Are you a giver or a taker?

August 2, 2009 at 11:19 am Leave a comment

When you consider who you are as a person, do you see yourself as a giver or a taker?  Now take another moment and think about what your friends and family would say. Do you think they believe you to be a giver or a taker?

At times, I think we all have to be more of one than the other based on circumstances and situations. But all in all, I don’t think it’s a good thing to be predominantly one or the other.

Givers by nature also tend to be people pleasers. They are often doing things for others, giving away too much of themselves  (at the expense of themselves I might add), and in general, saying yes. A lot.  They ask very little in return and when they do, it may not often be reciprocated.  Givers can be seen as doormats.

Takers by nature can be seen as more manipulative.  They are often trying to get more from others, have others take care of things for them, and in general, looking for the ‘get’ out of the situation.  Or, the other kind of takers I know are always talking about themselves, the focus must always be on them and the minute it strays, they change the subject back to them or leave all together.

The above are generalizations and not a character attack on either type. I believe at any time, the balance between the two sides is more what we all strive for. But does that work? Do you tend to one type of the other?  When you do, do you notice?  It’s something I continue to search for answers about.

In the past, I was an incredible people pleaser. I would do anything for anyone at anytime. I was always giving.  I never considered myself in the equation and put myself last, if I thought of myself at all. This was not a good thing. I often felt depleted, used, taken for granted, and generally, less of a person. I used to think it was everyone else’s fault but it wasn’t. It was my fault for being nice to an extreme.  Once I realized it was up to me to change how things worked in relationships, I did so.  The answer was not in others, but within.  This is hard to realize sometimes. Even harder to change.

I am still someone who leans more toward giving and people pleasing more than being a taker. I am still striving for balance within!

Interesting note:  just read this morning that Ashton Kutcher is in a new movie called Spread, in which he plays a guy who scams women into supporting him. He described it as a “tale of what happens when you’re just a taker.”

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Entry filed under: Miscellania, Relationships, research, thoughts. Tags: , , , , , , .

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