be gone for good, not according to my oncologists. I will have to be ever diligent for signs of its return in the future AFTER they tell me it’s in remission. Yes, they tell me, one day, I will say those words. Regardless, what I have gone through has not been a privilege. It has not made me see “the light” and will live my life completely differently. I don’t know why either, so please don’t ask. I know that I believe in myself and my future as much as I ever did but I will never say the words “cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me,” nor do I want to.
I believe the Golden Rule would really help me – as a friend and as a person with cancer. But if that doesn’t work for you, how about laughter is the medicine? We all know how much I enjoy to laugh
Deep Listening by Thich Nhat Hanh
I am a big fan of O! Magazine. I think it is a great reflection of positive life, mind, body and soul. There are many contributors that help to create this goal. It is odd, I am not as much a fan of her show. I more prefer Ellen DeGeneres. She makes me I laugh a lot, it’s full of happiness, light, energy, and joy.
In the March O! magazine, Oprah interviewed Thich Nhat Hanh and found this reply to one of her questions about deep listening interesting.
Nhat Hanh: Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart. Even if he says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. Because you know that listening like that, you give that person a chance to suffer less. If you want to help him to correct his perception, you wait for another time. For now, you don’t interrupt. You don’t argue. If you do, he loses his chance. You just listen with compassion and help him to suffer less. One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.
Waiting
I think waiting is tough. I have never been the most patient at all. I have gotten better about this because I realize that I can’t control everything (so wish I could sometimes!) and needed to let go.
It has been almost 2 weeks since my last oncology appointment because it is now time to see a radiation oncologist. That appointment is tomorrow. I was told to expect daily radiation for a month. No one can yet tell me how they will know the cancer is gone or how to fully know it will come back. I hate this.
I think medical waiting is even harder sometimes. It is very much out of your control and sometimes hearing news can be heartbreaking. My gosh, I could not even imagine what this would be like as a parent if it was your child. I was watching Gene Simmons Family Jewels the other day and the title of the show was “waiting is the hardest part”. This intrigued me so I watched it. I know, it is a reality show. But for a big rock star, the Demon, his life with family can be surprisingly down to earth. Between this and Dancing with the Stars on occasion, I am not the biggest fan of reality tv. No thank you, I can look to my own life for that! So back to the show. Gene’s unwife (they’ve been together 26 years but never married), Shannon, had to get a biopsy for possible breast cancer. Gene was off for some concerts but kept traveling back between shows to share time with her and to meet her for the doctor’s appointment that would determine her immediate fate. During that time, family treated her a little differently. More caring, more attentive, more attention. But it didn’t alleviate the burden of waiting. You could see it on her face. I like that admitted that she can be stoic and believe she can handle anything but you could also see the absolute relief that Gene was there with her to hear the news, regardless of what it would be. She later learned that she did not have breast cancer which is certainly a wonderful thing. But that never makes the waiting easier.
Martina Navratilova recently shared that she is going to be undergoing radiation for breast cancer but it was caught early. I think we are seeing more and more incidents of cancer being something that is treatable and not something that is to be whispered about because it is no longer that dirty little word that is equivalent to death. But for any person with cancer, even in remission, there is still some aspect of waiting. Each year, there are checkups. Is it back? Am I still in remission? Will I always be in remission? I hate waiting.
A Dog’s Purpose?
My friend, coworker and mentor, Bob, shared this with me and loved it. I thought if I hadn’t read it before, maybe you hadn’t either. Enjoy!
A Dog’s Purpose? (from a 6-year-old).
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.
Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try to live.
Shane said, ”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” He continued, ‘Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!
Independence
I have heard over the past decade or so that I am too independent; that I need to let people in, ask for help and receive help. In the past five or six months, this is all I hear though.
I wish it would stop. I am a fiercely independent person. I have been taking my care of myself for as long as I remember. I worked 40 hours from my sophomore year of college til I graduated; year round, no breaks during the summer. In the recent past, I have worked 2 and 3 jobs to meet my obligations but also make sure I didn’t rack up any debt. This is me. I have always been this way. It’s not that I don’t believe others can’t help, but quite frankly, when I have asked for help, I have been let down by the very people who say they will always be there. This includes family, but more than that, friends who claim me to be family. My therapists have told me that I need to give people more chances. How many chances should I give to be hurt? 5? 10? I can’t answer that but I know after I while, I stop asking. I do not assume others won’t be there for me, but over the years, this has been hard for me to accept as a truth.
As I said, recently, everyone feels it is appropriate to tell me that I need to ask for help. That I need to accept help. I am asking any person who knows me to please stop doing this. You disregard who I am when you do this. I have been asking for help since I was diagnosed with cancer. I have been receiving it as best I can. I may not ask you specifically, but someone else. There are people who have gifts in different ways and I appreciate that this is one you want to give to me. But after 40 years of being who I am, please do not believe that in less than 6 months, I will completely change my entire being. I have been taking steps toward changing but they are small and you may not see them, but I do.
I know that this post seem harsh. It may seem as if I am an ungrateful person. This is not my intent and hope you will not read it this way. For me to go to a life where I believe that I am my sole caretaker, to a life where everyone wants to be there for me and are there for me, is incredibly overwhelming for me. To try to manage this, to learn to manage this, has been a tough thing for me. I don’t know how to have this amount of love, caring and friendship in my life at one time. This concept may be foreign to you but hope you can understand who I am better by knowing this. To take a risk and be this honest is probably not appropriate. I don’t want to alienate anyone, I just want to be normal and not the girl who has cancer and needs taking care of. I want to laugh, go out, and just live like you do. Please let me do that.
Odd One
Odd one, you’re never alone
I’m here and I will reflect you
Both of us basically unattached
To anything or anyone unless we’re pretending
You live your life in your head
Some call it imagination
I’d rather focus instead on anything except
What I’m feeling
What I’m feeling
Odd one…
Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, we’re gonna laugh at this one day
Odd one, I wish I was you
You’re never concerned with acceptance
We are all desperately seeking out, a
And fitting with anyone
Who will accept us
But not you, odd one
Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, we’re gonna laugh at this one day
Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, gonna laugh at this one day
Hey, it’s gonna be okay
Hey, we’re gonna laugh at this one day
Don’t let someone tell you you’re no-one
Don’t let someone tell you you’re no-one
Odd one…
Lyrics by Sick Puppies
Radiation
Day 6 of 25 is complete. It’s not too bad. The area can be painful and tender to the touch. Itchy too sometimes. The tired, well that hasn’t gone away too much. I have still have some side-effects from chemo, none worth sharing (!!) other than my still numb fingertips.
On a side note: I finally replaced my 15-year-old mattress yesterday. I was working a bit on email and they came to deliver it and afterward, I promptly fell asleep for several hours. Well, if that isn’t an endorsement for the brand, my choice and the need, not sure what is!!
Have a great day. I’m going to sit on my deck for a bit to do some more work. I know, I am so lucky and I appreciate every minute of it.
It’s a problem of motivation, Bob
I watched a bit of Office Space yesterday – the best part of the movie in my opinion – when Peter talks to the Bob’s and basically reclaims his backbone against his bosses (he has 8). If you have never seen this movie, I highly recommend it. The first hour is truly the best.
I have been having a problem with motivation lately. I actually wondered if my home had been an energy-sucking vortex. But nope, that is not it. I talked to the doctor today after radiation and he told me I would be tired and to give in a bit more. Honestly, I thought I had been! I have been doing well with work, but when it comes to being a student, I have noticed that I’m just not feeling it. It’s most likely the need for a mental break, but I know that is truly not it. I usually fade in this area when I dislike the class or the subject matter. Or in this case, after much reflection, it’s the lack of interaction. For one class, there is not one shred of interaction with the professor. And for all the work expected of us? A total point value of 50 points. That is not per each of the 7 assignments or each discussion, that is in totality for the entire semester. Nuts.
I have been trying to supplement this lack of motivation for a class that is more independent study than an actual class, by reading other books, hanging out with friends, seeing more movies, being outside, doing more work with my job, and napping like nuts. But still, I feel depleted by this class. It’s a huge weight, the monkey on my back. I know, suck it up, it’s a temporary thing. But darn it, just can’t. I notice my friends who are in school talk about their classes in much the same way – counting down days, talking about the heavy reading load, upcoming papers or exams. It’s nice to know that I am not the only one sometimes It often gives me that push to try to open that textbook one more time and give it another go.
Day 12
Nope, not counting down the days til my classes are over! It is Day 12 of 25 for radiation. I am halfway there. It’s hard to believe I do this daily, like taking a shower. It has become part of my routine. So many new adventures, so many new things to learn as a part of this medical process. I have started to see a bit of progress in other areas, like a wee bit of hair growing back on my legs. My head still looks the same to me but am sure the little fuzz up there is a bit longer but isn’t discernible yet. The numb fingertips are still with me as are a few other things that I wish would go away. The doctor indicated yesterday that I will have residual radiation effects to contend with (internally) for a while too. It’s a good thing I never wanted kids!! But overall , life goes on, one day at a time.
Restrictions
It’s sad. I no longer feel comfortable to talk about my life, or any topic that I would like, because nowadays, you can lose your job for just about anything. Have a picture on Facebook with you holding a beer? Sorry, we have a more eligible candidate for the job. Tweet about a lousy policy at your company? I’m sorry, you aren’t management material, ever. Bitch about your boss? Sorry, we mailed your stuff, turn around and leave. Do not pass go.
All of these wonderful technological tools that create opportunities to stay connected with friends, gain access to others with your interests, or allow you to write about your life are now being used against us. It’s a sad world when you cannot feel free to say what you want without fear of reprisal, even if you are not saying a single thing that is incriminating of anyone.
I am waiting to hear how my blogging about my cancer will become a detriment in some way. It’s coming. It’s not paranoia, it’s realism. I know I can’t control this so I am letting go of the fear and the thought. I wonder if being sick right now is having an effect on thoughts. Nope, still me. Thoughts be gone, and take the fever with you.
60%
Tomorrow marks my 15th day of radiation. I am 60% done (or so I think). Similarly to the chemo, I see improvements for a few hours and then, blammo, back to the way it was. I know that I am not supposed to get depressed and no, I am not a doctor (but I’d like to play one on tv). But after six months, I have come to learn things with many discussions with my doctors and right now, my confidence level is not high. It is out of my control. I cannot dwell. I cannot fear. But I also know that being a pollyanna is not going to work either. I cannot stuff my true feelings down into a well and idly go about smiling and laughing. There is a medium and I am going to find it. Because I need it.
Friends
Before radiation every day, I chat with the nurse in the clinic. We talk about our cats and other things. She is a great person and always makes me feel like I have come home. She shared some cat food for my cats to try after one of our conversations. I thought that was just awesome and incredibly thoughtful. Then the other day, after I left radiation, I visited my pals getting chemo. It was nice to laugh, catch up, and goof about. Karen then shared with me a gift. She gave me a prayer shawl from her church. It was the most lovely gift I had received, next to a beautiful afghan from Ed and his wife, and hats from Nancy to keep my noggin warm.
People have very open hearts and loving souls. I am warmed by humanity and helps me to reset my perspective on all of this.
Sprouts
I have some sprouts on my head – the hair is coming in and it’s very interesting to see the pattern of my hair on my scalp. I also like that it takes a bit longer to get windburn on my noggin lately – yeah! And as of yesterday, 5 more days of radiation treatment. At least that is the plan for now. The following week, I meet with my regular oncologist and more discussions will occur – how I’m doing, how things have been progressing (positively or negatively), and any next steps to take. I have one area of concern but who knows, maybe it will be another case of early detection
Right now, other than fatigue and nausea, I am getting along better right now. The stress of people pushing their agendas on me has decreased (I think I finally became boring to people – wahoo!). Other stressors exist but that is greatness of life. The pain from some shots and my cold last week were a real challenge to manage, but I think that could happen to anyone, not just me. I know I need to take care of myself so that these things don’t create extra burdens, but I honestly think this applies to everyone. I have seen the devastating effects of stress in terms of migraines, constant colds, stomach issues, and worse. I think we all need to take care of ourselves in this way. I am not sure where I am on this journey, but I’m still here, and that’s all that is important.
