Happiness

There has been a lot of talk about happiness lately.  One night on World News Tonight with Charles Gibson, he shared a study that indicated that as women age they get unhappier, while the reverse is true for men.  It was stated that women concentrate on career and having a family and once that is essentially behind them, they become unhappier as life goes by.  I have heard of studies that indicate men are happier being married, while the reverse is true for women.   Researchers have been looking at country happiness and the US was not the happiest of them all.  I state this not to agree or disagree (though I disagree that I am getting unhappier as I get older – it’s been quite the opposite).

For more than three years now, I have really been soaking up research, articles, books, blogs, interviews about positive psychology, happiness, courage, and resiliency.  It’s been a fascinating journey for me.  As someone who has been to therapists for various reasons (after college, after my divorce, etc.), I have spent plenty of time looking back.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking back to understand your present, but eventually you need to start looking forward.  Positive psychology has been that catalyst that has assisted me in looking forward and is what took me into coaching.  It is my calling and I never would have found it without changing my perspective.

I hope you are on a quest toward something – it’s one of the healthiest and happiest ways you can be.  To be a searcher, a learner, a discoverer of your own life is a real motivator. If you are interested in learning more about Happiness Clubs in your area, click here. If you are in the Omaha, Nebraska area, join me.

The No Impact Man

Have you heard of this book? This blog? This guy?  Well, now you have!  Check it out.

The book was a great read but more than that, I really appreciated Colin’s honesty about this project.  It definitely makes you look within and see how you are living your own life.  I was impressed in so many ways and shocked too.  I dog-eared a ton of pages and it had a profound impact on me.  I hope you will read the book or check out the blog. Or even go see the documentary from their yearlong journey.

His wife and child also participated and to read his wife’s perspective on this via a column in Business Week (reposted on his blog) was also brutally honest about her life and the changes this yearlong experiment had on her as well.

I am sure some of you wonder about my latest movies and books. Between Food Inc., Better Off, and now The No Impact Man, you would consider me a very organic, vegetarian, of the earth kind of person. Well, I am trying to be. I don’t often eat meat and never cook it.  I do wish to be more reliant on farmers markets and other similar farm options year over year.  I think it takes each of us to make adjustments and just keep making them.

“Out”ing of another kind

I was passively listening to Good Morning America last week while I was getting ready for work and heard Glenn Close talk about her sister’s mental illness. The interviewer, I have no idea who it was, asked Glenn how she felt about being “outed” for her sister’s mental illness.  Are you kidding me? This is a horrible way to perpetuate the idea that having a mental illness of any kind is something to be ashamed of, hidden, and never discussed.  Tom Cruise started this firestorm when he attacked Matt Lauer about postpartum depression indicating it as a non-entity (many new moms loudly disagreed and thank you for doing so). And now we have someone on Good Morning America indicating its shameful to share if you have depression, anxiety, or anything similar and if you do, you shouldn’t have.

Why all the labels and their negative connotations? I have talked about labeling before, though more from a personality assessment perspective, but this really bothers me.  Why is it bad that someone has anxiety or depression?  There are many types of depression (and anxiety too) by the way but most think of clinical depression. That is one, but there is also situational depression.  When I think about situational depression, I think about the book Eat, Pray, Love. The main character ends up going on a yearlong adventure to escape, cleanse, and become whole again after a particularly ugly divorce.  This is not a bad thing. Something and someone she believed in died, in a sense, and she is sad and mourning that loss.

I have had my own bouts with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behavior. I am not, nor will I ever be, ashamed or embarrassed that I have been through these states and sought help from them.  In fact the times when I felt shy about it when I have shared this and gotten the pity look, like I was now irrevocably broken.  I was not as open to getting the helps I needed. But as you get older, you want resolutions, you want help, you want answers.  I was insightful enough about myself to realize things weren’t working quite like I wanted and even sometimes even saw what I was doing that I wished I was not. But I could never quite make the changes needed or make them stick for longer than a second or two.  I needed help to change my mindset and my behaviors and I thank the wonderful people who have helped me on my journey back to me. I have often shared how seeking help gave me the ability to take what I knew about myself and dig deeper within to move forward.  And this from someone who rarely asks for help!!

