Happiness

There has been a lot of talk about happiness lately.  One night on World News Tonight with Charles Gibson, he shared a study that indicated that as women age they get unhappier, while the reverse is true for men.  It was stated that women concentrate on career and having a family and once that is essentially behind them, they become unhappier as life goes by.  I have heard of studies that indicate men are happier being married, while the reverse is true for women.   Researchers have been looking at country happiness and the US was not the happiest of them all.  I state this not to agree or disagree (though I disagree that I am getting unhappier as I get older – it’s been quite the opposite).

For more than three years now, I have really been soaking up research, articles, books, blogs, interviews about positive psychology, happiness, courage, and resiliency.  It’s been a fascinating journey for me.  As someone who has been to therapists for various reasons (after college, after my divorce, etc.), I have spent plenty of time looking back.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking back to understand your present, but eventually you need to start looking forward.  Positive psychology has been that catalyst that has assisted me in looking forward and is what took me into coaching.  It is my calling and I never would have found it without changing my perspective.

I hope you are on a quest toward something – it’s one of the healthiest and happiest ways you can be.  To be a searcher, a learner, a discoverer of your own life is a real motivator. If you are interested in learning more about Happiness Clubs in your area, click here. If you are in the Omaha, Nebraska area, join me.

One can never say enough about Appreciation

Mother Teresa once said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

I think this is such a powerful statement because appreciation and gratitude is such a powerful tool, and when people are appreciated, it brings about a huge sense of accomplishment, value, power, and happiness to their life.

The great part about appreciating others is that it’s so easy!

So, who have you appreciated today?

I’d like to encourage you to think about who you have (or haven’t) appreciated lately. Take just a minute or two to write people’s names down…and the next time you see them, make a point to appreciate them for the blessings they bring to your life.

I know I make this point frequently and Jack Canfield probably reaches more than I ever will in my lifetime, but that doesn’t make the message that less important for today and tomorrow!

So, who have you appreciated today?

 

The No Impact Man

Have you heard of this book? This blog? This guy?  Well, now you have!  Check it out.

The book was a great read but more than that, I really appreciated Colin’s honesty about this project.  It definitely makes you look within and see how you are living your own life.  I was impressed in so many ways and shocked too.  I dog-eared a ton of pages and it had a profound impact on me.  I hope you will read the book or check out the blog. Or even go see the documentary from their yearlong journey.

His wife and child also participated and to read his wife’s perspective on this via a column in Business Week (reposted on his blog) was also brutally honest about her life and the changes this yearlong experiment had on her as well.

I am sure some of you wonder about my latest movies and books. Between Food Inc., Better Off, and now The No Impact Man, you would consider me a very organic, vegetarian, of the earth kind of person. Well, I am trying to be. I don’t often eat meat and never cook it.  I do wish to be more reliant on farmers markets and other similar farm options year over year.  I think it takes each of us to make adjustments and just keep making them.

“Out”ing of another kind

I was passively listening to Good Morning America last week while I was getting ready for work and heard Glenn Close talk about her sister’s mental illness. The interviewer, I have no idea who it was, asked Glenn how she felt about being “outed” for her sister’s mental illness.  Are you kidding me? This is a horrible way to perpetuate the idea that having a mental illness of any kind is something to be ashamed of, hidden, and never discussed.  Tom Cruise started this firestorm when he attacked Matt Lauer about postpartum depression indicating it as a non-entity (many new moms loudly disagreed and thank you for doing so). And now we have someone on Good Morning America indicating its shameful to share if you have depression, anxiety, or anything similar and if you do, you shouldn’t have.

Why all the labels and their negative connotations? I have talked about labeling before, though more from a personality assessment perspective, but this really bothers me.  Why is it bad that someone has anxiety or depression?  There are many types of depression (and anxiety too) by the way but most think of clinical depression. That is one, but there is also situational depression.  When I think about situational depression, I think about the book Eat, Pray, Love. The main character ends up going on a yearlong adventure to escape, cleanse, and become whole again after a particularly ugly divorce.  This is not a bad thing. Something and someone she believed in died, in a sense, and she is sad and mourning that loss.

I have had my own bouts with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behavior. I am not, nor will I ever be, ashamed or embarrassed that I have been through these states and sought help from them.  In fact the times when I felt shy about it when I have shared this and gotten the pity look, like I was now irrevocably broken.  I was not as open to getting the helps I needed. But as you get older, you want resolutions, you want help, you want answers.  I was insightful enough about myself to realize things weren’t working quite like I wanted and even sometimes even saw what I was doing that I wished I was not. But I could never quite make the changes needed or make them stick for longer than a second or two.  I needed help to change my mindset and my behaviors and I thank the wonderful people who have helped me on my journey back to me. I have often shared how seeking help gave me the ability to take what I knew about myself and dig deeper within to move forward.  And this from someone who rarely asks for help!!

Don’t always listen to those in the media or “out there” in the world. Sometimes, they aren’t right. Sometimes they are. You have a right to make up your own mind to agree or disagree.  Alcoholism, cancer, anorexia, mental illness, and more. None need be a dirty word.

To Kindle or Not to Kindle – Follow-up

I first became aware of Amazon’s Kindle in April of 2008. I explored it and thought it was interesting.  I considered it but thought it was too early to make a buy and held off. I reconsidered again in March of 2009 (both times blogging about it).  I went back and forth based on feedback from those that did have it and even looked at some of the upcoming purchases I wanted to make to see if it was offered on the Kindle. I again held off.

Well, Amazon has had a few new iterations since then and the price has come down considerably. I have looked up numerous books I would like to read, old and new. There are classics that are free to download – how cool – and many books on my wish list now on Kindle.  Despite already making plans to mark my 40th in a very unique and substantial way, I decided to purchase this as a combo birthday present (another one!) and Christmas gift.

Do you have one? Are you happy with your purchase?  Mine is charging as we speak. I have downloaded a number of literature classics I haven’t read in a long time as well as one on the bestseller list.  I noticed that some of my textbooks could also be downloaded at a ridiculous savings over the hardback.  What a way to spend a snowy afternoon in Omaha!

The enormity of your job

Do you ever think about the impact you have in your organization? Usually you hear about employee’s not feeling appreciated or valued by their boss or their organization as a whole.  But on the other hand, do you take the time to reflect on the impact you have on others?

Lately, I have been thinking about this a lot. The enormity of my job has really got me thinking lately.  I have thought of this in my beginning days as a business coach but ultimately, I came to realize I was the catalyst and the answers or resolutions came from the person and not from me. I still feel responsible but don’t feel the weight on my shoulders quite as much as I used to.

However, as a professor, I think about this more and more. I have been developing a degree program and recently, classes started.  With 34 students, I feel a great responsibility to each of them to ensure they are learning, applying principles, and gaining the tools needed to be even more successive after the program ends. It’s an incredible pressure that I have on myself and feel the enormity of my impact to the students as an instructor. But also, in the near future, with the adjunct instructors that will also begin teaching in the program.

However, I am not unique just because I am an instructor.  Many persons in the workplace manage others and the impact of their management skills, coaching ability and feedback on their staff are just as important and just as impactful as anything I do. As a manager, do you feel the enormity of your job and how you impact each person on your team?

Customer Service Week

It’s Customer Service Week.  Have you thanked your customer’s yet?  They could be internal, external, near or far.  We all have customers.  Let them know that you appreciate them. Because deep down, don’t we all want to feel appreciated and valued?

Where’s the trust?

I asked the Twitterverse a question earlier last week. My tweet was simply: “People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?”  I received some interesting direct messages from people.  I am sure you think murder, adultery, lying, stealing and such would be high on the list. They were. Some consider these a break in trust so great, there is no regaining of that trust; not under any circumstances. But there were others who said that they could forgive anyone anything if the person was remorseful, apologetic and if necessary, served time for the crime through community service, a fine, or incarceration.

Is trust limitless or finite? Do you have a limit to what you will forgive a person and then move forward?

It has been an interesting decade in terms of scandals.  I am not going to rehash the big one’s in our largest organizations but suffice it to say, September 28th’s Business Week shared that only 44% of American trust businesses today compared to 58% two years ago.  That may not be significant, but that Fall seems to be the pinnacle of American’s trust in big business in an 8 year period. It has also led to a cascade of leadership books dedicated to the topic of trust.

Recently, there has been onslaught of politicians caught in adulterous situations. And in recent days, David Letterman has admitted to having affairs with members of his staff. And this is a man who has made millions off making fun of the very same people he himself is just like.  Does this make you question his credibility and integrity? For Letterman in particular, this came to light due to an extortion plot. We do not know if his wife had been previously aware and their relationship already through a healing process.

The question isn’t that they made these mistakes. That is a conversation for another post. The question is, could you forgive a mistake like that? What would it take? Could you rebuild the trust that has been shattered?

I was with a boyfriend many years ago that stole from me.  For me, the trust was gone. I never believed anything he said and questioned every word that was uttered.  I could not get past the lies nor the stealing, mainly because he was never genuinely sorry and because he was a repeat offender.  Had he been truly sorry and didn’t repeat the act, I would have been able to move on and would have been able to trust him again.  For me, there was a limit to what I could forgive with this person.

I believe that we all make mistakes. We are human.  Sometimes temptations do get the best of us despite our beliefs in ourself. It becomes a crisis of faith. Not just for the person who was affected, but also for the person who committed the act. I am not condoning any action a person has committed. But I do believe people on both sides of the issue have reactions to the situation.

This, I believe, is the true heart of the situation. How could someone make the mistake to begin with? How is it that this one time, they were not able to resist temptation? But just as the person is asking this questions to the guilty, I believe that same person is asking himself these very questions. These are not easy questions.  There aren’t always easy answers.

People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?

The Omaha Blog Co.

If you are a blogger in the Omaha area, consider joining the Omaha Blog Co. meetup.  This newly formed meetup is being organized by Danny Schreiber, the Managing Editor of Silicon Prairie News, a truly fantastic organization in the Omaha area.

See you there!

Anissa

Who I wish I was

Do you ever wonder about who you are and how you got here?  I think about this sometimes.  I think about growing up and the places we lived.  As a family, we moved around quite a bit, as many of you who read this know.  Sometimes, I can sit and wonder about the way things could have been if we hadn’t moved that one time, or that other time. Recently, I was talking to a great high school friend. We haven’t seen each other since we were sophomores in high school as I moved to another state after that. We were talking about school dances for a minute and then I sighed and said I wished I hadn’t moved away for the final two years of high school.

What does this “what if” game get me? Not much actually is probably most people’s first thought. Or a bunch of wasted time might be another thought.  Sometimes, it really makes me wish for more from the past, which we know I will not get. I can’t change what happened back then. So then, why do I do it?  For me the answer is simple, sometimes, when I think about what I did back then (or didn’t do), it helps me now. I take what I have learned or felt from that long ago experience and apply it to current events.  In this case, would I move away from Omaha?

I am not unhappy in Omaha. Do not misunderstand this at all. I have built a great life here, love the climate, and have met some fantastic people. But the lack of proximity to some of my oldest and closest friends does make me think about moving back to the east coast at times.  But then I think about the past and all the moves I endured as a kid. There were 2 that were quite dramatic, and tragic in a young girl’s eyes, that took much time for me to recover.  When I chose to move to Omaha, I did it with full desire to do so. I did not feel I was running away from anything but instead running toward something. I was looking forward to the adventure of moving my company, enjoying the Midwest again, being closer to some of the sports teams I love, and being closer to the heart of who I am.  If I were to leave Omaha right now, it would not be with a happy heart as it is not a fully realized goal. I have not thought about my job, my company, and other things I would be leaving behind.

And for this, I am grateful for my “what if-ing” because it allows me to see that when we moved around growing up, I was choice-less in the decision.  I felt snatched from my home, my closest friends and for a shy person, from a place I felt accepted and a part of things.  To realize these things is to help me make decisions now. I do have a choice and I have the ability to determine when a move is good for me and when it might not be.

What happens when you play the what-if game?

Omaha, the new Silicon Valley

Actually, Omaha is the new Silicon Prairie, or haven’t you heard?  Not only is PayPal here, but also People Search Media, Google, Yahoo, Contemporary Analysis, and LinkedIn.com. And that’s just the really BIG names.  Heck there is even a website.  For those that don’t know about Omaha, Nebraska, well then, let me educate you just a bit.

Omaha is home of 5 Fortune 500 Headquarters.

The Reuben sandwich was invented in Omaha.

Omaha’s Henry Doorly Zoo has the world’s largest geodesic dome and indoor rainforest. The Lied Jungle located in Omaha is the world’s largest indoor rain forest.

Borsheims in Omaha is the largest jewelry store in the nation.

Nebraska Furniture Mart in Omaha is the largest furniture store in the nation.

The Mutual of Omaha Corporate headquarters has 7 underground floors.

Father Edward Flanagan founded Boys Town in Omaha in 1917.

In 1950, Omaha became the home of the College World Series.

Hometown to Fred Astaire, Marlon Brando, and Nick Nolte.

There are many more fantastic facts about Omaha, but I wouldn’t want to be seen as bragging   Regardless, when people ask ‘why Omaha, Anissa’ more and more , my answer is ‘why not?’

Do you tweet?

I fully admit that I learn about a lot of technology, very early on.  But, you could not say I was an early adopter.  I learned about LinkedIn.com in 2004 when it was a year old but didn’t join until the following year. See, not an early adopter, though much earlier than most.  Same kind of thing with Facebook.  And now, Twitter. I have known about Twitter for about two years now. I actually created an account last spring and then never used it. Not once. Then I started using it in January.  See, not an early adopter, but an early learner.

Shoot, when you read a ton of different magazines, read about 50 blogs while you eat your breakfast, you are bound to find little tidbits of info to follow-up on later. And the crazy thing is, I do. I go off on odd internet tangents all the time. I have learned immensely this way and forever will be grateful for Google and its infinite wisdom to know where I want to head.  Google hasn’t made us dumber (still dislike that magazine cover on the topic).

If you tweet too, come follow me @positivitycoach (http://www.twitter.com/positivitycoach)

The compensation question

I don’t know about you, but it bothers me that President Obama makes $300,000/year (or thereabouts) but most CEO’s make millions and millions. Does this discrepancy make sense?  I am not advocating we raise the President’s salary. Actually, I think we should do the opposite and reduce CEO/COO/CIO pay; and NOT just for those organizations getting government aid per Business Week.

I absolutely believe that c-suite folks deserve to be paid according to the value they bring their companies, but realistically, how much value are they really bringing? The CEO to employee pay ratio has been escalating out of control for quite some time now. Is it really necessary for a CEO to make 600X the amount of the average employee?  Costco’s CEO Sinegal believes “If the CEO of a company is paid 10 to 12 times the highest hourly rate, that is probably pretty fair.”  Great concept!  GE’s CEO Immelt has waived his bonus for 2008, worth over 11 million, because of the economy and for the health of his company.  Hmm, any other CEO’s listening out there?

Apparently our own government needs to learn a lesson as the Postmaster General received a $70,000 raise last year and earned himself a $135,000 bonus. Wait, isn’t this the same person who told us recently that they may cut mail delivery to weekdays only to save money while also raising stamp prices again? That doesn’t sound like a flourishing business to me but we can thank Congress for his lavish salary as they approved it.

Interesting, the average employee is hearing that their bonuses are being frozen as are their wages.   The pay inequity rages on.  However, change is on the horizon.  As more hear about these issues, the more we can all speak up and create the change that is needed.  I hope you use your greatest asset, YOU, to bring about the kind of changes that are needed for all of us to live successfully!

The Reader Review

I have no idea what my expectations would be for this movie. I knew that Kate Winslet was getting major kudos for her role and winning lots of awards and is seemingly a lock for the Oscar tomorrow night. Other than that, I wasn’t clear how the love story and the holocaust came together.  But I am a Kate Winslet fan and wanted to see it before the Oscars.

It was an incredible story, quiet and powerful.  I am still trying to figure out why Michael turned around and left the prison.  And I can’t believe Hanna was too ashamed to admit her illiteracy as opposed to be seeing as a murderer.  In terms of what we choose and why, I will forever by astounded.  Sometimes, the choices we make are unbelievable, unreal, and against everything someone else would do.  It is what continues to amaze me about people and continues my search for answers.

Slumdog Slamdunk

So, I finally saw Slumdog Millionaire after having wanted to see it before it was even out. Yes, being half-Indian makes me slightly biased, but so be it.  It was a fantastic movie and worth every bit of the hype. I think the story was captivating in how it weaved past and present. I was transfixed.  You will be too, if you haven’t seen it. All of the characters were great – young, old, male, female (most especially the young).  Some of what the main characters witnessed as kids was enough to make me want to turn my head, but I also know that the slums of Mumbai truly exist and that life was well represented on screen.  I hope this movie wins for best movie, director, screenplay and score. It would be well deserved.

Oscar Picks

I am joining the fray and throwing my Oscar picks out there before the envelopes are opened.  I would say other than March Madness and the Super Bowl, this is the only other event I get involved with pools and betting.  I have done pretty well in past Oscar years, picking fairly well. Let’s see how I do this year.

Best Picture – Slumdog Millionaire

Best Director – Danny Boyle

Best Actor – Sean Penn (missed seeing Milk but from the few clips I have seen and all the reviews I have read, I am going with him, plus I think he’s great)

Best Actress – Kate Winslet

Actress in a Supporting Role – Viola Davis (this will be the only Oscar the movie Doubt gets)

Actor in a Supporting Role – the kid who played Michael in The Reader. Oh wait, he wasn’t nominated. Ok, this is my one total guess. I don’t think Heath Ledger would’ve been nominated had he been alive and I am not one for sentimental winners (sorry, as sensitive as everyone knows I am, this probably shocks you) but he will most likely win. So, I am going with Josh Brolin even though Michael Shannon should win, but people will believe his nomination was his “win”.

Documentary Feature – Man on Wire (loved it)

Foreign Language Film – The Class (saw the preview for this before the movie Happy Go Lucky and knew I had to see it. Puts Dangerous Minds and those other “school” movies to shame)

Writing, Adapted – Slumdog Millionaire

Writing, Original – Milk, though Happy Go Lucky is my other thought

The producers are promising a different, more lively, Oscars show.  We shall see…

Naps …

Naps matter … hope you partake every now and again … naps are great!