Altruism?
It is interesting that I was talking to a friend today about altruism, only to watch ABC’s World News Tonight about egg donation. For those of you unaware, there are times that a woman cannot utilize her own eggs for pregnancy and until recent breakthroughs, freezing eggs was not a viable option. For most couples, they would utilize the services of a fertility clinic and would either select an egg donor that they met anonymously through data banks or databases.
In 2001 and 2002, I was an egg donor with the North Carolina Center for REproductive Medicine. I filled out paperwork on my basic characteristics, the medical information I knew about myself and family, and other information. I was and have always remained anonymous to the couples looking for an egg donor to couple with the husband’s sperm in a petri dish to be then implanted into the wife. Regardless of the outcome, I was paid $2500 each time (now they pay $3000). I had no intention of doing this beyond the first time. I had to endure daily shots, sometimes many shots at once, for over a month. The goal was to get sync with the ovulation cycle of the woman. After the first time I did this, my nurse told me that the couple had ended up losing the baby a few weeks after implantation. I was devastated and it wasn’t even my baby. It was then that I decided to do it again. I did this 3 more times and 3 couples now have the child they always wanted. I never checked again on the first couple to see if subsequent implantations were successful.
Why do I share all of this? Because today, the egg donor business is just that. Big business. Women are now commanding $10,000 or 3x as much for their eggs because of their hair color, education, beauty, and SAT/ACT scores. I don’t discount the selection criteria – a mom wants to find a donor that is as close to a representative of themselves as possible. The American Society of Reproductive Medicine suggest at $10,000 limit for donations, and they also say that women shouldn’t be paid more based on their looks or intelligence. Where is the desire to help another just for the inner satisfaction of knowing a couple’s dream of having a child are fulfilled?
When did it become about money? Why is it about money? I don’t like is that one egg donor claimed that charging/accepting such a princely fee was just fine by her as “we live in a free market”. Again, true. However that particular donor has now done this 6 times (earning $100,000) and wants to open her own egg donor organization to help match couples and donors. Do donors understand the hell they are putting their bodies through with all of these injections and other medical effects? The fertility clinic I worked with did not allow women to donate more than 4 times due to the increased health risks. The American Society of Reproductive Medicine indicates egg donors not exceed 6 times, so this woman is well within their guidelines. Overall, there are no formal laws governing egg donation, so anything is within bounds.
I guess I am just bummed that the natural desire to help another seems lost and the story that I saw didn’t talk about generosity of spirit or the lifelong desire for children. It talked about donors that want to make money and moms who want to get the best advantage they can or as one parent stated “If this person is an Ivy-educated person and they have really great genes, why wouldn’t you want to do that for your kids?” she said. “To have a fleeting chance at being intellectually superior to other people, and really providing themselves with a great life.” I know this isn’t all donors or all moms, but hearing this story didn’t match my experience at all and really made me wonder where the altruism was. Maybe it’s there and the journalist just didn’t capture that aspect. Gosh I hope so.
Universal Truths?
This was shared with me and had to pass on the laughter!
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
12. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
13. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
16. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
19. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option. (And GPS’s need this option, too!)
20. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
21. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
27. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?
28. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
30. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey–but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Turn of events
I always find it interesting how things happen and try to figure out why. This often fruitless but I give it a try to give myself a bit of calm. I have, in the past, gotten some news and completely panicked, worried, gotten anxious, fearful, or scared to death.
The IRS has decided to audit my teeny tiny little business. This is really not denigrating my company – it really is teeny tiny little. I have not made enough money since I started in 2007 to sustain myself. I have however taken classes to get certified, done some advertising, given talks, attended shows, and other things to try to move things forward in a more substantial way. It hasn’t worked in any significant way though (darn it). ICF and Choice Magazine have shared that most coaches make an average of $30,000/year, if that much. It is not a highly profitable business for the majority of coaches and I am no exception.
Back to the IRS. I received the letter yesterday and my first thought was “holy crap, I know they are calling it an examination, but I am being audited”. I immediately thought to myself how scary it would be to meet some guy in a white collared shirt, dark pants who hates his job and wants to make sure I know it. And then I will have to pay a fine to the IRS with money I don’t really have. I know, this completely ridiculous. The IRS guy (and yes, it is a guy) may very well love his job. I may not even have to pay a fine. I went about my business for a bit then about an hour later, read all the paperwork again with a calmer mind. And it occurred to me that if I did something wrong, I would learn what it was and make amends. Hopefully I did everything right and they just want to clarify things. Either way, I feel like trying to understand this was a help to me. Even though realistically, the IRS mystifies me and the government in general. Why are they coming after me? If I told you what I made from coaching last year, you would laugh. But hey mr. government, don’t look into big business but in fact, give them a bailout which allows them to give huge bonuses to their employees. Sheesh, bonus, what is that? I haven’t seen one of those in years. Maybe this year. But the bonus won’t be coming from my company. I have always had to maintain a fulltime job while running my company, which now I wonder, is there even a point anymore to having it?
Next steps
Last Friday marked my last day of radiation. I go back in four weeks to see how things are going and as far as the future goes, am on a watch and see protocol for the area they radiated. My radiation oncologist assures me I should not worry. So I won’t
I will see my regular oncologist Tuesday to check blood and overall health. Based on this, we will see what next needs to happen or also adopt a watch and see. There are some areas that were sudden in developing but the chemo reduced affects and now, things have been contained and unchanged for about 2 months now. So unless something changes, the watch and see is not a bad thing. I of course do not want to see if things get worse and just want everything gone but it doesn’t really work that way from what I gather.
So, keep your fingers crossed and keep me in your thoughts! Thanks, Anissa
Back to our regularly scheduled broadcast
I have attempted (not very successfully) to not focus solely on my journey with cancer since my diagnosis in December. At times, this was very difficult. Other times, I tried to think beyond my limited view of chemo, radiation and side effects. I will be moving more and more in the direction of free thinking and writing. For those of you who are no longer interested in reading about my general thoughts, opinions, and quirky perspective, feel free to start ignoring my blog!
Times like these …
I recently posted a status update on Facebook about my nesting. I have been doing a lot of this lately. I wasn’t really sure why until I was talking to a friend and I realized that maybe it as a sign of my rebirth after having gotten through the worst of my cancer journey. As I was driving to the doctor’s this morning and I heard a Foo Fighters song on The River. It hit me and I started singing. I haven’t sung a song in my car in a long time. I haven’t any idea why but I did today. All I know is the lyrics seemed to reflect my thoughts.
I am a one way motorway
I’m the one that drives away
Then follows you back home
I am a street light shining
I’m a wild light blinding bright
Burning off alone
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
I am a new day rising
I’m a brand new sky
To hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
Do I stay or run away
And leave it all behind?
It’s times like these you learn to live again
It’s times like these you give and give again
It’s times like these you learn to love again
It’s times like these time and time again
Still healing …
The healing process is still happening. I fell asleep last night around 7pm and didn’t wake up until this morning and that was only because of a phone call at 8am. Ack, who calls that early!! I am trying to still listen to my body when I have pushed it to far but honestly, haven’t done a very good job with this as I should or I guess I wouldn’t have slept for 13 hours!
The area on my arm is extremely irritated and itchy, sometimes painful. I do my best to ignore it. My doctor said the anemia is getting better and we are watching and seeing on most aspects of the cancer. I do not like this one bit but they are the experts right?
Leaders and leadership
I believe we all evolve as leaders. Wait, that is not completely true. There are some truly bad leaders out there that remain bad and only get worse. But that is still evolution just not the way I think it should go. Yuppers, lots of Anissa opinion going to be infused in this post so be ready. I have been watching idly by lately and have had enough. Between government, big business (I really wish BP would read the below), and even locally within the state, I am tired of ineffective leaders.
First, I don’t believe leadership is a title. Just because you have one doesn’t mean anything to me unless you believe your title has magic and you use that power to threaten, rule by fear, coerce, or otherwise, put down the rest of us little people you believe us to be. Your leading by your title does not create respect or trust. For those of you who do this, think about that for a second. Does your team respect you? Trust you? Want to make you look good? If you don’t outright say yes immediately and know it to be true, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.
Second, I think we are all leaders. This may be in government, school, work, church, your neighborhood, your high school, your professional organization, etc. At any time, we are all leaders and we are all followers. If you remember this, a leader can be more compassionate instead of power hungry. A leader understands that they do not exist without followers. That a true leader is a servant to others (hence servant leadership). Do those in your department, group or team believe in your vision (if you have one & you have shared it – big assumption on my part) and help you achieve it? If you are leading the charge and there is no one, or few, behind you, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.
Third, leaders know their team. They know each person, what they do, their strengths, their motivations, and where they want to go. As a leader, can you say this? If you can’t, then you better sit down and take the time. And this does not mean once a year during the performance review (which I find ridiculous – these conversations should be ongoing and regularly occurring throughout the year). Leading is about people not tasks, not sitting in committee meetings, not sitting in your own office all day long. As an extension, does your team actively stop by your office/desk to talk to you, not just about work but about random things? If no one, or few, do this, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.
Fourth, leaders don’t play favorites. If you make the effort to only get to know a few really well, only give these people the extra opportunities, only take them to lunch, only take the time to laugh with them and show your human side, you are especially not a leader in my eyes. We might as well be back in high school.
Fifth, leaders talk. I don’t mean communicate, I mean talk. What are your plans for the department, group or team? What are you trying to accomplish now? What is happening in the organization? This should be regularly and consistently shared. We should hear more from you, all the time. Believe me, a chief complaint is that communication sucks in any organization – so what are you waiting for? And if you complain that there is too much water cooler talk, this is YOUR fault. In the face of ambiguity or lack of communication from YOU, there is no information being shared. People will band together, support each other and share the small tidbits they pick up and try to cobble together what is happening. You aren’t a leader in my eyes if you believe that it is your team’s fault for the acting this way. You need to look within.
Sixth, leaders create the climate. If you think the climate in your department, group or team isn’t supportive, is negative, tense, and people are constantly calling sick because of stress, YOU created this and YOU must fix it. A leader knows and if you don’t, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.
Seventh, leaders are reflective learners. Do you take the time to think about who you are as a leader? Where you have been and where you want to go? I am not talking about titles or roles. I am talking about your style. Do you know what it is? Do you know its impact on others? Do you readily know areas you need to enhance or are your blind spots? Do you know the behaviors that grate on others (the do as I say, not as I do variety). Do you take the time to read about other leaders and think about those aspects relative to yourself? Or, do you think yourself impervious, superior, perfect, and in need of no leadership style change in any way? The chief leadership trait that is more important than any other is vulnerability, in my opinion. I look for this in leaders and believe this is THE trait that epitomizes leaders. If you can be vulnerable, admit your mistakes, show that you need the expertise of others, that you don’t know everything, then your courage, your integrity, and your humanity shine through. Are you vulnerable in any way? If you aren’t, then you aren’t a leader in my eyes.
Eight, leaders aren’t paranoid. If you are, then you need to look inside and figure out why. Hire a coach, go to a therapist, seek out a mentor. But the problem is yours, not your department, group or team. And if you believe it is, then you need to get everyone together and LISTEN. Ask the question about how they feel things are going and how you are doing as a leader, and then sit back and listen. The only thing you do is take notes and if you must talk, say thank you for the feedback. Then follow back with everyone on the areas you are going to work on and ask them to be your monitor so they can congratulate you when you make strides (no matter how small). All of this takes vulnerability. Do you have it? If you aren’t willing to do something about your paranoia, then you aren’t a leader in my eyes.
Ninth, leaders know how to have healthy conflict. If you have surrounded yourself by people who kiss your ass & do whatever you want, and are basically mini versions of you, then you aren’t a leader in my eyes. Leaders know that this isn’t leadership at all. This is just hero-worship and those persons kissing your ass hope you will help them with their own careers, giving them extra perks along the way. Bobble-heads do you no good. If everyone has given up and stopped sparring about issues, just letting you make decisions unilaterally, you aren’t a leader, you are a dictator. Healthy conflict is a good thing. You, the team and the organization gain so much more from this. But if you fear conflict, again, you need to look at some of the advice in Eight above.
