Why I like this time of year…

Despite the hectic and frenzied race to the mall by some or the type budgets of others (or all from my perspective), I truly like this time of year for a few reasons.   Some are more meaningful than others, but when I take them all together, my heart sings with happiness.

• Community – there is just so much togetherness in the community.  So many opportunities to share, spend time with our families and friends, and be loving.  This is not an isolated feeling that only comes around at this time. But I do feel it more amplified than I would normally feel all year long. It is a time when most of us can just stop on a day of our choosing.  It may be Christmas or it may be another day for those that work on that day (nurses, police officers, firefighters, etc.). The day selected is not important, but the honoring of the day is.  I feel the warmth of caring from so many as everyone takes that extra moment to share their hearts.
• Gratitude – this is probably relative to community. However, the gratitude and appreciation that comes from giving to a charity, a friend, or a family member is such a lovely feeling.  We all feel so grateful what life has brought us, no matter the circumstances we currently find ourselves, and want to share this with those that have helped us make our life work.  We do this throughout the year; this I believe. But I also believe that this extra moment of togetherness really lets this feeling shine through.
• Cartoons – ok, this one probably make you take a second look. Or even wonder if I was serious. But I am. There are so many holiday cartoons that express the meaning of Christmas, the meaning of giving to others. I cannot be thankful every time I see them. It is my annual tradition and could not imagine a holiday without Charlie Brown, Frosty, Rudolph, and many others. I am sure kids today find them dated and old-fashioned, but they bring me smiles.  And I can’t go without Miracle on 34th Street (the original, black and white version).  All of these have the ability to make me cry (Frosty especially), even after all these years!
• Snow – as you can tell from the cartoons, I am still a little kid at heart.  I still wish for a white Christmas.  And every time the weather person calls for snow, I am giddy with excitement. Just plain giddy.  I never get tired of it. I never wish for the spring.  I want the snow each every time it’s predicted. I love the white noise, the sledding, and most of all, seeing snowmen in the front yards of my neighbor’s yards.  I believe there is magic in snow (there’s that Frosty theme again) and can watch it fall for hours, as if it were movie that lasted for hours. It captivates me.

But more than anything all, I like this time of year because of the love and caring of the world.  There is so much to be thankful for and so much to appreciate.  And after giving thanks at Thanksgiving, Christmas carries this message even further.  There have been times that I have just smiled to myself and said “I’m happy”. I hope you can say the same!

“Out”ing of another kind

I was passively listening to Good Morning America last week while I was getting ready for work and heard Glenn Close talk about her sister’s mental illness. The interviewer, I have no idea who it was, asked Glenn how she felt about being “outed” for her sister’s mental illness.  Are you kidding me? This is a horrible way to perpetuate the idea that having a mental illness of any kind is something to be ashamed of, hidden, and never discussed.  Tom Cruise started this firestorm when he attacked Matt Lauer about postpartum depression indicating it as a non-entity (many new moms loudly disagreed and thank you for doing so). And now we have someone on Good Morning America indicating its shameful to share if you have depression, anxiety, or anything similar and if you do, you shouldn’t have.

Why all the labels and their negative connotations? I have talked about labeling before, though more from a personality assessment perspective, but this really bothers me.  Why is it bad that someone has anxiety or depression?  There are many types of depression (and anxiety too) by the way but most think of clinical depression. That is one, but there is also situational depression.  When I think about situational depression, I think about the book Eat, Pray, Love. The main character ends up going on a yearlong adventure to escape, cleanse, and become whole again after a particularly ugly divorce.  This is not a bad thing. Something and someone she believed in died, in a sense, and she is sad and mourning that loss.