The Talent Buzz blog post contest

The Talent Buzz blog post contest has started.

I am participating in the Talent Buzz blog post contest. Winner receives $1000.  Please click on this link because every unique click counts in this contest.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, please, lend me your eyes!

Google Footprint

Ever since Al Gore and his  Inconvenient Truth, there has been a steady increase in talk about one’s carbon footprint.  It’s something to think about.  But the other footprint that I think is as important is your Google footprint.

What does a Google search say about you?  Yes, yes, we all secretly have googled ourselves to see what comes up.  No denying it anymore! But have you done it lately? With more and more information being digitized, there is more and more information that is winding up in the public domain for your boss, prospective boss (are you looking for a job?), your parents, your significant other, etc.

If you are someone who is consciously crafting your personal brand, Google yourself on a periodic basis and see what shows up.  If you are looking for a job right now and you were the hiring manager, how would you react to what you found out?  It would be fantastic if things like your LinkedIn, Ecademy, or Plaxo profiles were high on the list. But what something else showed up that you really wish no one knew about? I am sure Michael Phelps wishes there hadn’t been a camera around that day he wais taking a bong hit as it cost him at least one endorsement and a 3 month competitive swimming ban.

When you are considering your personal brand, give yourself a Google and see what turns up. If you don’t believe me, read some of the stories that Seth has heard.

Strengths is the Word

The topic of strengths is everywhere these days.  Business, home, schools.  I love to learn all I can about how the mind works, how our personality fits into things, why we make the decisions we do. I am not a researcher in the true sense of the word, but I do love to learn as much as I can, if only for my own personal insights into me.

If you haven’t gone to the VIA Character Strengths site within the Authentic Happiness site at UPenn, I encourage you to do so. It’s a free strengths assessment measuring 24 characters within individuals

VIA strengths – measures 24 character strengths in individuals. Free, very interesting.  Here’s the top five for me, from when I took it two years ago.  Do you agree?

Your top five, especially those marked as Signature Strengths, are the ones to pay attention to and find ways to use more often.

Your Top Strength: Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Your Second Strength: Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you “get it out the door” in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Your Third Strength: Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Your Fourth Strength: Kindness and generosity
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

Your Fifth Strength: Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a “real” person.

Do you ever …

wish there was more time?

wonder why cruelty exists?

think about what life will look like in the year 2050?

wonder if enough will be enough?

wish that we could all just get along?

hope for more but take less?

hope for an extra hour of daylight just so you can dream?

just sit and be?

think about how great your life is?

want for more?

wonder why?

practice random acts of kindness?

go out of your way for someone else?

long for your childhood?

find yourself saying “in the good ole days?”

think about all the possibilities there are?

Peepster

It’s a Peep time of year .. allow me to sing (in the tune of beans, beans, the more .. )

Peeps, Peeps, fun to say,

glad they are not gray,

because they certainly make my day!

Peeps, Peeps, fun to play

Yellow is like eating the sun’s rays

try to make them last til May!

And so begins the Madness

It is that time of year again. Time for fantastic weekends filled with college basketball.  Yes, I have my faves, but during March Madness, every game is a show.  They are all great; they almost always have you sitting on the edge of your seat. I don’t doubt this year will be any different.  Are you in a pool? Do you have your picks yet? What are you waiting for?

I do miss being in ACC country. It was a great atmosphere for college basketball.  People take off work the Friday of the ACC tournament and have parties. It’s the way it should be.  As a Big Ten girl, our tournament is a bit newer and does not quite have that cult status. Yet.  As for being in Omaha, well, there is Creighton but they didn’t make it this year and are NIT-bound.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the NIT. There has been many a year the Hoosiers were in the NIT and I was still a devotee. But there is nothing like NCAA’s tournament.  Ahh, Thursday will not get here fast enough!!

To Kindle or Not to Kindle?

I am in a quandry.  I am huge reader and love to be reading.  I am usually reading a few books at once, mainly because I am reading some for school, and some for pure curiosity or enjoyment (or both).  I am one of those people who gets interested in random things and then follows the path down the rabbit hole for a while. I also can get addicted to authors and will read everything they have ever written. Now, don’t mistake my incredible love for reading with being a shut-in, just like I shouldn’t mistake your shaved head or face piercings for anything more than self expression.

As an avid reader, I am starting to consider Amazon.com’s Kindle 2.0. It has a lot of new features that held me back from purchasing the first one, but now, the issue I have left is: what about having the actual book.  Right now, I have three bookcases that probably house about 400 or so books.  I have never counted and honestly, have no desire to.  I have about 20 books in my cart at Amazon.com at any one time and at least another 40+ on my wish list.  If you do a little math, to get the Kindle with most of the books being $10 or less, I will only be ‘out’ about $150 or thereabouts.  Of course, as time passes, the benefit of having purchased the Kindle will continue to rise and the financial side will tip to my favor.

So, if one can get past the initial shock of the price and decide that going electronic is the way to go, my last hesitation is with upgrades. Amazon is on version 2.0. What happens when version 3, or 5 comes out? Do we get upgrade options? Has anyone who has the first generation Kindle found any challenges now that the second generation is out?  I know, crazy random thoughts. But not completely unfounded when you consider the iPod and that most of us are on our 2nd or 3rd one.  My first had a battery challenge and when I found out the cost of replacing the battery, I decided to buy a new one from, yes, Amazon.   You can get just about anything from Amazon!

Anyone want to share their thoughts, suggestions, Kindle experiences?

Hmph ..

I was  going to just do it and get the Kindle. Use a little tax refund money and splurge.  It seemed like a good idea considering I usually pay the $79 for Amazon Prime, so was thinking this would help me to realize financial benefits sooner.  WRONG!  The 3 books I would like to get right now?  Not offered on Kindle.  Hmph.  I would say that maybe my purchase of Kindle is officially and indefinitely on hold now.  Give me some bound pulp any day I say.

Are you like the Runaway Bride?

I found myself watching the last half of Julia Robert’s Runaway Bride the other night. I wasn’t in the mood to read, study, clean or even watch tv actually, but I needed to unwind and it was too late to do anything else.  I never really like this movie when I first saw it however after seeing it again, I find it very interesting.

Julia Roberts portrays Maggie, a woman who has been engaged three times but has never said I do.  As Ike the Reporter uncovers more about her, we learn that she becomes a bit of a relationship chameleon with whomever she is with at the time.  Originally, I thought this premise wasn’t realistic and that the reporter (Richard Gere) falling in love with her was just as suspect.  That part not withstanding (he’s Richard Gere for God’s sake), I do think women are more amoebic when it comes to relationships.

We tend to try something we have absolutely no interest in whatsoever if our significant other loves it.  We know that most of the fun is just being with him, especially when he’s happy doing his thing (whatever the heck that may be).  It doesn’t mean that we need to lose our own identity and interests in the process, but that can happen. Why? Because it is not as often that our significant others will try something we like for no other reason than because they want to spend time with us.

Aww c’mon you say, that’s just stereotyping.  Really? If you are a male reading this, does your girlfriend/spouse have to beg you to go to the theater, a musical, a “girlie” movie, etc.? Do you put up a fight and finally give in by making some deal “I’ll go if you do this for me (whatever that may be for the two of you)? “  If you are female reading this, how often have you gone to a nascar race, football game (+ TAILGATE), fishing, hunting, a boat show, etc. even though it was the last thing you wanted to do?   I know, in both cases, there are some on both sides that like the particular examples I have given. Is there something else though that you wish your significant other would never, ever ask you to do with him or her again? Exactly.

As we learn, Maggie has lost her sense of self.  She ends up liking whatever eggs the guy she is dating likes.  Each of her engagement rings reflects the taste of her fiance, not her. Even the show (or what others would call the ceremony) is more about the taste of the fiance not a reflection of her, or them.  Maggie deeply realizes this, which is why she hasn’t been able to marry the three previous boyfriends. She runs again, for the fourth time on Ike, only to seek him out later and ask him to marry her after she examines who she is (and isn’t) and her life as the town joke.

What are you like in a relationship?  Do you have the space to do things on your own? Do you do things together, sometimes not necessarily what the other would want? Do you make time to do the things you both love to do?  My belief is that the healthier the relationship, the more you weave these moments into your lives.  But what do I know??

Single-minded

Much talk has been made (mainly by Republicans) about President Obama making an appearance on the Tonight Show or filling out his bracket for the NCAA tournament.  I don’t believe anything was said when he attended a high school english class to talk to the students who expressed their fears due to the economy.   Apparently the beef is that President Obama has taken his eye off the ball and is not focusing enough, or 100%, of his attention on the economy.  A singular mindset is what is needed? Really? I don’t think so. I think a singular mindset is the last thing we need.

I think Leonardo da Vinci said it best:

Every now and then go away,

have a little relaxation,

for when you come back to your work

your judgment will be surer;

since to remain constantly at work

will cause you to lose power of judgment …

Go some distance away

because the work appears smaller,

and more of it

can be taken in at a glance,

and lack of harmony

or proportion is more readily seen.

The Science of Numerology

I find all things like this (numerology, astrology) fascinating. I do not plan and live my life by this information, but as with anything, is another tool for me to use if I choose.   My Uncle N has tremendous knowledge about numerology, meditation, stress management and other topics I enjoy learning about so I asked him to share information about me, which he shared with me during my trip to India.  This led to me asking information about other members in the family, no less interesting!

I stumbled upon this page today and found it an interesting snapshot of numerology.  From this I learned that I … will find fulfillment through teaching others. By pursuing an ongoing quest for knowledge and then sharing your findings with your fellow man … be it through teaching, writing or some other means … you will bring joy into your own life. By following your destiny, your life should be an interesting life, one full of the exploration of science, mysteries, the occult, or other fascinating fields. Hmmm, I am a coach, trainer, and adjunct professor. I think I am pretty much living up to my vibrational number! How did you fare?

India

I must gush. I just got back from a two-week trip to India with my dad to see family and be a bit of tourist.  I had not been since I was a little kid; crazy huh? I was to have gone during Christmas break my freshman year of college but ended up having foot surgery instead.  Believe me, it was not a good trade.

I have not done any travel outside of the US as an adult and it has been long overdue. I have forever said I wanted to go here or there, but have I? Not til now. I can safely say that I have been bitten by the travel bug.  India was awesome. I had an absolutely fantastic two weeks and want to go back as soon as I can.  At one point, my Uncle made a joke about my moving to Chandigarh.  Hmm, might have to give that one some more thought.

Why did I love it so much?  It’s not an easy answer in some ways.  But the simplest and most descriptive way I can describe my time there was that I felt very at home there.  Of course, my being half-Indian may have something to do with it, as I truly felt like I was in food heaven every single day. Other than one dinner in which I had some chicken, I ate vegetarian throughout and loved every minute of it. I would prefer to eat that way now – if only I could cook that well or had the desire to cook at all.

Or maybe it was being with my dad and uncle for the entire trip while also staying with various family members.  It’s a multi-generational world there and it’s great! You never feel alone but you can be alone if you want.  My dad thinks blood is thicker than water and although I still disagree with this, I can now more fully see his perspective.

Or maybe it was seeing the country in all its glory. It is a beautiful country and found myself loving just about everywhere we went and we went to quite a few places.

to be continued …

Omaha Health and Wellness Expo – this weekend 4/25-26/09

The 2nd Annual – Omaha Health, Wellness, & Fitness Expo – The Mind, Body, & Spirit Fair is coming back to Omaha, Nebraska on April 25-26, 2009 at the Omaha Civic Auditorium.   Yours truly has a booth (#730) and is just 1 of 50 speakers over the two-day weekend. Come visit my booth or come to my session on Saturday, April 25th from 3:00-3:45p in Seminar Room #3 – the Power of Positivity: Based on Groundbreaking Happiness, Resilience and Well-Being Research.

The inaugural 2008 Omaha Health Expo was the largest health fair pertaining to wellness, fitness, the mind, body, and spirit in the Midwest and one of the largest in the nation with over 10,000 attendees! This year there are over 275 exhibitors and over 50 seminars. This year looks to be even bigger and continue to grow!  Check out the website for more information!

Find out new ways to attain soundness of mind and body, learn how to live longer, better, and happier, check out new ideas to improve your lifestyle and sense of well being. Learn the benefits of being healthy, being pain free or reducing your pain levels. Find out what’s new in alternative medicine, nutrition, organic foods, being GREEN and so much more!

Bob Mancuso, Jr., Director of the Omaha Health Expo, said, “The Omaha Health Expo is a unique community event that represents a multi-dimensional, complimentary view of health and wellness. The expo will have seminars on various topics both days. As an interactive event, each attendee will have the opportunity to speak with vendors – experts in their fields at the Omaha Civic Auditorium Mancuso Convention Center and Exhibition Hall – Free both days!”  **** Free to attend with a complimentary admission ticket – please let me know if you need one and I would be happy to share. I have many to give away. ****

The Expo will also feature the Omaha Health Expo Walk and Bike Ride events in the mornings on April 25-26, as the kick off events for the springtime running, walking, and biking season. The walk event is on the Saturday, April 25 and proceeds go to the American Lung Association. Contact the American Lung Association for more details! The Omaha Health Expo Bike Ride is on Sunday, April 26. Bike riders can still sign up at the event Sunday morning at 9:00 for late registration. Proceeds from the bike ride will go to Eastern Nebraska Trails Network (ENTN) and go toward trail development in eastern Nebraska and greater Omaha.

Mancuso said the Omaha Health Expo is about education. There have been many studies that relate physical fitness, positive attitude, and overall health to a positive impact on the bottom line. Associates can have lower levels of stress and improve their well-being and self-esteem. For the company, that can equate to enhanced productivity and lower health care costs.

Thank you to Bob Mancuso for the above Press Release information!

Just what we need .. laughter

World Laughter Day is coming up on May 3rd.  As the toll of the economy and unemployment continue to mount, this will be  a welcome distraction and hopefully the beginning of a new habit.  I have learned more and more about laughter yoga lately and am the facilitator for the Happiness Club here in Omaha.  I absolutely believe that surrounding yourself with support and supportive family and friends is essential to all of our well-being and overall health.

Please reach out and share your needs.  None of us are in this alone and truly believe that together, we really can live the life we want.  Hope to hearing you laughing!

Visit me at the Health Expo this weekend!

The 2nd Annual – Omaha Health, Wellness, & Fitness Expo – The Mind, Body, & Spirit Fair is coming back to Omaha, Nebraska this weekend at the Omaha Civic Auditorium.   Yours truly has a booth (#730) and is just 1 of 50 speakers over the two-day weekend. Come visit my booth or come to my session on Saturday, April 25th from 3:00-3:45p in Seminar Room #3 – the Power of Positivity: Based on Groundbreaking Happiness, Resilience and Well-Being Research.

The inaugural 2008 Omaha Health Expo was the largest health fair pertaining to wellness, fitness, the mind, body, and spirit in the Midwest and one of the largest in the nation with over 10,000 attendees! This year there are over 275 exhibitors and over 50 seminars. This year looks to be even bigger and continue to grow!  Check out the website for more information!

Hope to see you there today between 11-7 or tomorrow between 11-5!

Anissa

Too much fun …

I had so much fun at last week’s Health and Wellness Fair, I forgot to blog this week!  I had a booth in which I was lucky enough to be positioned next to an awesome power-duo, Amy and Kristie, selling MonaVie and other power-packed aisle-mated that I enjoyed meeting, talking to and getting to know the entire weekend.  The women at Wrist-a-Trac were fun, energetic and informative. It is a great tool- check it out if you haven’t already!  Pam of Spa Star had some wonderful beauty and skin products -many on my wish list!!  Mae’s superberries had a power smoothie to die for – it was a very popular destination from what I could tell (confession: I enjoyed and was delighted I did). I was also able to meet Marty, from The Biggest Loser’s 3rd season.  What a cool guy!  He has a challenge for Omaha – check him out!

When I was able, I made sure to poke around all the other vendors and had a great time meeting even more fantastic people from all over Omaha and beyond.  As a volunteer for a booth last year, I was not able to get around as I had liked and still had cards of folks I was going to look up but never did. Not this time. I met Sandy Herzog (still had her card from last year) and learned a bit more about biofeedback. It was amazingly accurate and incredibly telling. Email (sandiherzog@hotmail.com) her if you are interested!  I was also able to learn a bit more about my astrological sign, Scorpio with Aries rising, which I find never boring and always worth any time I spend!  If you want to check out more, Ann does readings but also has classes.  And lastly, I had my tarot cards read. I have forever wanted to have this done and was finally able to.  Sophia made things very comfortable and loved getting the feedback – all of it true and very telling! Call (402-390-6012) if you want one for yourself (I would highly recommend it if you have ever considered it).  I wanted to go to the seminar on auras but manning my own booth took precedence – darn it!

As you can clearly tell, the new age side of spirituality interests me greatly. I find it fascinating, unpredictable and fun. I don’t live my life by it, but I feel it is another tool for me to use as I need. As with anything, I think having varying interests and curiosities is the spice of life and for me, this is an area that continually shows me perspectives worth taking a second look.

Ahh, the simple life ..

I miss being in India.  I miss the simplicity of it all.  This is not to be construed as a negative or of harsh criticism to either the US or India.  I am someone who believes and lives within simplicity. I like it this way and find that as things become more complicated, I become more stressed out and overwhelmed.  I will try to create order out of any kind of chaos with as much swiftness and efficiency as I can. I dislike complicated greatly, though I do like challenges, so don’t mistake my simplicity for silliness, frivolity, or even being dumb.  I am none of those things (at least not the majority of the time!).

I have been back for about three weeks now and I am noticing some things that I find irksome. Why are there so many ads and commercials about ways to make ourselves better? There are a million products to help our digestive track, sleep aids abound, regenerative creams for every part of the anatomy, cosmetic enhancements for anything you want, etc.  What strikes me is we have all these artificial means to restore our bodies, inside and out, when all we need to do is live a healthy life.

I noticed that my entire family in India looks amazing – very young for their age, no matter what the age.  My grandmother does not look like someone in her 90’s, nor does my dad look like someone a few years shy of 70.  I noticed that the genes on that side of my family are very good, almost non-aging. I have no idea why this is. Is it because they drink a lot of tea (which I love)? Or is it because they are primarily vegetarians? Is it because they only eat wheat-based bread products? I truly have no idea. I know that it was how I ate for 2 weeks and was thrilled to no end.  Food heaven for sure!  I was always well satisfied and rarely “starving”, which I seem to always be back home because I eat, well, a bunch of processed crap.