Tenth, if you have felt that any of this has been written about you dear reader, then you need to look within now at those areas above that pissed you off.. Those are the areas that you know, deep down under all those protective layers, are the real leadership issues that you need to tackle. So go tackle them. And don’t think about this once, today. Think about this often and regularly and start DOING something to change. It is the only true way you can be a leader now and forever.
Leaders and Leadership Part II
What do I believe in besides vulnerability? Love, positivity and fun. I know, you think this to be all whoooy-balooey. Froo froo stuff. Too soft. Well I disagree, and some of the largest companies agree with me.
Who you are cannot be segregated by personal vs. professional. You are a whole person who brings the whole you to work and to home. Therefore, it is my belief that having a heart in the workplace is important. If you want to read more about this, check Kouzes and Posner’s The Leadership Challenge or Encouraging the Heart. Excellent books by leading authors in the leadership field. I have talked of this before but showing that you care, that you appreciate, and value another person is not soft. It is a valuable trait that makes an incredible difference in the workplace. Ask Herb Kelleher of Southwest Airlines.
Positivity and fun go hand in hand in my opinion. As a leader, you must reflect positivity in the workplace. Don’t let shit roll downhill. Don’t emulate the climate of those above you. Create the environment you want for your group and support each person. Keep everyone moving forward, allowing for mistakes the associated learning that comes with, and create an atmosphere of joy. At the same time, bring fun in and laugh, make jokes, have fun. This is a great boost to productivity, creativity and overall desire to do work. Ask Tony Hsieh of Zappos.com who has a new book out about this very thing, Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose.
This does not mean you don’t have to be a tough boss, who expects a lot and challenges others. You can do all of this.
The greatest compliment I received today was from a friend and former coworker. It was out of the blue, but she told me that I was the best boss she had ever had, that I challenged her more than anyone but I also believed in her fully. It almost made me cry. That was 4 years ago and she mentioned that she hadn’t had a good boss since. This is the true measure of how I am doing – what others believe of me as a leader.
What matters most …
You know what matters most… well that is different for everyone. Curly said it best when he held up one finger “One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean shit. And that’s what you have to find out.”
For me, that one thing is friendship. True, honest friendship. Friends that laugh with me, friends that share, friends that support. And vice versa. It can be by phone, email, text, IM, Twitter, or Facebook. I spent this past Saturday afternoon with Laura and her daughters. It was a great day of lunch and shopping. And for once, I didn’t buy a thing (miracle lately for me). Sunday, I went to see Sex and the City II with girlfriends. We laughed and enjoyed. And just the other night, I had dinner with Cathy. During it all, another group of girlfriends and I were emailing back and forth about future, life and whatnot. And last night, a truly wonderful talk with my Dad. This is just an example of the kinds of friendships I have that bring me joy and life in my world. We bring each other up. We love and care for one another. And we are there.
Friendship is a powerful thing.
Just plain tired
I have more good days than I have bad, which is good. I slept for 13 hours again last night, so things are still taking a toll.
I have found the more people push me, the more I just walk away. I am tired of others’ agenda placed upon me. Life is not a tic sheet. Sometimes, friendship ebbs and flows. I have friends I talk to every single day. Others I talk to once every few months. I feel no less connected to either. I was reading Gilda Radner’s It’s Always Something yesterday and she mentioned how her mind wanted to do so much with her friends but her body didn’t always agree. This happens to me a lot. Before I was told I had cancer and been muddling through with various symptoms and unknown effects for almost a year, I had no idea why this would happen to me. Now, when it happens, I understand it more. Apparently, others don’t understand it. Well, all I can say is, I wish you could. But if you can’t, there isn’t anything else I can do to explain it and I no longer want to try. It is exhausting feeling guilty for putting myself first and I’m not going to do it. And I don’t anyone else should either. The first person you should always take care of is you. And no one should feel guilty about this.
So when I have those times when I am not doing anything, when the fatigue is out of control, when the lack of motivation is heavy, when I have some pains, I look to the simple things that make me smile. I have said it many times before in this blog, but I like simple. I don’t care that I am a simple girl. I do not like complicated. I do not like drama. I like ease and simplicity. And more and more, I am trying to find the smile inside so I don’t have to always obtain it externally.
Here are some of the things that make me smile when I am at home:
hearing the birds chirp on the trees outside my windows
watching the leaves sway
watching the bunnies frolic from my desk
being encased in kitty love during a nap – Mew on one side and Menley on the other
being able to just be .. with my thoughts and all my ideas
reading a book, uninterrupted, for hours, during the rain
watching the snow fall at night
a mug of hot tea
the little snores of two sleeping cats
sitting on my deck just enjoying the breeze or the sun or both
the amazing sunsets, a new amazing picture from mother nature every night
Lost my way and I don’t care anymore
I realized today that I have lost my way. I hate that it happened and I fell back on old patterns but that is life – messy and unpredictable. After a few weeks of odd, unhappy, unsettling, and sad situations occurring, I was getting bogged down with behaviors of people I know I can’t change, being challenged by negative attitudes, feeling like I had to accommodate or even ignore others bad behavior, and in general, people pleasing. All of this is unhealthy, most especially people pleasing. This is the most unhealthy place to be in because there is no me, only you. And after many (many) years, I have realized that I have a right to think about myself, to choose things that benefit me first and then think about and be there for others. However, lately, I have let the crap of others bring me down and suck me in. This is my issue, not theirs. It is not my job, nor my concern what others do, how they handle things, or how they act or react. I can only be me. I lost sight of this. As the realization of this has slowly come back to me recently (due to some seriously fine friends, my dad and my therapist), I am coming back to me.
Why? Because I believe in me and who I am. I believe in championing for fairness and equality. I believe in laughter. I believe in seeing the good in the world. And most of all, I believe in love. I don’t mean necessarily romantic love, but love for humanity.
As I was having this epiphany that I can either let myself get mired in bullshit or I can let things float away like a cloud, I heard this song on the radio and I thought the sentiment and some of the lines just fit.
I don’t care anymore by Phil Collins
Well you can tell ev’ryone I’m a down disgrace
So drag my name all over the place.
I don’t care anymore. (I don’t care)
You can tell ev’rybody ’bout the state I’m in
You won’t catch me crying ‘cos I just can’t win.
I don’t care anymore I don’t care anymore
I don’t care what you say
I don’t play the same games you play.
‘Cos I’ve been talking to the people that you call your friends
And it seems to me there’s a means to and end.
They don’t care anymore. (they don’t care)
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind.
I don’t care anymore I don’t care no more
I don’t care what you say
We never played by the same rules anyway.
I won’t be there anymore
Get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don’t care anymore I don’t care anymore
I don’t care anymore I don’t care anymore
Well, I don’t care now what you say (I don’t care what you say)
‘Cos ev’ry day (everyday)
I’m feeling fine with myself (I’m feeling fine with myself)
And I don’t care now what you say (I don’t care what you say)
Hey I’ll do alright by myself (I’ll be alright by myself)
I don’t care (I don’t care) anymore (anymore)
Do you care? Hell no!
What what?
‘Cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face ‘cos ya held all the cards.
I don’t care anymore.
And I really ain’t bothered what you think of me
‘Cos all I want of you is just a let me be.
I don’t care anymore
Did you hear? I don’t care no more
I don’t care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway.
We won’t be there any more
So get out of our way.
Let us by
We got better things to do with our time
We don’t care anymore
We don’t care anymore
Do you connect?
Do you connect with people? When you are talking to someone, are you really listening to that person? Or do you instead scan the room – constantly? Do you listen with half an ear or are really present in the conversation? Do you ask questions that lead with curiosity or are you waiting for your turn to talk? Do you add value or just stand there thinking about other things you would rather be doing?
In short, are you connecting when you are conversing?
John Maxwell has a new book out called Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Now, first, I don’t agree. I don’t think everyone communicates. I think everyone believes they do, but they do not. But I will let it slide, since it’s just my opinion. But I do agree that those that communicate, there isn’t always connection or relational development. I think this is hugely important. There are many books that address this insular state of being (Bowling Alone is one such book) that continues to increase. I do think we depend on technological tools more than we used to, but as I’ve said before, some of those tools increase the connectivity we have instead of reducing it.
I moved around so much when I was younger, to write letters was a challenge for connectivity. We moved from Greenwood, Indiana to South Bend, Indiana to Harrisonburg, Virginia, within 3 years (thankfully during each summer). Cell phones and email were not there and long distance was expensive. To maintain close ties to your friends by letter was possible, but let me tell you, if you moved like this, the challenge increased. Now? I can talk to my friends in Pittsburgh, Harrisonburg, Raleigh, Charlotte, Atlanta, Columbia, San Diego, Bloomington, Chicago, etc. by so many means imaginable, being connected is no longer an issue.
Yes, I am a relator per Gallup’s StrengthsFinder themes. A positivist too. So connecting with others, building relationships, is my natural state of being. But I think we can all be like this by just being present when we are with others, giving them your full attention, and being curious. How do you connect with others?
Go Big Red!
Yesterday was a good day in sports news. Well, no, it was not about the Redskins, or Phil Mickelson, or my Hoosiers. Oh wait, my Hoosiers were involved! The Big Ten will now include the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers as of today. As an undergraduate alum of Indiana University and longtime Hoosier fan (we’re talking back to elementary school), I think it’s pretty cool that UNL will be joining the Big Ten. I am current doctoral student at UNL, so that only makes it that much better. I will have started and ended my college experience in the Big Ten, with two red and white schools whose rallying cries are Go Big Red. Life is sweet.
Same but different
So, starting a new kind of chemo. It is weekly and I take a bunch of pills instead of going in to get the drugs through my port like before. It is therefore a lower dosage (whooppeeee!). Even though it is weekly, it won’t be as intense as the chemo treatments the first time around. This will help the lymphoma but also the psoriatic arthritis that is rearing its ugly head. I had talked previously to folks who have had chemo this way and they said it was more tolerable. So a bit of the same, but also different. But hey, I’m still here right And that, to me, is all that really matters.
College World Series, National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, and WAHL
I received this information from Zach and really appreciated the share. I hope you enjoy it too!
What a great way to support the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, experience a great WAHL product, while taking in the finest College World Series at Rosenblatt Stadium. The final year at Rosenblatt. Men, I hope you will lend your support, and your faces!
WAHL® LET IT GROW TOUR GROOMING THROUGH OMAHA FROM JUNE 18-20
AT THE COLLEGE BASEBALL WORLD SERIES
- WAHL seeking to end unkept facial hair epidemic while supporting National Fallen Firefighters Foundation -
STERLING, Ill. (May 13, 2010) – It’s no coincidence that as the weather gets warmer, personal appearance becomes a higher priority. And while clothing and hairstyles get most of the attention for those seeking to look their best, properly groomed facial hair is often overlooked—and misunderstood. In an effort to help all those suffering from crooked goatees, out-of-control mustaches and bushy beards this summer, WAHL, a leading manufacturer of grooming products, is coming to the College Baseball World Series to help area men get a handle on their facial hair.
The WAHL Let It Grow tour is buzzing across the country to provide free professional trims and trimming tips at events where unkept men can be found. The tour is coming on the heels of a recent study from WAHL that reports nearly 60 percent of men nationwide grow some style of facial hair throughout the year and many desire instructions on how to improve their style. The tour’s mission: Support men on their quest to define their personal style, and educate those seeking assistance from facial hair experts.
“The first thing people notice about you is your face, and well-maintained facial hair can be a make or break with that all-important first impression,” explains celebrity stylist, salon owner and WAHL Master Barber Ben Phillips. “Unfortunately, maintaining facial hair is a game of trial and error for most guys. They learned how to shave from their dads or older brothers, but no one taught them the ins and outs of facial hair maintenance. That’s the void we’re hoping to fill with this tour. WAHL wants to help men choose the right style and educate guys on the best techniques to achieve that look.”