Don’t always listen to those in the media or “out there” in the world. Sometimes, they aren’t right. Sometimes they are. You have a right to make up your own mind to agree or disagree.  Alcoholism, cancer, anorexia, mental illness, and more. None need be a dirty word.

To Kindle or Not to Kindle – Follow-up

I first became aware of Amazon’s Kindle in April of 2008. I explored it and thought it was interesting.  I considered it but thought it was too early to make a buy and held off. I reconsidered again in March of 2009 (both times blogging about it).  I went back and forth based on feedback from those that did have it and even looked at some of the upcoming purchases I wanted to make to see if it was offered on the Kindle. I again held off.

Well, Amazon has had a few new iterations since then and the price has come down considerably. I have looked up numerous books I would like to read, old and new. There are classics that are free to download – how cool – and many books on my wish list now on Kindle.  Despite already making plans to mark my 40th in a very unique and substantial way, I decided to purchase this as a combo birthday present (another one!) and Christmas gift.

Do you have one? Are you happy with your purchase?  Mine is charging as we speak. I have downloaded a number of literature classics I haven’t read in a long time as well as one on the bestseller list.  I noticed that some of my textbooks could also be downloaded at a ridiculous savings over the hardback.  What a way to spend a snowy afternoon in Omaha!

Where’s the trust?

I asked the Twitterverse a question earlier last week. My tweet was simply: “People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?”  I received some interesting direct messages from people.  I am sure you think murder, adultery, lying, stealing and such would be high on the list. They were. Some consider these a break in trust so great, there is no regaining of that trust; not under any circumstances. But there were others who said that they could forgive anyone anything if the person was remorseful, apologetic and if necessary, served time for the crime through community service, a fine, or incarceration.

Is trust limitless or finite? Do you have a limit to what you will forgive a person and then move forward?

It has been an interesting decade in terms of scandals.  I am not going to rehash the big one’s in our largest organizations but suffice it to say, September 28th’s Business Week shared that only 44% of American trust businesses today compared to 58% two years ago.  That may not be significant, but that Fall seems to be the pinnacle of American’s trust in big business in an 8 year period. It has also led to a cascade of leadership books dedicated to the topic of trust.

Recently, there has been onslaught of politicians caught in adulterous situations. And in recent days, David Letterman has admitted to having affairs with members of his staff. And this is a man who has made millions off making fun of the very same people he himself is just like.  Does this make you question his credibility and integrity? For Letterman in particular, this came to light due to an extortion plot. We do not know if his wife had been previously aware and their relationship already through a healing process.

The question isn’t that they made these mistakes. That is a conversation for another post. The question is, could you forgive a mistake like that? What would it take? Could you rebuild the trust that has been shattered?

I was with a boyfriend many years ago that stole from me.  For me, the trust was gone. I never believed anything he said and questioned every word that was uttered.  I could not get past the lies nor the stealing, mainly because he was never genuinely sorry and because he was a repeat offender.  Had he been truly sorry and didn’t repeat the act, I would have been able to move on and would have been able to trust him again.  For me, there was a limit to what I could forgive with this person.

I believe that we all make mistakes. We are human.  Sometimes temptations do get the best of us despite our beliefs in ourself. It becomes a crisis of faith. Not just for the person who was affected, but also for the person who committed the act. I am not condoning any action a person has committed. But I do believe people on both sides of the issue have reactions to the situation.

This, I believe, is the true heart of the situation. How could someone make the mistake to begin with? How is it that this one time, they were not able to resist temptation? But just as the person is asking this questions to the guilty, I believe that same person is asking himself these very questions. These are not easy questions.  There aren’t always easy answers.

People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?