I know that as I continue to get older, the one comment I get most often is that my skin is amazing and that I look at least 5 or 10 years younger than my real age (depends on who is doing the guessing).  When I was in my mid-30’s, I loved playing the “guess how old Anissa is” game because no one would ever guess over 30.  I always won that bet, always.  I am very grateful for the role genes are playing with my skin and appearance because I can say, with absolute sincerity, it has nothing to do with what I do.  I don’t wash my face before going to bed or have a skin “regimen”.  I wash my face in the shower in the morning and use moisturizer. That’s it – regimen over. I have rarely used any kind of foundation, so maybe that has helped; I have no idea. What I do know is that I wish I had someone to cook for me like my aunts did in India because it was fantastic and felt so amazingly ‘light’ while there.  Or maybe it’s time I learn how to really cook for myself!! I guess if I am going to live a healthy life, this is one way for me to start on my path.

Movin’ on up …

In some ways, focusing on customer service is a no-brainer. But some companies think they have revolutionized the idea. Whereas others, still have absolutely no concept of this.  As an example, I moved to Omaha without knowing anyone or even the area. I selected an apartment based on the amenities I needed and to be near a particular organization. However, the leasing agent assumed I was referring to the company’s location nearest to the complex and I, not having a clue, didn’t realize there was more than one company location in Omaha.  It really didn’t bother me once we realized the error upon move-in day, as most things in Omaha are not very far (at least not in my opinion).

My first year in the apartment was, for the most part, great.  I had some incredibly jerky neighbors below me (I am on the 3rd floor) who seemed to sleep during the day and up all night long – partying, playing loud music, shouting on their balcony (right under my bedroom window), and always slamming doors. Not good for a working stiff – at least not during the week. The leasing agent and I had challenges over this but she always did what she could to assist and eventually, for many other violations, they moved out.  Blissful became my home.

Second year-I thought of renting or buying a house, except I still could not decide where I wanted to put roots. I really like quite a few areas in Omaha, Bellevue and Lincoln.  I couldn’t decide and didn’t find anything in time, so I signed a lease for another year thinking that I would find the right place eventually.  During this time, new leasing management took over and in one short month, I have been accused of failing to pay rent, threatened with eviction, and told that I was violating Omaha law by having a propane tank on my balcony based on a visual outside scan. When I called, from India, about the rent situation and left a message, I received NO return message indicating “oops, we did get your payment after all, sorry”. NOTHING.  Interestingly, I had paid rent early that month due to my trip to India and even more interestingly, I do not own a propane tank. In all of my years on this planet, I have NEVER owned a propane tank, let alone a grill. I doubt I will receive a callback or apology for that accusation either.

Is it me or is the customer experience lacking? I am a paying customer who chooses to live here (albeit I won’t be when the lease ends this September).  The operative word in that sentence – chooses.  There are websites dedicated to sharing reviews of apartment communities and leasing companies/apartment managers. Do apartment complexes really think that renters are trapped with no options? I have many options and again, I will be making a choice this September to be elsewhere. Coincidentally, I heard a fantastic saying today “we believe in customer care, not service.  You service a car.”   I think that says it all.

Can you feel that?

I rarely health-related issues, but this is one that warrants sharing.  For many years, I had a marble-sized lump in the middle of my back, right on my spine. It never hurt, it never changed, it never grew.  I would be aware of it and wonder when I first noticed it, but overall, it was nothing. Or so doctor’s repeatedly told me.

Then out of the blue, about a week and a half ago, the lump started hurting. Nothing too horrible, but noticeable nonetheless. A few days later, I noticed that the pain was becoming more constant with each day and it seemed to be getting bigger.  Of course, one tends to believe these things but then you wonder if you are just deceiving yourself; like when residents read about diseases and believe they have all of them. It did not help that I had the same kind of lump and pain on the right side of my neck – well below my lymph nodes.  Well, 3 days of this was enough, so I called my primary care doctor.

He did not see the two issues as being related (still trying to figure out how I feel about that). Then he says that he believes that the lump on my back is a lipoma, which are the most common non-cancerous tumors there are. Yippee! But because it is growing, is painful and located in a spot that he is not comfortable with (close to spine), he wants me to go see a surgeon for a second opinion/consultation.

In the two days between these two appointments, I have investigated all of my symptoms (ya gotta love the internet) and believe there to be a few possibilities, but like the lipoma one the best.  Two days later, I go to see the surgeon and in that time, the lump has more than doubled in size and has become a constant source of pain and discomfort. No more sleeping on my back, leaning back in chairs, or wearing a bra (though I do and hate it -except this past weekend). He looks at it, pokes and prods it in order to declare that he “believes” it is a benign tumor but he will do pathology on it to make sure. He has not declared my disease or named my specific lump, nor do I care to ask. In the meantime, he thinks that it was wise that my primary doc sent me to him because of its placement and growth. Then proceeds to ask how soon we can schedule the surgery while subsequently sharing details of the surgery, the very long incision, the many stitches and how I will have to come back to have them taken out.  Ye gads – sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

In the three days since that appointment, the lump is now quadruple the size it was originally and the pain is almost intolerable at times.  I cannot reach my arms, stretch my back in any way, graze the lump in any way or I will cry out in pain.  It is  now beyond just being a painful lump but something that seems to be stretching out into other nerves.  Arrgghh.  Any chair I sit, I must sit on the edge for fear of leaning back.  The darn thing is so big now, that if I hunch over, say at a desk, you can actually see the lump through a shirt.  I look like a dork driving because I am not sitting back against the seatback.

But alas, surgery has come and gone.  I can only hope that recovery brings less pain and never one of these things again. Oh wait, that thing in my neck .. can you feel that?

So many ideas, so little time

I have noticed, for the past few years, that I have a ton of new ideas all the time. I can’t keep up with them at all either. If I were to try to implement them all, I would never sleep, let alone get anything done!  Some of these ideas are mundane, for things around the house. Some are related to my dissertation topic and other research-related things for my doctorate.  Sometimes, it is for new products, services, and other things I would like to see in the world today that don’t seem to exist. I also have a ton of ideas relative to speaking gigs (been working with a speaker’s bureau for about a year now).  And lastly, I have a ton of ideas for books. I write quite a bit and I think the only thing left to do now is either shop around for a publisher or publish myself (there are many self-publishing outlets today, it is amazing).

Sometimes, I wonder if I am like the character in Phenomenon and I have some sort of brain tumor that is activating my brain. But I truly know that I have always been one for a lot of ideas but either didn’t feel the confidence to take action or didn’t know what to do with them.  Do does this kind of thing happen to you? What are you doing with your ideas?  Well me, I have been taking them on the road, writing about them, or incorporating them into research. More to come!

Getting rid of the sludge in life

I think there comes a point in every person’s life when you realize you are carrying around dead weight.   It may be in the form of material things, or a job, or even activities.  But sometimes, it can be a person.  When you start avoiding that thing or that person, it’s time to ask yourself why, listen, and then act by removing the noose.

I really didn’t want to do something yesterday but I did it anyway.  I probably shouldn’t have because deep down I was dreading it, which puts me in a weird mood.  Then when I got there, it was the same crap, different day.  Arrgghhh.  I said things I was thinking and feeling but still, should not have said out loud.  I tend to do this in the presence of negative and depressing people who bring me down and all I want to do is flee when my attempts at shaking them out of their foul mood goes repeatedly astray.  This is why I avoid such people. Ahh, why I don’t listen to myself!  Arrghhh.

Lesson 1 – avoid depressing, negative people who are always negative and depressing, day in and day out.

Lesson 2 – listen to inner voice when it tells you to just say no!!

Pity party

Over the weekend, someone I know said I was throwing myself a pity party. The fact that she was completely drunk, slurring her words, and could barely maintain a still position on her couch, I found this accusation rather interesting.

In the past couple of years, I have felt a considerable shift in my perspective to contentedness, positivity, and joy in my life. Sure, I have had my down moments and challenges but have felt that they have tested me and given me the opportunity to show I am made of more substance and courage than I would have thought ten years ago.  Plus, life is not going to be a bed of roses all the time.  I am not a total Pollyanna!  I guess because I shared that I recently had surgery on my back and it’s still not possible to sit back or sleep on my back qualifies as a pity party??  Or that I am working, in essence, four jobs (they are all inter-related) and each has been fantastic in terms of meeting people, business building, and opportunity qualifies as a pity party?? Hmm, I think I don’t know what this phrase means.

Then I wondered, what exactly does it mean to have a pity party? So, I did what most of us do these days, I Googled it and found that the urban dictionary (love that this exists) indicates a pity party is:

1) A way of experiencing grief, in which you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself and whining endlessly about how crappy your life is

2) A party you throw yourself after something bad has happened to you

Wow! That is not how I view myself at all.  I don’t think my life is crappy at all; I am rather happy with how my life is going.  There is very little I would change and things that I want to change I am actively working on.  If anything, I have never been more happy with the direction and path my life has been taking in the past four years and since I have been the architect of the journey, it is all the more satisfying.

What I really think is this person has a bit of transference going on in which she is the one who is actually miserable, unhappy with herself, her bum of a husband (her words, not mind), and is still telling her “I was fired” sob story six months later.  Maybe being in her company put me in a pity party mood (per definition #2) having to sit there listening to her same ole, same ole story, as if the track on the CD was on indefinite repeat. Hmm, guess will have to be careful who and how I spend my time in the future to avoid that kind of party.

How do you find love?

I know, I know, you don’t find love, it finds you. Blah blah blah.  I am sure there are about ten more cliches like that you could throw at me but let’s not and say we did.

Back to my original question. How do you find love?  It seems pretty easy when you are younger (ok, easier).  Either you meet the “one” in college, through friends, or friends of friends (either high school or college), through sibling’s friends, or maybe through work friends.

Then the late 30’s hit (or for some of you out there, the40’s, or 50’s, etc.). You are still single, or single again.  What do you do?  It seems like everyone I know (or everyone I notice) is married. Or gay, and in a relationship.  In both instances, lucky for you.  But back to me for a minute

So, really, how do you find love?  The online thing is ridiculous.  Blind dates and fix-ups seem to work less and less the older we get. And the bar scene – well, I am not interested in 50+ divorced guys, which seem to be the only single guys out there.  So, all right, not everyone is married, but everyone in my age range seems to be!!

And for those that read yesterday’s post, this isn’t a pity party but a true question!  Does the grocery thing work? How about the laundromat (not really interested in this option – didn’t care for it in college either)? Bookstores? Starbucks?  Business trips – you know, soul mate is your seat mate? Sorry, these are all the suggestions I have been told to try or be open to.

So far, no luck for me. However, the ever hopeful person I am just thinks it hasn’t been the right time yet.  Regardless, I still believe that my guy is out there right now wondering where I am.  Of course if you believe the psychic from last month, I will be married by the end of the year with two kids, a boy and a girl.

But back to my question. How did you find love? Tell me the story of your love connection. Give me some more rays of sunshine

Choices, choices

This is going to be a long one and a might get a tad ranty at times.  Just preparing you.

I am a little frustrated with the amount of choices that exist out there. Sometimes, I truly believe it is a good thing, especially when it comes to vegetables as I really like some and really dislike others. But mostly, I think there are way too many choices in the world today.  When it comes to fresh foods or place to live, choice is great. But when it comes to things like mascara (I find this absolutely friggin ridiculous and no, I don’t wear any but it’s still the dumbest invention that keeps getting reinvented in what seems like every ten minutes for fuller, plumper, thicker, longer lashes. Who cares!!!) or other inane crap like that, I just don’t get it. I really don’t.

My frustration isn’t about inane stuff like makeup (less is more people – or none is even better) or anything else material like that.  It is actually about education. I know, crazy huh.  I think education, or more accurately, learning is a fantastic thing. There are many ways to pursue this – the school of life, working, school, traveling.  Whatever your path, awesome.  My path, recently, has been school and I am enjoying it immensely.  I know, you are thinking, well then what’s the beef?

Well Clara Peller (I just crack myself up), the issue is about doctoral programs.  When I was finishing my MBA in 2005 and going through the hell that was writing a 100+ page thesis within 10 weeks, I learned that it wasn’t as daunting and scary as I thought, which meant that the dream of going farther was now a possibility.  I researched about thirty different doctoral programs – both traditional and online, near and far.  It was interesting to really do this because I did not do this when I picked IU for undergrad. After we moved from Greenwood to South Bend right before 6th grade and then to Harrisonburg, Virginia the following year, I knew I would end up at IU. I never visited campus, just applied, and assumed I would get in. Whew.

I narrowed down the schools and applied to a few doctoral programs that I thought would be the best for me.  In January of 2006, I started my PhD program and even later that spring, attended a week-long colloquia.  I had made a poor choice and by the fall of that year, knew it and took a leave of absence to figure out where I went wrong.  As it turned out, it wasn’t me.  The school wasn’t challenging or rigorous enough for me and the instructors were lazy and uninvolved.  I know, I am a total dork; who complains about that stuff?!

During this time, I had become infatuated with positive psychology, reading and learning quite a bit. By the end of 2006, I was completely immersed in learning about engagement, strengths, positivity, appreciation, and feedback; just couldn’t read enough books, research, or articles.  I decided to find a doctoral program that would help push me toward this more for research and professional application (more so than my MBA program, which I tried to make more applicable especially with my thesis).  In the meantime, I found another master’s program on leadership that I really knew I would enjoy, applied, and started.  Halfway through this program, I learned of  MAPP, or Master of Applied Positive Psychology. I really wanted to get into that program too and be a part of their second cohort but I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted a third masters degree and the cost was more than I was comfortable with (mainly due to travel).  Interesting side note: Tom Rath and Yakiv Smirnoff are graduates, as well as two fellow coaching colleagues I think are amazing, Kathryn Britton and Senia Maymin.

I began exploring alternative doctoral programs again, as I firmly decided that I wasn’t going to go for a third masters no matter how much I wanted to learn about the topic academically.   I found a PhD program at Claremont University in California that was just starting a positive psychology program in the summer of 2007 but sadly, not a lot of desire to move to California, program was not quite exactly a fit nor did I want be a full-time doctoral student.  I could not find a hybrid program that would allow an adult learner to remain working but still be devoted academically. So I found the next best program I could find that would allow me the freedom to pursue the research topics I wanted while still being in a concentration that would be applicable long-term.

Again, you ask what’s the beef then? I started one PhD program and took five courses that despite my efforts and good grades were not allowable to the 2nd program. Doctoral programs don’t accept work from other doctoral programs it seems.  I started an EdD program this past fall and am three courses into it and have attended a residency already. The program is going well enough, no major complaints about the instructors, program, or rigor.

But Bellevue University, a school that is practically in my backyard and one that I recently joined as an instructor, has a PhD program that would be perfect for my long-term research and professional pursuits.  The press release about the program was in mid-July and I believe has five doctoral students in it so far, so it’s a fairly young program and not one I was aware of during my last program search.  Do I start over – again? Won’t there be continual educational evolution?  Will another ‘perfect’ choice show up a few years from now? Why is that some of the leaders in the industry seem to have found their research calling despite having started in one program a decade or two ago? I know I am not a researcher in the sense that they are, but organizations will be my laboratory so there is some equivalence.  Does the program matter in the long run? Is it more about the issues you are studying and less about the coursework?  Any thoughts or impressions from a neutral perspective??

Your global compass

I saw an interesting billboard on the way home from work today. It said “his global compass is equality” — Desmond Tutu.

What is your global compass? If someone asked you, would you be able to answer immediately or would you need to think about it?  Would you be able to describe it one word or would it be a phrase or a full conversation? Would you feel the need to qualify it?  Would it apply to all of your life, or just parts of it (i.e. personal vs. professional)?

My global compass is positivity. It is the one word that describes my global compass perfectly and has done so for many years now. I can only say I wish I had learned it sooner but since I am the architect of my life, it came along when it was time.

What is your global compass?

Love and the workplace

Do you love your job? Do you like the people you work with? Do you try to leave your personal life at the door when you walk into the work? Do you truly care about your teammates or your team?

When you read these questions, did you think I was insane?  I am asking about feelings and work.  If you read many leadership books and talk to many bosses, there is NO room for any emotion when it comes to business and the workplace.

I completely and adamantly disagree.  How do you compartmentalize your life like that?  Is it working? Do you feel guilty that you missed your kid’s picnic or field trip, or spelling bee (or whatever)? Do you feel guilty when you’re on vacation or leave just a bit early for a parent-teacher conference or a basketball game?  Is this really the way to live?

Kouzes and Posner wrote a fantastic leadership book called The Leadership Challenge, which was followed up by Encourage the Heart (one among many fantastic book follow-ups). Both are awesome and should be organizational bibles if you ask me.  In essence, caring about your coworkers should not be taboo.

I know for me, it is the model I have followed since college and I refuse to stop. I have been mocked for this by upper management, told I was less responsible than my peers because my teams had fun while at work, and constantly told to stop being friendly with my team.  I might have lost out on opportunities for myself, but I was never in it for me anyway.

What kind of leader are you? What stand do you take professionally?  Don’t change who you are because others disagree, make fun, or are threatened. Just stay the course!

Ten years and going strong ..

I spent Memorial Day weekend in San Diego with family.  As someone who had not been, it’s a beautiful city.  I felt like I was in vacationland but I think Maine would be upset that I stole their state motto.  One day at lunch, we got on the subject of Lasik.  I didn’t even realize that this month was my ten-year anniversary of having gone under the knife

As someone who started wearing glasses in kindergarten, hard contacts in 8th grade, and who lobbied hard for PRK (whew, thankfully I didn’t win that battle), I will forever be happy with the expense.  Lasik wasn’t covered by insurance back then but that was no deterrent. All the possible side effects that MAY occur, nope, not a deterrent either.  Are you on the fence? Why?  Have you had Lasik? What’s been your experience? Me?  I have been 20/25 without a single challenge along the way.  Which reminds me, time to get my eyes checked!

You can do anything. Yes, YOU!