WAHL’s 30-foot mobile barbershop features a team of professional facial hair stylists who are prepped to groom men, offer tips and when prompted discuss sports, vintage cars and other topics heard in a typical barber shop. For those looking for a little more pampering and entertainment, the barbershop also offers WAHL massage products, a strongman competition and music.
College Baseball World Series from June 18 to June 20 located at 3362 South 13th Street. The trimming team with be in full force from:
- June 18 – 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.
- June 19 – 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.
- June 20 – 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.
If looking your best is not enough of an incentive for guys to participate, WAHL hopes they will consider supporting a great cause. For every trim performed, WAHL will donate one dollar (up to a maximum of $2,500) to the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation, a non-profit organization that honors America’s fallen firefighters and assists their surviving families and coworkers.
In addition, those freshly groomed Omaha men that participate are automatically entered into the 5th annual WAHL Man of the Year photo contest, a search of the best beard, mustache and goatee in America. One finalist will be named in each category at all tour stops. National winners will receive a 42-inch flat panel HDTV in each category. WAHL will post all eligible entries to www.wahlnation.com beginning May 31, 2010 and voting will remain open through November 8, 2010 at 5 p.m. CST to determine the finalists. All finalists will win an mp4 player. The national winners in each category – beard, mustache, and goatee – will be announced by February 15, 2010. Entry into the WAHL Man of the Year competition can be done on-site during the WAHL Let It Grow mobile tour or at www.wahlnation.com beginning May 28 at 5 p.m. CST.
For more information on the WAHL Let It Grow Tour or Man of the Year contest, visit www.wahlnation.com.
About the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation (NFFF)
The United States Congress created the NFFF to lead a nationwide effort to remember America’s fallen firefighters. Since 1992, the nonprofit foundation has developed and expanded programs to honor fallen fire heroes and assist their families and coworkers. For more information on the Foundation and its programs contact us at 301-447-1365 or visit www.FireHero.org.
About WAHL
Now in its 91st year, WAHL Clipper Corporation is an international industry leader in the manufacturing of products for the professional beauty and barber salon trade, consumer personal care and animal grooming. Headquartered in Sterling, Ill., WAHL currently employs some 2,000 people worldwide. WAHL products are available in 165 countries around the world. For more information about WAHL, visit www.wahl.com.
The bonus of motivation
I was reading the latest issue of Business Week last night and read the following from Joe Torre, the Dodgers manager, about his decision to leave the Yankees. I think we often wonder the real reasons why people do things and in the sporting and celebrity world, the assumption is often money. However, this case, it was quite what one might think.
“I was offered a very nice contract from the Yankees [after the 2007] season but it was a reduction in pay. I could get the money back if we won this, that, and the other thing. I was insulted that they thought I needed to be motivated financially to go out there and do a better job. That’s when I walked away”.
This kind of motivation, dangling a financial carrot, does not seem to work for him. And I don’t see how it would for anyone, or at least not for long. Oh wait, this is exactly the kind of carrot that is dangled in front of CEO’s. If the stock price rises, you get a bigger bonus. Hmm, at what cost do some CEO’s make unethical decisions based on an individual decision to increase their bottom line without regard for everyone else? How many pensions of an ordinary person no different from myself, have been wiped out by greedy executives?
Shouldn’t the motivation be more about effectiveness? Bringing value to the world? Creating quality product or providing a valuable service? This is based on people. Not a person at the top (or persons), but people. There is a reason there are 150,000 employees at Bank of America or Lockheed Martin (an old estimate I’m sure). I am only one but I wish a bonus to be reflective of the value I have brought, not how I manipulated the system so that we looked good. I want my organization to actually be good. I wonder, can some of the executives and those big dogs on Wall Street truly say they have been good? I am sure there are many taxpayers who would disagree.
Leaders of Tomorrow.. Today
When you look at your organization and see the leaders around you, as well as look within, what do you see? Do you believe these leaders to be leaders? Do you have your own beliefs of what makes a good a leader? Do you even meet them?
I am a big fan of the Center for Creative Leadership as I learned much about them having lived in North Carolina and seeing how they impacted leaders who worked with them. I always wanted to go and would love to work for them one day. They asked a great question of 2,200 leaders from 15 organizations, in three countries between 2006 and 2008 – do the leaders within your organization have the skills they need to be successful in the future?-
This is what they found. The 7 leadership skills that are most critical for success, now and in the future, are:
- Leading people: directing and motivating people.
- Strategic planning: translating vision into realistic business strategies, including long-term objectives.
- Managing change: using effective strategies to facilitate organizational change.
- Inspiring commitment: recognizing and rewarding employees’ achievements.
- Resourcefulness: working effectively with top management.
- Doing whatever it takes: persevering under adverse conditions.
- Being a quick learner: quickly learning new technical or business knowledge.
Interestingly, they go on to say that some organizations reported greater strength in these areas but weren’t seen as important as the 7 above:
- building and mending relationships,
- compassion and sensitivity,
- cultural adaptability,
- respecting individual differences,
- composure,
- and self-awareness.
Again, I disagree. I think the bottom 5 are more important than the top 7. Why? Because the top 7 can be coached, learned, developed.
The bottom 5 are harder to coach and develop. I say this because it requires one to look within, to have humility, to be vulnerable, and to admit imperfection. Most leaders do not take the time to reflect, learn from their relational mistakes and try to use that learning to do better. Actually most don’t want to. What often happens is ego gets in the way and a leader believes it is the other person’s issue; never their own. But let’s face it, when there are issues in an organization, they are often relational. Conflicts arise and they become personal. Coalitions develop. Stonewalling occurs. Contempt starts to breed. Seems to me you would be left with individuals instead of teams. Leadership is about having a vision and inspiring people to commit. Therefore, to me, leadership is about people. If you are not committed to the people in your organization, how are you accomplishing your goals?
Omaha Kicks ***
Forbes Magazine ranks Omaha #1 – Best Bang for the Buck! Des Moines? #4
Yet more validation that Omaha is a truly great place to live. Like I needed anymore
Check out why I live in Omaha. Frigging cool site!
I love humanity
I saw this on Icanhascheezburger and just fell in love. I wish I could give this Dr. a hug.
Do you know Nowzad?
I am a big fan of Icanhascheezburger, but if you have ever read my blog, you already know this. I check it about once a day to get my daily smile or giggle. Recently, I came across some pics of some soldier heroes who had saved some kittens. Here’s just one:
I read some of the comments associated with these pics on the site and was a bit astounded to see a few indicate that the soldiers need to spend more time with the Afghan people helping them. They are! But they also need to have more than just a singular purpose in their lives. Do you have just one purpose in your life – to work? Do you not have friends, family, movies, books, restaurants, parks, and a myriad of other choices every single minute of your life? For those few who commented like that, I say STFU.
I find every single person in our military to be selfless heroes who protect freedom in this world. I don’t know that I could do what they do and some, repeatedly, having gone back for more than one tour. If you would like to see more about what our soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq are doing, please visit Nowzad for more information. I know, some say I am a bleeding heart when it comes to animals. Well so be it. It’s who I am. I routinely provide money to various animal charities throughout the year and I will continue to do so. I believe our pets are our family.
My family, Menley then Mew:
WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN WHEN WE PRAY?
WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN WHEN WE PRAY?
This is one of the nicest e-mails I have read and is so true:
I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, ’This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received. I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, “This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.” I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. “This is the Acknowledgment Section, my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed
embarrassed.” How is it that there is no work going on here? ‘ I asked. “So sad,” the angel sighed. ”After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments”
“How does one acknowledge God’s blessings? ” I asked.. “Simple,” the angel answered. Just say, “Thank you, Lord. ” “What blessings should they acknowledge?” I asked. “If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than
75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy. And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity.”
“If you woke up this morning with more health than illness .. You are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day. “
“If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation … You are ahead of 700 million people in the world.”
“If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world.”
“If your parents are still alive and still married …you are very rare.”
“If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you’re unique to all those in doubt and despair…….” Ok, what now? How can
I start? If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you care to, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are
ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.
“Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people with whom to share it. “
If you have read this far, and are thankful for all that you have been blessed with, how can you not send it on ??? ? I thank God for everything, especially all my family and friends.
Thank you to Stephanie N. O. – friendship knows no bounds, not geography, not time.
Optimism
Thanks to my Dad for this share.
The Optimist’s Creed by Christian D. Larson
Be sure you say I Promise Myself prior to each statement when reading it aloud to yourself each day
To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to
expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile
to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and
too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud word, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as I am true to the best that is in me.
Suck up or self monitoring?
I often think about suck up’s in the office. I find these folks ridiculous. It is my belief that one moves forward professionally based on skills and talents, not on how much you can butter people, hang on their every day, agree with everything they say, and basically do their job for them. Boot lickers. Suck ups. Brown nosers. Whatever you want to call them, I abhor it. And I am not capable of doing it.
However, an article in Bloomberg’s Business Week in June discussed the concept of high self monitors, or those persons who are adaptable to social systems. They even used the word chameleon. To me, suck ups to adapt to each person, but I do not think they refer to the same thing. High self-monitors adapt to fit the situation. They are still themselves, but more understanding of the behaviors, attitudes, personalities, linguistic level, etc. The key, again, is they are still themselves, not a mini me of the person they are with. One experiment they discuss is a person shaking her leg and without realizing it, high self monitors will begin to do the same.
There are some that are natural self-monitors. The article indicated Bill Clinton and Oprah. I will let you be the judge if you agree or agree not. At times, I have considered myself this way. I have learned how to get along with just about anyone due to all the moving I did growing up. I never thought moving around was beneficial at the time, but as I have gotten older, I have seen how this knowledge became a part of me that I never knew existed. I have worked with many companies and have been told on more than one occasion that it has felt like I have been a part of the team forever and not just started working there a few months ago. Why is this?
The article goes on to say that there are ways those that are not naturally high self-monitors can learn this. First, be vulnerable. This, as you know from many prior posts, is the key to leadership but also to life in my opinion. In this case, just sharing a treasured memory can be seen as vulnerability because it has great meaning to you and you have allowed another to share in this. Sure beats talk about the weather. Another option is proximity. If your office is in the corner, by the windows because you liked the view, consider the disadvantage you have in not being more in the thick of things with others on your team. How do you create more connection when you are away from them like that? And lastly, if you know of someone who you see as a high self-monitor, spend a bit more time with them. What they do can be contagious!
Suck up’s take note – being a mini-me will only get you so far.
Right and Wrong about PA
I am a BIG fan of Phil Mickelson. I have been for more years than I count. He was my go to guy after Nicklaus moved to the Senior Tour (who is still my all-time favorite golfer).
I appreciate that Phil shared his story about Psoriatic Arthritis (PA) in recent days. But he’s got it wrong and I have no desire for the wrong information to be out there about a disease that many suffer from and others are now learning about. First, it was mentioned during the Masters that he was suffering from a chronic disease. Commentators mentioned it often and for some reason, I knew he had PA. Why? Because people don’t like to share this one because others assume that means you have psoriasis. Psoriasis for some is just awful, especially if it covers large areas of skin that others can see. I have had psoriasis for most of my life but believed I always had dandruff. For me, it is the worst on my scalp and ears. Just awful. Rheumatoid Arthritis does not have this stigma. I wish he hadn’t waited to share, since he has since shared.
Why do I care so much if he gets it wrong? Because I have psoriatic arthritis. I was not diagnosed in a matter of days or weeks as he was. His journey started in June and had the help of the Mayo Clinic. He has admitted that the pain came and went, so without knowledge, he too could have been a longtime sufferer. But for most of us, it takes up to a year or more for a diagnosis. For me, it took over 2 years, one unnecessary and painful surgery that has forever ruined the mobility in my left foot, and many doctors (and a ton of money). When I finally was referred to a rheumatologist, it took months to get an appointment. When I moved to Omaha, NE, again it took months to establish care with a new doctor. There are not enough doctors in this field, no matter where you live.
