Heartfelt

I just read this amazing quote that I wanted to share. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” Helen Keller.  I have had a few profound experiences like this lately in which I was not able to put into words how I felt.  Sure this can be true when talking about love, but that wasn’t my topic the other day.

I felt like Jodie Foster’s character in the movie Contact in which she is in the cosmos seeing the beauty of it all and she remarks that they should have sent a poet because she didn’t know how to describe how amazing everything looked to her.  Well, that happened to me recently in which I was touched by a friend’s heart with regard to an issue I was chatting about with her.  Right now, my gratitude overfloweth.  Do you ever have those moments?

Happiness

There has been a lot of talk about happiness lately.  One night on World News Tonight with Charles Gibson, he shared a study that indicated that as women age they get unhappier, while the reverse is true for men.  It was stated that women concentrate on career and having a family and once that is essentially behind them, they become unhappier as life goes by.  I have heard of studies that indicate men are happier being married, while the reverse is true for women.   Researchers have been looking at country happiness and the US was not the happiest of them all.  I state this not to agree or disagree (though I disagree that I am getting unhappier as I get older – it’s been quite the opposite).

For more than three years now, I have really been soaking up research, articles, books, blogs, interviews about positive psychology, happiness, courage, and resiliency.  It’s been a fascinating journey for me.  As someone who has been to therapists for various reasons (after college, after my divorce, etc.), I have spent plenty of time looking back.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking back to understand your present, but eventually you need to start looking forward.  Positive psychology has been that catalyst that has assisted me in looking forward and is what took me into coaching.  It is my calling and I never would have found it without changing my perspective.

I hope you are on a quest toward something – it’s one of the healthiest and happiest ways you can be.  To be a searcher, a learner, a discoverer of your own life is a real motivator. If you are interested in learning more about Happiness Clubs in your area, click here. If you are in the Omaha, Nebraska area, join me.

One can never say enough about Appreciation

Mother Teresa once said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

I think this is such a powerful statement because appreciation and gratitude is such a powerful tool, and when people are appreciated, it brings about a huge sense of accomplishment, value, power, and happiness to their life.

The great part about appreciating others is that it’s so easy!

So, who have you appreciated today?

I’d like to encourage you to think about who you have (or haven’t) appreciated lately. Take just a minute or two to write people’s names down…and the next time you see them, make a point to appreciate them for the blessings they bring to your life.

I know I make this point frequently and Jack Canfield probably reaches more than I ever will in my lifetime, but that doesn’t make the message that less important for today and tomorrow!

So, who have you appreciated today?

 

The No Impact Man

Have you heard of this book? This blog? This guy?  Well, now you have!  Check it out.

The book was a great read but more than that, I really appreciated Colin’s honesty about this project.  It definitely makes you look within and see how you are living your own life.  I was impressed in so many ways and shocked too.  I dog-eared a ton of pages and it had a profound impact on me.  I hope you will read the book or check out the blog. Or even go see the documentary from their yearlong journey.

His wife and child also participated and to read his wife’s perspective on this via a column in Business Week (reposted on his blog) was also brutally honest about her life and the changes this yearlong experiment had on her as well.

I am sure some of you wonder about my latest movies and books. Between Food Inc., Better Off, and now The No Impact Man, you would consider me a very organic, vegetarian, of the earth kind of person. Well, I am trying to be. I don’t often eat meat and never cook it.  I do wish to be more reliant on farmers markets and other similar farm options year over year.  I think it takes each of us to make adjustments and just keep making them.

“Out”ing of another kind

I was passively listening to Good Morning America last week while I was getting ready for work and heard Glenn Close talk about her sister’s mental illness. The interviewer, I have no idea who it was, asked Glenn how she felt about being “outed” for her sister’s mental illness.  Are you kidding me? This is a horrible way to perpetuate the idea that having a mental illness of any kind is something to be ashamed of, hidden, and never discussed.  Tom Cruise started this firestorm when he attacked Matt Lauer about postpartum depression indicating it as a non-entity (many new moms loudly disagreed and thank you for doing so). And now we have someone on Good Morning America indicating its shameful to share if you have depression, anxiety, or anything similar and if you do, you shouldn’t have.