I have heard many comments lately that make me wonder. Some of the comments have been something like this:

• I can’t leave my job right now.  The economy is horrible.
• I am stuck working for an incompetent boss.
• My company’s benefits and perks are too good to leave but I am bored out of my mind.
• I can’t stand my life.
• I wish I were thinner/more fit/healthier.
• etc etc etc

All I hear is can’t and won’t in those statements and when I ask for more detail about what choices they do have, the same response comes back “I don’t have a choice, I am stuck”.  Really?  No choice at all?  Interesting.

What I really think is you are making excuses. You are choosing the path of least resistance. You are copping out due to your insecurities, your ambivalence and the fear of the unknown.  All ridiculous reasons to just stay put.  How’s that? I am too harsh? I don’t think so at all.  Nothing in this world ever came from maintaining the status quo.  Are you choosing happiness or are you choosing safety?  Without curiosity and a little bit of anxiety, how would you even know you were alive?

I think you can do anything you want to. But YOU have to want to.  Quick whining and moaning, bitching and complaining. We don’t mind hearing it the first time or two, but after you do nothing and keep on the same mindless track, we find the refrain intolerable.  Don’t mistake this for indifference or a lack of caring. I care a great deal, even for people I barely know or have just met, say in an airport for example.  But if you aren’t going to help yourself, why should I remain invested in your plight?

The World of One

I am putting this out there in the ether so that everyone knows I said it and I can’t back down later.  When, not if, I write my first book, The World Of One will be the title.  Not a single title close to this on Amazon.com – wahoo!!! Anyway, I have a great idea, an outline, and some rough notes, all mostly in my head.  Have I actually written the book? Well, no.  It’s on my short list of things to do this summer. The idea has been percolating for a while now and it’s time. I finally feel ready. What took so long?  Who knows.  When the writer is ready, the words will come??

I figure the only way to ensure that I will continue on the path toward this goal of mine is to share it with the world (or the small piece I inhabit).  I am also considering sharing excerpts. If you are interested in reading pieces of the book along the way, let me know. I will take any and all feedback I can get.  As a writer, I tend to have varying opinions about my work. At times, I am very pleased. Other times, I find myself to be disjointed, lacking sense or logic.  Regardless, I have come to truly appreciate when others share their constructive comments, tell me I completely lost them in the middle of that paragraph, or that I “spoke” to them. I need that outside, objective perspective.

The World of One.  More to come ……

Do you ever wonder why …

• life can’t be easier?
• people don’t smile more than they do?
• opening a door for another isn’t very common anymore?
• men feel the need to NOT walk through a door that a woman has opened for them?
• people can’t just say thank you when you compliment them?
• love is battlefield?
• all’s fair in love and war?
• time goes by so fast when you don’t want it to but is slow as molasses when you do?
• forgiving is so hard but it’s so beneficial?
• we forget the happy things but more easily remember the negative?
• there are debates over man’s best friend?
• people just can’t get along?
• someone uses information against you when they claim to be your friend?
• others don’t take responsibility for their actions?
• people gossip?
• we become our parents even though we swear we won’t?
• people hurt animals? or children?
• there are so many choices for everything?
• more people don’t live a life they want?
• some people are so argumentative?
• reading isn’t more popular?
• we talk about the weather so much?
• we all can’t just love and appreciate each other EXACTLY as we are?
• we ask why so darn much?

It’s a 2X2 world

This post has been bouncing around in my head for some time now and think it’s more appropriate than ever.

We live in a 2×2 world.  It seems like everything is set up for couples (and by extension, families).  Shoot, what’s the point of a booth if not to look longingly at your significant other across the table? I actually don’t believe this, but it was said to me very recently. Friday and Saturday nights are still called date nights, not that one can’t have a date with oneself. But let’s get real, when you see someone siting in a restaurant or movie alone, don’t you wonder why they are alone and where their significant other is? Are they on their way? Did they have a fight? Why couldn’t that person have chosen to go out alone?

Have you ever tried to go to a concert alone? A movie? a 5-star restaurant?  A vacation? A play or musical? Just to name a few. How did it go?  Were you thinking the whole time about having someone next to you? Did you bring a book with you? Did you call someone so that you wouldn’t seem so alone? Were you texting the whole time?

There is a movement called Quirkyalone. Have you heard of it? I learned of this site many years ago after stumbling upon the book. It’s to celebrate the choice to be single but what I have noticed is that there are many ways for those quirkyalone folks to get together. Is this a way to celebrate or just another way to bridge that gap to “not” being alone?  Shoot, they have even started their own holiday!

Do not misunderstand – I am not knocking quirkyalone. I love the concept actually and think we should celebrate singlehood more. Just as I think we should celebrate those persons who CHOOSE not to have kids, instead of bashing them, making them feel like they aren’t a contributing member of society or a leper.  The point is really this – why do need to celebrate these differences from what is expected, or more specifically, what is believed to be the norm?

The norm seems to be this 2×2 world, with 2.2 kids, a white picket fence and all other trappings. If you are different than this, then you are different.  But why?  Do we need to label like this? Do we need to really follow social convention anymore?  Hasn’t the past taught us anything?  There is no ONE answer for the world, for people, for coupling. Or for being single.  Does it matter that you have been divorced twice? Or that you have never been married at 35? or even 45?  And for those that are married, why the convincing that it’s the best? Can’t we all agree that the grass is always greener so living happily in one’s own world instead of comparing is really the way to go?

Just a few thoughts I have been mulling lately with no real answers yet …

What makes up attraction?

This is a question I ask myself frequently.  I would love to say that it’s a recent question, but in one form or another, I have been asking myself this since at least high school.

Why are we attracted to people? Why is someone attracted to Vince Vaughn versus Tom Cruise versus Brad Pitt versus Will Ferrell?  And for the record, if I had to be trapped on an island, I would pick Vince.  Tom and Brad wouldn’t even make into my top 100, which is precisely my point!  I have never been attracted to Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.  Shoot, when they were both in that Vampire movie, I am sure there were girls who fainted twice just thinking about it. Me, I thought they both ruined the movie.  Popularity does not necessarily equate to talent, at least not in my opinion.

So, back to the topic.  Why do these two guys leave me looking in the other direction, while other girls wouldn’t agree with my choice of Vince Vaughn?  The same I wonder about in reverse. Why do guys find some girls more attractive over another?  And more importantly than all of this, how do you maintain that attraction between two people? I am sure that is really the heart of my whole quandary to begin with.

I was recently watching The Opposite of Sex with Christina Ricci. It’s a great movie that I first saw in Maine at the Railroad Cinema. If you can get past some of the non-pc stuff and just enjoy it for it is, it’s a funny movie (gotta really listen – the jabs come fast and furious sometimes).  But there is one exchange that has continually stuck in the back of my head since seeing it about ten years ago.  Lyle Lovett’s character, Carl, is talking to Lucia (played by fantastically Lisa Kudrow) about sex.  He says that maybe the point of sex isn’t recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it’s concentration. Say it’s supposed to focus your attention on the person you’re sleeping with, like biological highlighter.

For almost ten years, that has been in the back of my head rattling around.  It’s a pretty powerful little concept.  And if you really think about it, this makes tremendous sense. If you have ever had that wall come up between you and another, where the little intimacies of holding hands, kissing, cuddling, jokes only you two share stop, and the sex becomes less and less frequent, then you know that it isn’t just the act of sex that builds and develops your attraction, but all the other components.  Without that attention to him or her, or that specific concentration on the two of you, then why are you even with that person?

Biological highlighter. It’s a pretty intriguing concept.

Naturally you ..

I came across some old files the other day from undergrad days.  I read some of the essays I had written for both the graduate program and assistantships I was in the midst of applying  to at the time.

What struck me was my emphasis, even at 22, on positivity, feedback, coaching, and serving others when it came to my style of leadership.  I actually used the words positivity and building positive organizations.  It doesn’t happen too often that I shock myself, but I was pretty astounded to find evidence that I have long since thought this way as a leader and my examples in the essays reflected it.

As I have learned more about the various styles of leadership that exist and learned more from leaders I have come into contact, I am grateful for this insight into my natural belief of what makes a great leader and how I fit into it.   I still haven’t learned how or when I became this type of leader or if it is just a natural extension of my personality. Regardless, my validation of myself as a leader of merit, despite my giving nature in the workplace, has become cemented.

As a person and leader, I think it important to share your appreciation of others’ work, give feedback whenever you can, coach others to greater heights, be fun, and create a positive environment. In essence, if you aren’t successful, than I cannot be. Now, knowing that this is something I have practiced and believed for the better part of twenty years, I don’t feel like I am just jumping on the positivity or positive psychology bandwagon of late. I am just being my natural me.

Who or what is your natural you?  Are you still living it?

Interrupting our regularly scheduled broadcasting …

Thanks to WordPress, I can write my blog posts whenever an idea hits me and save it for later, or even schedule it to appear any time I want. I love this feature as sometimes, I will be driving and inspiration hits. Then later, I will write the blog post.  Or sometimes, I get hit with many inspirations, write them all, then schedule them for various dates in the future. Yes, I am a WordPress enthusiast! But that is another post all together.

I had actually written a few posts this past weekend for the upcoming week but right now, I must interrupt the flow and post immediately. Got a bit of a rant here that I want to share. Or at least release, because apparently, running up and down the stairs isn’t killing my thoughts!

I am sick to death of being pushed.  If you ever want me to turn around and head in the other direction, then just push me.  Push your agenda on me, tell me that you know it all, and whatever I say or know is irrelevant. That will surely turn me around. And away.  I am not asking you to agree with me, nor should I have to agree with you — it is called a conversation for a reason.

For some time now, I have been working with a coaching franchise in consideration of partnering with them.  Yes, I have my own coaching company and pleased with how things are going.  Yes, I have also lent my coaching services to another coaching organization in NYC that I am a raving fan for, as I love their values and mission. I would probably give away my coaching services to them but hey, I do need to eat.

So, why did I explore another partnership? Because I love coaching that much and if could be coaching 50 hours a week, I would be in heaven.  I know this is a dream for now, but if I can take steps so that these dreams come to fruition in 10, 20, or 30 years, so be it.  However, the more I learned of this partnership, the more I dislike the aggressive, pushy, “we know it all”, we are THE NUMBER ONE SUCCESSFUL COACHING company in the world (ye gads, if you have to repeatedly shout it at me, then I have to doubt it), and we know what we are doing more than anyone else. Really, ever hear of Marshall Goldsmith? I very much beg to differ on that one Mr. Know It All. But hey, no one hears Marshall Goldsmith touting how great he is and to me, that makes all the difference in the world.

This person talked about learning styles, then violated the basic idea of this moments later when I brought up verbal overshadowing.  Then he talked about trying to get clients to stop thinking “I know” and to start thinking “that’s interesting” but when I tried to share what I thought was interesting, I got back more of his own “I know”, which is again, hypocritical of his company’s message. Interestingly, he started the session over twenty minutes late and said that since we had had conversations prior, the session would be more conversational. Again, not accurate.  I could barely get in any comments or thoughts, without being interrupted.  I should have been prepared for that when he continually interrupted his own peer, the very person I would actually partner with.

How does that saying go by Ralph Waldo Emerson  — What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.  Well, all the things he was doing told me all I needed to know about my desire to continue the conversation, which was to not continue it.  As a coach, regardless of niche, this is NOT the way I want my profession to be reflected in the marketplace nor a company I ever want to be associated.   When you are presented with situations like this, do you hold firm to who you are?

Do you want a flat stomach?

Well, that picture appears to have the answer (courtesy of my fave dose of daily laughter)!  All you need to do is position yourself so that you smush your stomach and all is taken care of. Ta da!

Am I the only one who thinks that all of these ads  on Google, Facebook, spam emails, etc. to flatten your stomach are ridiculous?  Hasn’t the world pretty much refuted the success of diets, quick-loss schemes, and other fads?  We are a nation that is fatter than ever. This stuff isn’t working folks! So apparently, buying into the hype is just that – buying!  Save your money and love yourself just the way you are.

Laugh more. Live more. Enjoy more.  That is what life is about, not about the quest for the flattest stomach.

Homeopathy, naturally

How many of you have heard of homeopathic medicine?  Do you hit Whole Foods and check out the natural oils and medicines section?  Ever considered biofeedback, meditation, hypnosis, yoga or other means to tap into your inner abilities? Do you believe in any of it? All of it?

By way of background, it might help to know that when I was growing up, I wanted to be a psychiatrist.  I can remember this pretty far back, like 5th grade.  The only catch was the medical school component.  I wasn’t scared of medical school, I just am not a big believer in prescribing medicine.  Not then, not now.  If you opened my medicine cabinet right now, you would only find the remaining medicine from my back surgery.  Yes, I do know that there are some very necessary medicinal needs (insulin, etc.) but for the most part, even at 17, I have thought we are an overly medicated and overly dependent society.

After 2 years, a few misdiagnoses, and one unnecessary surgery, I learned that I had psoriatic arthritis in 2006.  It was nice to understand why my knee, hip, and shoulder would sort of lock up and swell, or my toes would go numb.  It was nice to finally understand why we had to drain my knee once a month due to the excessive swelling.  I was first put on methotrexate and was told I would be on this the rest of my life.  I really hated this. Then when it wasn’t working well enough after about a year, they added twice-a-week injections of Enbrel.  What a lovely combo of drugs – I won’t disparage them because they were very helpful. I could roll over in bed again, walk without my knee blowing up and grasp a pencil again. I am thankful that they gave me my life back. But they severely compromise your immune system in order to suppress the overactivity.  But remember, I dislike taking drugs, especially ones that I would have to administer for the rest of my life (and let me tell you, those Enbrel injections are no picnic and I am someone who did the daily fertility shots for at least a month in order to donate my eggs to couples wanting children).

So, after almost three years of this, my desire to find an alternative was escalating. My uncles and dad took me to see a homeopathic doctor in India in April.  He had been successful with other members of my family with allergies and other issues, so I was very nervous but excited to see him. He spent about 3 hours with me, trying to understand how my body is affected by psoriatic arthritis and how the current drugs alleviated the pain.  He sent me away with some natural pills (for lack of a better word) and told me to call him in a few weeks to tell me how things were going.  His belief was that we would try it out and adjust as needed, but all in all, in a few months, no more psoriatic arthritis.

So, here it is, the third month. I stopped taking the Enbrel injections at the end of March (my suggestion) and had stopped taking the methotrexate earlier in the year (doctor’s suggestion).  After taking the medicines the doctor in India prescribed, I have had considerable success.  My knee hasn’t swelled once, which is a huge win if you ask me.  The toe numbness, hip/shoulder pain, and other issues have steadily become less and less of an issue. There are always alternatives, always choices. It’s up to you to decide.  I am glad I did, with my family’s help. Now, I hope you will excuse me while I snoopy dance as a way of expressing my complete happiness with how well things are going!!

Another rant?

I used to love listening to Dennis Miller’s rants. I even have two of his rant-related books.  They make me laugh at their honesty but also their absurdity.

At times, Seth Godin does this too.  Right now, he and I are in a parallel situation. I have been selecting textbooks for a 9-course program I am creating and am finding the textbooks to be anything but what I want or need.  But instead of me ranting, check out his post.  I had one of those ‘heck ya, you said it’ kind of moments after I read it.

It seems that the more I review textbooks, the more I am shocked by the prices –a paperback, 9th Edition leadership book is $150. WHY??  And am equally shocked by the repetitive text. Doesn’t anyone have anything new to say based on projects that have occurred in the past 3 years? Why are we still dissecting projects from twenty years ago? No mistaking their value, but there have been some recent projects that would be more interesting to dissect if you ask me. Apparently they didn’t.

As a professor, but also a student, I can agree with some of Seth’s final statements,  “This industry deserves to die. It has extracted too much time and too much money and wasted too much potential. We can do better. A lot better”.   He’s right. We really could do a lot better.

Is it worth the risk?

To laugh … is to risk appearing the fool.

To cry … is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out … is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings … is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd … is to risk rejection.

To love … is to risk not being loved in return.

To live … is to risk dying.

To hope … is to risk despair.

To try … is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. Those who risk nothing, do nothing, and have nothing.  They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, or love.  Chained by their certitude, they are slaves; they have forfeited their freedom. Only one who risks is truly free.

Thank you to Janet Rand for the above.  It has really resonated with me. And to think I found this among reading I did  for class.

I found this recently and had to share because I have had some amazing opportunities and taken quite a few chances lately (meaning in the past few months to past few years).  I have also heard from various persons in my life (be it friends, coworkers, acquaintances, or family) that they are, at times, quite shocked with some of my choices.  Most recently, it’s been about the amount of information I reveal about myself within this very blog.

I guess I just wouldn’t be true to who I am if I censored what I wrote or hid behind the topics, not fully revealing myself.  Although I am not the most outgoing person in the world, I do tend to be pretty open about who I am and what I think. I guess I wouldn’t make a good celebrity in that way!  I am happier with myself and my life when I am true to who I am than I was when I sublimated my true self for the sake of everyone else.  So, from my perspective, yes, it is worth the risk and I am going to keep taking them.  I will risk any pain, disappointment, or rejection that comes my way because of these choices.  Hope you can say the same!

You Matter

• When you love the work you do and the people you do it with, you matter.
• When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter.
• When you leave the world a better place than you found it, you matter.
• When you continue to raise the bar on what you do and how you do it, you matter.
• When you teach and forgive and teach more before you rush to judge and demean, you matter.
• When you touch the people in your life through your actions (and your words), you matter.
• When kids grow up wanting to be you, you matter.
• When you see the world as it is, but insist on making it more like it could be, you matter.
• When you inspire a Nobel prize winner or a slum dweller, you matter.
• When the room brightens when you walk in, you matter.
• And when the legacy you leave behind lasts for hours, days or a lifetime, you matter

For once, didn’t change a single word (I know, shocker!).  It says all it needs to. Full credit and thanks to Seth Godin for the above.

To all the fathers out there

Have a fantastic day!  Hope you get to spend some time with your family and kids, as well as a little time doing whatever it is that makes your soul sing. I know for my dad, he’s probably going to hit the links with my mom and sister.  Sounds like a nice way to spend a Sunday. Hope yours is just as happy!

Opening a window to a brighter world

A blind man was brought to the hospital. He was both depressed and seriously ill. He shared a room with another man, and one day asked, “What is going on outside?” The man in the other bed explained in some detail about the sunshine, gusty winds, and the people walking along the sidewalk.

