State of Disarray

September 20, 2009 at 8:52 am Leave a comment

This is how I felt Thursday. It’s not quite to like my thoughts of hurtling through space I had once talked about, but it felt akin to that.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I feel like I am doing a lot and I want to do even more.  I know, that sounds crazy.  But I have so many ideas, so many things I want do and try.  I worked from home Thursday and had many traditional work things to do, which was not the problem.  It was that the more I did, the more calls I got, the more emails I received, the more research I did, the more ideas that came charging at me.  I don’t consider this bad at all, at least not for me. In the past 5 years or so, I have no idea why, but ideas seem to keep coming and coming to me.  I feel like John Travolta’s character in Phenomenon (a fave movie of mine), though hopefully without the tumor. My questions to myself are more like is this happening because I am more aware? Am I more curious than ever despite always being a curious person?  Or is that I now have more ability than ever to implement some of my ideas?  Something for me to ponder.

My challenge has been how do I decide what to do next.  Or how to organize the ideas so that I can do a few instead of all of them.  That is probably the actual heart of my issue – I want to start moving forward on all of my ideas. I don’t often think of what makes sense to start based on what is currently going on my life or when ideas would be better served by waiting, etc.  Do you ever do this – just charge forth without thinking only later to think to yourself, I probably should have waited a few months to do this?

My other challenge is having that feeling like it’s all too much.  Work responsibilities, school responsiblities, and generally enjoying my life with friends and family and then all these ideas on top of it.  I want to do it all and in thinking this, I often feel scattered across too many areas, and as I thought on Thursday, feeling like I was in a state of disarray.   I am not fond of this feeling. I tend to clean when this happens as a way to think. I am not sure the role of cleaning has in my ruminating, but it works for me.  I would presume that by cleaning, I am helping to clean up  my thoughts too.  Maybe that is it because after I am done and my place is spotless, or as in Thursday’s case it was  my desk and office, I feel able to tackle just about anything.  I am curious. Do you ever get into state of disarray and what do you do to get out of it?


Entry filed under: Miscellania, movies, Relationships, research, school, thoughts, well-being, Who is?. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

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