Why all the labels and their negative connotations? I have talked about labeling before, though more from a personality assessment perspective, but this really bothers me.  Why is it bad that someone has anxiety or depression?  There are many types of depression (and anxiety too) by the way but most think of clinical depression. That is one, but there is also situational depression.  When I think about situational depression, I think about the book Eat, Pray, Love. The main character ends up going on a yearlong adventure to escape, cleanse, and become whole again after a particularly ugly divorce.  This is not a bad thing. Something and someone she believed in died, in a sense, and she is sad and mourning that loss.

I have had my own bouts with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behavior. I am not, nor will I ever be, ashamed or embarrassed that I have been through these states and sought help from them.  In fact the times when I felt shy about it when I have shared this and gotten the pity look, like I was now irrevocably broken.  I was not as open to getting the helps I needed. But as you get older, you want resolutions, you want help, you want answers.  I was insightful enough about myself to realize things weren’t working quite like I wanted and even sometimes even saw what I was doing that I wished I was not. But I could never quite make the changes needed or make them stick for longer than a second or two.  I needed help to change my mindset and my behaviors and I thank the wonderful people who have helped me on my journey back to me. I have often shared how seeking help gave me the ability to take what I knew about myself and dig deeper within to move forward.  And this from someone who rarely asks for help!!

Don’t always listen to those in the media or “out there” in the world. Sometimes, they aren’t right. Sometimes they are. You have a right to make up your own mind to agree or disagree.  Alcoholism, cancer, anorexia, mental illness, and more. None need be a dirty word.

To Kindle or Not to Kindle – Follow-up

I first became aware of Amazon’s Kindle in April of 2008. I explored it and thought it was interesting.  I considered it but thought it was too early to make a buy and held off. I reconsidered again in March of 2009 (both times blogging about it).  I went back and forth based on feedback from those that did have it and even looked at some of the upcoming purchases I wanted to make to see if it was offered on the Kindle. I again held off.

Well, Amazon has had a few new iterations since then and the price has come down considerably. I have looked up numerous books I would like to read, old and new. There are classics that are free to download – how cool – and many books on my wish list now on Kindle.  Despite already making plans to mark my 40th in a very unique and substantial way, I decided to purchase this as a combo birthday present (another one!) and Christmas gift.

Do you have one? Are you happy with your purchase?  Mine is charging as we speak. I have downloaded a number of literature classics I haven’t read in a long time as well as one on the bestseller list.  I noticed that some of my textbooks could also be downloaded at a ridiculous savings over the hardback.  What a way to spend a snowy afternoon in Omaha!

Customer Service Week

It’s Customer Service Week.  Have you thanked your customer’s yet?  They could be internal, external, near or far.  We all have customers.  Let them know that you appreciate them. Because deep down, don’t we all want to feel appreciated and valued?

Where’s the trust?

I asked the Twitterverse a question earlier last week. My tweet was simply: “People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?”  I received some interesting direct messages from people.  I am sure you think murder, adultery, lying, stealing and such would be high on the list. They were. Some consider these a break in trust so great, there is no regaining of that trust; not under any circumstances. But there were others who said that they could forgive anyone anything if the person was remorseful, apologetic and if necessary, served time for the crime through community service, a fine, or incarceration.

Is trust limitless or finite? Do you have a limit to what you will forgive a person and then move forward?

It has been an interesting decade in terms of scandals.  I am not going to rehash the big one’s in our largest organizations but suffice it to say, September 28th’s Business Week shared that only 44% of American trust businesses today compared to 58% two years ago.  That may not be significant, but that Fall seems to be the pinnacle of American’s trust in big business in an 8 year period. It has also led to a cascade of leadership books dedicated to the topic of trust.

Recently, there has been onslaught of politicians caught in adulterous situations. And in recent days, David Letterman has admitted to having affairs with members of his staff. And this is a man who has made millions off making fun of the very same people he himself is just like.  Does this make you question his credibility and integrity? For Letterman in particular, this came to light due to an extortion plot. We do not know if his wife had been previously aware and their relationship already through a healing process.

The question isn’t that they made these mistakes. That is a conversation for another post. The question is, could you forgive a mistake like that? What would it take? Could you rebuild the trust that has been shattered?