The next day, the blind man again asked, “Please tell me what is going on outside today.” The roommate responded with a story about the activities in a park across the way, the ducks on the pond, and the people feeding them.

The third day and each day thereafter for two weeks, the blind man asked about the world outside and the other man answered, describing a different scene. The blind man enjoyed these talks, and he grew happier learning about the world seen through the window.

Then the blind man’s roommate was discharged from the hospital. A new roommate was wheeled in – a tough-minded businessman who felt terrible, but wanted to get work done. The next morning, the blind man said, “Will you please tell me what is going on outside?” The businessman did not feel well, and he didn’t want to be bothered to tell stories to a blind man. So he responded assertively, “What do you mean? I can’t see outside. There is no window here. It’s only a wall.”

The blind man again became depressed, and a few days later he took a turn for a the worse and was moved to intensive care.

Do you open windows to a brighter world for those around you? Or do only see the walls?

Source of story: based on a story heard at a spiritual service in Santa Fe, New Mexico

In praise of the internet

I am sure all of us could share how the internet has positively affected our lives.  It could be through expansion of your company online and therefore abroad, starting a blog that became a book, or helping you do research for your job or school. For me, the internet has helped to make this really big world seem a lot smaller.

Growing up, my family moved around so much, continuity of friendships was extremely tough.  Oh sure, I would write letters (when’s the last time you wrote a letter??) long after I moved, but when we moved almost every single year, how is a 5th or 6th expected to keep that level of communication up?

Moving around was my dad’s thing as he continued to climb the professional ladder and we did it constantly.  Good for him in what he was trying to accomplish, but not so good if you are a kid trying to get to varsity on the volleyball team, or run cross country, or become editor of the school newspaper. Tough to do all that when you are moving around, trying to meet new people, and establish yourself once again in a new school.

In spite of all that, life goes on and the friends you made along the way stick with you. Maybe not in the sense that you still have contact, 13 moves later. But they stick with you in the sense that you haven’t forgotten about them, you wonder where they are, how life has treated them, etc. So, whenever the chance allows, you Google them, or try to find them on Classmates, or Linkedin, or Facebook.

In my case, I started reconnecting with some old high school friends via Classmates in 2005. Then in 2007, Linkedin helped bridge the gap with some old college friends. And in the past 2 years, Facebook has been an awesome tool to help me re-establish friendships.  More significantly, my having a website has sent family and friends my way that I would have never thought possible. All of this due to the internet.  Sure, there is talk that all this time spent emailing, IMing, etc. is breaking down our ability to communicate face to face, making many of us more isolated than ever, and reducing the quality of relationships.

But for me, all that talk is unfounded.  I have made many friends through online classes that I have been both a student and instructor; friendships that I can count on 4 years later having either never met that person face to face, or only having met them once.  I have talked to friends from 20 years ago, and most recently, a neighbor I hadn’t talked to since I was 12.  For me, the power of the internet has helped to take a very migratory upbringing and make it seem less so. How has the internet helped you?

Guidelines for Being Human from Rob Bishop

Interestingly, this was part of a reading assignment in one of my books on Leadership by Richard Daft. I liked the message enough that I wanted to share. Hope you enjoy it.

1. You will receive a body.
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons.
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works.”

4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.
There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better than “here.”
Where your “there” has become “here” you will simply obtain another “there” that will, again, look better than “here.”

7. Others are mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you.
The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. Whether you think you can or can’t, in either case you’ll be right. Think about it.

11. You will forget all this or you will choose to remember.

12. Should you choose to remember, you will know that with forgiveness, love and trust you will embrace all that is yours. Take your place as a guide and undertake to live your life in absolute abundance, love and adventure.

International Happiness Day

WHEN:  JULY 10th 2009

WHO:
A day where everyone around the world participate in making the world a happier place! Founded by Liberto Pereda of Portugal, Ambassadors from each country are spearheading initiatives to encourage people to participate in this memorable day. The US Ambassadors are Dr. Aymee Coget, CEO of The American Happiness Association, Eva Gregory & Jeannie Gabilinni, Law of Attraction Experts. A list of worldwide Ambassadors are located at the Facebook group.

WHAT:
Choose to spread happiness on July 10th, 2009

WHERE:
Events will be held all over the world.

HOW:
Participate in International Happiness Day a variety of ways!
* Become a member of the American Happiness Association to be abreast of the latest developments or sign up for the newsletter (free)
* Join the Facebook Group for International Happiness Day
* Sign the UN Petition for support of International Happiness Day
* Join or Start a happiness club!
* Contact your country’s Ambassador to volunteer to help!
* Attend or host an event for your community on July 10th, 2009
* Tell your local media about this day

Practice Happiness Science on this day through:

> Gratitude practice

> 5 acts of kindness

> Smile at strangers

> Appreciate, Admire and give affection to others

The Anxiety Prayer

God grant me the strength to be really anxious

about that which I need to change;

The patience to be even more anxious

about that which I cannot change;

And, above all, the wisdom to know

there’s no difference.

Amen.

Thanks to Robert Holden for this from his book, Success Intelligence.  Anxiety is a cry for help and the answer is more faith. Faith in what we want to accomplish and our vision of our future. Faith in ourselves. Faith in others.  Faith in God and in all things that give you real strength to move forward.

Omaha Love

Thanks to Silicon Prairie News for this share, as it always helps my argument when I am asked “Why Omaha, Anissa”?

The Greater Omaha Chamber of Commerce shares some new facts and figures on the great city and state many of us call home…

It’s been a busy quarter for national attention in Omaha and Nebraska with eight new or updated rankings for the city and 11 for the state. These additional 19 rankings coupled with 10 for the first quarter bring the total rankings for 2009 up to 29.

2Q 2009 Rankings and Recognitions

• Omaha received the #10 ranking for “America’s Most Recession-Resistant Cities” (Brookings Institution – June 2009)
• Omaha was rated sixth on the list of “Best Mid-sized Cities for Next Gen Workers” (Next Generation Consulting – June 2009)
• Omaha was ranked fifth among the “Best Places to Start Over” (Business Week – June 2009)
• The Greater Omaha MSA is 11th on the “2009 Best Large Cities for Job Growth” (NewGeography.com – June 2009)
• Omaha ranked 35th out of 200 top metros for “Best Places for Business and Careers” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
• Omaha ranked 33rd out of 200 top metros for “Cost of Living” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
• Omaha ranked 35th out of 200 top metros for “Projected Job Growth” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
• Omaha is sixth on the list of “Most Favorable Cities for a Plant that Turns an Ethanol Byproduct into Health Food.” (The Boyd Company – April 2009)
• Nebraska was one of only nine states to receive a “Green” rating for the “Best Places to Avoid a Recession” (JobBait.com – June 2009)
• Nebraska ranked 10th on the Forbes.com list of “Best States for Business” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
• Nebraska was identified as being more than 90 percent recession proof from 1991 through 2009 (JobBait.com – June 2009)
• Nebraska was listed among only 10 states whose economies are outperforming the U.S. economy as a whole (Nelson A. Rockefeller Institute of Government – April 2009)
• Nebraska ranked 16th on a list of “America’s Best States to Live” (Forbes.com – June 2009)
• Nebraska ranked #1 as the “Financially Happiest State in the Union” (MainStreet.com Happiness Index – April 2009)
• Nebraska is listed as a “Top 10 Pro-Business State for 2009” (Pollina Corporate Real Estate – June 2009)
• In the overall ranking for “Best States for Business”, Nebraska is fifth (Directorship Boardroom Intelligence – June 2009)
• On the “National Physical Health Ranking”, Nebraska is sixth (Forbes.com – June 2009)
• Nebraska ranked seventh for “Lowest Cost of Living in 2008″ (CNBC.com – June 2009)
• Nebraska ranked 12th for “Quality of Life in 2008” (CNBC.com – June 2009)

Updated…

• As of May 2009, Nebraska’s seasonally adjusted unemployment rate was less than half the national average (4.4 vs. 9.4) and was tied with North Dakota for the lowest unemployment rate in the nation (Bureau of Labor Statistics – 2009)

To life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

Happy Independence Day everyone!   Hope you are having a Happy 4th with family and friends, celebrating our ability to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  I just love that happiness is something our forefathers considered important enough to mention.  I hope you are always living forward in your own life, being present, and enjoying the now.  Don’t forget, International Happiness Day is next Friday!

From a favorite site, a cupcake for all of you, courtesy of them!!

Holding out for a hero

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream
of what I need

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder end rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there’s someone somewhere
Watching me

Through the wind end the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood

Guess people didn’t realize the above are song lyrics, from Bonnie Tyler’s Holding out for a Hero, from the movie Footloose. Sometimes, there are no  hidden meanings. Things just are what they are.

Everlasting Love

He wasn’t looking for a pretty face
She wasn’t searching for the latest style
He didn’t want someone who walked straight off the tv
She needed someone with an interior smile

She wasn’t looking for a cuddle in the back seat
He wasn’t looking for a five minute thrill
She wasn’t thinking of tomorrow or of next week
This vacancy he meant to permanently fill

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Back in the world of disposable emotion
In the climate of temporary dreams
He wasn’t looking for a notch on his bedpost
A love to push, pull, and burst at the seams

I need an everlasting love
I need a friend and a lover divine
An everlasting precious love
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time

Is this love worth waiting for?
Something special, something pure

Is this love worth waiting for?
Bitterness will die for sure
Something precious, something pure
Is this love worth waiting for?

Can’t go wrong with some Howard Jones! Again,  there are no hidden meanings. Things just are what they are.

Here’s what I think … for now

Life is too short to think about tomorrow, or later.  Do it now.  We all think we are going to live until we die of old age. There are no guarantees that this will happen, so live. NOW.

A crisis in faith means you need to have more faith. Not less.

Sometimes, music lyrics tell a story. It might even be yours. Sometimes, they are just great words set to great music.

Don’t always look for the underlying meaning.  Just enjoy things for what they are.

Don’t wait to tell people you love them. Do it now and do it often.

There is no delete or backspace button in life.

The answers to life’s questions do not exist in books, tv, or movies. They exist only in you.

Take a risk when it comes to relationships. Love is not easy. That is no reason to hold back even if it breaks your heart.

If you put your well-being behind everyone else, you are always last.  Put yourself first so that you have the energy, desire and happiness to be there for everyone else.

Choosing security over happiness never works.

Choosing money over happiness never works.

We are not here to work. We are here to live.  So quit living to work. Just live.

Who you choose to have in your life is a choice. If someone is giving you angst, share that and work toward harmony.  If it doesn’t happen, choose another path.

Listen to your gut. It talks but you need to listen.

There are always other paths in life.  How many have you tried?

Beauty is everywhere.  Open your eyes.

Looking outward means you are not looking inward.  Spend some time with yourself.

Sometimes, you just have to let go.

Why does it matter what others have that you don’t?  Will those things make you happier, more content, and more secure?

Enjoy today. Enjoy everyday.

Just be. Stop doing. All the doing and busyness in life takes away from the being.

Love hurts. Hearts break. Tears fall.  Then try again.

Friends are a great thing.  Cherish them.

You can’t make choices for other people. So stop trying.

Belief in yourself is extremely important.  So is appreciating yourself for who you are.

Love yourself.

This last one was said by someone else, but fits nicely: you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else. Is yours on?

If today was your last day …

I was on a conference call yesterday and this was the hold music that was playing.  I don’t think I had ever really, I mean really, listened to the words but once I did, I really liked what they said. Especially in light of my “here’s what I think” post from yesterday. Enjoy and thanks to Nickelback!

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’re never living twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you’re dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you’d finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
‘Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you’re dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you’d finally fall in love if today was your last day?

International Happiness Day

WHEN:   Today, Friday, July 10th, 2009

WHO:
A day where everyone around the world participate in making the world a happier place! Founded by Liberto Pereda of Portugal, Ambassadors from each country are spearheading initiatives to encourage people to participate in this memorable day. The US Ambassadors are Dr. Aymee Coget, CEO of The American Happiness Association, Eva Gregory & Jeannie Gabilinni, Law of Attraction Experts. A list of worldwide Ambassadors are located at the Facebook group.

WHAT:
Choose to spread happiness on TODAY

WHERE:
Events will be held all over the world.

HOW:
Participate in International Happiness Day a variety of ways!
* Become a member of the American Happiness Association to be abreast of the latest developments or sign up for the newsletter (free)
* Join the Facebook Group for International Happiness Day
* Sign the UN Petition for support of International Happiness Day
* Join or Start a happiness club!
* Contact your country’s Ambassador to volunteer to help!
* Attend or host an event for your community on July 10th, 2009
* Tell your local media about this day

Practice Happiness Science on this day through:

> Gratitude practice

> 5 acts of kindness

> Smile at strangers

> Appreciate, Admire and give affection to others

Blogs of the world

I am a big fan of Google Reader via my iGoogle page. Once I log in, I settle in with my bowl of cereal each morning and check out new postings of the various blogs I love to read. I have a huge variety and enjoy this solitude in the morning to start my day in a positive, energizing, and thoughtful way.  I found it interesting at a recent Happiness Club meeting, that many of the Happyologists and myself started sharing the various blogs that mean something to each of us and how they impact our lives.  So, I thought, why not open the conversation a bit more? I am going to share one or two with you and hope that you will share some of your favorites with me. I am very interested in learning about the blogs that mean something to you. Here’s my first share from Phil Gerbyshak – the below is completely and fully written by him, including the picture tag. He’s got an infectious way about him as a writer, which I enjoy! Hope you do too.

10 Commandments of Social Media

by Phil Gerbyshak, the Make It Great Guy!

Social media is meant to be just that…social – media. So I’ve come up with what I think is a great list of commandments to follow if you’re new OR experienced in social media.

1 – Thou shalt add value first, and sell LAST – If you have zero people in your network, and 3 articles on your blog, telling me about a joint venture opportunity I can REALLY benefit from is not going to work. Instead, leave a nice comment that adds value to one of my articles, or better, write an article on your own site that references my article, and then send me an e-mail letting me know about it.

2 – Thou shalt listen twice as much as you talk – You have two ears, and one mouth. Please use them in that proportion! Pay attention and pick your spots to contribute. You are NOT an expert in everything, no matter what you might think.

3 – Thou shalt not spam all your contacts – Just because we are connected, doesn’t mean I’ve given you permission to spam me with every time you come up with a new idea. Ask me…and I may give you permission.

4 – Thou shalt not act like a stuck up jerk, no matter how many folks are following you on any/every platform.  In fact, I would say ESPECIALLY if you have a million folks who follow you. Seth Godin is a very friendly guy who responds to email, blog posts, and other things directed at him. If Seth Godin can make time to reply to email, so can you!

5 – Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s contacts – After I meet folks in person, I often invite them to connect with me on the various social media networks I’m part of, and I am always happy to introduce you to someone who can help you, or who you can help. I always USED TO say: “If there is anyone in my network you’d like to meet, let me know and I’ll be happy to make the introduction.” I say USED TO because I had someone who went through my network and cherry picked more than 50 people to make a connection to because he thought they could all “benefit from his services.” Guess how many I introduced him to? HINT: It rhymed with hero! Instead, I now say “Let me know of 1 or 2 people in my network you’d like to meet, and what value you can add to their life, and I’ll be happy to introduce you.” That simple twists helps me weed out the spammers!

6 – Thou shall personalize every invitation I make to join any network – automated messages are for robots! Remind me how you know me and why, and it’ll help me remember why I should let you in. Especially annoying: Automated DM after following on Twitter.

7 – Thou shalt remember that 10 can be more powerful than 10000 – If someone has 10 readers to their blog, they might have a little more time to review your book or talk to you than someone who has 10000 readers and is constantly promoting the latest this or that. Therefore 10 can be WAY more powerful than 10000.

8 – Thou shalt not beg (for anything) – Don’t beg me to be your friend, to give you a link, or to connect me to so and so. Just ask nicely, tell me what value you’ll bring to the equation, and I’ll be happy to assist if I can.

9 – Thou shalt be authentic and transparent in all you do – Don’t hide anything from your readers. There’s no shame in promoting people you like, but say you like them. Also, there’s no shame in promoting stuff you believe in for a few dollars in an affiliate program, but don’t be shy about it and hide the URL in something on your domain that forwards to an affiliate link (unless you disclose it). I typically will shorten the URL if I’m doing an affiliate program, or you’ll if it’s short enough, you’ll see it.

10 – Thou shalt take the blog off the blog – Blogging and twittering is GREAT but now and then, go to a conference or two. Enjoy a cup of coffee or brew with someone local to you. Pick up the phone and call someone. Handwrite a thank you note. Take the blog off the blog.

Am I crazy?

Is this too much to ask of folks? Or are these 10 commandments of social media all you need?

Blogs of the World II

I am a fan of two sites with a similar themes and wish in fact that what they were striving for were the status quo instead of the few.  But I notice that the concepts are coming into favor more and more.

The first blog is from Cali and Jody, who wrote a book called Work Sucks and How to Fix It that discusses their concept of ROWE, or the Results Only Work Environment. It’s a fantastic read and is where I learned of their term sludge, which I have used in past posts.  The first company to implement a ROWE was Best Buy and was subsequently profiled in BusinessWeek. Essentially, people work when they need to, not when they have to or because they need to put in their 8 hours, which leads to unproductive websurfing and other time wasters to “put in the time”, otherwise known as presenteeism.  Reminds me of George Costanza and his look-busy-philosophy to appease his bosses.

Right now, the post that has been resonating with me is about summer hours.  I have many different jobs but within one, they have instituted summer hours for the month of June and July.  For these two months, all that is required is that I am available virtually (email or phone) for five hours a week.  I do not need to be in the office at any time for these two months. However, I still go to my office on occasion as I have meetings and other resource needs, and sometimes because I would rather work there than at home. I have noticed that I am almost drowning in sludge by the time I leave by many of the same coworkers who benefit from these summer hours. WHY? I wonder this every time and then decidedly stay away even more to avoid the crush of sludge.  Why is this necessary?  If everyone is doing their respective jobs, the needs of our customers are being met, and objectives are adhered to, why why why?  It just boggles my mind.

The other blog is from Ashley Acker, PhD, who is also a ROWE proponent.  One of her recent posts about onboarding in a virtual world captured my attention as this is a subset of my dissertation topic.  Her goal is to help organizations restyle their culture to be more ROWE-oriented and is grounded in extensive research.

