Roots

March 27, 2010 at 10:48 am Leave a comment

Since my divorce, I have not lived in a house in almost 10 years.  Apartment living definitely has its perks, but it also really doesn’t.  I got the itch last year to move. But I panicked and never even got to the looking at houses part.  The $8000 tax credit did not incent me in any way to change my mind.

I think that the difference this year is that not only has 9 years in apartments more than enough, I want some solid roots. I am tired of that feeling of impermanence.  I want to know that where I live, I could live as long as I want.  I won’t have to hear the people in the next unit over cough, tap his toothbrush on his sink, dogs, parties on balconies (right under my bedroom window).  I would also like to quit hauling groceries up 3 floors. It’s a real pain and makes this dreaded chore even more horrible.  I have never been able to decorate outside for any holiday (especially Halloween).

More than these really minor things though, I want to think about my future. I know I have one and I want to live it. It’s been a daunting, scary, anxiety-filled four months. I don’t want to start a fourth year in an apartment. I want to start anew in a house that I make my home. One I can make memories that will last a lifetime.  One where I can have people over because I have the space and we can have a BBQ. I would like to people who visit me not have to share my office and sleep on the couch.  I know it’s the American dream to own a house.  I can’t say that this has been my huge dream. Nor was having that big wedding. Those were never my dreams. However, as I lie awake at nights, all I can think about is beginning a new life in a home that is mine, with space (instead of a kitchen table one step away from my couch). More than anything, it’s time to really find that place that I call all mine, where I walk in, and I feel as if I have stepped into an oasis of calm, enjoyment and comfort.  Almost as if the world falls away just a bit.  Ahhh

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Entry filed under: holidays, Miscellania, Relationships, thoughts, well-being, Who is?. Tags: , , .

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