State of Disarray

This is how I felt Thursday. It’s not quite to like my thoughts of hurtling through space I had once talked about, but it felt akin to that.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I feel like I am doing a lot and I want to do even more.  I know, that sounds crazy.  But I have so many ideas, so many things I want do and try.  I worked from home Thursday and had many traditional work things to do, which was not the problem.  It was that the more I did, the more calls I got, the more emails I received, the more research I did, the more ideas that came charging at me.  I don’t consider this bad at all, at least not for me. In the past 5 years or so, I have no idea why, but ideas seem to keep coming and coming to me.  I feel like John Travolta’s character in Phenomenon (a fave movie of mine), though hopefully without the tumor. My questions to myself are more like is this happening because I am more aware? Am I more curious than ever despite always being a curious person?  Or is that I now have more ability than ever to implement some of my ideas?  Something for me to ponder.

My challenge has been how do I decide what to do next.  Or how to organize the ideas so that I can do a few instead of all of them.  That is probably the actual heart of my issue – I want to start moving forward on all of my ideas. I don’t often think of what makes sense to start based on what is currently going on my life or when ideas would be better served by waiting, etc.  Do you ever do this – just charge forth without thinking only later to think to yourself, I probably should have waited a few months to do this?

My other challenge is having that feeling like it’s all too much.  Work responsibilities, school responsiblities, and generally enjoying my life with friends and family and then all these ideas on top of it.  I want to do it all and in thinking this, I often feel scattered across too many areas, and as I thought on Thursday, feeling like I was in a state of disarray.   I am not fond of this feeling. I tend to clean when this happens as a way to think. I am not sure the role of cleaning has in my ruminating, but it works for me.  I would presume that by cleaning, I am helping to clean up  my thoughts too.  Maybe that is it because after I am done and my place is spotless, or as in Thursday’s case it was  my desk and office, I feel able to tackle just about anything.  I am curious. Do you ever get into state of disarray and what do you do to get out of it?

Food Inc. – a review

I saw the movie Food Inc. at least a month ago.  It was a great movie at the same time it as disturbing to see. It reminded me of the time I learned of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle in college.  I couldn’t finish reading it. My boyfriend did and he gave me an overview of it. I didn’t have to read it for a class, so this approach worked well enough for me. I know, cowardly. In both instances, both have stayed with me. A month later, the movie still resonates. I can’t drive by a farm and not smile when I see cows eating grass. It’s a great sight to see.

I admit, when it comes to animals, any animal, I have a really hard time with cruelty.  If I learn of any animal experiencing pain, neglect, or abuse, I cannot handle it and personally feel it.

In Food Inc., the movie talks about factory farming and how things have changed due to big business and consumer demand.  Chickens have been bred to be much larger than their legs can handle. Chicken farmers show footage how chickens can only take a step or two and then they plop down because their legs cannot handle their weight. It was sad to see. Many die under their own weight and their inability to get to the food to stay alive. They showed one farmer constantly going through to clear out the dead chickens. So very sad.  What was also amazing was the pressure by big business on the farmers, demanding changes in their chicken houses. The latest is that the houses must be completely dark – no light coming in at all.  One farmer refused to change her chicken house and because of it, her contract was terminated as was her source of income. Other farmers wouldn’t let cameras into their chicken houses to see what it was like for chickens to never see the light of day. They were warned not to; I guess their contracts were in jeopardy as well.

They showed the footage of the downed cows from California.  I still hate seeing that.  Doesn’t the risk of mad cow disease enter their minds? They also talk about cows being fed corn now instead of allowing them to graze in pastures,  to save space and to breed more cows. Cows are meant to eat grass not corn. So farmers have to manipulate their stomachs to reduce E.coli in their stomachs. They actually showed a farmer with his arm up to his elbow in the cows stomach. Really, this is what we have to do to raise cattle? I was impressed when they interviewed one farmer, Joel Salatin, who still has all of his animals doing what animals are supposed to. His cows graze in the pastures and explains how that is how it is meant to be and yes, then slaughtered for the world’s tables.  They showed him killing chickens and I had to turn away despite how humane he was being and how much more clean his process is compared to factory processing of chickens.