Each of these blogs really speak to me, as I have long been an outspoken proponent of working to your own preferences. I think punching a clock can be absurb as well as having people work certain hours because that’s when you deem they should work. Why not let people work when it is best for them? This may not work in every occupation, but for those that do, why the limitations and the restrictions? I wonder how much control plays a factor into this. Regardless, asking people to work 8-5 every day, even if they prefer working 6-3 or 10-7, or having them do ‘busy work’ to fill an 8-hour day seems oddly ineffective and fiscally wasteful.  We have all worked our share of long days, at home in the evenings after a full day at the office, over the weekend, etc. So don’t you think you will get the time back if, say, a person left at 4 instead of 5 one day?  Just a thought.

The cavalry is coming

When you hear this phrase, what immediately came to mind? Are you wrestling with an issue and felt some relief that help was coming? Do we all still feel a need to be rescued sometimes?

I believe help comes in many forms. The trick is you need to be aware and ready for the help.  It doesn’t help if you are turned in a different direction or your eyes are closed.

Lately, I have been having some challenges with anxiety.  By nature, I am a  planner, an organizer, a linear thinker. I am also creative, spontaneous, with boundless energy. These two sides can come into conflict which causes anxious moments. Right now, I have many been struggling with my doctoral program while finishing up my coaching practicums toward PCC certification, adjuncting at one college while working full-time at another. That’s just the big stuff

But what do you do when the anxiety hits?

Luckily, I am good at recognizing when I am anxious and keyed up. I have not always been successful about how to mitigate those feelings though!  But thankfully, I have taken some steps lately and by doing so, the phrase ‘the cavalry is coming’ always springs to mind and I immediately feel relieved.  As a coach, some of the same steps that I use to assist my clients are ones that I utilize myself. And luckily, they are wonderfully effective.  I’m curious. What do you do to help yourself and practice a little self-care?

Wild About Omaha

The weekend is coming!  Come out this weekend, July 24th and 25th!

Don’t Miss Mutual of Omaha’s Wild About Omaha Weekend!

Join Mutual of Omaha in celebrating 100 years! Wild about Omaha Weekend will be two days of fun-filled events at several Omaha arts & entertainment venues. Whether you’re young, old, somewhere in between, single or want to bring the family – there’s something for everyone. And – it’s FREE!

Thanks to SPN for the great picture!!

Blogs of the World III – zen habits

I don’t know how many of you out there are zen habits readers, but it’s an awesome blog. The author, Leo Babauta, is a bloggerX2 and a now a novelistx2.  His blog, the aforementioned zen habits, is hugely popular and sprung forth a book, The Power of Less.  He had also previously written an ebook, Zen To Done: The Ultimate Simple Productivity System, that was touted as the most successful productivity ebook sold in history. I have no idea if that is true or not, but that was said at the time!

He has written another book co-authored with  Eric Hamm called The Essential Motivation Handbook. He calls it a companion to his Zen to Done ebook.  If it is anything like it or the Power of Less book, this one will be a winner as well. I am devouring it now so stay tuned!! If you are interested in purchasing, check it out:    Click here to view more details

And for those of you who wondered, hey she said he was a bloggerx2, don’t forget to check out write to done. He shares some awesome writing tips, not just for bloggers, but for all writers.  Check it out!

Crystal balls and Magic 8-balls

I have a magic 8-ball on one of my bookshelves. From time to time, I pick it up and ask it a few questions.  I truly wish and hope that the answer is what I am hoping for.  Of course, if you are like me, if you don’t like the response, you will play the best out of 3 game (or best out of 5).  How’s that for science!! Reminds me of picking leaves from a flower – ‘ he loves me, he loves me not’ and so forth when again, it’s a fruitless exercise.

Despite my playing around with this toy, I don’t actually believe whatever the answer is, even if I get the one I want first time asked. But I have often wondered if the answer became the truth and as time passed, it became less a toy and more a crystal ball.  But my question is – if you could see into the future, would it change how you live today?  Think about that for a second.

If you knew that your something tragic was going to happen to a member of your family (not hoping for this for anyone), would it impact how you treat them now? Or if there’s been a rift between you and a previously really close friend, would knowing that person was struck with a terminal disease cause you to forgive and forget?

What if you knew that instead of it being a family member or your friend, it was your life that was going to end sooner than you expected? Because let’s be real, we all think we are going to die of old age, with a smile on our face, in our sleep.  Would you live your life differently now?  There are some people who have been given this ‘gift’ of a second chance and as a result, have made completely different choices because medically, they were given the opportunity to live beyond the two-months or whatever bit of life sentence given to them by doctors. Some have said that getting the disease and then being cured was the best thing that happened to them as it caused them to quit blindly walking through life.

Why do we need these types of wake up calls? Why would a glimpse into your future via a crystal ball change what you decide to do now?  Is this all based in our fear of change? Or our need for security? Or our desire to take the path so easily chosen?

I read a brilliant quote in a book for school the other day that stated “if you are afraid of conflict, you are afraid to grow”.  The authors were referring to teams and leaders, but I think it applies to everyone. However, I will take that a step further and say that if you are afraid to take a chance on yourself, on your happiness, on your life — then you are afraid to live.

Are you living? Or are you just going through the motions, getting by and hoping for the best?  Remember, you are the captain of your destiny. Start navigating!

What I don’t get…

This is in response to a post I wrote last month, except now my head is going in a new direction.

What I don’t get is why:

• some parents talk about how much they need a break from their kids and then ten seconds after they get a break, they whine about how much they miss their kids?  Why not just embrace the ‘you’ time and appreciate the precious moment presented to you?

• some employees whine about their jobs incessantly but do nothing to change their environment or their circumstances? Why not give something a try and see if things get better and if that doesn’t work, try something else? What do you have to lose?

• negative nellies just don’t keep their mouths shut? Didn’t Captain Kangaroo teach you anything? or Robert Fulghum?

• some people believe security and comfort are more important than personal well-being, i.e. your happiness?

• some people always take the same worn out path, looking forlorn toward other paths, never to be taken? Why not either embrace where you are or go for it?

I read somewhere that when you notice things about others that you don’t like or annoy you, it is really that you are noticing something that exists within you.

This really gave me pause and decided to see if this really applied to me.  I don’t have kids, so the first bullet doesn’t apply to me.  I like my jobs (all 4 of them).  There are aspects that I don’t like, but some I cannot change so the bothersome quality is no longer bothersome to me. The other aspects, I do work on to make better. I am trying.  I am not a negative nelly and actually do my best to spread happiness and cheer through inane jokes, my laughter and other hilarity.  I am a picker-upper not a bring’em-downer.

As for security and comfort, nope, not true. Anymore.  Ask me that question ten years ago and yes, that was me. Now, nope. I have done too much out of my comfort zone lately to agree with that. Could do I more though? Yes, absolutely. This is one area I very much need to continue focusing on. This kind of relates to the last bullet about not taking chances. I have taken my share over the past ten years, but again, this is still an area I need to focus on. For the last two bullets, there are still some things I would like to do that I haven’t.  The desire is there but not the action. So, hmm, maybe there is a little something to that saying after all!

Are you a giver or a taker?

When you consider who you are as a person, do you see yourself as a giver or a taker?  Now take another moment and think about what your friends and family would say. Do you think they believe you to be a giver or a taker?

At times, I think we all have to be more of one than the other based on circumstances and situations. But all in all, I don’t think it’s a good thing to be predominantly one or the other.

Givers by nature also tend to be people pleasers. They are often doing things for others, giving away too much of themselves  (at the expense of themselves I might add), and in general, saying yes. A lot.  They ask very little in return and when they do, it may not often be reciprocated.  Givers can be seen as doormats.

Takers by nature can be seen as more manipulative.  They are often trying to get more from others, have others take care of things for them, and in general, looking for the ‘get’ out of the situation.  Or, the other kind of takers I know are always talking about themselves, the focus must always be on them and the minute it strays, they change the subject back to them or leave all together.

The above are generalizations and not a character attack on either type. I believe at any time, the balance between the two sides is more what we all strive for. But does that work? Do you tend to one type of the other?  When you do, do you notice?  It’s something I continue to search for answers about.

In the past, I was an incredible people pleaser. I would do anything for anyone at anytime. I was always giving.  I never considered myself in the equation and put myself last, if I thought of myself at all. This was not a good thing. I often felt depleted, used, taken for granted, and generally, less of a person. I used to think it was everyone else’s fault but it wasn’t. It was my fault for being nice to an extreme.  Once I realized it was up to me to change how things worked in relationships, I did so.  The answer was not in others, but within.  This is hard to realize sometimes. Even harder to change.

I am still someone who leans more toward giving and people pleasing more than being a taker. I am still striving for balance within!

Interesting note:  just read this morning that Ashton Kutcher is in a new movie called Spread, in which he plays a guy who scams women into supporting him. He described it as a “tale of what happens when you’re just a taker.”

Are you a life-enricher?

I was in the bookstore the other evening, doing something I haven’t done in a while.  I let my curiosity run amok and looked at a ton of different books among the stacks.  I don’t do this very often because if there is one material weakness I have, it is books. Oh sure, you already know about my love for office supplies, but honestly, I do without very easily. I don’t know why, but checking out the stacks at the local library isn’t as fun as it used to be.  Plus with budget cutbacks, their hours are more limited than ever (which I think is a shame).  Doesn’t anyone remember the RIF (reading is fundamental) campaign??

I pulled a few books to look at more and settled into a chair.  One book in particular caught my attention and one of the lines halfway in caught my attention.  Simply, it asked, are you a life-enricher?

It stopped me short. I would love to think I am, but am I?  Do I question myself based on my daily perception or overall, throughout my life?  Then I started wondering if I surround myself with life-enrichers.  I am sure the other people in the bookstore wondered what I was doing because I was no longer reading the book but just sort of staring off into space at this point.

Here’s what I think.  I don’t think you can really start examining this within yourself until at least college, but definitely after that point.  It helps to look at yourself in big chunks of time, like the first half of the year, the prior year, etc.  Right now, I can say that for the past few weeks, I have been an inconsistent life enricher for both myself and others.  Sometimes, I just don’t have the positivity for my life, which in turn doesn’t allow me the positivity outward to others.  However, if I look at myself for the first half of this year, I have been.

But I also think when it comes to others, I have been lucky that most of the persons I have surrounded myself with are life-enrichers. They are loving, kind, fun, funny, challenging, intellectually motivating, creative, and inspiring.  Hmm, you think, she said most.  Well, not everyone in my life is enriching, but I think that there are some persons in your life that are there no matter what (at work, etc.) and maybe the lesson we can learn from those types is to appreciate the life-enrichment in ourselves and others. I know that’s what I have been doing!

Do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?

I wanted to share this story that I received from my friend Angela. It made me smile and reminds me of one of my recent tweets:  The image of perfection doesn’t exist so accept yourself as you are

Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said: THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?

A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don’t have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who’s skin is all scaly and smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me… I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandkids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a latte with my friends. With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am!”

Relationship Rules

I recently went to see The Ugly Truth with friends and afterward, found myself wondering about relationship rules. Why do girls feel the need to adjust who they truly are, what they wear, what they like to do – all in the name of appealing to or “getting” the guy? I am not suggesting that both sexes should stop trying new things with each other even if you don’t want to.  I have found that being in the right company changes the dynamics of things so much that I like things I never used to. This is a good thing. I didn’t change my entire being though!

I really hated that book that came out with the formal rules girls were supposed to follow in order to get the guy. Then one of the writers from Sex and the City writes that book that is turned into a movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.  Notice, both books are for women to get us to wake up to the ‘facts’ (more like gobbledygook if you ask me) about how to gain a guy, not repel him.

Funny, in The Ugly Truth, Heigl’s character is her true self and Gerard Butler’s character ends up falling for her, just as she is.  She breaks up with the guy she thought she was into after she reveals she has been playing a version of herself that isn’t even her. Did she do this because she finally missed herself? Because she was tired of the charade? Or because she and Gerard Butler’s character finally realized their feelings for each other and she could be herself again?

For those Grey’s Anatomy fans out there, who doesn’t remember the “pick me, choose me, love me” scene in which Meredith tries to appeal to Derek when he is trying to decide to divorce Addison or not; this after Addison had an affair with his best friend.  Honestly, even typing those words, I can feel her anguish and her desire to have her fairy tale ending. Yes, yes, we all know where things are now! Do women identify with that scene in particular because we have had those moments ourselves?

I know, I know, just another movie version of a fairy tale.  Many movies are just one version of a fairy tale or another, with everything being all neatly tied up in the end with a bow. Life is not like a fairy tale.  We all deeply know this, but my question is, do we really? Or, do we secretly hope for the fairy tales in our own lives to come true?

For the record, I am a hopeless romantic and yes, I do hope the guy I have feelings for picks me, chooses me, loves me. Just as I am. This is still my hope and one day, I know it will come true.

Three Effective Ways to Enhance Your Willpower

I am a Zen Habits fan. The blog is full of wonderful ideas, but mostly I love how real it is. Who and what we learn about Leo is who he is. I think this is the way it should be when you write. The greatest compliment I have ever received came when someone told me they could hear me talking as they read some of my work.  That I could speak to them via my writing was a priceless gift for me. And that gift is many years old and it’s still awesome!