For Phil to have the kind of debilitating effects of not being able to move due to PA in his hips, knees, shoulder and finger, I find it hard to believe that after 3 Enbrel shots he is 90% back to a normal quality of life and has even said he will be cured in no time but definitely in a year. I don’t doubt the pain he suffered. Not one bit. But when I was at my worst, waiting to see that rheumatologist in Raleigh, NC, my left knee would blow up and look like an elephant knee. They would drain it constantly. My right hip would be so painful, I could not even roll over in bed or do much else. Quality of life – nonexistent for me. When they took blood, my sed rate (a marker of how much inflammation is in the body) was over 500. Normal person: under 20. You don’t get cured. This is a chronic disease for life.
Yes, I too have used Enbrel (and other drugs). But when they saw how bad it was, I was giving myself injections twice a week. Phil indicates he has given himself 3 injections, one each week. Maybe his PA responded that fast but I highly doubt it when I think of all the people I talk to in support groups who have had the same symptoms he mentions; that I have mentioned. Even with twice-weekly injections, I was not pain-free after 3 weeks like Phil. But if this happened for him, I am very envious for the quick response because I know the benefits of a diminished quality of life to one that seems “normal” again. Yeah for him!
I think Phil needs to be careful about saying he will be cured, that he will stop taking any medication after one year. PA is NOT a disease that has a cure. One can only manage it. It is very true that you can have a flare up and things are awful and then some days or a week later, you may feel just fine or it moves to other body parts. This does happen and he needs to prepare for his life to be like this. He needs to look at Bob Murphy, another golfer with PA, as a guide to what he has been through on the Tour and what he still going through over 20 years later.
Why do I care so much? Why am I little agitated? Because he has the ability to bring about awareness to this disease and awareness is always of benefit. But I don’t want others to have false hope or inaccurate information. As I type right now, my right index finger cannot bend at all. No matter what I do, it is pretty much straight right now. It has been like this for about two weeks. I am already on medicine for my PA, but even medicine will not prevent flares sometimes. There is no predicting which joints will be affected, or when, or for how long. And the medicines I have been, they lose their effectiveness over time and new ones must be explored.
I am thankful Phil is sharing his story but hope this brings to light that his doctors have not informed him properly on what PA truly is, what his life could be like, and what to expect. And that is the biggest tragedy of all.
545 People
This was shared with me by my friend Bob and it really hit me. This was not written to be political, but instead apolitical. Read it from a citizen’s perspective, from your own viewpoint. Hope it hits you too.
545 PEOPLE — By Charlie Reese
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don’t propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don’t have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don’t write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don’t set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don’t control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don’t care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator’s responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted — by present facts — of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can’t think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it’s because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it’s because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ, it’s because they want them in IRAQ. If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it’s because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like “the economy,” “inflation,” or “politics” that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!
Sales Tax
School Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Excise Taxes
Property Tax
Cigarette Tax
Medicare Tax
Inventory Tax
Real Estate Tax
Well Permit Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Inheritance Tax
Road Usage Tax
CDL license Tax
Dog License Tax
State Income Tax
Food License Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Gross Receipts Tax
Social Security Tax
Service Charge Tax
Fishing License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Building Permit Tax
IRS Interest Charges
Hunting License Tax
Marriage License Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Personal Property Tax
Accounts Receivable Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What in the hell happened? Can you spell ‘politicians?’
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper. What you do with this article now that you have read it……… Is up to you.
charity: water
BigOmaha and Silicon Prairie News shared charity:water with Omaha and I was happy to donate to the cause. I received this email and wanted to share.
the 2010 september campaign launches August 16.
charity: water was born in September. It’s always been our biggest month of the year. A month where we work with all of you to make a huge impact. A month where thousands around the world give up their birthdays to fight the water crisis alongside us.
This September, we’re bringing clean water to a place many people have never heard of: Central African Republic (C.A.R.). It’s one of the poorest nations in the world, and three quarters of the people here live without access to safe water. Life expectancy is 47 years.
Our local drilling partner here is Integrated Community Development International (ICDI), started by Jim Hocking. Jim grew up and lived most of his life in C.A.R. and is passionate about a group of people called the Bayaka.
The Bayaka were one of the last hunter-gatherer societies in the world, until the logging industry pushed them out of the forest. Now, they live on the outskirts of villages, facing rejection and abuse by locals who see them as animals that belong in the jungle. They are often denied use of water sources and have to wait until dark to collect drinking water from village wells. Many end up using dirty streams and ponds instead. We recently traveled to C.A.R. to tell the story of the Bayaka people.
This September, charity: water hopes to bring clean water to 90,000 people in C.A.R., including 100% of the Bayaka people. We’ll need to raise $1.7 million to do that.
You can lend your support to our cause right now by “liking” charity: water on Facebook. We’ll be posting exclusive behind-the-scenes videos of our team in Central African Republic, and other updates throughout the September Campaign — all on our Facebook page. But you have to “like” us to get them! Join our community on Facebook and help us spread the word by recommending us to your friends!
- the charity: water team
Broken Dreams
“Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone
I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a…
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone…
Lyrics courtesy of Green Day.
Mess of Me
“Mess of Me”
I am my own affliction
I am my own disease
There ain´t no cure they could sell
Ah, there ain´t no drug to make me well
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
It´s not enough
The sickness is myself
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!
We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
It´s hard to free the ones you love
Oh when you can´t forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!
There ain´t no drug
No, There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
The sickness is myself
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!
AHHHHHHOOOOO!
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
No drug to make me well
There ain´t no drug
It´s not enough
I´m breaking up
The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself
I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
The rest of my life alive!!
Lyrics courtesy of Switchfoot
Cancer-ish
I haven’t spoken much about this lately. Mainly because there isn’t a lot to say, from my perspective. I am living each day the best I can. I still seem to get tired most in the late afternoons, early evenings. The nausea is nothing like before and glad for that! I still have that chemobrain thing where things take a bit of time to form before I can speak logically (and less jumbly) but this can easily be mistaken for exuberance or dorkiness too!! But really just living in the moment and taking it as it comes. I have more tests in September and that will provide more information of how things are going.
Other than that, I continue my quest of doing new things or going to new places as much as possible and getting to know some friends more deeply than I had before. This has provided so many bright spots. It may sound trivial to some, but as a single, sometimes it does not come as easily to just go out to this festival or that concert. Sometimes others cannot make it or join you and you really want to go. Do I then go alone? Sometimes. I have also become more of a joiner as well as more spontaneous.
Some personal moments lately have really highlighted for me the love I have for Omaha. It is my home and I am wonderfully at peace here. I have not had a place, in my adult life, that has felt this way to me. So I continue to embrace this with less trepidation and more gusto.
So the cancer is a part of me that guides me. Sometimes I nap for 3 hours or sleep for 13. Sometimes I spend the entire day with friends in Lincoln, or go to the Outdoor Market, or Jazz on the Green, or join a new book club. Or like today, go to a wine tasting (of sweet wines, my fave!!) and then to the Greek Fest with a gaggle of friends. Life is made up of moments and I am enjoying all of them.
Are you Struggling or a Super Star? Research Opportunity
From Lisa Haneberg:
My colleague and pal, Lisa Edwards, is working on her next book and would like to invite you to participate in her research. This book will be very cool and her research seeks to uncover how various types of performers approach their work and how they differ. If you would like to participate and then follow the progress of the research, click on through below. Here is the short invite from Lisa E.
============================
From Lisa Edwards:
I would love to invite you to be a part of my next book!
- Are you energized by your job?
- Do you believe you could be more effective?
- Are you struggling to succeed in your work environment?
- Do you have a track record of producing results?
If you agree with ANY of these statements, you may be eligible to be a part of my next book on personal effectiveness and performance at work. Learn more about how you can get involved by clicking here.
Thanks!
Movie Reviews
Within the past month, I have gone to see a few movies and wanted to share my thoughts. I will go in order of: go see in theater to wait til cable.
Go see in theater!!
The Kids Are All Right – this was an excellent movie. The interactions between two married women (so irrelevant – I have had similar issues when I was married) are both stark, laughable and thought-provoking. It is a truly real look at marriage, in all its complexity. You can clearly see their individuality but also how they interact with each other. Sometimes the incongruity is shocking. The basic premise is that each mom gave birth to a child using the same sperm. The half-siblings (remember, different moms, same dad so to speak) decide to meet the sperm donor, who is then invited into the family for a bit. I will not share some of other things that occur because I think that it would ruin the experience. Rest assured, it is not plucky, not a typical or predictable movie. Or at least not for me.
Wait for Netflix, or cable
Eat, Pray, Love – sorry, thought this movie was disappointing as heck based on the previews. Bland, boring even at times. The things they added to the story to manipulate things actually made things worse, when usually it helps with stories like this. The main character comes across as whiny, selfish, mad, moody, and unevolved by the end. I did not compare this to the book because I hadn’t read the book in about 3 years. For stories like this, I don’t tend to remember little details. I remember I liked the Italy part because I enjoyed hearing about the history. I liked the India part because I am half Indian and been interested in meditation at the time (and still). I hated the Bali part because of the house storyline (it annoyed me) and the love story (how friggin predictable). In one year’s time, she goes from a person broken and running away to the opposite side of the earth, only to fall in love and tie it all up like a bow. VOMIT. And I don’t care that this is a true story – or her version of the truth. Because I still don’t buy it. I didn’t when I read the book and I didn’t when I saw the movie. The best review I read of this movie and absolutely agreed with was “sit, stare, yawn” — holy crap, YES, that is exactly what this movie was. And Julie Roberts was not the right person for this movie. She was chosen to sell tickets.
Just wait for cable
Switch - I love Jason Bateman and therefore the main reason why I wanted to see the movie. The previews reeled me in with him. Jennifer Aniston – I think she’s a one-trick pony .. similar roles, similar movies. Jason Bateman did not disappoint. I could have watched the entire movie with just him or just him and that kid. Yes, he was that good, that funny. But overall, the movie was predictable as heck, archetypes and all, and basically contrived. I knew this going in though – so shame on me!!
I am someone who goes to movies with a general perspective of ‘entertain me’. I can fully suspend disbelief, I have no thoughts of what’s next, and just sink in to the chair and enjoy. When a movie becomes too predictable and I start thinking that is just like that other movie “….” and not nearly as good, then I made a bad choice. And no, I don’t often to listen to the reviews. I go see what I think will be fun. The Eat, Pray, Love review came back to me after the movie when we were all talking about the movie and I mentioned it to everyone.
By the way, some tips to seeing a movie – general wisdom (or if you go with me):
1) Quit worrying about calories and other BS. If you want popcorn, just friggin get it. And no, I don’t want to share. I want my own.
2) I quite hate it when others turn to me in a whisper and tell me “this is going to happen next, just watch” or talk about other such drivel during the movie. No, you friggin watch! Turn your face to the screen and watch. Quit talking. The movie theater is not the place talk – the point is to be entertained and enthralled. You want talk – go to a coffee shop or a party.
3) I repeat, do not talk during a movie. Ever.
4) Don’t friggin bump the back of the chair in front of you if a person is there. You know you hate it when it happens to you, so why do you feel the need to do it yourself? What makes you so dang special?
5) People go to the movies alone. It does not mean they are a loser. People escape from work, their spouse, the heat, their kids. Maybe no one else wanted to see the movie with them. Maybe they got stood up. Maybe they are cooling off from a fight. You have no idea why the heck someone is in a theater alone so quit judging.
6) If someone is crying during the movie, because they are affected by something on the screen, quit staring!! Mind your own dang business! And don’t, and I repeat don’t, do that pat, pat, pat on the shoulder/leg/hand thing .. oh there, there your pat indicates. Bite me! I am enjoying the movie, I have an emotional connection to something, and you have to friggin ruin it because you think my world just crumbled??? Kind of goes back to point 2 – turn and face the movie screen. Watch. Remain this way.
7) If the person with you wants to watch the credits, let them watch the credits. If you are so dang anxious to get out, then go and plan on meeting in the lobby.
8) If the movie says it starts at 8:45, then that means you are in your seat no later than 8:40. I love the previews and hate to miss them. If you aren’t a fan, then come join me at 9:00 when they are most likely over. I’ll save you a seat.