I was with a boyfriend many years ago that stole from me.  For me, the trust was gone. I never believed anything he said and questioned every word that was uttered.  I could not get past the lies nor the stealing, mainly because he was never genuinely sorry and because he was a repeat offender.  Had he been truly sorry and didn’t repeat the act, I would have been able to move on and would have been able to trust him again.  For me, there was a limit to what I could forgive with this person.

I believe that we all make mistakes. We are human.  Sometimes temptations do get the best of us despite our beliefs in ourself. It becomes a crisis of faith. Not just for the person who was affected, but also for the person who committed the act. I am not condoning any action a person has committed. But I do believe people on both sides of the issue have reactions to the situation.

This, I believe, is the true heart of the situation. How could someone make the mistake to begin with? How is it that this one time, they were not able to resist temptation? But just as the person is asking this questions to the guilty, I believe that same person is asking himself these very questions. These are not easy questions.  There aren’t always easy answers.

People make mistakes. Is there a limit to what you will forgive?

Who I wish I was

Do you ever wonder about who you are and how you got here?  I think about this sometimes.  I think about growing up and the places we lived.  As a family, we moved around quite a bit, as many of you who read this know.  Sometimes, I can sit and wonder about the way things could have been if we hadn’t moved that one time, or that other time. Recently, I was talking to a great high school friend. We haven’t seen each other since we were sophomores in high school as I moved to another state after that. We were talking about school dances for a minute and then I sighed and said I wished I hadn’t moved away for the final two years of high school.

What does this “what if” game get me? Not much actually is probably most people’s first thought. Or a bunch of wasted time might be another thought.  Sometimes, it really makes me wish for more from the past, which we know I will not get. I can’t change what happened back then. So then, why do I do it?  For me the answer is simple, sometimes, when I think about what I did back then (or didn’t do), it helps me now. I take what I have learned or felt from that long ago experience and apply it to current events.  In this case, would I move away from Omaha?

I am not unhappy in Omaha. Do not misunderstand this at all. I have built a great life here, love the climate, and have met some fantastic people. But the lack of proximity to some of my oldest and closest friends does make me think about moving back to the east coast at times.  But then I think about the past and all the moves I endured as a kid. There were 2 that were quite dramatic, and tragic in a young girl’s eyes, that took much time for me to recover.  When I chose to move to Omaha, I did it with full desire to do so. I did not feel I was running away from anything but instead running toward something. I was looking forward to the adventure of moving my company, enjoying the Midwest again, being closer to some of the sports teams I love, and being closer to the heart of who I am.  If I were to leave Omaha right now, it would not be with a happy heart as it is not a fully realized goal. I have not thought about my job, my company, and other things I would be leaving behind.

And for this, I am grateful for my “what if-ing” because it allows me to see that when we moved around growing up, I was choice-less in the decision.  I felt snatched from my home, my closest friends and for a shy person, from a place I felt accepted and a part of things.  To realize these things is to help me make decisions now. I do have a choice and I have the ability to determine when a move is good for me and when it might not be.

What happens when you play the what-if game?

what makes a great gift?

I know this sounds like an odd question, but with birthday, weddings, and the holidays coming up, this question struck me.  Or maybe it was the holiday decorations up in a few places that prompted this thought.

I haven’t been big on gifts for about the last ten years or so.  I think this started when I was married. I would really think about the person, their hobbies, etc., then find something they would like.  I was often told I was a great gift giver. I can’t answer if that is true or not, but I sure tried. On the other hand, I would get things that seemed completely incongruent with who I am and wonder, why doesn’t my family know me enough to realize that I wouldn’t like a putter?  I haven’t golfed since college with any regularity nor much desire.  (By the way, this specific scenario never happened, but is reminiscent of a similar gift giving situation). This isn’t about being grateful or ungrateful – we all appreciate the gifts we receive.

To me the question is more about time and love.  Instead of gifts, why not share your time doing things you love to do together? Why not take a trip. Or see a play. Or go to a museum. Or host a party. Or go to a wine tasting. Or go to a concert. Or go to Jazz on the Green. There a ton of things you can do to show that you care and instead of giving a trinket that will be forgotten, share some time and maybe an event together. The ultimate gift: make it a celebration and create a memory.  There will still be times that a gift is more appropriate but in those times it isn’t, why not try it another way and see what happens?