In the spirit of being real, the post below was written by Ian Newby-Clark of My Bad Habits and was shared on the Zen Habits blog. I wanted to share it again here as I think it is a great read. I love the inclusion of research studies (always a fascinating part of any article, book, or post), as I am a research geek. Enjoy!!

~~~~~~~~~

Control yourself! We all say it, mostly to ourselves. We say it when we ‘indulge’ in behaviors that cause short-term gain for long-term pain. And guilt. I cite many of the usual suspects: eating the wrong things, being lazy, staying up too late, drinking too much. There are others, of course. Why do we do such things? After all, aren’t we entirely in control of ourselves all of the time?

Nope.

Research tells us that willpower is a limited resource. Each of us only has so much of it. The studies demonstrating this are rather ingenious. I will share one of my favorites with you, though there are many more.

You are a student at a mid-Western university and you are in a psychology experiment apparently concerned with taste-testing. The experimenter seats you at a table. In front of you is a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. There is also a plate of radishes. Your stomach is growling because, as instructed, you didn’t eat anything last night.

The experimenter asks you to taste-test the radishes. You are not to taste the cookies. In fact, don’t even touch them! No cookies for you! Next, the experimenter asks you to help out another experimenter with a puzzle experiment. You start working on the puzzle. It’s rather hard …

Times passes …

You are having trouble solving the puzzle. Undeterred, you press on.

More time passes …

You still can’t solve the puzzle! You sometimes get close, but then you make a mistake and start over. Eventually, you give up. When the experiment is over, you learn a couple of interesting facts. First, the two experiments, taste-testing and puzzle-solving, were related. Those sneaky psychologists! Second, some people taste-tested the cookies. Lucky ducks!

Persisting at the frustratingly difficult puzzle takes willpower. But will the radish-eaters and cookie-eaters have the same amount of willpower? The experimenters think that the radish-eaters have less will-power than the cookie-eaters because the radish-eaters had to resist grabbing a cookie. So, the radish-eaters should give up on the puzzle sooner than the cookie-eaters. That’s what happened.

That study, and dozens of others like it, show that people only have so much willpower. When you have to control yourself, there is less willpower available to you for other parts of your life. This fact is a good one to know because people who lose their will-power often do things that they would rather not. They become aggressive, sexually impulsive, and give up too early on puzzles.

This has nothing to do with being physically tired. Your self-control is at low ebb when you are mentally exhausted. So, what lessons can we learn from what the science is telling us? How can we be in more and better control of ourselves more often? I have three tips:

1. Anticipate and plan for your times of low self-control. Now that you know that self-control is a limited resource and that depleting it means less for later, you can do some anticipating and planning. For example, make sure that you’re not in the chips and cookies aisle of the grocery store after a long day at work. Don’t start on your tax return after a frustrating commute.

2. Exercise your willpower muscle to get more of it. Roy Baumeister, one of the leading researchers in this field, thinks that willpower is like a muscle. Exercising a muscle in the short-term leads to its exhaustion. In the long-term, though, exercising a muscle causes it to grow. In fact, there is some good evidence that exercising your willpower, though temporarily depleting, means that it will be stronger in the long run. So, push yourself. Things to do that will deplete your willpower:

• Work on a tough to solve puzzle;
• Watch a funny movie but resist the urge to laugh;
• Watch a sad movie but resist the urge to cry.

3. Drink some orange juice. It turns out that glucose is one of the key ingredients that your brain needs for effective self-control. Willpower. It’s not just for breakfast anymore!

I hope that you find my message enlightening and helpful. Some of you, I am sure, will be disappointed to learn that your capacity for self-control is less than infinite. You do have willpower, just not as much as you might like. But now you know how to get more!

Read more from Ian Newby-Clark at his blog, My Bad Habits.

How do you spend your day?

I have noticed quite a few bloggers talking about this lately, including Stephen King in his Entertainment Weekly column and a mention in the New York Times regarding the topic.   So, how do you spend your day? It used to be that talk was solely about time spent watching tv and that our average in the US was about 5 hours a day. When you consider that you work at least 10 hours (commute time, lunch or errands and the actual work day) and we sleep for about seven, five hours of our day devoted to tv sure seems like a lot.

Some of my friends say that they aren’t actually watching tv, but it is on, like background music.  Interestingly, now the question has become how much time are we spending in front of a screen, be it tv, computer, iPhone, blackberry, etc.  There are many articles talking about how much time Gen X and even Boomers are spending online, with Facebook especially!

Some bloggers are now putting the kibosh on some of their online activities because their personal inventory led them to the conclusion that 4 hours of emailing a day is not the best use of their time. Or spending 3 hours a day on Facebook, Twitter, and other sites when they would rather be with their kids, friends, or pursuing their personal dreams. Others are indicating they have recently sold their tv’s and gotten rid of cable in favor of utilizing other avenues when a true viewing need arises.

What I love about the New York Times graphic is not only the entries of what we do, but when we do these activities with the most frequency. I enjoyed playing with the different buttons to see how things differed by age, degree, etc.  What kind of insights does it give you?

Lives of quiet desperation

I watched the movie Revolutionary Road with a friend of mine who is married but lately having some challenges.  There are many issues on both sides and she realizes that the issues are not all hers, nor his. They will surely be fine as they have weathered much together and despite it all, have never seen two people more committed to each other, even after twenty years of marriage.

This movie packs a wallop when it comes to relationships, marriage, the American Dream, kids, and work.  Yes, it is set in the 50’s, but some of the discussions between April and Frank, the supposed ’special’ couple everyone refers to, are no less relevant today.  Some of their debates (or fights) were impactful for me in terms of the language used and what they represented to me . For example:

Everything’s going out of focus …

Why do we have to live this delusion – resign from life – have kids …

Why aren’t we living life as if it matters?

It takes a backbone to lead the life you want, Frank

April to Frank: Who made these rules?

Hopeless emptiness of it all …

These are just the phrases that I remember off the top of my head!  I think they resonate with me because they are ones I hear from married friends at one time or another. I know I thought them plenty when I was married.  I never wanted kids and made that clear on my first date with the person who eventually became my husband.  But the world, and eventually he as well, decided that convention (having kids) was what we should be doing. I never agreed.  I too thought “who made these rules” and why must we all subscribe to them? Eventually this became a sore point for me in many ways and I began to sleepwalk through life a bit and definitely stopped living life like it mattered because in some ways, I didn’t think it did anymore.  I don’t blame him for this; I had equal responsibility for this issue.

For me, I felt confined in my marriage.  I believe he did too. I don’t think either of us was in the wrong, nor the right.  I know I wanted to do more, but didn’t.  It was never his fault.  It was mine for allowing myself to be swayed or for choosing comfort out of fear.  You can blame others all you want, but ultimately, the choice is always YOURS. What you end up doing, or not doing, it all comes down to you.

Eventually, I decided that I needed to lead the life I wanted. It takes courage to say that. Even more to do it.  I made some tough choices and I know others didn’t always agree or see them the way I did. But I eventually stopped listening to others in that way and found my own path. I would never have started my own company, gotten my masters degree, moved back to the Midwest, or done a hundred other little things had I not had the courage to start listening and acting upon my choices. To have a happy heart, which is what I have now, makes all the difference in the world to me in how I live and view the world.

I think it is in all of us to do this, even if we are married. It doesn’t take leaving someone to do this.  I think it’s important that you find your path and live it. Now and always.  Don’t lead a life of quiet desperation as Thoreau talks about.  Lead a life of joy, love, peace and harmony.  Yes, that means you will have disagreements and challenges along the way, but in the end, when you look back, it will be with a happy heart. That to me makes all the difference in life.

Do you have a voice?

I know, you are thinking, of course I have a voice. Duh, Anissa.  I don’t mean your physical voice that you use to speak with every day. I am referring to the voice in your head.  Do you have one? Is it positive? Negative? Reassuring? Nagging? Doubtful?

Do you know your voice well? Do you listen to it?  What does it tell you? Do you agree or disagree, or do you resign yourself to listening?

I used to have the most pessimistic, negative voice in my head. It was always telling me how worthless, inconsequential, and useless I was.  My voice was not at all reassuring or positive or encouraging of me at all. There was not an ounce of support from my voice, ever.  Interestingly, I could be extremely positive, encouraging, supportive and reassuring for others.  Shoot, I could do that a 1000x over for someone else. Sometimes for people I barely knew!  But for myself, nope, negative all the way.

This was the voice I lived with growing up and into early adulthood.  Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there.  Around the time I turned 30, I started to realize that the problem was not external factors like family, or work, or friends, but within me.  I was an adult now. I was married with a mortgage.  The choices I made were mine now and could not be blamed externally anymore.  That ole victim mentality needed to go and so did that negative voice that told me I was a worthless human who didn’t deserve to be on this planet; neither was a helpful way to go about living.

Taking on these two issues is pretty big but I can tell you that after almost nine years, I no longer blame others for anything or everything that goes wrong in my world.  I must admit, not much goes wrong anymore, but when it does, I look at myself and start wondering where I went wrong so I don’t repeat the mistake.  If need be, I apologize if what I did affected someone else. That alone was something I never did growing up, ever. I would be defensive and avoid ever saying I was sorry. I also never told people that I cared about them or loved them. Now, if I feel it, I say it.  Everyone should know that they are loved and appreciated.

As for the voice in my head, it’s no longer harsh with me.  On rare occasions, Negative Nelly will come out and try to play, but it never lasts long.  The voice in my head is very close to what I believe in my heart.  I am someone who deserves to be here. I do have a life worth living. I am someone who matters in this world. I may not always know my purpose, but I have enjoyed the exploration!  The voice in my head has been a great guide for me over the past few years and because of it, I listen more and more. I don’t know about you, but my inner voice is more aligned with me than ever before and believe it has helped me to become a more contented person.

So, do you have a voice? What does it tell you?

Are you uncommon?

We all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies.  This is what makes each of us who we are. It is also what can drive each of us batty, but that’s another discussion!

Over the past ten years, I have noticed one thing about myself that others think is really uncommon and they find me quite odd for it.  I do not like being given grades.  I know, many people would love to get an A by doing little work, or doing the minimum.  Not me.  I noticed this most profoundly in my MBA program.  One professor in particular didn’t give feedback on papers, just your grade and a small comment, like good job (B) or great job (A).  It got to the point in which we all realized that she had made her mind about each of us early on based on our participation, our personality, and our first paper submission. After that, you were branded. If you happened to be branded as an A student, this was how things would go for you in every class you took with her.

This really bothered me.  I know I am a big geek because I actually want to learn, but I also want real feedback. I want my professor to be genuine in their feedback about how I could have done better or could have enhanced my point better, etc. if that was the case. I find it hard to believe that there wasn’t something to comment on when in other classes, I was getting comments on my papers about these very things.  To be honest, once you get to grad school, grades really do become less important and it is more about the learning and the application. The application to your current job or for many, to a future job is paramount; not that getting all A’s isn’t a nice thing too!

But it gets worse in doctoral programs, or at least in some. I have seen more professors give grades than who give comments and are invested in challenging the student to go further and think deeper.  In the recent past, I submitted a paper in which I highlighted a date so that not only could I verify that I entered it correctly, but to make sure the source was updated if needed on the reference page.  This was not noticed or caught, nor graded down for not only not checking but not updating my source on the reference page. Based on the grading rubric, I should have lost points for this. I did not.  My paper received all of the possible points that it could.  I should be elated right?  Instead, I wonder if the professor even read my paper. Had he read any of them? I was getting 100’s on every paper I submitted. This seems impossible to me.  Although I have been given compliments on my academic writing ability, this seems too good to be true.

What I am left with is doubt about my papers.  Are they hitting the mark? Am I applying the principles and theories with relevant support?  But more than this, even more than being given a grade, I am disappointed in the professor. I have lost respect in him.  I no longer see him as an educator. And as an educator myself, this is a big blow.

Some of my friends know, based on a prior rant, that I have been questioning my doctoral program.  The goal in achieving this was to push myself to learn more, to research different paths based on some of my organizational questions, and to ensure my ability to teach at the university level (not just as I am now, but through retirement).  These goals have not changed, but my motivation to achieve them in the current setting sure has.  I wish I could be less uncommon and just push myself intrinsically to meet these goals and let the other stuff go. Or maybe I need to become even more uncommon and ignore the grades aspect (extrinsic motivation) and focus on my own goals.  Ahh, but that is just not me.

It was a very good year …

1969. It was a VERY good year.  Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. Huge.  Out of this world huge.  The space program was supported by the country and it was a time of great pride.  Then there was Woodstock. How could you not think of Woodstock, especially with the new movie coming out. By the way, the book it was based on was a good read.  Another big event – I was born. See, told you, it was a very good year!   Here are some really cool facts about 1969 that you know, with a few thrown in you might not know:

• The first men on Moon, Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin, Apollo 11
• Woodstock Festival held in NY August 15 to August 18th
• Supreme Court rules that the 1st Amendment applies to public schools.  Pop quiz – what’s the 1st Amendment?
• 1st temporary artificial heart
• The first test flight of the supersonic Concorde
• 1st flight of the Boeing 747
• 1st Wendy’s opens
• Last public performance of the Beatles, Paul marries Linda, John marries Yoko
• Last issue of Saturday Evening Post – no more Normal Rockwell covers
• Phil Esposito becomes first NHL Player to score 100 points in a season
• Golda Meir becomes Israel’s 4th Prime Minister
• New York Yankees’ Mickey Mantle announces his retirement from baseball
• Hurricane Camille strikes U.S. Gulf Coast kills 255
• Charles Manson commits Tate-LaBianca murders
• Mary Jo Kopechne dies at 28, in Ted Kennedy’s car
• “Sesame Street” premieres on PBS
• First ATM
• Wal-Mart incorporates
• GAP is founded

That’s right, 1969 was a very good year indeed and these are just some of the big highlights. There are many, many more.  Looking back at history can be an educative experience and not everyone likes those. But it can also be incredibly fun and enlightening too.  Hope you enjoyed the trip down memory lane with me!

The Art of Nonconformity and Twitter

I seem to hear two things about Twitter lately.  First, those that say they have no idea what it is or what is the point. And ultimately think it’s a waste of time. The others love it and are either just getting used to it or are die-hard converts.

I am in the second camp. I have been using it since I don’t know even know when. I have met some great people through the site that I have subsequently met in person. I have also been able to talk with some researchers in the field of positive psychology that previously the closest I had gotten to them was by reading their research or their books.   To me, Twitter is an awesome tool to connect, socialize, share, network, or brand build. Or all of the above.  I use it mostly for connecting and sharing, especially when it comes to all things Omaha.

I was a fly on the wall of the SXSW conference, through all of the connections I have that were there for the conference earlier this year.  Now, I get to see some of these same persons vying for a spot at next year’s SXSW as panelists.  By the way, please vote for Silicon Prairie to be one of those panelists!

Recently, I have become attached to @chrisguillebeau and his blog, The Art of NonConformity.  He shares his tips for traveling, as well as great bargains he uncovers. He shares other awesome tips, such as how to use the social web to your advantage.  He is a very unique voice and I have enjoyed reading his stuff. I would never have learned of him if it weren’t for twitter.  For those of you interested in his latest offering about getting your message out to the world, click here.  Check out his latest post on authenticity. It’s a heckuva lot better than a post I wrote on the same topic a few years ago.

So for you who don’t understand it, think it useless or a time waster, that’s fine. But me, I have been able to talk to and meet some amazing people, which has greatly enhanced my world.

What do you think?

You may think that an odd question, but how often do you ask yourself that question and then really think about the answer? Here are some questions that seem to be floating around ‘out there’ in the deep recesses of my brain …

• Do you ever wonder what carbon footprint you are leaving behind?
• What kind of leader are you?
• What will be your legacy?
• What do you want to be remembered for most?
• If you have regrets, why don’t you either put them behind you or make them right?
• How much should you give to charity?
• Is it really better to give than receive?
• Do nice guys or gals really finish last?

These are just a few of the many questions I think about (believe me, I have a ton more floating around in my head) from time to time. But what I like most is giving myself the time to just ponder what I think about the question related to me. Invariably, I start thinking about the world and others in it.  Next thing you know, there is a call to action for me.

What inspires you to act? I would love to know! Anissa

Life is Amazing

Doesn’t it amaze you that …

• rainbows exist?
• we can create human life?
• we can fly?
• we can travel across the world anytime we want?
• there are pyramids?
• we can go spelunking?
• animals can learn and communicate?
• the sun can shine while it snows?
• we can do anything we want to?

A to-do list tattoo

Many of you know my fondness for to-do lists via a post I wrote. If not, check out the post.  As the addiction seemed to get more out of control and seemingly adding less value to my life, I have been foregoing them more and more. I now utilize them for immediate tasks that need accomplishing within the next half day or by the end of the day.  And no, I no longer have a list for work, school, home, weekend, and all the other delineations one could have.

As a fan of Unclutterer, admittedly more so for the workspace of the week post on Fridays than anything else, a recent post on the to-do-list tattoo caught my eye.  Upon seeing it, I was immediately transported back to North Allegheny high school in Wexford, Pennsylvania. I used this method constantly!  At the end of a class, I would write whatever was due the next day on my hand. Or at least the subject so that I knew homework needed to be done that night.  It would have been helpful to have that handy ink-safe pen!  The only challenge posed to this method was swimming class, otherwise, I was often set.

Of course, comments by others think it ridiculous, frivolous waste of money, or offer alternatives. The one that struck me as another interesting concept for my high school days would be the Wrist Reminder.  The Pittsburgh Post Gazette shares this one and again, I am struck by the creativity of it.  Sorry folks, but in high school, once that bell rang, I lost a lot of what was said as I raced to the next class.  I was often left wondering at the end of the day what I was supposed to do that night to turn in the following day.  As a consequence, I was often doing homework in the previous class for the one upcoming. That is no recipe for learning!

Of course, now, with cell phones, you could draft a text or email each day of the assignments. Or use the task list. Or the notes list. Or use the “old-fashioned” pen and paper method of a day planner.  Me, the palm and ink method got me by just fine!

Lost in space

I have not written any new posts in a while. This is a bit odd for me, at least in the recent past.  Too many competing priorities you ask? Maybe.  Lack of desire? Not really (hmm, that sounds more like a yes).  Nothing to say? Doubtful, have many topics floating around in my mind.  Poor time-management skills? Does procrastination count?!  I am not really sure why I haven’t posted in a while. I really do have many thoughts I have wanted to share, but have felt like I needed to do other things first and so this seemed to continually get pushed down the list.

For those of you who remember, I talked about my quest for understanding what I wanted in my doctoral program. Trying to understand why I was having challenges in terms of my lack of motivation. I have come to some conclusions about this and am planning forward based on this. Has this taken away from posting (and Facebooking and Twittering)? In some ways, yes.  My exploration has taken me to other universities to explore different programs, their methods, their objectives. It has taken me to my mentor for many conversations to explore more within.

The other thing some of you may remember was my assertion of writing a book at the beginning of the summer for a completion by summer’s end.  Well, at least a draft!  To some, Labor Day is the official beginning of fall and end of summer, so have been going with that. Me personally, the weather in Omaha for the past week or two has made it feel like October (for which I am very delighted about). Regardless, this has taken me away a bit.  I don’t feel bad about that, as Daniel Pink is taking a blog break while he finishes his book (very eagerly anticipated by me as his first was awesome. Have you read it yet?). Of course his will be on the Business Week best seller list whereas mine will not, but still, I feel ok about my reduced output.

I would say my biggest challenge despite what I have shared is a weird kind of energy shift that I am wrestling with.  I am usually fairly energetic and in fact, others wonder where I get my boundless energy. But lately, have had some challenges with getting myself going in the mornings, staying on task, reduced focus and concentration, and a general lack of interest. This isn’t 100%, every day, all day, but it has been a recurring issue as of late and one that I am trying to understand as well as manage. And more so, get to myself again.  Have any of you ever experienced this? Any suggestions?

Books, books, books

As many of you know, I am avid reader of books. I read a variety of genres, from mystery to non-fiction to fiction to history to plays, not to mention a plethora of topics within those genres.  I am huge fan of Tom Stoppard and wrote an undergrad thesis for graduation on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.  I was able to see one of Horton Foote’s plays in production in Chapel Hill and meet him after. Good stuff. To say I read a lot is really an understatement.  But to see a recent blog post by Seth Godin and how much he reads, well, he puts me to shame. I feel no competition and it will not spur me on to read more than the average 3-5 books/week I usually read.

In fact, for the past month or so, I haven’t been reading very much at all.  The call of nature has been too strong and I have been outside enjoying the fall-like weather intermixed with some nice summer days.  The allure of such beauty has been hard to ignore or stay away from and therefore, harder for me to think about reading, even on my deck.

