My world just quaked

January 5, 2010 at 3:36 pm Leave a comment

Do you have those moments where you just know, in that second, that everything has changed? Forever, irrevocably changed? The kind where you are sitting in a little room waiting for the person wearing the white lab coat to come in and give you a label. A label you will have forever.

You hear the white lab coat talking to you, but nothing really registers. The blood has rushed to your ears and it makes it so hard to hear anything but white noise. You hear but you aren’t listening. That will come later when you have to tell someone else and it will all become so real once you utter the words. But right now, the white lab coat is still talking and you just keep nodding. You think that you even smile occasionally. God knows why.  The white lab coat asks you if you have questions.  And all you can think is “questions? questions about what.” But instead, you say, nope, none.

You leave the office and get in your car. The realization is hitting you and then there is a crack in your world and you feel it quake.  And you think, well I can manage this and will just do all I can as each day unfolds. Then a split second later you think, but this isn’t something that runs in our family so how did this happen to me?

Your world is still quaking. The aftershocks just keep coming.

Telling your family makes it real and you hear yourself saying the words the white lab coat used. Questions come at you from all directions it seems, but you have no answers.   You aren’t sure if this is a dream or reality.  But you know it is real, you know what your life is going to become very soon and as you hang up the phone, you wonder when your world will stop quaking.

When it stops, I will let you know.

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Entry filed under: Miscellania, Relationships, thoughts, well-being, Who is?. Tags: , , , , , .

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