9) I love seeing movies. I like all kinds – comedy, drama, horror, documentary, independent. Movies I have less desire to see – action/shoot’em up crap. I feel like I am watching the same movie with different people. I also know that others think the same of comedies, or Will Ferrell movies, etc. Everyone has their preferences. Honor that. If you realize that your friend Samantha only likes sci-fi and you like them on occasion, you aren’t really going to be movie buddies. Don’t give in just so you can see a movie together unless you know the person will do the same for you.
10) Ultimately, it’s entertainment. Sometimes it’s educational (did you ever see the documentary Murderball, Food Inc., Man on Wire, March of the Penguins?). But ultimately, it can be an experience. A memory of a first date for example. Just enjoy!
What has America become?
My mom shared this with me and now I share with you!
An editorial from a newspaper in Michigan.
Oddities, or more random thoughts
Just some more general, random, oddball thoughts that have come to mind over the past few weeks.
- Calvin and Hobbes will always be my favorite comic. Ever. For all time.
- I wish there was a way to transmit what I was thinking (not all the time!) to paper. I do my best thinking in those moments when you are just getting comfy in bed to go to sleep or on the couch to take a nap. My mind wanders and I have such great ideas. I don’t know what happens in that time where I lean over to scratch the thoughts down on paper that I lose the trail of connections of that great idea. Therefore, I need a way to transmit those ideas to paper without moving. Sounds easy enough!
- I love coffee ice cream. I even like the smell of coffee. But I do not like coffee.
- I do not like the smell of baking bread – especially in the morning. If you want to wake me up in one of the worst ways possible, bake some bread in the morning!
- I don’t know why people say gift cards aren’t special or are thoughtless gifts. I disagree. You can never go wrong with a gift card for Target or Amazon. Oh wait, that is just me!
- I love snow. I love winter. I could easily live where this was the weather 9 months of the year, then a short break for a spring/fall-like time then back to winter.
- I don’t cook. I don’t like to cook.
- My parents came to visit last year for my birthday and my mom was going to make lasagna for dinner. I didn’t have a single spice she needed. Actually, other than salt and pepper, I didn’t have any spices. It has been 10 months since that dinner and I have not once used any of those spices.
- Did you know that there is more than one way to boil an egg? There seems to be some question of putting the egg in first prior to boiling, adding after the water boils, etc. How do I know this? Because I have had to google this.
- If you know I don’t cook, that I don’t even like it, why do people share recipes with me? I get the “oh Anissa, it’s easy, you just ….” and then they go on forever. If it was just that easy, my eyes wouldn’t have glazed over. Oh wait, that would happen anyway! Recipes mean nothing to me – it’s like listening to people speak in German
- If wish I had a person who would cook for me. Nothing else. I would clean up after them; they wouldn’t even need to clean a spoon. I would do it all, just to be fed healthy, fresh food.
- Speaking of food, I hate grocery shopping. Worst dreaded chore ever. Simply the worst.
- Naps are good. Anytime.
- I don’t mind cleaning at all. The best time for cleaning? When I am procrastinating for school and need to write a paper. Cleanest my place will look! I especially like vacuuming – seeing those vacuum lines is great.
- I can’t work with a messy desk. I will actually have to tidy up so that I can work
- Spring cleaning? I do that about 3 times a year.
- I like simple. What is wrong with that?
- From the minute I get up to walking out the door is 30 minutes for me. I don’t understand the intricacies of makeup – that is not a “process” for me. I can do all of what is needed in about 2 minutes. And hair, well when I have it, other than blow drying and a little gel, again, done. Maybe I am just lucky.
- Here are 2 of the easiest things you can get for me if you ever need an idea
- Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip ice cream. No, not Breyer’s, or Edy’s, or Haagen Dazs. Just Baskin Robbins. We can get a cone, walk around and wala, happiness
- A cookie bouquet by Cookies by Design. Not from any other place. It’s a cookie on a stick. A sugar cookie. Not interested in box or tin of cookies. Just the cookie on a stick – you can buy one or a bouquet.
- Why are either of these those hard? I have had people bring me Godiva ice cream. Nope, sorry, lovely gesture. Truly. But you missed the mark. Cookies from Cheryl’s cookies. No, sorry, she does have some nice tasting cookies, but oops, not quite there.
- I don’t really like flowers so instead of flowers see bullet above.
- I hate when people interrupt me. Not during those times when jokes are flying or times like that. But when you are telling a story or something more involved. Why are your stories that much more important than mine that you must interrupt? Arrghh
- I really wish people would be on time. The occasion miss is totally fine but constant tardiness, really irks me. And the reasons – oh vey. Just say your sorry and move on with it. Your reasons are so ludicrous.
- I have no idea why, but Mew likes to lick my hair, especially around my bangs.
- I love office supplies. If I could own an office supply store, I would. But really, just look in my office and my closet – I already have most everything anyway!
- Menley likes to sleep forehead to forehead with me.
- I watch way too much tv. One could say the DVR was an awesome invention (it was) but it is also my nemesis!
- Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. Yes, more than Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think it brings out the kid in all of us.
- I love 80′s music. Oh sure, I love Foo Fighters, Nine Inch Nails, Rush, Audioslave, Cage the Elephant, Goo Goo Dolls, Lifehouse, Dave Matthews Band, and a ton of others. But my first love, even now, is 80′s music, especially Alternative 80′s music.
- I love movies. I have seen some random movies that many haven’t heard of (Opposite of Sex with Christina Ricci – hilarious!!) and haven’t seen some that others gasp when I tell them. Nope to Casablanca, Blazing Saddles, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Sting, Gone with the Wind. If I have seen the Godfather, I doubt it was in one sitting because I don’t recall much.
- I am a reader. The majority of what I read is non-fiction these days, compared to 15 years ago when it seemed like all I did was read fiction.
- My favorite author is Jonathan Kellerman. His books have the unique blend of psychology, mystery and drama. I have read everything he has written and anxiously await his newest every time I devour the latest. Other than him and reading most of James Patterson, there aren’t too many other fiction writers I follow like a religion.
- I read about 3 to 5 books at a time. Depending on mood, I have different book tastes. There is one that is usually related to leadership, positive psychology, education or other similar topics.
- Hmmm, maybe this is it for now
The best of times, the worst of times?
I am sure one could look at 2010 and remark that it was an awful year and ask me if I will be glad when it’s over. I am sure on the outside this could be true. Let’s recap a bit shall we?
I started this year with a diagnosis of lymphoma. It was real, confirmed and treatment plans were being solidified. Cancer does not run in my family as far as anyone knows. And if fact, T-Cell lymphoma is not genetically linked nor is it a lifestyle issue (smoking, etc.). No one can prevent or predict this cancer. It just happens. This is not unlike other types of cancer. I lost my hair, seemed to be always tired, had a sour belly (got tired of trying to spell nauseous, which still gives me fits even today when I type it), and had to deal with a host of other challenges I never knew existed (at least not in my prior life).
But what did I learn? Why is having and living with cancer not the worst thing in the world? Because I am still here. I can still enjoy life’s moments – no matter how great they are or how shitty they are. I am still here and that is all that matters. Sure, I wouldn’t have wanted this if asked. Heck, no one wants the challenges that life brings. But they happen and guess what, we have to figure out how to live and manage through them. So, I learned. And here I am, nine months later, still living and learning.
About the middle of the year, the IRS decided that my teeny-tiny coaching company needed to be audited. No matter that last year, I made less than $15,000. They wanted it all back in their greedy little hands. I have gone round and round with them, showing receipts, invoices, etc. I am not winning the fight. Quite frankly, if you are the little guy like me, you are screwed. The penalties and interest while I appeal and show more documentation, produce more evidence of every line item, is killing only me. It isn’t worth it. But I am still fighting on those items that I refuse to give up on. There are some items that having missed one little record keeping piece (out of say 10), means I have to give in to the IRS and the tax code. I am a freak about filing, organization and whatnot, but I was not good enough. Lesson learned. I have had to dissolve my company. I am now a statistic – 80% of new businesses fail within the first 5 years (I made it past my 3rd anniversary). I guess it’s good to be known for something!!
So, what has come out of this, anything positive? I tried and it felt good. I started my own company. I did a lot of things right. I am proud to have done this and taken a huge risk. There were many rewards along the way and I would do it all over again (except for filing as a LLC). You cannot get anywhere in life without making some mistakes along the way. The mistakes sometimes don’t matter. It’s what you take away from them that matters. This will always be seen as an accomplishment to me and I am proud to have done it. And it will not stop me from trying again.
I recently got into a car accident in my less than 3 month old car. It was a huge bummer. Thankfully, no one was hurt as it happened at a red light. I was quite devastated. All I could think about at first was how my baby blue was now crumpled. Of course, after a while, you realize it’s just metal. A thing. Of course fixing that thing will cost money. I hate spending money on stuff like this. So after money out-of-pocket to meet my deductible for the surgery, chemo and radiation treatments, the IRS taking part of their share, and then this, I feel like a financial failure this year. But money is not life and money is not happiness.
I admit wishing I would wake up from the dream and none of these things happened. But I know they did and I move on. I don’t dwell on these things like I used to; obsessing and obsessing. It brings me no peace to dwell. It actually makes things worse and I find myself getting more depressed or anxious about life. So, I guess if you looked at the first 9 months of this year, you could say it wasn’t a good one. But I wouldn’t agree.
One thing that I wouldn’t trade about this year is family and friends. I learned of love and friendship this year that I hadn’t before. My dad was there every step of the way. My mom sent cards that I keep and still look at. My sister emailed me and made me feel like I was sitting right next to her talking. And the friends that kept me in their hearts and their prayers are ones that I can’t repay. But I also know that we have a bond greater than I ever realized or failed to recognize. I love all of you and you know who you are. A few special shoot-out’s, just because I want to (and I can). Don sent me cards that made me laugh, made me smile, and made me feel loved from afar even though we talked practically daily. Julie sent cards that made me howl with laughter. Cathy sent cards that warmed my heart. Nat sent text messages, IM’s, emails, cards – she never once let me forget she was here, even though she was there. This was on top of Laura coordinating a food drive! The calls, visits, and other things – I couldn’t have ever predicted. It didn’t matter if a friend lived 5 minutes away, or 5 hours away. Geography was no barrier to love! I have said this many times over the years but this year really embodied it – it all starts with love. And to me, love is the greatest gift ever.
I can sit on my deck and stare at the beauty of the world and just live in the moment. No more thinking of to do lists or what is next. There is no next. There is now.
I believe that Omaha has the best sunsets in the world. I have decided to take a picture every night to prove it. Then I will publish a book of photos. I published this blog from its first day to the end of last year. I will soon publish a book about my cancer adventure. I haven’t written a book yet (that I would let anyone read) but I keep getting closer.
My cats brought me endless comfort and laughter when I was sometimes bed bound. Never underestimate the love of a pet.
I had the best job in the world as I was able to still work full-time but also have treatments. I know how lucky that is, believe me.
I stopped worrying so much. Just about everything is temporary. If you gain weight, you can lose it. If you get a bad haircut, it will grow back. Do things on your timetable – don’t worry about the person next you.
Most of all, I keep laughing. I can find humor in many things and as long as I can, I will.
This year may not seem like it has been the best so far, but when it all begins with love, there is no bad day, or bad year.
sometimes professors do have it coming
A United States Marine was taking some college courses between assignments.
He had completed 20 missions in Iraq and Afghanistan .
One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated,
“GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform…
I’ll give you exactly 15 min.”
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed,
“Here I am GOD, I’m still waiting.”
It got down to the last couple of minutes
when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor,
and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform.
The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned,
and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken,
looked at the Marine and asked,
“What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”
The Marine calmly replied,
“GOD was too busy today protecting America’s soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.”
Apple. Apple. Apple. Want. Want. Want.
I don’t know how Apple does it. Or more specifically Steve Jobs. I don’t know how he reinvents the market in such unique ways. I don’t know how that company is so innovative and creative. From the commercials, which by the way, they need to make some more of. I love Mac! Shoot, I loved him when he was on the tv show Ed. To the iPad. Sure, everyone made fun of the name but who’s laughing now? There have been how many sold since the launch – 4 million, 5 million? Yeah, that’s a lot and they’ve only been on the market since early April.