There were related topics in the movie, such as poor worker conditions and treatment, genetic engineering of seeds and how Monsanto has dominated this area of farming, and foodborne illnesses.

All in all, despite its many disturbing aspects, it is still very worthy of seeing. They premise that you will never look at food the same way again is very true. I rarely eat meat and haven’t in many years. But now I notice so much more about the food I eat and what I choose to buy. I have explored other means instead of Saturday morning farmers markets. I have researched what foods are actually in season so I don’t buy ones that have been genetically produced so we have them year round.  This is how much this movie affected the way I see food.

The movie will touch you differently as it did with my friends that I saw the movie with based on our discussions afterword.  That I think is the greatest benefit of all – that each of us looks at our relationship to food and determines what changes we want (or don’t) want to make. I hope you will see it, if you have the opportunity.

ADDENDUM – a note from HSUS today 09/17/09:

Denny’s does it. Burger King does, too. Wendy’s got on board earlier this year. All these major restaurant chains buy some (my note: wish it were ALL and not some) of their eggs from cage-free farms that don’t cruelly confine hens in barren battery cages.

But the restaurant chain most known for its breakfasts refuses to take this modest step. When IHOP serves its pancakes and eggs, you can be sure the eggs come from hens crammed into wire cages so small the animals can barely move for their entire lives.

IHOP’s refusal took on new urgency this week with the release of this undercover video that reveals shocking abuses at IHOP’s primary egg supplier. As you can see, the footage reveals filthy conditions, sick and injured hens, and birds forced to live in cages with the decomposing corpses of dead birds.

You can help to move IHOP away from this cruelty. Please urge IHOP to follow its competitors’ lead and start switching away from battery cage eggs. Here’s how:

TAKE ACTION
Please make a brief, polite phone call to Argonne, a company that owns hundreds of IHOP restaurants, at 404-364-2984 (if voicemail picks up, press ‘1′ for Argonne President Michael Klump). You can say something like this:

“Hello, my name is [your name] and I am calling to ask IHOP to start using eggs that don’t come from hens crammed into cages. I just watched the undercover video of your egg supplier, and the images of animal cruelty are appalling. Please start switching to cage-free eggs. Thank you.”

I called. Will you?

What is your theme?

I have received a few emails lately from readers asking in different ways what my specific blog theme is and where I get my ideas for topics. I thought they were both interesting questions and got me thinking.

What is my specific blog theme? Do I have one? I read quite a few blogs and am an active subscriber to at least 30 or more.  I love to read their posts via Google Reader over breakfast. Some I get via email.  Some folks have very specific themes, like productivity, marketing, saving money, home organization, workplace issues, leadership, etc. All of their posts are specific and refer back to their main blog theme in a very consistent way. It is in large part while I subscribe; I like hearing their perspectives on certain themes or issues.

It’s interesting, I do have a blog for my company that is specific to leadership coaching and related topics. So, I understand the questions I received.

But my personal blog is more about life in general. I tend to write about things that have happened to me or things I have observed. From my perspective, I just want to have the opportunity to share my dorky view of the world based on my own experiences or just things about myself in general.  This really comes in any form and is not predetermined by a specific topic or issue that every post revolves. What do you think – is that distracting to you as a reader that my posts can range from talking about the greatness of the holidays, or books, or movies, or school supplies, or life and whatnot? Feel free to share your comments or email me!

NOTE 9/19/09:

Read a post via email today from Write to Done talking about blog theme’s in which his lead into his post stated “Blogging and writing shouldn’t be just about talking about what you did today, or rambling about things in general — at least, not in my mind, not if it’s done well”.  I found this interesting but it is a sentiment I don’t agree.  I think the point of blogging is based on the writer. If you are like Leo Babauta, his desire with his blog is enlighten but what seems even more prevalent to me over the past few months, is his overwhelming desire to sell things especially his books and ebooks.  That is his prerogative and I don’t dislike him for it. It has however changed my personal desire to read his blog and have done so with much less frequency due to this feeling like I am being sold to.