As I looked over Seth’s one-page review of books, of which one I had read review about a week or so again for The No Impact Man that is high on my list to read, I was caught by the realization that I hadn’t been reading as much.  Then I realized that my blogging has become sporadic and not as consistent as usual. It made me wonder about the ebb and flow of life.   Is this a product of trying to enjoy the last bit of summer?  I am not heading back to school, so I don’t necessarily need to squeeze out the last bit of freedom before the hum drum life of school starts.  I am always in school (or so it seems).

Is this a reflection of where my mind is now?  Are my thoughts not as defined not as they usually are and my mind is taking a bit of a vacation? Maybe. I can’t say I haven’t need a mental break.  Ultimately, I chalk it up to the ebb and flow of life. We all go through it at different times.  We are on the hamster wheel then we take a step off for a while. Sometimes we are very engaged; other times not.  I don’t think my taking a little time to change normal routines is a bad thing actually. Change of perspective can be a very beneficial thing. I have had many ideas percolating and maybe they are not ready to gestate yet.  I don’t know what is the reason; but I know this, it’s another fantastic day out there and despite the work that will be done today, my lunch will be spent outside as will my evening.  Hope you can do the same.

Remembering 9/11

Today is the anniversary of the horrific and tragic events that occurred eight years. Can you believe it has been that long?  To others, it may feel like it was yesterday. I can still remember where I was when I heard the news and how it unfolded that day. I don’t think I moved from my seat at work the entire day.  They brought a tv over to the area in which I sat and soon, we were surrounded by folks watching the events and learning as the world learned what happened.

I am still shocked that such a situation could have even occurred and the many lives this tragedy affected.  My love and prayers go to every single person that was personally touched by this, but also to the entire country that watched and lived this as well.  We came together as a country and united as one. I hope we can regain that feeling once again, but not based on circumstances like that.

Today, I say a special prayer in honor of 9/11. A day we should not remember just annually, but always.

The state of affairs in customer service

As someone who believes she has worked in customer service her whole life, it disappoints me when folks get it wrong. This is the easiest thing someone can do and the cheapest.  Yes, sometimes my title was customer service, sometimes not. But my belief is, if you have customers, internal or external, then you should be customer service focused.

I said should be. The sad fact is, many people are not. I have been having a variety of experiences lately and for the most part, I have just been an observer of them. I have been patient and forgiving, but sometimes that just doesn’t work.  My TomTom gps thingie does not work. It hasn’t now for a few months. It was a gift from my dad and despite my very frequent desire to throw it out the window, I know that would not be nice to him.  Plus, whenever he would come to visit, he would ask where it was when we were driving around in my car.  I hate that thing, really.  And the fact that it can’t ever retrieve the GPS signal renders it useless, only makes me hate it more.  My gosh, I don’t mind checking Google maps when I need to go someplace new.  And in fact, I am back to this all over again. I digress.

I tried to contact Office Depot, where my dad purchased it and an extended warranty. They told me that the warranty doesn’t kick in until the manufacturer’s warranty ends.  They sounded like they didn’t care and I could here her flipping pages as she read a script (ack, that just irks me – personalize and engage). Then she transferred me to TomTom, didn’t stay on the line and dumped me off.  I guess it was the wrong place because after holding for 5 minutes, i was disconnected.  I tried their IT chat online and was told I had to pay $9 for the service. Really? My dad already paid $249 for a paperweight and if I want troubleshooting support, I have to pay more?  Nope.  I found the number to call online.  I was on hold for another 10 minutes then told that all the lines were busy and promptly disconnected. Really? This is how they do business? They sure make it hard to do business with them or give you a reason to share anything nice about their product. Oh that’s right, I’m not.  My dad is equally frustrated with all of us this as I share the latest and wants me to send the thing back to him so he can get his money back.  I will try that but am skeptical Office Depot will do this for a paperweight he bought in February.  Yes, that is it’s only function lately.

This is just one example in a string I could share. I won’t even get started on the lack of service and actually the harassment I have been feeling at the hands of school. I actually feel hassled and harassed by them lately instead of feeling like a valued member of the student community. I won’t tell you how much I spend per credit hour but I guess they do not value me as student or customer.  It may be another factor in why I am taking a leave of absence from the program for the remainder of this year.

My dad and I visited Olive Garden recently, lunch before his flight home to San Diego.  We ate in the bar area and truly had a fantastic waiter.  He was always there at the right time, anticipated needs, and brought good cheer to the interactions.  It was a wonderful thing.  Even though we only ordered soup and salad, he made it seem like we were the only one’s in the restaurant. It was a great experience.

Customer service, or service of any kind, is just so easy. So inexpensive. And provides such a bounty of riches in terms of customer loyalty, customer testimonials, and subsequently, profit. I just don’t get it.  Why don’t companies do a better job of this?  Why don’t they realize that this could be the missing ingredient to their success and the reason for their decline in revenues? If you lose your most diehard customers, don’t have repeat business of any kind, and have little new business, how do you expect to stay in business?  Word of mouth is a real killer to the bottom line.  Southwest gets it, why don’t the other airlines? SAS gets it, why don’t other companies?

The email quandary

I have read many bloggers talking about email lately.  Zen Habits discussed the elimination of email all together and has since reduced his email usage quite significantly, but not all together. Productivity 501 shares best practices for email usage. Today, I received an email (!!) from the Thin Pink Line discussing this very same addiction, as they referred to it.

There are some tried and true email rules that are frequently shared in some of these blogger’s posts. Or in articles or magazines. Some of them are: don’t check email when you first get up or get into the office.  Only check email once in the morning and once in the afternoon.  Turn off the new email chime as well as the little envelope that appears in your lower right status bar so that you are not a slave to new mail arriving.

It is interesting that you notice those things that you are actually wondering about within yourself.  I noticed one day in the recent past that I was basically in my work email all day long. I was constantly refreshing and just basically being less than productive because I was allowing myself to become a slave to the emails that I thought might come in, or actually did.  I noticed I did this for most of the day up through dinner. As I was sitting and having dinner, I thought about what I needed to do the next day and realized that I had wasted the day being less than productive on other work I wanted to accomplish. All because I either checked my email constantly or worked from my email all day long.

This is highly inefficient and definitely not the best use of my time.  The following weekend, I promptly turned off my computer and turned off my cell phone. I enjoyed a weekend filled with time, meeting up with friends and luxuriously enjoying their company, and being outside without a care in the world.  I felt like I was on vacation.  My brain didn’t feel taxed and I didn’t feel twitchy because my email was dinging away at me.  It was by far the least technically attached I have been in a while. I highly recommend it.  Maybe you don’t turn off your cell like I did if that is your only telephonic source, but instead you turn off the beeps or vibrations of your email and text.  All I can say is, it was a relief to not be so connected.  Have you changed your email habits lately?

What is your theme?

I have received a few emails lately from readers asking in different ways what my specific blog theme is and where I get my ideas for topics. I thought they were both interesting questions and got me thinking.

What is my specific blog theme? Do I have one? I read quite a few blogs and am an active subscriber to at least 30 or more.  I love to read their posts via Google Reader over breakfast. Some I get via email.  Some folks have very specific themes, like productivity, marketing, saving money, home organization, workplace issues, leadership, etc. All of their posts are specific and refer back to their main blog theme in a very consistent way. It is in large part while I subscribe; I like hearing their perspectives on certain themes or issues.

It’s interesting, I do have a blog for my company that is specific to leadership coaching and related topics. So, I understand the questions I received.

But my personal blog is more about life in general. I tend to write about things that have happened to me or things I have observed. From my perspective, I just want to have the opportunity to share my dorky view of the world based on my own experiences or just things about myself in general.  This really comes in any form and is not predetermined by a specific topic or issue that every post revolves. What do you think – is that distracting to you as a reader that my posts can range from talking about the greatness of the holidays, or books, or movies, or school supplies, or life and whatnot? Feel free to share your comments or email me!

NOTE 9/19/09:

Read a post via email today from Write to Done talking about blog theme’s in which his lead into his post stated “Blogging and writing shouldn’t be just about talking about what you did today, or rambling about things in general — at least, not in my mind, not if it’s done well”.  I found this interesting but it is a sentiment I don’t agree.  I think the point of blogging is based on the writer. If you are like Leo Babauta, his desire with his blog is enlighten but what seems even more prevalent to me over the past few months, is his overwhelming desire to sell things especially his books and ebooks.  That is his prerogative and I don’t dislike him for it. It has however changed my personal desire to read his blog and have done so with much less frequency due to this feeling like I am being sold to.

What you choose to do with your blog and its content are entirely up to you.  Do what you want and be happy with what you do.

Food Inc. – a review

I saw the movie Food Inc. at least a month ago.  It was a great movie at the same time it as disturbing to see. It reminded me of the time I learned of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle in college.  I couldn’t finish reading it. My boyfriend did and he gave me an overview of it. I didn’t have to read it for a class, so this approach worked well enough for me. I know, cowardly. In both instances, both have stayed with me. A month later, the movie still resonates. I can’t drive by a farm and not smile when I see cows eating grass. It’s a great sight to see.

I admit, when it comes to animals, any animal, I have a really hard time with cruelty.  If I learn of any animal experiencing pain, neglect, or abuse, I cannot handle it and personally feel it.

In Food Inc., the movie talks about factory farming and how things have changed due to big business and consumer demand.  Chickens have been bred to be much larger than their legs can handle. Chicken farmers show footage how chickens can only take a step or two and then they plop down because their legs cannot handle their weight. It was sad to see. Many die under their own weight and their inability to get to the food to stay alive. They showed one farmer constantly going through to clear out the dead chickens. So very sad.  What was also amazing was the pressure by big business on the farmers, demanding changes in their chicken houses. The latest is that the houses must be completely dark – no light coming in at all.  One farmer refused to change her chicken house and because of it, her contract was terminated as was her source of income. Other farmers wouldn’t let cameras into their chicken houses to see what it was like for chickens to never see the light of day. They were warned not to; I guess their contracts were in jeopardy as well.

They showed the footage of the downed cows from California.  I still hate seeing that.  Doesn’t the risk of mad cow disease enter their minds? They also talk about cows being fed corn now instead of allowing them to graze in pastures,  to save space and to breed more cows. Cows are meant to eat grass not corn. So farmers have to manipulate their stomachs to reduce E.coli in their stomachs. They actually showed a farmer with his arm up to his elbow in the cows stomach. Really, this is what we have to do to raise cattle? I was impressed when they interviewed one farmer, Joel Salatin, who still has all of his animals doing what animals are supposed to. His cows graze in the pastures and explains how that is how it is meant to be and yes, then slaughtered for the world’s tables.  They showed him killing chickens and I had to turn away despite how humane he was being and how much more clean his process is compared to factory processing of chickens.

There were related topics in the movie, such as poor worker conditions and treatment, genetic engineering of seeds and how Monsanto has dominated this area of farming, and foodborne illnesses.

All in all, despite its many disturbing aspects, it is still very worthy of seeing. They premise that you will never look at food the same way again is very true. I rarely eat meat and haven’t in many years. But now I notice so much more about the food I eat and what I choose to buy. I have explored other means instead of Saturday morning farmers markets. I have researched what foods are actually in season so I don’t buy ones that have been genetically produced so we have them year round.  This is how much this movie affected the way I see food.

The movie will touch you differently as it did with my friends that I saw the movie with based on our discussions afterword.  That I think is the greatest benefit of all – that each of us looks at our relationship to food and determines what changes we want (or don’t) want to make. I hope you will see it, if you have the opportunity.

ADDENDUM – a note from HSUS today 09/17/09:

Denny’s does it. Burger King does, too. Wendy’s got on board earlier this year. All these major restaurant chains buy some (my note: wish it were ALL and not some) of their eggs from cage-free farms that don’t cruelly confine hens in barren battery cages.

But the restaurant chain most known for its breakfasts refuses to take this modest step. When IHOP serves its pancakes and eggs, you can be sure the eggs come from hens crammed into wire cages so small the animals can barely move for their entire lives.

IHOP’s refusal took on new urgency this week with the release of this undercover video that reveals shocking abuses at IHOP’s primary egg supplier. As you can see, the footage reveals filthy conditions, sick and injured hens, and birds forced to live in cages with the decomposing corpses of dead birds.

You can help to move IHOP away from this cruelty. Please urge IHOP to follow its competitors’ lead and start switching away from battery cage eggs. Here’s how:

TAKE ACTION
Please make a brief, polite phone call to Argonne, a company that owns hundreds of IHOP restaurants, at 404-364-2984 (if voicemail picks up, press ‘1′ for Argonne President Michael Klump). You can say something like this:

“Hello, my name is [your name] and I am calling to ask IHOP to start using eggs that don’t come from hens crammed into cages. I just watched the undercover video of your egg supplier, and the images of animal cruelty are appalling. Please start switching to cage-free eggs. Thank you.”

I called. Will you?

Have we lost our manners?

I have noticed lately that our humanity is a bit lacking lately. Specifically, I mean manners and courtesy.  Here are some of the things that have happened in the recent past:

• taking a call from your cell phone while in the movie theater watching a movie. When patrons asked the guy to take his call outside, he actually snapped back at them to mind their own business.
• people don’t seem to let other cars merge into traffic much anymore. It seems that they are in their own world or chatting away on their cell phones to notice that they might consider moving over one lane so cars could merge in.
• when there are traffic backups, I don’t see the hand wave when someone lets another car in.  It seems like this bit of courtesy is sorely lacking. I did my own personal experiment and of the 20 times I did this in traffic jams, only once did I get the hand wave.
• I completely understand the use of cell phones and at times, believe they have really helped people in many ways. There are also times I curse them. The aforementioned movie example is one thing (and we could all hear that he was being asked to bring home milk on his way home) but I have also noticed people talk about banal things while they are shopping. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need to know about someone’s life while I grocery shop.  And it seems that they talk quite loudly and care little that you now know about their toenail infection, or affairs, or work challenges, or all similar topics. If this was an emergency, it would seem understandable, but just chatting for chatting’s sake?
• opening doors for one another seems to be making a resurgence.  I had noticed some time ago that is wasn’t as prevalent as it used to be, but not anymore. I see more women, including myself, open or hold doors open for others.
• when did it become a priority for those getting on the elevator to move in first instead of letting those who need to get out, go first?  It seems that whenever I have to ride an elevator and am getting off at my floor, I get pushed out of the way by those getting in.  Wouldn’t make sense to let me out so there’s more room for those getting in?
• there seems to be a growing consistency with folks not moving in aisles.  You are walking down the aisle of a store, for example, the person or persons see that you coming toward them but they do not move over to let you pass.  In the event they have children, it’s a 50/50 chance that they pull their children aside for you to pass.  Even after saying excuse me, many times they still don’t move. It’s very odd to me.
• the last bit of curiosity I have is about guarantees. What is the point of a guarantee if the company makes it so hard for one to utilize it or receive what they are due?  I have recently had the experience in which I attended a workshop but it did not meet their own guidelines regarding subsequent usage. I called to let them know and then inquired about the guarantee  for greater assistance.  I was told that yes, they would further assist as stated. Then they proceeded to send me a 5-page questionnaire asking why their product didn’t work for me and how I might have not implemented it properly.  Fine, I understand their perspective and complied.  Then after that document, I received another one asking for even more detail about what I might have done wrong, how I could have executed things better, etc. So far, that one has taken about 3 hours to complete. When I shared it with them, I was told it was incomplete and didn’t provide enough information.  All I am asking for is for the company to live up to their guarantee and further assist me with their product.  I have fully regretted its purchase now and will not be any means recommend it to a single person. I will furthermore, if asked, tell people of my experience. In this post however, I will denigrate the company itself.

I still believe in the heart and soul of people. I have witnessed great humanity, caring and selfless behavior as well.  But I ask myself when I see things that are otherwise, why it has to be that way?  Have we become so isolated and insular to our own worlds that we cannot see beyond that? It’s just a curious observation and by no means believe that what I have said above is an indictment on all of society or all of its people. However, I would like to know why we can’t all get along better than we do sometimes. And lest you believe it’s just my perception, the messages I have gotten on Twitter, emails from a prior post, and the status messages I have seen on Facebook and other sites, tells me that this is something everyone has experienced a bit as well.  What has your experience been?

State of Disarray

This is how I felt Thursday. It’s not quite to like my thoughts of hurtling through space I had once talked about, but it felt akin to that.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I feel like I am doing a lot and I want to do even more.  I know, that sounds crazy.  But I have so many ideas, so many things I want do and try.  I worked from home Thursday and had many traditional work things to do, which was not the problem.  It was that the more I did, the more calls I got, the more emails I received, the more research I did, the more ideas that came charging at me.  I don’t consider this bad at all, at least not for me. In the past 5 years or so, I have no idea why, but ideas seem to keep coming and coming to me.  I feel like John Travolta’s character in Phenomenon (a fave movie of mine), though hopefully without the tumor. My questions to myself are more like is this happening because I am more aware? Am I more curious than ever despite always being a curious person?  Or is that I now have more ability than ever to implement some of my ideas?  Something for me to ponder.

My challenge has been how do I decide what to do next.  Or how to organize the ideas so that I can do a few instead of all of them.  That is probably the actual heart of my issue – I want to start moving forward on all of my ideas. I don’t often think of what makes sense to start based on what is currently going on my life or when ideas would be better served by waiting, etc.  Do you ever do this – just charge forth without thinking only later to think to yourself, I probably should have waited a few months to do this?

My other challenge is having that feeling like it’s all too much.  Work responsibilities, school responsiblities, and generally enjoying my life with friends and family and then all these ideas on top of it.  I want to do it all and in thinking this, I often feel scattered across too many areas, and as I thought on Thursday, feeling like I was in a state of disarray.   I am not fond of this feeling. I tend to clean when this happens as a way to think. I am not sure the role of cleaning has in my ruminating, but it works for me.  I would presume that by cleaning, I am helping to clean up  my thoughts too.  Maybe that is it because after I am done and my place is spotless, or as in Thursday’s case it was  my desk and office, I feel able to tackle just about anything.  I am curious. Do you ever get into state of disarray and what do you do to get out of it?

what makes a great gift?

I know this sounds like an odd question, but with birthday, weddings, and the holidays coming up, this question struck me.  Or maybe it was the holiday decorations up in a few places that prompted this thought.

I haven’t been big on gifts for about the last ten years or so.  I think this started when I was married. I would really think about the person, their hobbies, etc., then find something they would like.  I was often told I was a great gift giver. I can’t answer if that is true or not, but I sure tried. On the other hand, I would get things that seemed completely incongruent with who I am and wonder, why doesn’t my family know me enough to realize that I wouldn’t like a putter?  I haven’t golfed since college with any regularity nor much desire.  (By the way, this specific scenario never happened, but is reminiscent of a similar gift giving situation). This isn’t about being grateful or ungrateful – we all appreciate the gifts we receive.

To me the question is more about time and love.  Instead of gifts, why not share your time doing things you love to do together? Why not take a trip. Or see a play. Or go to a museum. Or host a party. Or go to a wine tasting. Or go to a concert. Or go to Jazz on the Green. There a ton of things you can do to show that you care and instead of giving a trinket that will be forgotten, share some time and maybe an event together. The ultimate gift: make it a celebration and create a memory.  There will still be times that a gift is more appropriate but in those times it isn’t, why not try it another way and see what happens?

Desire is a feeling

How many of you have seen the ads on tv for the new show The Good Wife? The premise is one we are all too familiar with right now (and for decades).  A politician, married with children, has affairs and dalliances on the side. He is found out, must confess and be contrite at a press conference. His wife stands next to him, tacitly giving him forgiveness.  How many times have we seen this, or a derivation, recently – Edwards? Sanford? Ensign? I could keep naming names but why bother.

What bothers me about this situation is that what you sometimes hear after the fact is ‘it didn’t mean anything, it was just sex’. This response always interests me.  At some point, there had to be desire or the affair wouldn’t have occurred. Isn’t desire a feeling?  And if you have a feeling, doesn’t that mean it meant something, even if it was fleeting?  The affair descends into lying, deceit, betrayal, and of course, the cheating itself.  It also starts and ends with desire. Desire for another woman. Desire for enjoyment. Desire to have your cake and eat it too.  It seems to me it’s not “just” about sex.

Could you really forgive and forget? Could you really move on if that happened in your marriage? Would you stand by your man? It’s an interesting premise for a show.  Too bad there are many people out there living this very real situation.

Metaphor for Life

I was in my car listening to the radio the other day. Every time the station dj’s starting talking, I would change to another station trying to find music. I noticed that when I did find a station with music, I would often try other stations to see if there was a different, maybe better?, song to listen to.

It got me thinking, is this a metaphor for life?  How much one is looking for something better than what already exists? Not everyone does this I am sure. I don’t even always do this. But it did make me wonder.