I have had my own bouts with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behavior. I am not, nor will I ever be, ashamed or embarrassed that I have been through these states and sought help from them.  In fact the times when I felt shy about it when I have shared this and gotten the pity look, like I was now irrevocably broken.  I was not as open to getting the helps I needed. But as you get older, you want resolutions, you want help, you want answers.  I was insightful enough about myself to realize things weren’t working quite like I wanted and even sometimes even saw what I was doing that I wished I was not. But I could never quite make the changes needed or make them stick for longer than a second or two.  I needed help to change my mindset and my behaviors and I thank the wonderful people who have helped me on my journey back to me. I have often shared how seeking help gave me the ability to take what I knew about myself and dig deeper within to move forward.  And this from someone who rarely asks for help!!

Don’t always listen to those in the media or “out there” in the world. Sometimes, they aren’t right. Sometimes they are. You have a right to make up your own mind to agree or disagree.  Alcoholism, cancer, anorexia, mental illness, and more. None need be a dirty word.

Where’s the trust?

I asked the Twitterverse a question earlier last week. My tweet was simply: “People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?”  I received some interesting direct messages from people.  I am sure you think murder, adultery, lying, stealing and such would be high on the list. They were. Some consider these a break in trust so great, there is no regaining of that trust; not under any circumstances. But there were others who said that they could forgive anyone anything if the person was remorseful, apologetic and if necessary, served time for the crime through community service, a fine, or incarceration.

Is trust limitless or finite? Do you have a limit to what you will forgive a person and then move forward?

It has been an interesting decade in terms of scandals.  I am not going to rehash the big one’s in our largest organizations but suffice it to say, September 28th’s Business Week shared that only 44% of American trust businesses today compared to 58% two years ago.  That may not be significant, but that Fall seems to be the pinnacle of American’s trust in big business in an 8 year period. It has also led to a cascade of leadership books dedicated to the topic of trust.

Recently, there has been onslaught of politicians caught in adulterous situations. And in recent days, David Letterman has admitted to having affairs with members of his staff. And this is a man who has made millions off making fun of the very same people he himself is just like.  Does this make you question his credibility and integrity? For Letterman in particular, this came to light due to an extortion plot. We do not know if his wife had been previously aware and their relationship already through a healing process.

The question isn’t that they made these mistakes. That is a conversation for another post. The question is, could you forgive a mistake like that? What would it take? Could you rebuild the trust that has been shattered?

I was with a boyfriend many years ago that stole from me.  For me, the trust was gone. I never believed anything he said and questioned every word that was uttered.  I could not get past the lies nor the stealing, mainly because he was never genuinely sorry and because he was a repeat offender.  Had he been truly sorry and didn’t repeat the act, I would have been able to move on and would have been able to trust him again.  For me, there was a limit to what I could forgive with this person.

I believe that we all make mistakes. We are human.  Sometimes temptations do get the best of us despite our beliefs in ourself. It becomes a crisis of faith. Not just for the person who was affected, but also for the person who committed the act. I am not condoning any action a person has committed. But I do believe people on both sides of the issue have reactions to the situation.

This, I believe, is the true heart of the situation. How could someone make the mistake to begin with? How is it that this one time, they were not able to resist temptation? But just as the person is asking this questions to the guilty, I believe that same person is asking himself these very questions. These are not easy questions.  There aren’t always easy answers.

People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?

Desire is a feeling

How many of you have seen the ads on tv for the new show The Good Wife? The premise is one we are all too familiar with right now (and for decades).  A politician, married with children, has affairs and dalliances on the side. He is found out, must confess and be contrite at a press conference. His wife stands next to him, tacitly giving him forgiveness.  How many times have we seen this, or a derivation, recently – Edwards? Sanford? Ensign? I could keep naming names but why bother.

What bothers me about this situation is that what you sometimes hear after the fact is ‘it didn’t mean anything, it was just sex’. This response always interests me.  At some point, there had to be desire or the affair wouldn’t have occurred. Isn’t desire a feeling?  And if you have a feeling, doesn’t that mean it meant something, even if it was fleeting?  The affair descends into lying, deceit, betrayal, and of course, the cheating itself.  It also starts and ends with desire. Desire for another woman. Desire for enjoyment. Desire to have your cake and eat it too.  It seems to me it’s not “just” about sex.