What you choose to do with your blog and its content are entirely up to you.  Do what you want and be happy with what you do.

Books, books, books

As many of you know, I am avid reader of books. I read a variety of genres, from mystery to non-fiction to fiction to history to plays, not to mention a plethora of topics within those genres.  I am huge fan of Tom Stoppard and wrote an undergrad thesis for graduation on Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.  I was able to see one of Horton Foote’s plays in production in Chapel Hill and meet him after. Good stuff. To say I read a lot is really an understatement.  But to see a recent blog post by Seth Godin and how much he reads, well, he puts me to shame. I feel no competition and it will not spur me on to read more than the average 3-5 books/week I usually read.

In fact, for the past month or so, I haven’t been reading very much at all.  The call of nature has been too strong and I have been outside enjoying the fall-like weather intermixed with some nice summer days.  The allure of such beauty has been hard to ignore or stay away from and therefore, harder for me to think about reading, even on my deck.

As I looked over Seth’s one-page review of books, of which one I had read review about a week or so again for The No Impact Man that is high on my list to read, I was caught by the realization that I hadn’t been reading as much.  Then I realized that my blogging has become sporadic and not as consistent as usual. It made me wonder about the ebb and flow of life.   Is this a product of trying to enjoy the last bit of summer?  I am not heading back to school, so I don’t necessarily need to squeeze out the last bit of freedom before the hum drum life of school starts.  I am always in school (or so it seems).

Is this a reflection of where my mind is now?  Are my thoughts not as defined not as they usually are and my mind is taking a bit of a vacation? Maybe. I can’t say I haven’t need a mental break.  Ultimately, I chalk it up to the ebb and flow of life. We all go through it at different times.  We are on the hamster wheel then we take a step off for a while. Sometimes we are very engaged; other times not.  I don’t think my taking a little time to change normal routines is a bad thing actually. Change of perspective can be a very beneficial thing. I have had many ideas percolating and maybe they are not ready to gestate yet.  I don’t know what is the reason; but I know this, it’s another fantastic day out there and despite the work that will be done today, my lunch will be spent outside as will my evening.  Hope you can do the same.

The Art of Nonconformity and Twitter

I seem to hear two things about Twitter lately.  First, those that say they have no idea what it is or what is the point. And ultimately think it’s a waste of time. The others love it and are either just getting used to it or are die-hard converts.

I am in the second camp. I have been using it since I don’t know even know when. I have met some great people through the site that I have subsequently met in person. I have also been able to talk with some researchers in the field of positive psychology that previously the closest I had gotten to them was by reading their research or their books.   To me, Twitter is an awesome tool to connect, socialize, share, network, or brand build. Or all of the above.  I use it mostly for connecting and sharing, especially when it comes to all things Omaha.

I was a fly on the wall of the SXSW conference, through all of the connections I have that were there for the conference earlier this year.  Now, I get to see some of these same persons vying for a spot at next year’s SXSW as panelists.  By the way, please vote for Silicon Prairie to be one of those panelists!

Recently, I have become attached to @chrisguillebeau and his blog, The Art of NonConformity.  He shares his tips for traveling, as well as great bargains he uncovers. He shares other awesome tips, such as how to use the social web to your advantage.  He is a very unique voice and I have enjoyed reading his stuff. I would never have learned of him if it weren’t for twitter.  For those of you interested in his latest offering about getting your message out to the world, click here.  Check out his latest post on authenticity. It’s a heckuva lot better than a post I wrote on the same topic a few years ago.

So for you who don’t understand it, think it useless or a time waster, that’s fine. But me, I have been able to talk to and meet some amazing people, which has greatly enhanced my world.