I have 2 iPods but other than that, I am not really an Apple girl. However, one step into an Apple store and you want to surrender. You want it ALL. I tried the netbook thing last year with ACER. Nice concept, good design, but still not quite there for me. So then, wala, the iPad. I have played with an iPad twice now in two days. It is too heavy and they need to work on that but it’s better than a netbook in so many ways. But still, not quite there yet for me. No matter. There will be more generations of iPad’s with each one getting more amazing than the next. Until then, I will suffer along with my Toshiba laptop and my Kindle. I love my Kindle and until Apple can rival that in weight, etc. then no can do.
But as I walked around in there, looking for a keyboard, I wanted it all. I have no idea how it happens, but I wanted a laptop. Then a desktop. Then an iPad. Then the iPhone (darn it, move on that will ya Apple. I’m on Verizon, have been for almost a decade and I’m not straying to AT&T). It was very hard to not want it all and I don’t even have a need for any of it. I have no idea how that magic hold comes over a person when they walk in. It’s like a giant playground and you want to take all the toys home with you. I am thankful that I don’t carry a credit card with me or I have no idea what would happen. I got my keyboard and got the heck out. I didn’t play or touch or dawdle. Want, want, want = get out, get out, get out!!
I should clarify that my first experience with a computer was some IBM monstrosity using WordPerfect, DOS, and those iPad sized floppy disks. I hated computers back then. To me, it was just a huge piece of junk that made things harder and more time-consuming. Then off to college I go and most of the offices at IU used the original Macintosh computers. One of my jobs (of the 2 I had during college), I had to go into administrative offices, make sure things were turned off, nothing was unlocked, etc. Sometimes, I would use these computers to write letters (email wasn’t existent quite yet – I know, crazy right?) or do homework. I loved that job. It was then that I loved computers. I loved that Macintosh. I wanted one so bad. Then about a year later, email started on campus and then I really wanted one. So, in some ways, I am an Apple girl.
I think I should stay away from the Apple store for a while. I am feeling twitchy right now. Darn nostalgia.
Grow already!!
It’s funny. During your first chemo treatment, they tell you all about losing your hair. Within two weeks, it will be gone. To take control and shave it off yourself. Or whatever it is you want to do to take control since there are so few things that one can do during all of this but go with the flow of the side effects, the doctor appointments, and everything else. After a few weeks, you can almost forget what it was like to have hair. I forgot what I looked like and would look at my driver’s license every now and again. It almost seemed weird to have hair.
But no one ever talks about when your hair starts to grow back. It’s an awkward process. I never wore wigs, only hats. But many tell me wigs help when your hair is growing out so you don’t have to deal with wayward curls, or hair that stands on end. This process sucks! Of course, there comes a time when the wigs don’t help either because your hair has grown too much for that. Oy. I know, what a stupid thing to care about too.
I gotta tell you though, I wish it would just grow out already!
Nobody likes conflict
I don’t know about you, but I am sick of the election ads on tv, on the radio, in the newspaper. Do these really work? Do voters really vote based on a 30-second commercial? I can’t stand it. All the mud-slinging. All the nastiness. Why is that necessary? Why can’t the women man up and just shut up? I wish they would all just shut up. Talk about yourself and what you stand for. When I hear all this back and forth, my stomach clenches up. My shoulders get hunchy. I wonder if it just me. Does the conflict just annoy me? I can mute the commercials. Go to another radio station. Am I being a good citizen by burying my head in the sand? What if I am not planning on voting – does that make a difference?
How do you manage election time of year?
A sad day in politics
I was watching a livestream yesterday of the The Women’s Conference hosted by Maria Shriver. There were many amazing speakers and it was well worth listening/watching from my office at home. The one time this was true was when Matt Lauer was the moderator between Meg Whitman, Jerry Brown with Arnold also there.
First, I thought that California had their own state mandate that a Governor could only serve two terms for the state in their lifetime. But I guess I was wrong on this since Jerry Brown is running again.
Second, I cannot believe the politicking that occurred at this conference and the absolute degradation that was displayed. Most notably, Matt Lauer asked Whitman and Brown if they would remove all negative advertising from the airwaves within 48 hours. NEITHER would agree. Brown essentially said I will if she does. This was annoying. He must have said it at least 3 times when asked my Lauer. Whitman actually was booed, extensively by the audience, when she would not agree and indicated it was important that information be shared with the voting public.
If a candidate cannot stand on his or her own MERITS as to why that person wants the office, what their intent is for leadership, their vision and their strategy, then they need to STFU. And yes, I really mean that. STFU, get off the stage, and find another career path. Politicians have for, far too long, been promoting their own interests and agendas. Enough is truly enough. We, us are the people who matter. Not you. We elect you to represent us. So represent.
And yes, right now, I am sick to friggin death of politicians. I really am. This display was truly the worst of who we are as a nation. I cannot believe that we can’t stop acting like we are on an elementary school playground. Do they need to be reminded of kindergarten rules —
Play nice with others.
Share.
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Respect others.
Best. holiday. ever.
I don’t know who took this picture. I don’t know where this was taken. All I know is, when my mom sent it to me, I fell in love. This picture embodies all that I love about Halloween. Just amazingly beautiful!
Paraprosdokian Humor
Paraprosdokian Sentences
A “paraprosdokian” is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
a.. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat
you with experience.
b.. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming
and yelling like the passengers in his car.
c.. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
d.. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
e.. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
f.. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
g.. War does not determine who is right — only who is left.
h.. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.
i.. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
j.. Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed
to tell you why it isn’t.
k.. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.
l.. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. My desk is a work station.
m.. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
n.. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
o.. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
p.. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
don’t need it.
q.. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an
emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”
r.. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
s.. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?
t.. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50
for Miss America?
u.. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.
v.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
w.. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.
x.. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
y.. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
z.. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.
aa.. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you
wish they were.
ab.. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
ac.. I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by
a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
ad.. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
ae.. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they
can’t get away.
af.. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
ag.. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department
usually uses water.
ah.. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
ai.. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
aj.. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.
ak.. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people
have more than one child?
al.. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Turkey Humor
A young man named Joe received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s’ mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Joe tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently using only polite words, playing soft music and doing anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, Joe was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Joe shook the parrot and the
parrot got angrier and even more rude. Joe, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, Joe quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Joe’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
Joe was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
How’s your brain doing?
My mom shared this with me and I enjoyed it. Maybe because I did well!
Short Neurological Test
Part 1
1- Find the C below. Please do not use any cursor help.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOO
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
6999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 999999999999
3 – Now find the N below. It’s a little more difficult.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you’re far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer. Congratulations!
Part 2
eoenvrye that can raed this rsaie your hnad.
To my ‘selected’ strange-minded friends:
If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends and the person that sent it to you with ‘yes’ in the subject line.
Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!
If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too
Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Happiness and Gratitude
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.
That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”
The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.” I wrote: ”Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it.”
Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind.
The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Moral of the Story:
Be thankful for what you have.
Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show Life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.
Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.
The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling…
And even more beautiful, is knowing that you are the reason behind it!
A year in Kindle
It’s been a year since I bought my Kindle. I wondered at first how much I would use it, if all the books I would want would be offered, and if I would end up like a kid, discarding my new toy after a few months. Well, I used it a lot, it seemed that 99% of the books I wanted were available for download, and I never discarded the toy. I love it. I will say, unlike others, that it didn’t stop me from buying traditional paper/hardback books, though this happened less and less as the year went on. And by mid year, the only non-Kindle books I bought were for school. When I am writing papers, I need to be able to flip pages, have many books open at once, etc. and the Kindle isn’t the best tool for me during this process. I did have some design ideas when I first got my Kindle which now seem to be integrated into the new Kindle. Oh well..that happens.
I have 89 books on my Kindle and thought I would share some of what I have read over the past year. I would love to hear your recommendations!
The books I would recommend most from the past year
- The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – read my book review post here. Or my review from Amazon: I read this book faster than I normally do (and I read fast). This is the most amazing book I have read in a long time. I found it similar in style of the books And the Band Played On by Randy Shilts or A Civil Action by Jonathan Harr. This is not a book about cancer (although I have it) but a story to me about love and the medical community. I learned a great deal but thought it was all presented so easily for understanding but also in equality to both the medical community but also to the Lacks family. If it had not been for Entertainment Weekly’s profile, I may not have found this book. It is a must read!
- The Emperor of All Maladies: A biography of cancer .. an amazing book and so much more than just a biography of cancer.
- The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer From the People Who’ve Lived the Longest… loved reading this about various pockets of centenarians and their commonalities
- The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun… Gretchen Rubin’s blog into a book. Incredibly honest look at personal change
- Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School .. I love books like this. Cerebral but interesting.
- Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose .. from the CEO of Zappos.com Tony Hsieh.
- Making Rounds with Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat… pets do more than we know.
Some others ..
- What the Dog Saw: And Other Adventures — great Gladwell book. Not been the biggest fan of his other work. I read Outliers this year as well and found it incredibly lacking.
- Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America — usually her work is laden with research and interpreted facts. This book seemed like one big complain fest. It was awful and the lack of research was shocking. If I know studies she is referring to and she is consistently getting the facts wrong, well, I have a big problem with that.
- What’s Next, Gen X?: Keeping Up, Moving Ahead, and Getting the Career You Want – such a waste of time to read. Don’t even bother. A rehash of GenX stereotypes and other nonsense.
- The Truth about Leadership: The No-fads, Heart-of-the-Matter Facts You Need to Know — I am a huge fan of Kouzes and Posner but this book lacked a lot of what made their prior works so brilliant. It was a disappointing read.
- Drive by Daniel Pink – I loved Pink’s A whole new mind. I have read it 3 or 4 times. But Drive, well, it just didn’t captivate me.
- The Book of Awesome — was not awesome at all.
- Mojo: How to Get It, How to Keep It, How to Get It Back if You Lose It — usually a Goldsmith fan (loved What got you here won’t get you there) but this book was just, blah. I never got into it.
- Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?– what an awful Seth Godin book. I know many liked it a lot, but I found it incredibly repetitive, so repetitive that I wondered if I was reading pages and pages over and over again. Sadly, I wasn’t.
- Quirkology by Richard Wiseman — another great book that made you think despite all the research etc. (which I love anyway)
- Switch — by Heath brothers. Another fun read!!
Books from my book club that I joined late in the year
- The Help – loved this book. To find out later it is being made into a movie, well, that is just icing.
- The Glass Castle – disliked this book a lot for so many reasons, I won’t even start.
- Eat, Pray, Love – good book the first time I read it a few years ago. Second time, not as much. Pairing it with the movie, which I thought was awful, even less enjoyable.
Books for escaping .. pure beach reads .. I actually read more of these than I thought I had after I started looking at titles
- Deception: An Alex Delaware Novel – by Jonathan Kellerman. This is my go to guy – my favorite author of all time. He writes about one book a year and I gobble it up as soon as it is published.
- James Patterson – Postcard Killers, Don’t Blink, Cross Fire, Private, Worst Case, 9th Judgment, I, Alex Cross. Second favorite author for a little escapism. It seems like a new book comes out every few months (can’t you tell?)
- The Lost Symbol – read Dan Brown’s latest in one sitting, over the course of a day. Later, I realized how seamless reading on the Kindle really was and knew that I would be in trouble. And 89 books later, books are still one of my biggest material weaknesses.
- The Velveteen Rabbit. It was a free download and a great little book of love.
- This is where I leave you by Tropper. Random download based on a recommendation. Great book – honest, real, and a bit heartbreaking at times
- Anthropology of an American Girl: A Novel – I can’t remember much about this book. Sad huh?
- Sh*t My Dad Says – hilarious book! I enjoyed it. The translation to tv? Not as good but a nice success story for the author.
- Why My Third Husband Will Be A Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman – I used to read Scottoline for her mysteries, but then they lost their appeal. This book was a fun departure and enjoyed the stories.
- Open – Andre Agassi was definitely Open in his biography and I found it honest and unflinching. The scuff he got for being honest was ridiculous but then again, everyone has an opinion.
- The Scarpetta Factor – I hadn’t read a Cornwell book in at least a decade or so. The series started so amazingly and then, poof, it’s like she was phoning it in and I lost interest. This was a great read for Scarpetta fans but not sure I will pick up another. The magic is gone.