Could you really forgive and forget? Could you really move on if that happened in your marriage? Would you stand by your man? It’s an interesting premise for a show.  Too bad there are many people out there living this very real situation.

What is your theme?

I have received a few emails lately from readers asking in different ways what my specific blog theme is and where I get my ideas for topics. I thought they were both interesting questions and got me thinking.

What is my specific blog theme? Do I have one? I read quite a few blogs and am an active subscriber to at least 30 or more.  I love to read their posts via Google Reader over breakfast. Some I get via email.  Some folks have very specific themes, like productivity, marketing, saving money, home organization, workplace issues, leadership, etc. All of their posts are specific and refer back to their main blog theme in a very consistent way. It is in large part while I subscribe; I like hearing their perspectives on certain themes or issues.

It’s interesting, I do have a blog for my company that is specific to leadership coaching and related topics. So, I understand the questions I received.

But my personal blog is more about life in general. I tend to write about things that have happened to me or things I have observed. From my perspective, I just want to have the opportunity to share my dorky view of the world based on my own experiences or just things about myself in general.  This really comes in any form and is not predetermined by a specific topic or issue that every post revolves. What do you think – is that distracting to you as a reader that my posts can range from talking about the greatness of the holidays, or books, or movies, or school supplies, or life and whatnot? Feel free to share your comments or email me!

NOTE 9/19/09:

Read a post via email today from Write to Done talking about blog theme’s in which his lead into his post stated “Blogging and writing shouldn’t be just about talking about what you did today, or rambling about things in general — at least, not in my mind, not if it’s done well”.  I found this interesting but it is a sentiment I don’t agree.  I think the point of blogging is based on the writer. If you are like Leo Babauta, his desire with his blog is enlighten but what seems even more prevalent to me over the past few months, is his overwhelming desire to sell things especially his books and ebooks.  That is his prerogative and I don’t dislike him for it. It has however changed my personal desire to read his blog and have done so with much less frequency due to this feeling like I am being sold to.

What you choose to do with your blog and its content are entirely up to you.  Do what you want and be happy with what you do.

Remembering 9/11

Today is the anniversary of the horrific and tragic events that occurred eight years. Can you believe it has been that long?  To others, it may feel like it was yesterday. I can still remember where I was when I heard the news and how it unfolded that day. I don’t think I moved from my seat at work the entire day.  They brought a tv over to the area in which I sat and soon, we were surrounded by folks watching the events and learning as the world learned what happened.

I am still shocked that such a situation could have even occurred and the many lives this tragedy affected.  My love and prayers go to every single person that was personally touched by this, but also to the entire country that watched and lived this as well.  We came together as a country and united as one. I hope we can regain that feeling once again, but not based on circumstances like that.

Today, I say a special prayer in honor of 9/11. A day we should not remember just annually, but always.

It was a very good year …

1969. It was a VERY good year.  Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. Huge.  Out of this world huge.  The space program was supported by the country and it was a time of great pride.  Then there was Woodstock. How could you not think of Woodstock, especially with the new movie coming out. By the way, the book it was based on was a good read.  Another big event – I was born. See, told you, it was a very good year!   Here are some really cool facts about 1969 that you know, with a few thrown in you might not know:

• The first men on Moon, Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin, Apollo 11
• Woodstock Festival held in NY August 15 to August 18th
• Supreme Court rules that the 1st Amendment applies to public schools.  Pop quiz – what’s the 1st Amendment?
• 1st temporary artificial heart
• The first test flight of the supersonic Concorde
• 1st flight of the Boeing 747
• 1st Wendy’s opens
• Last public performance of the Beatles, Paul marries Linda, John marries Yoko
• Last issue of Saturday Evening Post – no more Normal Rockwell covers
• Phil Esposito becomes first NHL Player to score 100 points in a season
• Golda Meir becomes Israel’s 4th Prime Minister
• New York Yankees’ Mickey Mantle announces his retirement from baseball
• Hurricane Camille strikes U.S. Gulf Coast kills 255
• Charles Manson commits Tate-LaBianca murders
• Mary Jo Kopechne dies at 28, in Ted Kennedy’s car
• “Sesame Street” premieres on PBS
• First ATM
• Wal-Mart incorporates
• GAP is founded

That’s right, 1969 was a very good year indeed and these are just some of the big highlights. There are many, many more.  Looking back at history can be an educative experience and not everyone likes those. But it can also be incredibly fun and enlightening too.  Hope you enjoyed the trip down memory lane with me!

