Hamster wheel

March 25, 2010 at 6:32 pm 4 comments

I don’t mean to get all cranky, but I am just plain tired. I feel like a hamster on a wheel.  This past 2 1/2 weeks have been horrible.  I have done my best to hide it, but I am cranky, frustrated, and tired.

I am so darn tired of having a runny nose. I have had it for 2 straight months now. I want to cut my nose off! It’s tender as heck. I have no idea why, but this time, sleeping has been a huge challenge.  The doctor has tried two different prescriptions and neither has worked.  As we all know, I have long considered sleep (naps really) a hobby but lately, no hobby going on. I can’t fall asleep easily and can’t stay asleep.

But more than anything, I just want more certainty and this is the true part of the hamster wheel that I want off of.  My oncologist referred me the other oncologist he had been consulting with.  First, I am so tired of doctor appointments.  I am averaging about 3 a week. The new oncologist doesn’t think I need any more chemo. Ok, not a bad thing to hear!  She recommends starting radiation, every day for a month or thereabouts. Ok, I knew that was coming.  But here is the thing, neither doctor seems confident in how they will know it’s really gone nor when it returns other than if I notice another lump like I did last time. They say I would continue with checkups, but what would be the point necessarily?  And neither knows what the patch on my hip is nor have provided any guidance on next steps for that. Off to my primary care I guess. Oh yippee, another doctor appointment.

I know that I could have it so much worse. I do know this and I really appreciate where I am in life. I am just so tired of it all.  I am sure I just need to recharge the inner part of me that gives me energy, positivity, and the ability to keep moving forward.  Maybe my doctor appointment at 3pm tomorrow will help. Or maybe I need a good cry. Or maybe, I just need a hug.


Entry filed under: Miscellania, Relationships, thoughts, well-being. Tags: , , , , .

Quirkology and chemobrain Roots

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Don  |  March 26, 2010 at 6:14 am

    Sorry I can’t give you a hug in person, hopefully a cyber one will help at least a little! 😀

    • 2. anissastein  |  March 27, 2010 at 10:31 am

      I will take a virtual hug happily, thanks!

  • 3. Laura Stock  |  March 26, 2010 at 10:33 am

    I can give you a hug and will once track you where abouts. I think sleep is a huge factor in this. It was rumored that in the vietnam war sleep deprivation was one of the best ways to get our boys to talk and go nuts….it is a goolish way to live and messes with every part of every system as we know it.

    I think we should do an appointment together …would that be cute or what your chemo brain and my narcoleptic brain …sleepy heads unite!

    • 4. anissastein  |  March 27, 2010 at 10:31 am

      Thanks for the hug and perking me right up!


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