Golden Globe Picks
So, it my guilty pleasure time of year. Yes, it is awards season. I have always loved movies and so somewhere along the way, I became an annual Oscar’s watcher. However, the awards season has blossomed over the years.
My friend Tabitha and I are making our picks to have some good-natured fun. Hope you will join us!
To be fair, I want to share what I have seen (or haven’t) so you can know where my guesses might have come from.
Seen: The King’s Speech, Black Swan,The Kids are All Right, Red, Easy A, The Town. I will fully admit my bias of the movies in red that I considered amazing, outstanding, excellent. Worthy of every award.
Want to see (and will by the Oscars): 127 Hours, The Social Network, The Fighter, Inception, Blue Valentine, Love and Other Drugs
No desire to see: Burlesque, The Tourist
My picks:
- Best Movie: The King’s Speech
- Best Actress in a movie: Natalie Portman (but I could see Michelle Williams winning this t00)
- Best Actor in a movie: Colin Firth
- Best Comedy Movie: The Kids are All Right
- Best Actress in comedy: Annette Bening
- Best Actor in a comedy: Johnny Depp (doesn’t matter which movie)
- Best Supporting Actress: Helena Bonham Carter
- Best Supporting Actor: Geoffrey Rush
- Best Animated Film: Despicable Me
- Best Foreign Language Film: Biutiful
- Best Director: David Fincher (or Christopher Nolan)
- Best Screenplay: Simon Beaufoy, Danny Boyle
- Best Original Score: Danny Elfman
- Best Original Song: one of them from Burlesque
Television
- Best TV Drama: The Good Wife
- Best Actress: Julianna Margulies
- Best Actor: Jon Hamm
- Best TV Comedy: Glee (wish it would be Big Bang Theory though)
- Best Actress comedy: Edie Falco
- Best Actor comedy: Jim Parsons
- Best mini-series: Temple Grandin
- Best Actress mini-series: Claire Danes
- Best Actor mini-series: Ian McShane
- Best Supporting Actress: Jane Lynch
- Best Supporting Actor: Eric Stonestreet
Ok there are my picks. Although I feel like I am a tv-holic at times, I didn’t watch any of the miniseries nominated, I don’t watch Breaking Bad, Mad Men, 30Rock, Glee or Nurse Jackie. I have only my Entertainment Weekly to help shed light on the greatness of these shows and the actors within.
Ahh, the fun of this all for the joy of seeing spontaneous expressions or reactions. Or in the case of Christine Lahti’s win one year, she was in the bathroom at the time they called her name. Makes for great story! My one wish is they would stop the madness of having the one-year pregame show to do the fluff interviews of what everyone’s wearing. Let’s take that one hour and build it back into the show so folks can give a proper thankyou lasting longer than a 30-second commercial. It’s ridiculous. Let the moment shine a bit. It annoys me when the last award of the night is given and the credits are rolling as folks are on the stage. I know, none of us want the Oscars to last an additional hour. Hence, get rid of the ridiculous pre-game/pre-award what are you wearing crap. Let the E! network take care of all that.
Daily Acceptance Prayer
Author Unknown
| I accept myself completely. I accept my strengths and my weaknesses, my gifts and my shortcomings, my good points and my faults. I accept myself completely as a human being. I accept myself without condition or reservation. I accept myself completely, and in this acceptance I accept that within my mind are both fear and love, I accept the times that I choose fear I accept mistakes as a part of growth, I accept that my life is the expression of my thought, I accept my own life as a blessing and a gift. |
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Linda shared this with me and now I share it with you …
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change!
The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, That chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Soft kitty …
If you are a Big Bang Theory fan like me, then check this out at LOLcats!
Oscars 2011
I didn’t make it to this year’s AMC Best Picture showcase so I haven’t seen all of the best picture nominees. But I saw many.
Here are my pics for the major categories:
Best Picture – King’s Speech
Best Director – David Fincher
Best Actor – Colin Firth (I think he should have won last year)
Best Actress – Annette Bening (I know, everyone is picking Natalie Portman)
Actress in a Supporting Role – Helena Bonham Carter (though will most likely go to Melissa Leo)
Actor in a Supporting Role – Christian Bale
Writing, Adapted – for 127 Hours (will probably go to Social Network though)
Writing, Original – for Inception (since the director was not nominated)
What are your picks?
Pets are family too
I saw this and well, see for yourself.
From Lolcats
For kitty parents out there, that is a kitty meow none of us wants to hear. It says I am scared. I missed you. Love me. Where were you. I’m happy you are back. Love me.
Dog in Japan stays by the side of its ailing friend in the rubble
Well, it goes without saying that I am an animal lover. I am a big believer in sharing your wealth with charities and the 3 that get a lot of my money are Search Dog Foundation, Humane Society and ASPCA.
Here is a story that I saw on the news and yes, I completely lost it. I have cried a lot when seeing some of the images of the Japanese and all that they are enduring. I am encouraged by their spirit, their hardiness, their love, their compassion, and their faith. But to see this, well, it seemed so human. As I type this, I am starting to cry. The translation toward the middle to the end of the story is amazing. And yes, I was happy to read the update sentence.
I hope you will take 20 seconds to read this. But I understand if you don’t.
You are my sunshine
I used to sing this song all the time when I was a kid.
Cat House on the Kings
Cat House on the Kings is California’s largest no-cage, no-kill, lifetime cat sanctuary and adoption center. Lynea Lattanzio founded the sanctuary 19 years ago. Since then, Cat House on the Kings has saved over 18,000 cats and 5,000 dogs. Other than a “forebber hoam,” I can’t think of a better place for a kitteh to be!
Thanks to Lolcats for sharing this!
Quiz for Bright People
My mom shared this with my dad, sister and I. See how you do!
There are only nine questions.
This is a quiz for people who know everything! These are not trick questions.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All othervegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ‘ dw’ and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter ‘S.’
Do you want to know the answers??
- Boxing.
- Niagara Falls . The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
- Asparagus and rhubarb.
- Strawberry.
- It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
- Dwarf, dwell and dwindle…
- Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
- Lettuce.
- Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
Curiosity and Courage
I am a big fan of Dr. Biswas-Diener so when I received this email, thought it would be nice to share.
Curiosity & Courage
For those of you interested in exclusive content please accept this gift from us. Follow the link below to listen to a one hour lecture (with on-screen powerpoint) by Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener on the exciting topics of curiosity and courage. No registration is necessary and the content is free of charge. Enjoy!
From charity:water
This Earth Day, we’re all about water.
Some people in developing countries spend 3 hours each day
walking for water. Take 3 minutes to learn why.
Hidajat cited as ‘Young Hero’
This article is from SPN and had to share. Too cool not to. What an inspiration!
Back in February, we shared the story of Nathan Hidajat, who decided before he turned 8 that he wanted to give up his birthday for charity: water after watching the video of Scott Harrison on stage at Big Omaha 2010. Nathan met his original goal — raising $1,000 — in a mere seven days. Not content to stop there, he’s raised and met new goals several times since.
Charity: water campaigns typically last for 90 days, and Nathan’s will reach that in about three days. As of his last update on Tuesday, he had raised more than $3,000 from 86 donors. I conducted an email interview with Nathan, who (with the help of his father, Robert) looked back over his charity: water experience so far and discussed fund-raising goals for the future.
Silicon Prairie News: How do you feel about reaching your goal of raising $3,000 for charity: water?
Nathan Hidajat: I feel great! I am happy and thankful for everybody who helped me reach my goal. Most importantly, I am excited that the money raised will help more than 150 people get clean water.
SPN: Do you have another goal for the last few days of your campaign?
Hidajat: My next goal is either $4,000 or 100 donors.
SPN: What have you learned from this whole experience?
Hidajat: I [learned] that:
- Even someone as small as me can help people and make a difference in the world.
- Helping people is fun!
- People are very nice and want to help.
- At first I was scared and nervous to play piano for Grandmas and Grandpas at the retirement homes [as a thank you to the donors], but it’s actually very fun! I really like to see them happy and sing along when I play for them.
- People like my drawings [also a donor thank you] and feel that I appreciate their help and donation.
Additionally, the Lincoln Way chapter of the American Red Cross recognized Nathan as one of several “Young Heroes of the Heartland” in an event on Tuesday night in Ames. According to the organization’s website, this award is used “to recognize and pay tribute to young people, under 21, who have demonstrated local acts of heroism.”
What you scatter …
This was in an email I received from RJ and I had to share!
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
Pondering the peas, I couldn’t help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
‘Hello Barry, how are you today?’
‘H’lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus’ admirin’ them peas. They sure look good.’
‘They are good, Barry. How’s your Ma?’
‘Fine. Gittin’ stronger alla’ time.’
‘Good. Anything I can help you with?’
‘No, Sir. Jus’ admirin’ them peas.’
‘Would you like to take some home?’ Asked Mr. Miller.
‘No, Sir. Got nuthin’ to pay for ‘em with.’
‘Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?’
‘All I got’s my prize marble here.’
‘Is that right? Let me see it’ said Miller.
‘Here ’tis. She’s a dandy.’
‘I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?’ the store owner asked.
‘Not zackley but almost.’
‘Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble’. Mr. Miller told the boy.
‘Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.’
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.
With a smile she said, ‘There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.
When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn’t like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.’
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts… All very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband’s casket.
Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband’s bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
‘Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.
They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim ‘traded’ them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size… They came to pay their debt.’
‘We’ve never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,’ she confided, ‘but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.’
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral:
We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn’t make yourself… An unexpected phone call from an old friend… Green stoplights on your way to work… The fastest line at the grocery store…. A good sing-along song on the radio… Your keys found right where you left them.
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!
Thank you!
Memorial Day is about honoring those who have fallen while defending our country. The holiday’s origins date back to May 5th 1868:
On May 5, 1868, Gen. John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, officially proclaimed the holiday, and on May 30 of that year, flowers were first placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.
As you read this we have soldiers abroad doing what their country has asked of them in both Iraq and Afghanistan. These wars have been going on for a decade now and while casualties have been kept low compared to other historical conflicts, it is important to remember that not all of our troops will be coming home.
In the Afghanistan War we have lost 1594 American soldiers since 2001. Last year was the deadliest year of the Afghan War for US troops since it began, we lost 499 men and women in 2010.
The Iraq War, which began in 2003, has cost us a total of 4454 lives thus far and countless injuries. Thankfully, the amount of US troop casualties in Iraq peaked in 2007 and has declined each year since.
If you want to read blogs more specific to the military, I suggest Milblogging. Amazing!
taken directly from: http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/The-Reformed-Broker/2011/0530/Memorial-Day-remembering-what-it-s-really-about
Bugles Across America
I heard of Bugles Across America on ABCWorldNews yesterday and was incredibly touched by this group. It bothered me that the option given to many veterans was a recording of taps and not live. Tom Day also found this appalling and is trying to address the need. And doing a great job of it!
Please consider volunteering, requesting a bugler, or even donating via their site.
Bugles Across America, NFP was founded in 2000 by Tom Day, when Congress passed legislation stating Veterans had a right to at least 2 uniformed military people to fold the flag and play taps on a CD player. Bugles Across America was begun to take this a step further, and in recognition of the service these Veterans provided their country, we felt that every Veteran deserved a live rendition of taps played by a live Bugler. To this end, we are actively seeking volunteers to provide this valuable service to Veterans and their families.
Bugles Across America now has over 7500 bugler volunteers located in all 50 states and growing number overseas. Since the Department of Veterans Affairs is expecting more than 1/2 million veterans to pass every year for the next 7 years, Bugles Across America is ALWAYS recruiting new volunteers.
Bugler Volunteers can be male or female. They can play a traditional bugle with no valves, or they can perform the ceremony on a Trumpet, Cornet, Flugelhorn, or a 1, 2 or 3 valved bugle. The bugler can be of any age as long as they can play the 24 notes of Taps with an ease and style that will do honor to both the Veterans, their families, and the burial detail performing the service.
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES
A share from a friend of mine that had me laughing. Enjoy!!
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put then in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management …
Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Government.