How do you spend your day?

I have noticed quite a few bloggers talking about this lately, including Stephen King in his Entertainment Weekly column and a mention in the New York Times regarding the topic.   So, how do you spend your day? It used to be that talk was solely about time spent watching tv and that our average in the US was about 5 hours a day. When you consider that you work at least 10 hours (commute time, lunch or errands and the actual work day) and we sleep for about seven, five hours of our day devoted to tv sure seems like a lot.

Some of my friends say that they aren’t actually watching tv, but it is on, like background music.  Interestingly, now the question has become how much time are we spending in front of a screen, be it tv, computer, iPhone, blackberry, etc.  There are many articles talking about how much time Gen X and even Boomers are spending online, with Facebook especially!

Some bloggers are now putting the kibosh on some of their online activities because their personal inventory led them to the conclusion that 4 hours of emailing a day is not the best use of their time. Or spending 3 hours a day on Facebook, Twitter, and other sites when they would rather be with their kids, friends, or pursuing their personal dreams. Others are indicating they have recently sold their tv’s and gotten rid of cable in favor of utilizing other avenues when a true viewing need arises.

What I love about the New York Times graphic is not only the entries of what we do, but when we do these activities with the most frequency. I enjoyed playing with the different buttons to see how things differed by age, degree, etc.  What kind of insights does it give you?

Relationship Rules

I recently went to see The Ugly Truth with friends and afterward, found myself wondering about relationship rules. Why do girls feel the need to adjust who they truly are, what they wear, what they like to do – all in the name of appealing to or “getting” the guy? I am not suggesting that both sexes should stop trying new things with each other even if you don’t want to.  I have found that being in the right company changes the dynamics of things so much that I like things I never used to. This is a good thing. I didn’t change my entire being though!

I really hated that book that came out with the formal rules girls were supposed to follow in order to get the guy. Then one of the writers from Sex and the City writes that book that is turned into a movie, He’s Just Not That Into You.  Notice, both books are for women to get us to wake up to the ‘facts’ (more like gobbledygook if you ask me) about how to gain a guy, not repel him.

Funny, in The Ugly Truth, Heigl’s character is her true self and Gerard Butler’s character ends up falling for her, just as she is.  She breaks up with the guy she thought she was into after she reveals she has been playing a version of herself that isn’t even her. Did she do this because she finally missed herself? Because she was tired of the charade? Or because she and Gerard Butler’s character finally realized their feelings for each other and she could be herself again?

For those Grey’s Anatomy fans out there, who doesn’t remember the “pick me, choose me, love me” scene in which Meredith tries to appeal to Derek when he is trying to decide to divorce Addison or not; this after Addison had an affair with his best friend.  Honestly, even typing those words, I can feel her anguish and her desire to have her fairy tale ending. Yes, yes, we all know where things are now! Do women identify with that scene in particular because we have had those moments ourselves?

I know, I know, just another movie version of a fairy tale.  Many movies are just one version of a fairy tale or another, with everything being all neatly tied up in the end with a bow. Life is not like a fairy tale.  We all deeply know this, but my question is, do we really? Or, do we secretly hope for the fairy tales in our own lives to come true?

For the record, I am a hopeless romantic and yes, I do hope the guy I have feelings for picks me, chooses me, loves me. Just as I am. This is still my hope and one day, I know it will come true.

To all the fathers out there

Have a fantastic day!  Hope you get to spend some time with your family and kids, as well as a little time doing whatever it is that makes your soul sing. I know for my dad, he’s probably going to hit the links with my mom and sister.  Sounds like a nice way to spend a Sunday. Hope yours is just as happy!