Archive for June 10, 2009

What makes up attraction?

This is a question I ask myself frequently.  I would love to say that it’s a recent question, but in one form or another, I have been asking myself this since at least high school.

Why are we attracted to people? Why is someone attracted to Vince Vaughn versus Tom Cruise versus Brad Pitt versus Will Ferrell?  And for the record, if I had to be trapped on an island, I would pick Vince.  Tom and Brad wouldn’t even make into my top 100, which is precisely my point!  I have never been attracted to Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.  Shoot, when they were both in that Vampire movie, I am sure there were girls who fainted twice just thinking about it. Me, I thought they both ruined the movie.  Popularity does not necessarily equate to talent, at least not in my opinion.

So, back to the topic.  Why do these two guys leave me looking in the other direction, while other girls wouldn’t agree with my choice of Vince Vaughn?  The same I wonder about in reverse. Why do guys find some girls more attractive over another?  And more importantly than all of this, how do you maintain that attraction between two people? I am sure that is really the heart of my whole quandary to begin with.

I was recently watching The Opposite of Sex with Christina Ricci. It’s a great movie that I first saw in Maine at the Railroad Cinema. If you can get past some of the non-pc stuff and just enjoy it for it is, it’s a funny movie (gotta really listen – the jabs come fast and furious sometimes).  But there is one exchange that has continually stuck in the back of my head since seeing it about ten years ago.  Lyle Lovett’s character, Carl, is talking to Lucia (played by fantastically Lisa Kudrow) about sex.  He says that maybe the point of sex isn’t recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it’s concentration. Say it’s supposed to focus your attention on the person you’re sleeping with, like biological highlighter.

For almost ten years, that has been in the back of my head rattling around.  It’s a pretty powerful little concept.  And if you really think about it, this makes tremendous sense. If you have ever had that wall come up between you and another, where the little intimacies of holding hands, kissing, cuddling, jokes only you two share stop, and the sex becomes less and less frequent, then you know that it isn’t just the act of sex that builds and develops your attraction, but all the other components.  Without that attention to him or her, or that specific concentration on the two of you, then why are you even with that person?

Biological highlighter. It’s a pretty intriguing concept.

June 10, 2009 at 5:55 am 1 comment

June 2009