Lost my way and I don’t care anymore

June 9, 2010 at 2:22 pm 4 comments

I realized today that I have lost my way. I hate that it happened and I fell back on old patterns but that is life – messy and unpredictable.  After a few weeks of odd, unhappy, unsettling, and sad situations occurring, I was getting bogged down with behaviors of people I know I can’t change, being challenged by negative attitudes, feeling like I had to accommodate or even ignore others bad behavior, and in general, people pleasing.  All of this is unhealthy, most especially people pleasing. This is the most unhealthy place to be in because there is no me, only you.  And after many (many) years, I have realized that I have a right to think about myself, to choose things that benefit me first and then think about and be there for others.  However, lately, I have let the crap of others bring me down and suck me in. This is my issue, not theirs. It is not my job, nor my concern what others do, how they handle things, or how they act or react.  I can only be me. I lost sight of this.  As the realization of this has slowly come back to me recently (due to some seriously fine friends, my dad and my therapist), I am coming back to me.

Why? Because I believe in me and who I am. I believe in championing for fairness and equality. I believe in laughter. I believe in seeing the good in the world. And most of all, I believe in love. I don’t mean necessarily romantic love, but love for humanity.

As I was having this epiphany that I can either let myself get mired in bullshit or I can let things float away like a cloud, I heard this song on the radio and I thought the sentiment and some of the lines just fit.

I don’t care anymore by Phil Collins

Well you can tell ev’ryone I’m a down disgrace
So drag my name all over the place.
I don’t care anymore. (I don’t care)
You can tell ev’rybody ’bout the state I’m in
You won’t catch me crying ‘cos I just can’t win.
I don’t care anymore I don’t care anymore

I don’t care what you say
I don’t play the same games you play.

‘Cos I’ve been talking to the people that you call your friends
And it seems to me there’s a means to and end.
They don’t care anymore. (they don’t care)
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind.
I don’t care anymore I don’t care no more

I don’t care what you say
We never played by the same rules anyway.

I won’t be there anymore
Get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don’t care anymore I don’t care anymore
I don’t care anymore I don’t care anymore

Well, I don’t care now what you say (I don’t care what you say)
‘Cos ev’ry day (everyday)
I’m feeling fine with myself (I’m feeling fine with myself)
And I don’t care now what you say (I don’t care what you say)
Hey I’ll do alright by myself (I’ll be alright by myself)

I don’t care (I don’t care) anymore (anymore)

Do you care? Hell no!
What what?

‘Cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face ‘cos ya held all the cards.
I don’t care anymore.
And I really ain’t bothered what you think of me
‘Cos all I want of you is just a let me be.
I don’t care anymore
Did you hear? I don’t care no more

I don’t care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway.

We won’t be there any more
So get out of our way.
Let us by
We got better things to do with our time

We don’t care anymore
We don’t care anymore

Thanks to http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/kelis/#share  for posting the lyrics
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Entry filed under: Miscellania, music, Relationships, thoughts, well-being, Who is?. Tags: , , , , .

Just plain tired Do you connect?

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jim Collison  |  June 10, 2010 at 11:46 am

    Anissa – WOW. What a journey you are on! Continue to find your way!

    Jim

    Reply
    • 2. anissastein  |  June 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm

      Thanks Jim! Out of the woods medically – so many more good days than bad 🙂

      Reply
  • 3. Sheadayhark  |  June 12, 2010 at 6:54 am

    Engaging lecture, althoug it can be argued both sides. A bit like talking love spells in the heart of a well-ordered paper.

    Reply
    • 4. anissastein  |  June 14, 2010 at 1:11 pm

      absolutely could be, no doubt about it! There is always another side (or sides). Thanks!

      Reply

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